Posted 27 August 2010 - 03:13 PM
'I'd just like to see my grandchildren and son.' I have to comment on this part of your response. Maybe this is part of the problem. You only want to see your son and GC. What about your DIL? It is HER husband and HER kids first. Why are you excluding her? Would you really want to spend time with someone who was purposefully excluding you? I wouldn't. Parents and their kids are a package deal when the kids are young. You cannot expect your son to bring the GC and leave his wife at home. That is disloyal to his wife and an effort by you to separate them. Unacceptable. As for the daycare situation, having family as your regular daycare is usually the worst thing you can do...even free. Free daycare is never free in the end. When you leave your kids with a licensed professional, it is an employee/employer relationship. If you don't like something the caregiver does, you tell them, they fix it, everything is good. When it is family, it is uncomfortable, there is lots of emotions involved, caregivers tend to get hypersensitive, if the relationship is already shaky, the parents also will not want to have you sitting at home with their kids enjoying all the firsts and all of the things they want to share with them while they work. It is a bad situation all around. My mom babysat my oldest for a time. We ended that and now pay a friend to babysit. It is well worth the money to pay her as opposed to the 'free' care my mother would offer. When I need a sitter, I want to be able to relax and have fun...not worry about my mother nosing through my home, telling my kids inappropriate things, manipulating my family life, or giving her any indication that she has any say so in what goes on in my home. So for those reasons, I gladly pay for childcare as opposed to letting my mother do it. You also say that you 'can't bring yourself to call there'. Well, how do you expect your DIL to know you are willing to make the effort to have a relationship if you never call? The assumption by you that this is all her fault is mindblowing. You are mad that your son checks with his wife before commiting to anything? Really? They are a nuclear family, a team. Neither one should be commiting to anything without checking with the other one first no matter what it is. That is what couples do. My biggest question of all is, have you talked to your son about ANY of this? Or do you just silently stew and condemn your DIL for every perceived slight? Maybe with work and the kids and their day to day lives they are very busy. You are making a lot of judgements and assumptions though, and have not indicated a solid basis for any of it IMO.