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The 'Lemon Clot' Essay


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#1 Sunshine1002

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Posted 24 September 2009 - 10:59 AM

This article goes along w/all the other wonderful ones PlayNice has been posting - in regards to DIL's being pregnant, giving birth and all of the "fun" things that follow after the birth, The article is pretty much "self-explanitory" - its a good read for first time Grandmothers. Q: My husband wants to invite (insert list of assorted friends and relatives here) to visit and/or stay in our home, before and/or after the delivery of our child. How do I explain to him the realities of the postpartum period? And if I want my Mom to come, how do I explain that's what I need? What about relatives that invited themselves? The Lemon Clot Essay You will be leaking out of places you don't want to leak out of. Do you really want to stand up from the couch and have your father's parents see that not only have you bled through your pad, but the blood is now running down your leg. Do you really want to say, "honey, can you come with me to the bathroom, I am bleeding all over and I feel a huge bloodclot coming out"... in front of them? Contrast that to "mom, I need your help please, now, I'm bleeding all over!" Does your husband really understand the volume of stuff that will be coming out of you, the possibility of lemon-sized clots of blood? Not 2-dimensional lemon-sized, but huge, round, 3-dimensional lemon-sized? How many bathrooms do you have? If only one, do you REALLY want to have to make it "guest-level clean" every time you leave it? Do you really want this gang of people ogling your diaper-sized pads, peribottle, tucks pads, and all the other supplies that will be in the bathroom? Even if you have two bathrooms, that means you can't use the main bathroom, because you still have to leave it "guest-level clean" every time you use it. Do they really plan to do something other than hold the baby, pass the baby around, and sit around expecting you guys to wait on them? Are they going to sit and stare at you? Thirty minutes after they arrive, and baby wants to breastfeed, are they going to quickly and willingly LEAVE your home so that you can breastfeed in the privacy and comfort of your space? Or are they going to hang around outside, waiting for you to be done, and knocking every so often wanting to know if they can come back in? Yeah, that's great for breastfeeding. Or better yet, are they going to blow you off, saying "it's no big deal", and expect you to breastfeed in front of them? Even experienced moms need several weeks of practice to get good at it, so to speak, so that they can breastfeed wherever they want. Learning to breastfeed is not a time for people to ogle and stare at you. When your breasts are engorged and painful and you want NOTHING to touch them, what then? Does your dh think it will be okay for his dad to stare at your huge naked breasts as you walk around topless? What if your birth is smack in the middle of their trip? So what are they going to do the first few days, before baby? Are they going to sit and stare at you, waiting for the big moment? Then what? Are they going to camp out in your hospital room every day, all day? Yeah, that's great for resting. What happens when you leave the hospital and they beat you to your own home, and all you want to do is lay down in your own bed? Are they going to leave graciously, or are they going to sit in your living room, eating your food, messing up your house, and making noise, so you can't nap? Does your DH normally allow people to invite themselves over to visit you guys without even ASKING? You guys are setting yourselves up for a lifetime of this. Then you will be blamed when you try to tell them that it is not a good time for you. Does your DH understand ANY of these things?? Does he not understand that it is NOT about entertaining guests, but about recovery from a major medical procedure (either vaginal or c-section)? Does he not understand that you just grew another human being in your body, and will have just gone through the process of getting it out?? This is going to be an exhausting, messy, wildly hormonal time. Does he not get that??

#2 Sunshine1002

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Posted 24 September 2009 - 11:02 AM

And to add to that wonderful tib-bit of info: Who Can Even be on the List to be Considered to Stay at Your Home After Childbirth You know, nobody gets to stay in your home after birth unless they are helpful. So is his mother going to.... wash your bloody underwear in the sink? Clean and disinfect your toilet and perhaps the bathroom floor after you spend time in there? Clean up lemon size blood clots that come out of your vagina if you need help? Get hot washcloths and lay them on your naked engorged breasts? Hold a cold wet washcloth on the back of your neck when you break out in a sweat all over? Is she going to cook for you and clean for you and do the laundry, and make sure you are stocked with diapers and wipes and clean blankets? Is she going to allow you to breastfeed in private in your own living room by either going to her room or going outside? Is she going to allow you to pick up your own crying baby? Is she going to ASK you if you would like her to get the baby for you since you may be sore? Is she going to disappear when you want alone time with your new baby and your husband? Is she going to refrain from giving you advice but instead ask you what you need? And what's his dad going to do? Is he going to cut the grass and take out the garbage and make runs to the store for juice and milk? Is he going to wash the car or walk the dog or change the cat litter box? No? Yeah, that's what I thought.

#3 pbblt

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Posted 24 September 2009 - 11:18 AM

Thank you, both Sunshine and PlayNice!! I NEEDED these when I was pregnant. My MIL DEMANDED equal time that my mom got when we got home from the hospital. I told her no. She did the "it's not fair" complaint-session. For 9 MONTHS. When baby arrived, my mom was here for 3 days to help me. She barely held the baby. She helped me get up (I had a c-section and refused to take the Percacet (sp?)). She did laundry. She vacuumed. She cooked. She cleaned. MIL showed up the day my mom left, with her bags in hand TELLING ME I was going to let her hold the baby for 3 days just like I let my mom. I laughed in her face, said no, and slammed the door in her face. She stood out there for an hour pounding on the door, screaming to be let in. She only left when the cops came (yep - I called them) and told her she was trespassing and to leave or they would arrest her. But, I have a backbone. So many DIL are afraid to upset MIL, for fear of their DH not supporting them. These essays are necessary and should be quickly handed out for each and every baby. Because, MIL repeated this for baby #2. I did have her *** arrested that time.

#4 happymommy

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Posted 24 September 2009 - 11:30 AM

One of my favorites, thanks for posting. Having a new daughter and being first time Mom, I can tell you this is so true. I was lucky enough not to have to deal with any objections with both my parents and inlaws on this, but I know many have.

#5 Sunshine1002

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Posted 24 September 2009 - 11:53 AM

Anytime :) I really think that every Parenting/Pregnancy mag. should publish these once a year - they should also be in every OBGYN's office and ESP. in the L&D waiting room. It should be in a packet called "How not to be an over entitled first-time Grandparent" I also wish I had all of these handy when I was prego w/#1. I did have the Pregnant Mother and another one laying on my table when my MIL came over one day. She picked them up, glanced and them and laughed saying that "your seriously going to FOLLOW these things" I looked at her and said "YES" with a HUGE smile on my face :) I didn't know that the DIL/"incubators" weren't allowed to make rules of their own? My MIL was quite ***** as well when my Mom & S-Mom came down (different times obviously) after ODS was born. I had a c-section too and it knocked me on my butt - I needed help w/just about everything for the 1st two wks - we have stairs, so it wasn't fun at all. I also refused the percocet as well - it took me forever to "come to" after all the drugs I got for my c-section and I was afraid what the pills would do to me. They actually HELPED the entire time they were here - cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping etc. They both did the 'Grandma thing' while I was napping or in the shower and they were FINE with that. They didn't need to hog/hold my baby 24-7. They were just happy to BE THERE during that special time. MIL lives abotu 15-20 mins away for us - so after my Mom/S-Mom were gone she was just itching to come over (all day) while my DH was at work and "help" me. Her idea of "help" was: follow me around the house to make sure I didn't drop my son, come into his room to make sure I was changing him right, try and follow me in the bedrm when I needed to BF him, sit there and complain that I've "held him long enough" and it's "her turn" w/her arms extended like she was going to take him. She had the NERVE to go out and buy a breast pump so she could "help" feed him when I didn't want to. When does a new Mom NOT want to feed their child? She kept asking when I was going to stop "trying" to BF and start bottle feeding so the "rest of us" could be included too. Needless to say after 2 days of this crap and me calling DH every 20 mins crying because I wanted to kill MIL - he came home the 2nd night "grew a pair" and told MIL if I WANTED her help I'd ask for it. She told DH I wasn't being fair to her and he needed to have a "chat" with me and "put me in my place" because she's a Grandmother too and she deserved the same treatment my Mom/S-Mom got. And thus begain the long road to limiting visitation, lenghty time-outs, and her semi-cut off status.

#6 Bradonsmom

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Posted 24 September 2009 - 12:38 PM

pbblt--omg, I just gasped out loud reading your story!! How rude!! At least it was an easy call for you. I think that's a big issue for us DILs. They don't JUMP over the line, they step on it, or just over it, and sometimes we question whether or not it's worth a cut-off.

#7 PlayNice

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Posted 24 September 2009 - 01:06 PM

I printed all of these essays and hung a copy on the fridge, carried a copy in my purse, and gave one to my dh. All went very smooth!

#8 Sharon1964

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 12:23 AM

As always, I'm late to the party. I'm glad that my essays have helped so many people. I would appreciate it if these two (The Lemon Clot Essay and Who Gets to Stay) were not published without credit please, to "Sharon1964". Thanks!

#9 Guest__*

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 07:54 AM

You referred to other essays posted by PlayNice. Can you tell me where those are posted?

#10 Memame

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 10:32 AM

FABULOUS, a great read for all MILs.

#11 FacetoFace

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 10:47 AM

You referred to other essays posted by PlayNice. Can you tell me where those are posted? Posted by dragontattoo on 02/18/11 at 07:54 AM Read more: http://www.grandpare...l#ixzz1EKFiK2VS Why would you need them? According your posts your MIL and parents are wells of insight and wisdom that you cling to every word of. What brings you here? For someone with wonderful ILs you spend a lot of time in this group.

#12 Memame

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 11:00 AM

Nope, I am a flawed human, praying daily, going to mass and confessing often! So, send more essays!

#13 Gamam

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 03:03 PM

DT, "lemon clot" is from either BBC or Cafe MIL is a cbuger.

#14 janetskid

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 03:50 PM

I found it on 'mil is a crapburger' and mailed it to my mil.

#15 Postscript

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 06:15 PM

Actually it's salvaged from dwells old home on bbc, Sharon1964 wrote it to illustrate to a dh why his dw didn't want a lot of visitors. The follow up Who can stay explained what visitors need to do to stay with a new mom.

#16 mom2cutie

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 07:03 PM

Think I read it on "mil is a crapburger" in the saved threads from Tightan and on "bbc". Sending it to a MIl is a good idea prior to GCs birth.

#17 Postscript

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Posted 18 February 2011 - 07:17 PM

Ugh I hate my new spellchecker d.w.i.l's not dwells!

#18 strawberries

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Posted 19 February 2011 - 09:45 AM

And why oh why, may I ask, would a post from 9/09 get revived a year and a half later?

#19 strawberries

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Posted 19 February 2011 - 09:48 AM

Forgot to say also, if I were really having lemon sized clots at home after delivering a baby, I would be going to the ER to get checked for hemorrhaging. That's just not normal.

#20 mom2cutie

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Posted 19 February 2011 - 09:50 AM

Because it is a FABULOUS post!