• Announcements

    • LatoyaADMIN

      What to do if you get a "Wrong Password" message   01/21/16

      You must reset your password (even if you know it's the right one) before you can sign into the community. Thanks to the upgrade, there's an issue with passwords and signing in. The good news is that you can click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/lostpassword/ to change your password (it'll let you reuse your old one). If you can't reach the email address connected to your account then please contact the admin at latoya@grandparents.com and I'll help you sort it out. 
    • LatoyaADMIN

      Anonymous posting is back   01/21/16

      We've removed the extra step that required you to go to the full-page editor to access the anonymous post option. Now, you can reply to a post and toggle the button to post anonymous (see photo below).    Read more on anonymous posting here:    In short, the mods can see who posts as anonymous, we moderate anonymous posts the same as revealed posts, you can reply anonymously to your own topic, you may report anonymous posts.


  1. Administration

    1. Welcome to the Grandparents.com Community!

      The FAQ & some ground rules so everyone can have a fun, safe, and productive experience.

  2. Family Matters

    1. Empty Nest No Longer

      With the stressed economy, and for other reasons too, many parents are finding that their adult children are needing to come back to the elders' homes. Others are dealing with custody issues of grandchildren and children divorcing and needing help. If this is something you're experiencing, come share and give and get support from other in the same boat.

    2. Grandparents Unplugged

      This is a place for grandparents to ask questions or make statements and receive answers and replies from a variety of people. Posters on this board are other grandparents, daughters-in-law, mothers-in-law and those who want to gain a greater understanding of how the 'other folks' feel. You can share what's on your mind, but understand that it's not just grandparents in the room most of the time. I hope that ALL can share their thoughts, feelings, questions and answers without rancor or hatefulness.
      LEAD MODERATORS: Mame925

    3. Grandparents without Grandchildren

      This group is created for grandparents living without their grandchildren. Maybe you have been denied visitation, or maybe you are ill and your child wants to keep your grandchildren away from that reality. Whatever the reason, you suffer great loss and this group is intended for you to share with others in similar situations your pain, insights and frustrations. It's a place to get emotional or informational support or give it to others.

    4. Mothers-in-Law Anonymous

      Dish, vent or ask for advice about the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship.
      LEAD MODERATORS: RoseRed135, SueSTx, Lilypond, PhalenMum

  3. Food

    1. Grandma's Pantry

      Share your favorite recipes and food ideas, and invite others to join in the discussion. Let's get cooking!

  4. Grandparenting

    1. Grandparenting From Afar

      They say distance makes the heart grow fonder...This group is for grandparents whose grandchildren live far away. Join us to discuss everything grandparenting and topics specific to staying in touch from afar.

    2. Grandparents Caring for Grandkids

      Are you a grandparent (or other relative) caregiver? A parent who relies on family daycare? Whether you're raising your grand(relative)kids, helping to raise them or watching them while the parents go to work or school - or a parent dealing with one of these situations - please come in and share your needs and concerns with us. And if you're anyone else who has ideas and opinions on this topic, please come and join us, as well. Together, let's explore the (often unique) ups and downs, ins and outs, joys and challenges of the GP/relative caregiving situation!
      LEAD MODERATORS: rosered135

    3. New Grandparents

      This group is for new grandparents to share and learn from each about the new experience of grandparenting. Experienced grandparents feel free to join and offer your comments. What are you enjoying the most? What are your concerns? How do you give advice without it being taken the wrong way? How do you feel about babysitting? We can't wait to see your comments.

  5. Health & Wellness

    1. 50 Shades of Blue

      This group is for anyone who is now, or has ever, struggled with depression or any other mental health or illness problem, even if it's just a bad case of the blues. It's a safe place to seek or offer support.

    2. Getting Healthy

      Ask questions and share your health experiences with other members. What works for you when it comes to wellness?

  6. Hobbies

    1. Hobby Corner

      Have a passion project? Whether you're crafting, knitting or making soap and candles, this is the place to talk about it! Share your stories, photos and more with fellow hobbyists.

  7. Just For Fun

    1. General Gabbery

      It's not complicated. This Group is a place to sit and have a cup of coffee and shoot the breeze. Let's solve world problems, tell jokes and stories, post pictures and brag on our kids and grandkids. Got something on your mind? Post it we'll talk about it.

    2. Club Newcomer

      This is a place for newcomers to introduce themselves and learn more about the various features of the site, especially the different Groups available. It's also a place for current members to come in and help welcome the new ones and help them find their niche(s) among the forums.
      LEAD MODERATORS: rosered135

    3. The Great Debate

      Whether it's formula feeding vs. breast feeding, daycare vs. nanny, or spanking vs. time out, everyone has their opinion. This board is where you can state your piece on hot topics.


    4. Book Club

      Share what you're currently reading and what's on your book shelf with other grandparents.

    5. News & Issues

      Current news and events -- talk about them here.

  8. Love & Relationships

    1. All SINGLE golden girls & guys wanted

      Single grandparenting: WHAT A CHALLENGE and WHAT FUN! We are here for each other.
      LEAD MODERATOR: homeygfunk

  • Are you a grandparent?   315 votes

    1. 1. Are you a grandparent?

      • I'm a grandparent
      • I'm not a grandparent, but I am a parent (SIL/DIL)
      • Neither -- just here to browse

    Please sign in or register to vote in this poll. View topic
  • New Threads

  • Recent Posts

    • Tobias41
      Boundaries for MIL/Grandparents
      You have gotten some great feedback. My MIL constantly broke our boundaries, and we are now no contact, my DH decision. Here is the best advice I can think of (from the DIL perspective) that hopefully will help you, as my situation was not the solution anyone wanted..  Try to remain positive in all things, give your DIL and son the "benefit of the doubt" even if it seems crazy and you don't agree.  Try thinking of the glass half full and think about more focus on the quality of time with GC rather than worrying about the possible quantity.  As many have said try not to look at is as "right" and "wrong", often both can be true. Think about the story: for example the movie, Malificent, she was both hero and villian- and after seeing the story you understood why she was both and, at least for me, I understood her actions even if I did not agree. As for DIL my personal opinion is that some of these things could have a very real reason: For Example: Remember with little ones, something small can be a huge deal later- and you (as the MIL) might not be the one dealing with it when it manifests negatively.  Our son was totally ok with crusts on bread, never peeled them off and never had an issue - because we did not make a big deal about it.  However even after multiple requests to stop...MIL always did, constantly cutting off crusts and making a big deal about how MIL would never make him eat the nasty crust.  Now-- he wastes over 1/2 a sandwich every time peeling the crusts off, often asking for 2 sandwiches... not a big deal at home, but when eating out... well you try getting the crust off a hot dog bun for a toddler who is screaming bloody murder. That might seem trivial, but something like this can really make or break a family night out. And now with every fit, I think of MIL, I get irritated, perhaps that is wrong but I can't help myself.  Anyhow, I am not sure from you post what you would like the outcome to be.  As a radio DJ near me says "You can be right, OR you can be happy- you rarely can have both" ... Perhaps this is the true problem that you need to work out, as depending on which is more important to you, then you will have your answer....    
    • RoseRed135
      Are word or number games your hobby?
      Do you do love to do crossword puzzles? word searches? cryptograms? Sudoku? One of my friends calls crossword puzzles her hobby (she does one or more a day) - do you see crosswords or any other word or number game, etc. as one of your hobbies? Or... ??
    • RoseRed135
      As the grandkids head back to school...
      Well, it's that time of year, and the GC have either gone back to school or will soon be doing so. If they - or they and their parents - are living w/ you how has that impacted your household/schedule, if at all? Are/were you involved in getting them ready to go back (buying school supplies, etc) or do/did the parents handle that all on their own? Or is/will your schedule be affected in any way? Oh and hey, is the house/will the house be quieter than in the summer?
    • RoseRed135
      Those "Other" Grandparents
      "They never babysit!"... "She hogs the baby!"... "He's too rough w/ the little guy!"..."They're too loud/quiet/fill-in-the-blank - they're just not our cup of tea"... These are a few of the complaints some GPs have about their GC's other GPs. How about you? Do you/did you ever have any issues with/concerns about one or more of the other GPs in your GC's lives? if so, how do/did you deal? Or as a parent do/did any of your kids GPs ever have issues w/ each other? If so, how do/did they handle it? Do/did you find yourself being drawn into the middle?  
    • JanelleK
      Boundaries for MIL/Grandparents
      Ok, so from all the comments I have got, it seems I have to accept that in all instances I am in the wrong. Nobody said that, not at all. Everybody, here, was trying to show you different perspectives, new ways to look at your problems. Perhaps it has been my emotions of knowing this is going to be my only grand daughter and the difficult circumstances (that she is not my FDIL's child and that very limited time we get to spend with her).  I'm not sure what one GC vs fifty GC has to do with your issues. Furthermore the fact that I do not have a daughter to confide in like mother's who do have daughter's as well. Well, if confiding in a Daughter is code for gossip and talk about family, I don't like that, because gossip in a family is harmful. I typically don't confide in anyone except my husband, our job is to be each others ears and heart for this sorta stuff. Husband is a very practical person and really has no time for what he sees as unimportant disagreements (although he also felt very uncomfortable on our last visit to our son's home). It is also very difficult as our family have always been very easy going, and my son's even after they left home could always pop in or visit freely and come and go as they wish, their friends were also always welcome anytime even if we had not met them before.  Everyone felt very welcome in our home.   We also felt very welcome at my son while he lived on his own.  It was the same as it used to be in our household. Works for you, wouldn't work for many of the people I know. Seems like a fine idea for you in your home. So the change where it is so rigid in rules makes us feel extremely uncomfortable. Some people have rigid rules, some don't. No big deal, except it appears fairly obvious your son is at least going along, if not agreeing. They are adults not kids, life changes. IMO you need to visit with your son about what bothers you (or not). Undies, clothes, knives, food portions, etc. Hold DS responsible for telling you fDIL doesn't like chain restaurants. Does he dislike chains as well, throwing her under the bus? Not wanting to eat at a place one dislikes is fine, I don't think that's controlling, it's being truthful. I'd prefer to do something-anything than eat food I dislike. Many back-forth talks happen when people choose a place to eat, it's the wording, would you have been happier if they just said "no thanks"?  Did you all go out for supper or just do something different? With the wine, you heard, later, what happened, no need to even know, but the repeating was NOT kind, was stirring the pot. Here (my state), that honestly wouldn't be a problem, bartenders bring what a person wants to the table (cashed out). I'm one who won't drink what I don't like, I'd have water or buy for myself.  BUT if it still bothers you, consider trying to forget, and move on. We are not messy, I help with cleaning, we are very considerate not to make too much noise.  But when we are phoned before we arrive and told we welcome but no parties and no inviting our friends over. Seems reasonable.  (When FDIL was once away on a trip we asked our son if he minded us asking a very good couple who lived in a suberb close by over for lunch if we bought all the food.  (They invited us to their daughter's home some time before - so thought if my son said it was ok we could this time have them over - we live around 13 hours drive away from both my son and my friends and were only there for a weekend and it was nice to be able to spend time with them as well).  My son had no objection he is a very easy going person and enjoys socialising.  So not sure if it was FDIL taking precaution. Of course she was, she lives there and apparently she didn't want those folks as guests while she was away. She has a fine boundary. I don't want people, that aren't family, in our home if we're away. Not everybody likes outsiders in their space, one of our AC/ACIL never has any others in their home. None. But I did say to her I would never do it unless I asked her permission to which she said she would not have been able to say no had we asked when we were already there. So we felt a little upset that they presumed we would just do it without asking.  I'm sorry she said that in such a way, but at least she told you her real thoughts. My son also asked me to clear up something I apparently said to my FDIL soon after they had met, something to the effect of she must please not break up my family.  This is something she has apparently been upset about for more than 4 years.  She said it was when my son (her then boyfriend) and his younger brother had an argument, and she butted in taking his side.  Apparently It was then I said that to her.  I cannot even remember it. Seems fDIL remembered, it would be best to apologize, imo. I feel I was at a disadvantage when I tried to clear it up with her as it was so long ago and I could not remember in what context I would have said it.  I can only think that is may be because I do not like the two brothers to be a loggerheads and perhaps the fact that when my FIL was on his dying bed he asked me to please keep the family together, my husband is one of three boys.  I cannot understand why someone would for three years hold something against another person, or why I was not asked to explain then when I had the chance.  I would not have been intentionally nasty.  I am known by my family to not want conflict and always try to resolve differences.  I think what is perhaps happening here (my son said in the beginning that his fiance found it very difficult to share his attention with his daughter - then 5 years old or with other people).  So perhaps we have both been unaware of looking for small faults within each other.  Seems as if fDIL showed her hand to son and he repeated her private thoughts to you, she's not very open to your sons child.  If I were your son this would bother me. Nothing you can do, but I see red flags. For me personally I have not felt she is a bad person I have been caught up in my emotions for my grand daughter and sometimes feel FDIL lacked compassion in some situations.  Her brother has a child as well, and on one occasion FDIL's mom said to us "I am not a good granny".  Perhaps that is also what pulls at my heartstings and wanting me to be the best granny.  I always get confused by such statements, I have no idea how I compare to other grannies as it's not a contest and there are no specific rules anyway. Forget all about fDILs mom and her ideas regarding grandchildren. Really, no impact on you in any manner. I can say it makes no difference if one has one GC or fifteen. ALL GC are different individuals. None are the same. What I do feel now is that no mother who has a daughter will ever feel what it is like having only sons even if you love them very much and know they love you, having a daughter it seems it is like have a best friend you can confide in.  We have been asked to skype tonight with my son and FDIL.  I guess I will have to take all the blame for the tense situation if I do not want to loose my son.  Would love to hear from mothers who only have sons how they feel and deal with situation.  I have sons and daughters, gender makes no difference in how we relate, it's all in personalities. It's like skipped said, you have a list of things about DIL. Maybe wipe the slate clean and move on?
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