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"Single", DOES THAT MEAN LONELY?


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#1 kaym

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Posted 02 March 2010 - 02:38 PM

Does being single have to mean being lonely? Is being lonely just part of getting older? I've heard yes and I've heard no. What do you think and how have you handled this?

#2 nanadelight

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Posted 02 March 2010 - 03:55 PM

I really felt lonely when my youngest daughter married and moved out a few years back and although it did take some time for me to get to this point, I am now totally embracing this new found "me time". After spending my life devoted to my children, husband (when married) and a busy career...It nice to now be a little indulgent for myself. It does concern me that when I retire one day that loneliness will set in, but for now I am enjoying being able to call all the shots...not cook unless I want to, the house stays nice and clean just the way I like it...I should add that I do not think it would be quite the same if were not for the fact that my children and grandchildren are very near by and I see them very often.

#3 EASYTOUCH

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 07:56 AM

I am going to stay clear of the part of "does being single mean being lonely" and say this about being older and does that mean "being lonely".I think anymore in this wonderful age of technology and all the new ways we have to communicate to others our families included that we have a lot more going for us than we ever imagined. We sit and talk about all the wonderful things our kids and grandkids have now and think about what we did not have when we were young. I, myself forget at times that right NOW I have all these same things available to use for myself and to really explore new things too. There's unlimited long distance calling,cell phones,emails,web cams,and even as you put it the other day SKYPING. I have to stop and tell myself that why should all this be only for the young while as we get older and not take advantage of them ourselves. Anymore as long as one has a computer there is no real reason to really be lonely as we get older unless we allow it. I am routinely sending emails back and forth to grandkids that are old enough and if nothing else the younger ones get something through their parent's email address.Even just spending time on the phone passing time with others and not stressing about extra costs. As long as we don't allow ourselves to be lonely as we get older this will become a non-issue to all of us as long as we take advantage of it.

#4 annebell

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 03:46 PM

being single doese not have to mean being lonely , i loved to go walking with my grandson and his dog i have join a casa group just trying to keep my self busy at all times

#5 GeeGeemom

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Posted 03 March 2010 - 06:16 PM

Hello to all. I have been single for almost eight years and I have never felt lonely. I am seldom alone as I watch my grandchildren six days a week so this helps. I also have my church groups to keep me buzy. I go out when I have free time to the movies or to dinner. Twice a year I go on retreat with the ladies from my church. Sometimes I feel alone because there isn't that special someone in my life any more. Being alone and being lonely is two differant things. My point is -if you sit home all the time and don't do anything with your life than yes you will be lonely. Life doesn't have to be like this. Get involved in a church or some groups. Volunter at an animal shelter or a hospital. Some schools have Grandparent programs where you can help out with the kids. Visit the museums in your area. By getting out you may meet that new someone special(if your looking). At the present I'm not looking, just enjoying life.
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#6 dcchs65

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Posted 04 March 2010 - 08:10 AM

Yes, to me being single is being lonlely. My husband died at the age of 51 and we were active in our church, both had teaching careers that we shared, and just did things together. We were a part of each other. We dreamed of being retirement and dreamed of the joy of grandparenting together. He died 2 months after my first grandchild was born. I miss him everywhere I am-being in crowd is the lonlinest for me.

#7 kaym

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Posted 04 March 2010 - 02:28 PM

To dcchs65: I have to say that I feel the same way. We were married for 38 years and when you've been with someone that long and done everything together, it is lonely when they are gone. It's been a tough time for me, so I understand what you are saying. We also had our individual professional lives, our friends, our church and family. But without that "closest" one, it is lonely. As time goes on, I've either gotten somewhat used to the feeling, or I've adjusted. My grief counselor once encouraged me to learn to "relish my solitude" and I thought she was crazy! But, you know, now I do enjoy my "private" time; it's just that there is too much of it still. I hope you and I both keep having more and more "OK" time (maybe even some "great" time) and less "lonely" time.

#8 Iodine

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Posted 07 March 2010 - 08:31 AM

I was married 28 years and have been divorced nine. I have times when I feel lonely, but there were also lonely times in my marriage. I try to find healthy ways to fill the void. Good friends and family help.

#9 tar

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Posted 07 March 2010 - 04:56 PM

well i agree with easytouch if i did not have my computer cellphone or long ditance on my house phone i would be lonley not being able to talk or email my son in ohio or talk to my grandbaby i sometimes feel lonley cuz i dont have anyone i was with a man for 9 yr before he passed away in o7 we were not married but people thought we were cuz we were together 9yrs when im not at church or at senior center hangin out with my mom there im on my computer emailin my son sometime i go for walk by my self or some times my 15 yr son will walk with me but it is not the same unless you have a partner to walk with

#10 yolie91762a

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Posted 17 March 2010 - 01:34 PM

Yes it sometimes mean that you can be lonely. In my case, I became single a year ago. I still miss my ex after 22 years very much. I have Jesus, my daughters, and grandkids to help fill the void. I never told my daughters how I still miss their father so keep those feelings to myself. I now starting to attend & participate in more events at my church. But sometimes I still feel like crying due to I am still so lonely. I will pray for the members of the post.

#11 prod

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Posted 18 March 2010 - 10:29 PM

I was married for 26 years and now single for about 9 years. I talk to this one man but he spends more time with his friends. I sometimes feel lonely. I have three children and four grandchildren and they fill my lonliness. It is not the same as when they were at home. I miss putting them to bed and caring for them. I can't drive so I can't go to church groups or other activities. I communicate with family through e-mail and phone but it is not the same. I miss having someone here to talk and confide.

#12 Slippy

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Posted 21 March 2010 - 01:23 PM

yes I feel being single is being lonely I was married for 23and a half years before my husband had an affair and walked out on me and then divorced me. I do have four kids and two grandkids that do fill my time . Especially since my three daughters are living with me and also one gc that I care for constantly, but I miss that special close time of being with someone you love and being able to have that intimate time with someone and also the closeness of a marriage partner.

#13 Desertrose492

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Posted 22 March 2010 - 09:24 PM

I have been single for awhile and when both of my children were through with college - I went back to school and became a teacher. I moved to be where the action was - and I have been a New York City English Teacher in a minority dominate high school for the last seven years and I have never been happier. I love what I do, I feel fulfilled and my life is good. My children have lives of their own - and they are very proud of this ol lady who reinvented herself. Who knew it could be this much fun at this time of life.

#14 pashaz

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Posted 25 March 2010 - 03:42 PM

I wish all those of us who feel loss and loneliness could gather, talk, and share to try to ease these lonely feelings. When my grandmother passed away, I remember that my grandfather confided in me that he felt lonely in a crowd. It broke my heart. As a woman who has been divorced for 10 years due to an abusive husband, there are some days when I even miss him – but they are rare. He hurt me in every way imaginable. As the mother of two children, I have grandchildren only from my son, who is in his early 30s. My daughter just turned 24 and wants to wait to marry and start a family. (At her age, I had my 24th birthday in a hospital, where I stayed with my toddler son, whose appendix had ruptured. It was a life and death situation and I’m glad my daughter is enjoying her youth – although I would not change a thing about my kids.) I have an almost 7 year old grandson and a newborn g-daughter. My son and his wife are so busy that I usually only see them on holidays and birthdays. My son is a very loving person, but he is a lot like the absentminded professor, and he “forgets” to call and so on. Until the beginning of the year, I shared a place with a roommate. In our neighborhood, there were close friends and good times. Our relationship was strictly platonic, but it was one where we could talk about our feelings and share thoughts. He became ill and ended up in a rehab hospital and is now going to have to go into a nursing home, so I had to sign up for low income housing and move to where I am now. It is a beautiful apartment, perfect for one or two people in a committed relationship (one bedroom), but I am so lonely here I feel like I’m ill. I recently completed my bachelor’s degree in psychology and I’m currently working on an MFA in Creative Writing and English, but I go to school online, and online students don’t usually have time to be your friend. I don’t drink or go out to bars, my one girlfriend is tied up with her husband and sister and kids, and I feel life passing me by more and more swiftly with every day. Is this because I’m single? I don’t know. What I do know is that my age has a lot to do with it (54), and that I have an anxiety disorder that confines me to a wheelchair when I have to walk any kind of distance outside. That is cumbersome and bothersome to others and so I don’t get invited out often. Men seem afraid of my condition, and I honestly can’t say if all the work I am doing and have done with therapists will help or not. I have had the condition since I was 15. So that’s me. I wish I could say how full and vital my life is, but I can’t. Although most of the time I feel that I am thinking like a 19 year old, people see me as old (past 50 is almost dead, y’know? LOL) . If only all 20 year olds could step inside the body of a 60 year old to experience how young and innocent the older person really is, I believe our world would be a better place. Blessings to all of you. I’m glad I joined your group; you all seem like fine people. Thank you for letting me vent. ~Pasha

#15 crevette7277

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Posted 28 March 2010 - 06:38 PM

You know what? Even if you don't drive, your church may have members who are willing to pick you up. Our church does that plus we have the church bus that picks folks up. My best friends are my church galfriends. I have been alone for 8 years but it isn't to bad. I have all my grandkids here in town and my three girls and their husbands. From time to time I miss the companionship of a guy but I just cannot settle for less than man who loves the Lord. I had losers in the past but I don't want to waste my time with them. Time will tell...Time will tell...

#16 mirth

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Posted 06 April 2010 - 10:26 AM

My dad had the perfect answer to this. My mom died at age 58; dad was left with several teenage children and the loss of his spouse with whom he had had 9 children. He would say to me "Being alone doesn't have to be being lonely..."

#17 Memawwanda

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Posted 22 April 2010 - 11:27 AM

Hi! I think being single and older doea create the recipe for being lonely. I have been divirced for twelve years and I haven't had a date in 32 years. Wouldn't know how to act if did have a date. So what I do is just keep as busy as I can with sewing and baking, gardening. I live my life through my kids and grandbabies and my church. Not so bad but if I could find someone my age and someone I felt I could trust and respect, then I would love to have male friends. Alas this is a bad old world. Who can you trust?

#18 ShawnsNona

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Posted 12 June 2010 - 06:04 PM

I do not think single means lonely. I was married for 18 yrs and with someone yet lonely. I have been divorced even longer then I was married and yet more often then not I am not lonely. Being alone doesn't mean your lonely, yes at times you may feel that way, but for me it's not that often, because you can go out and do as you please, visit family, friends, shop, garden, etc time is what you make it.

#19 alexandersgranny

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Posted 27 June 2010 - 11:14 PM

I am writing to the woman who says she is alone since her last child moved out and lonely. She does not have a car so can not go to church groups. I am in the same situation with no car. I have come to the conclusion that " If there is a will, there is a way" This is what I am going to do. I am going to call up local churches and tell them I really want to go to church and would like their help arranging a ride with someone that comes from where I live. If that does not work, I can take a taxi, although that costs ten dollars I do not have. I want to encourage all people to think about those who might not have a car and need help getting around. For some the answer is moving closer to town and public transportation. For some it means asking family for rides or if of age getting a ride with senior services transportation if your community has this. It usually costs a few dollars each way. WHERE there is a Will there is a Way. Don't give up making friends because your best friend ever may be right next door. Be outgoing. That is why I like buses, because I meet people who like to chat about things. Well, and pray for God to make a way to get to church and find friends. Remember there are other lonely people out there starving for your friendship too. Prudence

#20 tboivin0325

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Posted 15 November 2010 - 03:03 PM

Yes, I feel being single means being lonely. I am 53 years old raising my 7 yo grandson. My husband passed away about 2 years ago. When I took on this task I didn't anticipate doing it alone. Even though I am rarely alone in my house, my gs and also my son (not the father) live with me I still feel alone most of the time. My DH was retired, we did everything together. I do have a male freind who I see on weekends but even with him it is not like being married. Not only did we spend a lot of time together, other when I was at work, he did a lot of things around the house. I never had to do yard work, cut wood for the stove, clean the basement, rarely cooked or did laundry so I miss the help I got as well as the companionship. I never dreamed about how difficult this was going ot be. I love my gs with all my heart but due to his circumstances he is a very difficult child and I quesion my decision on taking on this task, not that I think there is or was an alternative.