Posted 23 September 2009 - 01:15 PM
I am just FLOORED at these posts lately, by the grandmothers. I might get blasted for this, but I just don't understand this sense of entitlement to their grandchildren. This is exactly my issue with my own MIL. Here are some things to think about... 1. Am I seeing my GC? If the answer is yes, then please, be happy. You have NO idea how hard it is to balance a career, my husband's career and raising children, on top of--getting the kids to and from school or daycare, keeping the house clean, doing dishes, making dinner, doing laundry, running errands, going grocery shopping, going regular shopping, kids sports, --the list goes on and on. In our eyes, we are being very polite in going OUT of our way, and disrupting our regular schedules so that the kids can see you, and all we get in return is complaining and guilt trips for not seeing them more. Do you think that that makes us want to go out of our way even more for you?! It makes us want to only see you on hoidays, when we have to see you anyway. 2. No, we do NOT need your approval or advice about how or when we raise our family. We are adults, please treat us as so! We have our OWN families now. And, yes, as much as it may hurt, please realize that you are a RELATIVE now---not a part of our "core family". (I know, ouch, but it's true, non-the-less). We do not need to consult you on what we do for our weekends, or what our future plans are for our family. If we share this with you, please consider yourself priveledged. This is not manditory that we tell you anything, or include you. 3. Respect family time. Again---this means OUR family--your son, the DIL, and their children. Don't be hurt if you are not invited to these things. If you are--again, you are very lucky. Get your own hobby, and find things to do so that you do not depend on us to entertain you and make your life interesting or worth living. That is not our job, nor the job of our children. We should ADD to your life, not BE your life. We have a busy life already, without adding more (see #1) 4.Please remember what it was like to be a new mom. You are very unsure of yourself, and trying to do your very best and learning how to balance everything. When GP are demanding or belittiling, or even if we know you don't like us, we will avoid you b/c we already have enough stress in our lives. We walk on eggshells around you, as much as you do around us. 5. Don't blame your DIL for "mind-washing" your son. Please. He is an adult, and makes his own decisions. If he is agreeing with your DIL, maybe there's some validity to what they are complaining about. 6. HONESTLY, is what you are asking for, best for your GC?? I read on a post here that one GP was upset b/c the DIL wouldn't wake the baby up to see her! I was floored!! No, no no!!! We will ALWAYS put our children first, and if we feel that you aren't too, we will, again, avoid you. (and for good reason!). I guess my point is, be understanding, and if your DIL is pushing you away, there is a reason---so, back off for a while! We all need our space. We will come to you when we are ready---and if that takes us a month, so be it. Any thoughts? Think I'm wrong? I'd love to hear any opinions!