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NOT ALLOWED TO SEE GRANDCHILDREN


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#1 JCTEXAS

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 10:14 AM

I too am not allowed to see my grandchild. I have only one. Came here to see if there were other people suffering like me. I raised both my daughters in a Christian home. I divorced their father and they have NEVER forgiven me for it. So, they hold me HOSTAGE by not allowing me to see my grandchild. My other daughter is expecting in July. Two grandsons and not allowed to see them. This is the most painful thing for me as I love children. I used to keep children in my home for extra money. I taught Children's Church and Sunday School classes for children. I saw my grandson until he was 10 months old. Then because of a family riff with my brother, my daughter just up and decided I could no longer see my grandson. The discussion with my brother had nothing to do with my daughter or grandson. Long story short...I missed his first birthday, first Easter and have been banded from seeing him until he is of age that he ask about who his grandmother is and then and only then will she allow him to meet me. We went to counseling for this but the counselor became too personal with my daughter digging into her past and NOT focusing on ME, which my daughter considers a problem. My daughter was paying for the sessions. So, I was there merely so I could have visits with my grandson. My daughter had me there hoping I would learn I need medication. Which I don't. I am off all medicines for my heart, etc. The counselor made the statement to my daughter..."Your mom can visit doctors and get all the prescription medicine out there, but it is not going to solve the issue here between you and your mother." Shortly after that session and a personal session with just the counselor and my daughter...my daughter canceled all future counseling. I asked then, "When can I see my grandson?" She said, "Never, until one day he ask about you and then we will go from there." I was the stay at home until my girls were 12 years old. I was the mom who baked the cookies, who made things for soccer team and picture shirts for team moms on soccer team. I was the mom most children would dream to have. What happened? I was not much help in your problem either. When I was seeing my grandson, it was 3 hours at a time also. I work 7 days a week and so it was very very hard for me to find the time to go see him but I did as much as I could, but now totally banded. My family is very supportive (great-grandparents, a sister and brother). They will try and help me gain back the privilege to see my grandson again. Meanwhile, I must be patient and do what I know to do and that is pray for my daughter that she will soften her heart. She may feel she is too educated for me. She has a college degree. I definitely do not, but I am a medical transcriptionist and have been doing that for 22 years. Sad in Texas. I pray and think about my grandson and the one to be born in July everyday.

#2 GrandmaRosemaryw

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Posted 05 May 2011 - 12:00 PM

Hi Texas- Believe me you are not alone. I have 7 grandchildren and only get to see 4. Again, divorce affected the family split. We had issues and it sounds like your family did too. So what?!! Every family has had problems. What is interesting to me is how some adult children come to terms with it and move on and others punish their elder parents for it forever. I've cried a river over it over the years until my son spoke to me from the heart. And it changed everything. He said, "Can't you be happy for those of us who are here?" That I missed others was all over my face and I talked about it way too much. This took away from the special moments I had with my other grandchildren, children, friends and family. I had to realize that I have a lot to offer as a good and loving woman. My two adult children have not made a wise choice having me out of childrens lives. The children are the losers more than we are. I have been so involved in the grandparenting issues that I wrote a book and one of the chapters I spoke of 'the gift of good-bye'. There is no dignity in arguing with your adult children or pleading. It sounds like you tried to make atones for your actions by going to counseling with her. She obviously had a script in mind, and you did not say it. Perhaps you were wrong but where is the forgiveness in these people's lives? Won't they want understanding and forgiveness from their own children one day? They do not understand that what goes around comes around. Texas- Stop crying. Put the pain in a box and move on. There are children out there who need a grandparent figure. Do as I do - go volunteer. You'd be surprised how a PTA would be thrilled to have you come and help out.They are short handed because of working Moms. If you need to clear you mind, write your daughter a note that will defuse the situation. They call it 'toxic parent' type letter. But you do it in reverse. Tell her you are sorry truly that you could not be what she wanted or hoped for. Wish her and her family a wonderful life. Tell her you respect her decision and that although you will love her until your dying day, you will not bother her anymore. Then kiss the whole situation up to God. If it is his will, time will heal all. In the meantime, life is too precious to waste it. Give your love, time and attention to someone who needs it and would appreciate it. Earn points for heaven.

#3 heartbrokengrandma

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Posted 05 June 2011 - 11:44 AM

I was feeling sad this morning (AGAIN) when thinking about what I'm not allowed to do with my grandchildren. 1) We will not be asked to watch our grandchildren and 2) We are not allowed to keep them overnight. We live very close to them, yet, have to ASK to go visit with them. There has never been a reason given either. They spend time with his wife's family and others babysit for them, but, not us. That's why I feel like a heartbrokengrandma. Your words in your post are very helpful. The last time I tried to talk to my son about this, he told me that if his wife knew it had been brought up, she would be very mad and that I was NEVER to bring up the subject again. I haven't said anything since and that was before Christmas 2010. I told him that he needs to get his head out of the sand and see what is going on around him, but, that I love all of them very much. When the children are adults, if I am alive to tell them, I will tell them that I always wanted them to come visit and to spend the night sometimes, but, I wasn't allowed to ask. I pray over this often, but, nothing changes. The kids seem very happy when around us, but, we are never invited on outings (zoo, etc.) with their family. It is very hard to understand WHY things are this way. Thank you for listening.

#4 noahlouisnana

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Posted 06 June 2011 - 10:03 AM

I'm sad for you. But I must say this; you should not feel inferior because your daughter has a college degree. That means nothing and a Medical Transcriptionist is an impressive job. I have a MA but I don't feel as though I'm necessarily any smarter than anyone without a degree. Your daughter is extremely selfish and unless you have been abusive towards her, I can't understand why she will not allow you to see your grandchild. I hope it changes. If you feel that there may have been something you have done in the past, apologize and see whether it makes a difference, but it needs to be sincere. I made a major mistake with my daughter but she forgave me when I came to my senses.

#5 Janedoe

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Posted 21 August 2011 - 04:34 AM

I really don't know how to begin. I have never known such pain. I have a 10 month old granddaughter that I am only allowed to see if I obey my son. For example, when he wishes for me to see her, regardless of whether I have a dr.'s appointment, or am sick I can not say I am unable to for any reason. If he calls on the spur of the moment and tells me he is bringing her over and I am not home or have anything I have previously planned to do and I tell him, then all communications stop. His reply is if I want to see her so bad, I will change whatever I need to do and I will not use any reason why I can't see her, or I loose my privilege. I feel like I am the child and he is my father. I have cried until I can't. I don't sleep, don't eat and feel I am on the edge of a breakdown. He married for the 3rd time a much younger girl. He is 49 and she is 30. She does not like me at all. I have tried to ask her what have I done and she won't respond by phone, facebook, email or any other way I try to talk to her. She has abused my son physically and verbaly since before the baby was born. He told me he was leaving her and getting a divorce, and tried to talk me and my husband into buying a home way too large just for the 4 of us. He wanted me to keep the baby so he could get her when the issue of custody came up. While we were working on trying to help him she lost custody of her only other child, a son, and my son felt sorry for her and backed out. Since then, he has had no communication with us that isn't strictly business. We did not make him pay a cent when he lived with us. He had meals cooked, room cleaned and bed made, laundry done etc. all by me and my Vietnam veteran husband who lost a leg in Vietnam and is very disabled. We even payed to have our grass cut, or any other home maintenance done when he was here. He is very capable to do most anything we need done around the house. I feel so hurt, used and abused. I feel he just threw us under the bus. His wife is very disrespectful to me and when I tell my son about this, she tells him I am lying and he will not go against her because of the fear of losing his one and only daughter. He always wanted a baby girl and he will forsake all family to be with this 3rd wife who has a lot of moral and mental problems. Sometime I feel I can't make it through the night. I am so afraid I may get too depressed and just give up on living, and I don't want to do this. This girl knows I love kids, and they love me. I have kept kids a lot during my life and have had my own home day care as well as worked in public daycare. I have taught sunday school, bible school and helped to rear my younger siblings as well as neices and nephews. For me this is extremely devastating. I have tried for months to find other grandparents who may be suffering this type of pain so I could feel like someone out there could tell me how they cope as I feel I just about can't anymore. I am so glad I found this site. Maybe knowing I am not alone and hearing what others are going through will help me to keep the faith. Thank all who will read my story and offer your love and support. God bless us all as we struggle to carry on.

#6 Vjude

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 11:17 PM

Pray... All you can do is pray and have faith ....jut about everything is resolved with prayer!

#7 rosered135

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Posted 17 January 2012 - 04:18 AM

I believe in prayer, too, Vjude. But I think most of the posters in this thread who are having these problems could benefit from some kind of counseling, whether with a professional therapist or a trusted clergyperson, etc. Even if they are, in no way, at fault, counseling can help them learn how to cope and, maybe, in some cases, how to solve the problem. My heart goes out to all the sad GMs here...