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      What to do if you get a "Wrong Password" message   01/21/16

      You must reset your password (even if you know it's the right one) before you can sign into the community. Thanks to the upgrade, there's an issue with passwords and signing in. The good news is that you can click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/lostpassword/ to change your password (it'll let you reuse your old one). If you can't reach the email address connected to your account then please contact the admin at latoya@grandparents.com and I'll help you sort it out. 
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      Anonymous posting is back   01/21/16

      We've removed the extra step that required you to go to the full-page editor to access the anonymous post option. Now, you can reply to a post and toggle the button to post anonymous (see photo below).    Read more on anonymous posting here:    In short, the mods can see who posts as anonymous, we moderate anonymous posts the same as revealed posts, you can reply anonymously to your own topic, you may report anonymous posts.

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  1. Past Hour
  2. Older brother

    So at this point, you're afraid to go home till after dark... IMO, the time for hesitation is over. You need to take one or more of the actions recommended by PPs. Also, if you get a RO, please try to make sure that it denies them all contact, including 3rd-party contact (IOWs, no getting a cousin or family friend to contact you on their behalf). Glad you didn't give your dad the address of DD's school!
  3. Today
  4. Calling All Guys, 2017!

    No, you're not bumping up this thread inappropriately, Stcajo, as it was recently updated for 2017. Glad you joined in!
  5. On becoming a step-grandparent

    Welcome @bluevioletpleased you have joined us. You will find support and a variety of opinions! This is something I know something about! This is my previous post....^^^ Please include these new children as much as possible. It will pay-off so wonderfully well in so many ways. Always be fair in dealings with the kids together. Ask this new girl open ended questions to find out what her interests are...Gifts from me are based on interests, not value, but the values usually come out fairly even...I'm crocheting "mermaid" afghans for my 3 girlies....ages 4, 5 & 7...I can't make just one or I'd be facing mutiny. BTW, only one of these little girlies is bio-related to me...  
  6. Would you attend?

    I think that only you can truly weigh the pros and cons, b/c of the backstory none of us are privy to. I suspect, however, it'll come down to a weighing of facts, most specifically: what will it cost you to attend, vs what might it cost you to be absent. Not attending may cause future issues w/your ds/DIL. Attending will make you unhappy, if the behaviour at the wedding is repeated. It's a tough place to be, but I think what you're really asking is if it's worth the unhappiness of being treated badly to preserve what ever relationship w/your ds still exists, and hope for the future. Only you can really say for certain.
  7. Would you attend?

    I would probably go, and then no one can say..."see, that just don't want to be bothered!" Sometimes, the bigger man has to take the first step.  If things go off the rail again, then you at least know you didn't give up after just one try.
  8. Would you attend?

    Personally, I would probably go to the shower...the tension levels will be significantly reduced at this kind of event and the lower stress levels may make for a more enjoyable party. I did that for a nephew's girlfriend's shower (not at all a fan of this girl!) but I did it for nephew, and I know he appreciated it. 
  9. Would you attend?

    Backstory: DIL & family ignored us during her & son's wedding. We were not introduced to anyone, the few people we met came and introduced themselves. Her relatives also sat at one reception table while we were at another, at the opposite side of the room. There was no attempt to invite us to sit with them, or include us. Now here's the current situation: DIL is having a baby shower after Thanksgiving, she is expecting a girl next year. We were emailed the date and time. It'll be pretty much the same people as at the wedding and we really don't want to go through another awkward, uncomfortable experience of being treated like outcasts. We have been on the back-burner as far as holidays, they are spent with DIL's parents. Mother's Day and Father's Day are also spent at DIL's parent's house. We get a few minutes the day before or the day after when son does a drive-by to shove a present at husband or me while DIL waits in the car. They have now moved in with DIL's parents, so the child to be is going to be primarily with them and our involvement will be very minimal. Given all of that (and much, much more that I don't want to get into) we have decided to just send a present and not attend. People who know about this are divided, I've heard "suck it up and go" and "after how you were treated at the wedding and in general, you are right to avoid these people". What do impartial parties think?
  10. Yesterday
  11. Vegan Desserts

    Do you refrigerate the soaking nuts?  
  12. Defining "Toxic"

    I think that has to do with how someone defines 'toxic'. For example, I think a lack of respect, empathy, combined with a need to control others equals a toxic person. Is it possible for those traits to only be exhibited towards some folks, but not others? I think so. I think it's also that not everyone views things the same. I value boundaries. Others don't. So, for *me* someone that stomps boundaries is disrespectful, and that's going to be a big issue for me. Others who don't value boundaries wouldn't be bothered by it, and therefore wouldn't see it as a respect issue, and the relationship would keep on keeping on. As is so many other things, perspective is key.  
  13. Destructive California fires

    Just awful, and projected to be more and more common.
  14. Vegan Desserts

    To top the vegan strawberry shortcakes, try cashew whipped cream. You do need a pretty powerful blender to make it smooth, and it tastes best well chilled, so make well ahead. You can also make this thinner and use this in lieu of coffee creamer and flavor it with hazelnut extract instead of vanilla. And you can make ice cream by adding a can of full fat coconut milk and blending with everything else and freezing. You can add pieces of fruit prior to freezing, or nuts, or pieces of chocolate, or stir in some caramel or, if your are over 21, rum-soaked raisins.  1 cup raw unsalted cashews, soaked overnight a couple tablespoons filtered water 2 tablespoons maple syrup (to taste) 1 teaspoon natural vanilla extract (to taste) pinch of salt Drain the cashews, and discard the soaking water. Pour the filtered water into the blender, add the soaked cashews & everything else. Blend on high until smooth and creamy. You can add more water if you want it thinner. Chill, covered, for a few hours to thicken the cream. Will keep in the fridge for 3 or 4 days.
  15. Defining "Toxic"

    I think that can be a case sometimes.
  16. Older brother

    Get a restraining order. If they haven't realized by now that you don't want anymore contact, they never will. They sound nutty.
  17. ... And how do siblings-in-law figure in?

    DIL's BIL (our older son) appears to get along with her now that he and his wife have separated. His wife could not stand her and avoided socializing with her. I am quite fond of his wife and I feel the same about DIL as she does.
  18. A line in the sand - the "blame game"

    Totally agree with the bolded. Adults are responsible for their own actions, their spouse can't "make" them estrange or ignore their parents.
  19. Defining "Toxic"

    Could "toxic" sometimes be just be an incompatibility issue? Where two (or more) people are absolute poison to each other because they bring out the worst in each other, but each gets along just fine with other personalities?
  20. Have you seen this? Thoughts?

    I agree that we have some control over how we feel, but if someone acts in a way that hurts our feelings (whether by words or deeds) we are going to feel hurt. We are human beings and we are entitled to expect others to treat us with kindness and respect, provided we treat them the same way. And to distance ourselves if they refuse to do so.
  21. Thank you, SueSTx. It sounds like you get along okay with your DIL since she is initiating contact. At this point, I try to avoid my DIL as much as possible. My husband dislikes her even more than I do, so things are not great at all.
  22. Welcome ConstanceS.  I understand what you mean about different relationship with different people. My DIL has called me twice last night and again twice this morning already.  My DD called the middle of week before last and again on Saturday evening.  I try my best to treat them all with equal respect but some people just have different wishes than others. It's hard to how to approach each individual and still try to be "fair" which has a different meaning to different folks.
  23. Passive Agression

    My DIL is definitely passive aggressive. She will let us know she is coming for family dinners and then just not show up, or show up late, or go outside to talk on the phone when we are getting ready to eat dinner. So now we try to get together when she has to work.
  24. Older brother

    Please call your nonemergency police line and find out how to deal with this. You ARE being stalked. Your children are being stalked. Please protect them and yourself.
  25. I can believe it! Never thought I'd be in the same boat, but I am and I really don't know why this is the reality for so many people. I did not get along with my MIL and always thought once I had DIL's I would get along with them, no problem. Well, I really liked older son's ex wife, but I do not get along with younger son's wife at all, which has made me re-evaluate the whole issue.
  26. Older brother

    If you haven't already, you need to tell your daughter's school that family is not allowed to have interactions with your child. If they are willing to stalk you and THEY ARE STALKING YOU there is not reason to think they wont show up at the school and say. Hi I am babyroses grandpa. I am here to volunteer in babyroses class or pick her up from school, or something like that. I am afraid for you and your children. Please go to the police and tell them what you have told us.
  27. Older brother

    I would think that especially I you had told your family that you wanted no contact with them and they insisted on this type of behavior that it would be called stalking.  Why not get the advice of a family lawyer and see what you need to do to keep them away from you? I'd find a new coffee shop for starters.
  28. The babysitting issue is so difficult. I wish society would recognize that babysitting is work. A babysitter should get paid, have the ability to say sorry I'm not available without repercussions. Or to say I can only babysit under X conditions, such as at a specific location. I like to keep childcare at a professional level. I am hiring a person to do a service with very specific requirements. The person can then say that they will only take the job with their specific set of requirements. This is why I never have family babysit. Suddenly a business deal turns into a relationship minefield. I also hate it when family ask if they can babysit my children. This doesn't make sense to me. In that situation they are usually asking for a playdate under the guise of them doing me a favor.  Unfortunately Anonymous has entered the family babysitting minefield. I think your best bet is to start as you mean to continue. Let them know that you are not able to babysit at their house due to the distance or whatever you are able and happy to do. Tell them honestly and happily that you are happy to help them out if they are able to bring baby to your house or whatever you are willing to do. But then remember that they will likely find a babysitter that works for their needs, and there is nothing wrong with that. They will likely not have you babysit. They are not being spiteful or playing baby keep away if they find a childcare provider that will babysit the way they prefer. You are not spiteful or mean to decide your limits on doing a favor for your daughter. But the natural consequence is that you will not likely be as hands on with your grandchild-this is not a threat or a punishment it is jus a natural consequence to living an hour a way,
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