Posted 07 April 2010 - 10:18 AM
i feel for you! you worry about them! you're right, your dear daughter (dd) may be to willing to think "i can always move in with mom," or "mom will cover the light bill, so why not buy another video game?" as you suspect, your daughter is equally as challenged as her husband. they're a team. when he works, she's as fast to spend the extra cash as he is. she apparently feels her family's finances are her business, and no one else's. which technically they are. so that's ok. i also think it's ok for you to quietly let them know, that you and your husband's budget will no longer allow you to be able to give away money to other people anymore. i also think it may be prudent to let her know, as a matter of factly, that if they can't balance their budget, that you two are also not in a position to house anyone, including them. don't shame or threaten her when you tell her. just let her know what's up, that this is your situation, the same way you would let her know if you were going to visit your sister for a week. i don't think its ok for you to ask them about their personal spending and bills, once you have decided no longer to supplement her husband's not working. look at the way i phrased that. so yes, i also think its a great idea for you to stop enabling your daughter's denial, by paying her just enough so she doesn't have to face reality. the last dollar i would consider spending to help this family not work enough to support themselves anymore, would be, /if/ they were interested... to hire a reputable financial coach or certified financial planner to sit with them for two sessions (initial and a follow-up). so they can learn the facts about their current spending patterns and learn what they can do to help themselves from a neutral, nonemotional party.