New to the group, but I've been a lurker for a while as I love to see different people's perspectives on things. My husband and I will be moving into our new home in a couple of months. Historically, my in-laws have had keys to our house...not because we gave them a key, or they asked...but simply because my FIL took it upon himself to make a copy for themselves...which was a bit irritating, but I let it go as this happened shortly after we were married and I didn't want to rock the boat. So with the new home on the horizon, I really want to take this opportunity to set some boundaries as far as access to our home. I am an extremely private person and don't feel that it's necessary for each of our family members to have keys to get into our house. This normally wouldn't be an issue for me, because I do trust my family (both FOO and IL's), but my IL's feel that since they have a key they don't have to wait for us to let them in, they just walk on in. With a second baby on the way, I really don't want my IL's just walking in because I don't answer the door when they show up to our house unexpectedly, or when I don't answer the door quickly enough.
I figured sitting down and talking to them about this wouldn't go over very well...because then they may think I don't trust them. I've asked my husband if he is fine with not giving out keys to all of our family for security reasons (so many keys were lost with our last house) as well as for general privacy...as this is our house, and only our house. He seemed a bit irritated at the request, because he doesn't have a problem with family having access to our house, but in the end he agreed since it was something I wanted. So with their first visit to our new home, which will probably be a 7-10 day visit (it's never shorter than a week!), I would have a house key marked "VISITOR" and just explain to them that we're not making copies of our house keys for everyone to have, but will instead have a key for them to use when they visit, as I want visitors to be able to come and go at their own will if we're not home, especially during the work week. I also feel inclined to tell my FIL not to make a copy, but worry this would come across as rude. Do you think this will be an effective way to get the message across without making it personal? Should any family member be "upset" that we won't be giving them free access to our house?