Posted 23 August 2011 - 12:21 PM
It is not "controlling" of your DIL not to allow _you_ to control what she and her children do. In fact, I think you may be far more controlling than you probably realize. Your heart is in the right place, and you do things out of love. Your habit of running the social show isn't well received now that your kids are grown up and running their own show. You chose the word "controlling" to describe a young mother who won't allow her children to be controlled by you. I noticed you didn't say you invited DIL and GS our for pizza after the LL game. You state you were "going to" take them all out. You obviously weren't even invited to the game itself, and yet you made plans for someone else. That's controlling. That's why she told you it was cancelled - how else to handle someone who invites themselves and makes plans for other people. You want to control what your grandson does when he goes out to play. His mother sends him outside for exercise, and you want to feed him snacks instead. You're mad you can't control what he does. It seems you forget he's someone else's child. When you invite someone for dinner and they say no thanks, do you ask "Why not?" Did you know that's very rude to do? It might not seem like it, but asking "why can't you come?" is officially in all the ettiquette books as rude. It puts people on the spot to have to give you a reason, when "no" is all the answer you need. If they could or wanted to come, they'd say yes. People run away from people who try to pull yeses out of no's. Act like a telemarketer or a car salesman, and they'll aviod you like one. As for house chores, you don't know the details of their marriage and home life. (And if you do, that's too much). DIL wants to be with her husband, and there's always chores to be done. Should DIL feel like she's in a race with you, that if every block of their family time isn't all filled up before you ask - then that time is yours to fill. I think you'd be smart to step back, stop inviting yourself to other people's stuff, and don't make plans for other people and be flabbergasted when _they_ do what _they_ want instead of _they_ doing what _you_ want. And for goodness sakes, don't invite kids off the street into your home and get angry when they say they're listening to what their mother wants for them. Fill your time however you like - with other people who want to see you, and other social activties. Having a life of your own will improve your realtionships with your DIl and DS more than you can imagine. Treat your DIL and DS's time like it is _their_ time you're asking for. Not like you have some right to their time that they're denying you.