60 replies to this topic

[JustaGrandma]

With mine it has not been a good thing. Tell me how it has effected you.

[footballmom]

Over all, it has been a good thing for us. We have had problems, in the past, with xDIL but that is over. I have one nephew that has ask us all to block his MIL so she can not see our post, because she comes unglued when she sees that the extended family has been together or if something goes on that she has not been included in, he said it was just better that way.

We use FB to share pictures, keep each other updated on events and news. Before we were doing mass e-mails but now that everyone is on FB it is easier. One niece in-law made a "family" page that we can all put stuff on if we do not want it on our own wall.

[mrsslant]

Facebook has not much affected my family dynamic, other than I am able to keep up with a few cousins that I otherwise would have lost contact with. Then again, there are a couple I would not mind losing contact with.... Seriously, though, I don't really post much on my Facebook that is serious. I do have to block a couple of people from seeing pictures, but that is about it. The majority of inlaws that I had on there have "unfriended" me, so they are of no consequence either. I think the key is don't take Facebook to seriously and don't be friends with anyone who takes Facebook too seriously.

[NewMama]

It's been good for our family, it allows a lot of us to keep in contact with out of town family easier. And to share photos. No one really spills their drama on FB. My FIL lives away, and he's not on FB but his gf is. He likes seeing photos of our son. I could see it being an issue with MIL, because she gets crazy when hearing about my mom babysitting or other family stuff. Thankfully she's not on there.

[jaci]

Its been great for our family. I have found aunts, uncles, cousins in other states that I havent seen for years, as well as old high school friends. Of course, I dont use facebook for drama, and I do have it set up for friends only, close friends only, and others. I dont share everything. I am lucky, my sons and DILs has no problems with me sharing GKs photos with my family members., and they tag me in their own photos. I never share one of their photos without asking first. I do have one of my DIL on my restricted list. She loves her drama too much!!! All DILs families are blocked from even seeing me on facebook.

So yea, its been a positive thing for me.

[mrsslant]

Facebook is like any other medium of gossip. Anything you write can and will get back to everyone. SO, if you aren't comfortable with the entire world knowing something, don't post it on Facebook. Even if you aren't friends with certain people, gossip always makes its rounds.

[homeygfunk]

I have never seen the appeal of FB and I don't have a FB page. I don't understand the need to update people on every little detail but then I like my privacy.

[footballmom]

homey, that sounds like my husband, he has a FB page but hardly ever looks at it (unless he is bored at the airport waiting for ANOTHER late plane). He says that he really does not need to see pictures of what someone is having for dinner. I only have about 150 "friends", I just do not understand how 1000 or so people could be interested in anything about me, I know I am not interested in 1000+ people.

[homeygfunk]

It just sounds like it is more trouble than it is worth. And then there is the glitch of the month like the one that allowed private information to be viewed publicly. The glitch was eventually fixed but the damage was already done.

[SueSTx]

I choose not to do facebook. Yes, it is a way to see what the rest of the family is doing...but, I'd rather not see the drama just to have a look at a couple of pictures.

[critter21]

I only use it to see pictures of my GD and Nieces & Nephews. I very rarely post, it annoys me too when they tell what their meals are and when they go to bed, guess they don't have much of a life.

[mrsslant]

I don't understand how the drama thing happens. Why do people feel like it is necessary to put their personal issues on a public forum where all 400 friends can see? Just the other day I saw a husband write that he was planning to take gun safety because he was planning to soon purchase a gun. Fine, except his WIFE had other ideas, which apparently he knew about. So all of their friends and family got to see them squabble over this issue, when perhaps they could have gotten off of the computer and walked into the next room and discussed it privately.
I write updates about amusing things my kids do, or strange thoughts that I have had. It boggles my mind to think of sharing emotional opinions on there. I actually hid most people from my news feed during political season, it just gets annoying. I just want to look at your page, see a few pics and think "Yup, they are still alive, have cute kids/puppies/grandparents, and are still amusing. Cool. Now that I've squared that away, I will go back to MILA."

[rosered135]

Good question, IMO, JG! I hear so much about how great FB is b/c it makes it so easy for people to keep up with each other, esp. if they live at a distance and b/c they can find "long lost" friends and relatives. But then I also hear the complaints - about posters who write about their meals, etc. and worse - about hurt feelings and drama, as a result of what someone said, seeing pics of events where one wasn't included, and being blocked so one can't see certain things. (FBM, I'm sure your nephew is right about his MIL and, of course, you're wise to respect his wishes. But if MIL realizes she's been blocked, I bet she'll gripe about that, too, even if not as much!) We see it here, all the time! In fact, I think it's such a timely topic for this board that I hope you don't mind, JG, if I pin it up. for a while!

As for me, while I'm not worried about seeing pics of, say, events ODD and SIL have enjoyed with his FOO, overall, the mixed reactions I've heard are why I'm still on the fence. Also, while, at first, both my DDs encouraged me to join, when I recently suggested I might try it, YDD began to change her tune. Hmmm... Is she hiding something? I don't think so. I just think she feels I'm "in her life" enough, if only b/c of the GC ( and hey she asked me!) and FB gives her more "space." Or rather, it preserves her space - she doesn't discuss her personal life much with me but if I were on FB...

Actually, though, if I ever do join, I'll just use it to look at pics, etc., like some PPs and then come back over here!

[JustaGrandma]

Right now it's caused some drama in my family mainly because it can be a big source of information on just how differantly one family can be treated over a dil's family. I'm sure dil in only trying to impress her family with all her post but when you see a big differance in things it does hurt. But no it's not brought to fb. We suck it up and hold it in.

[SueSTx]

I have one sister who has adult children. She personally told me she uses FB to keep up with what they are doing, because they don';t tell her. (In other words "spying" on them.) I'm sure they are aware of this and don't put up things they don't want her to see...but I try to stay out of my AC lives as much as I can.

[JustaGrandma]

I'm sure with my dil she put's things up she wants me to see. I would defriend her but the last time I did that it caused problems also. I do like to keep intouch with other family and friends across the country so if I dropped fb I would also miss that.

[NewMama]

My experience has been that people who are attention seeking on FB are generally attention seeking in real life. It just provides another medium to be a drama queen. I do know people who use it to be super nosy and get into everyone's business, but I also think if I don't want a bunch of people to know something I don't post it. I constantly check or tweak my privacy settings (not all my friends can see photos) and purge my friends list. I try to keep the number under 150, and probably half that is family.

My mom is on FB as well, and the only issue I've found there is sort of what Rose said - she's a little more in my "space". If I post something only my coworkers would understand as a joke (us nurses have a lot of inside jokes), she'll repeatedly ask me to explain it on FB and then call me to ask me to explain it if I don't online. I've had to tell her more than once she's not meant to know what every single thing means. My brother is a fitness nut and makes a lot of workout-lingo heavy posts and she does the same to him.

[rosered135]

So sorry about that, JG! But I think you're very wise not to complain. Perhaps it would help to avoid looking at certain pics? But I know that can be hard.

@ All - I'm wondering if this is another one of those issues that we need a whole new etiquette for? I'm not rigid about etiquette rules but in those places where they help things to go more smoothly or protect people's feelings, I think they can be very helpful. For example, I'm thinking that maybe it's like not talking about a part in front of those who weren't/might not be invited. Perhaps one shouldn't talk about/put up pics of events if it might hurt some people's feelings?

But then, I guess that would mean a large part of what many people use FB for - to put up photos of weddings and other events. So, IDK... Maybe it should be a general rule of thumb that all new ILs block each other, until they get to the point where they feel comfortable enough with each other to share a little more?

Perhaps I shouldn't talk, though, since I'm not on FB (as yet, anyhow). Does anyone else have any ideas about if there could be some social "rules" about it and what those might be?

[JustaGrandma]

NewMama you are so right about attention seeking, I just didn't relize how my so DIL until fb

[rosered135]

I have one sister who has adult children. She personally told me she uses FB to keep up with what they are doing, because they don';t tell her. (In other words "spying" on them.) I'm sure they are aware of this and don't put up things they don't want her to see...but I try to stay out of my AC lives as much as I can.

I have a cousin somewhat like that. Her AC tell her about their lives but "not everything" and she's not satisfied. Yet, in their case, too, Sue, I'm sure there are some things they don't put on FB.

@NM - I'm sorry your mom insists on understanding all the "inside jokes," etc. Chances are, it bothers her a bit to realize that she's not the big part of your and your DB's lives as she once was. I mean, I'm sure she knows that but on FB, I guess, it kind of hits one "between the eyes," so to speak.

But thanks for making me aware of something I might not have thought of if I do go on FB. Now, if I join and I see my DDs talking about something I don't get, I'll stop and think if it might be an insider's comment. If I don't think so, maybe, I'll ask for an explanation but only if I'd really benefit by knowing. And if I ask once and they don't respond, I'll let it go. And again, mostly, I'll just look at whatever I want to look at and then leave.

Or maybe i'll just stay off FB...