Posted 23 October 2011 - 11:19 AM
I don't want to just whine about issues, but I do need some help. My dil and I got along fine until she had her first child. Since then it has been a roller coaster ride, I never know which person I will be seeing. My son and I are extremely close. I was a single parent and his father was never an active part of his life. My son didn't get married until he was 32, and my DIL was also the same age. Once their first child came, I felt like I was walking on egg shells everytime I was around her. I live 300 miles away, and when I would visit for holidays, she frequently would have an explosive episode, usually in front of the rest of the family, directed at me. I seldom call their home, and when I do she rarely returns my calls. When I go to their area, I usually stay with friends to avoid any conflict. I do not interrfere with their lives, I keep my mouth shut even though she frequently berates my son in front of others, and nags constantly. They have 2 beautiful children, my son is very successful, and they live in a gorgeous home in an affluent neighborhood. My son and her have been in marriage counseling for over 4 years, and my son says things are getting better, but I know he is not happy, except with his children. Now, I am moving a short distance from their home. My son has encouraged me to move closer to him and the children. I know my DIL is seething about me being so close. My son and I have discussed the situation numerous times, and I do have some plans on how best to deal with the situation. I do not intend to spend time at their home, unless invited, nor call their house. My son carries his blackberry 24/7 and I can reach him via his cell. I will be available to watch my only grandchildren in my home anytime, I love them dearly and have great fun with them. My son will be coming over a lot, I know this going in. He calls me everyday now, and he will be passing by my home en route to his job, so I imagine he will be stopping over for coffee in the morning and for lunch fairly regularly. The Dil works every Saturday, and he has said that he wants me to hang out with him and the children for lunch, outings, etc. Throughout the relationship, I have jumped through hoops trying to have a good relationship with her, but no matter what I do, she finds fault with every little thing. For example, if I am at their home, and wash the dishes, she doesn't like the way I wash them, etc. So now with me so close, how do you suggest I best deal with her. I want to continue having a close relationship with my son and grandchildren, without conflict. I think my son is just hanging in until the children are older. He is my only child, and this is not the life I hoped for him.