Hi everyone. This is my first post here, i've been mostly lurking for a while. Not sure where to start, but the beginning sounds like a good place, lol.
I was married for over 20 years when my ex and I divorced. We have 2 children, daughter who is now 33, and a son who is 29. Most of my marriage was really unhappy, and there came a time when I decided something needed to change. After many years, I finally got it, I figured out that my husband was abusive, and had been since the start. But I was married in a time when abuse was not really known about, and I was SO young, didn't know any better.
So, after deciding I wanted out, hubby became very angry, and more abusive. I asked him to try marriage counseling with me, nope he would not hear of it. So I went alone, and once I did that, he accused me of having an affair with the counselor. He locked me out of the house in the middle of the night once, threw the phone at me after grabbing it from my hand. It was awful. I knew that I had to go. Women's shelter would not help because I had no physical signs of abuse. So one morning, after taking my son to school, I packed my car and left. This is where I completely messed up. I went to stay with a man that I had met. We were not having an affair, we were just friends. I was so desperate to get out of that marriage, when this man told me to pack and come stay with him, I did. He has left his wife as well. Our marriages did not end because of any of this, they were already ended.
My daughter had already left home and moved to another state to be with her new husband since he was in the military. My son was still in high school when I left. I have no doubt now that he feels that I abandoned him, which I guess that's what it should be called.
Several months later, my divorce was final. I received a letter from my daughter, announcing that she was having a baby. I was so excited. At that time, our relationship seemed to be just fine. They had been stationed to California. so I was not able to see her. I always wrote, sent cards, gifts, etc. I was able to visit with my son as well, since he lived with his dad. After a while, the man I was living with, Tony, and I split up. He decided he wanted to try and make his marriage work, but it didn't. While we were apart, he flew me to California to visit my daughter and new granddaughter. My granddaughter was 6 months old then. Things were stressed between us, but good.
After coming back, Tony and I decided to get back together, we loved each other very much. Turns out my daughter became angry about this, saying that I don't need a man in my life to be somebody. Well I knew that.
Her and I continued to talk on the phone, send email, etc. But after a few years, her contact became less and less. They moved to Virginia, but I found that out from other family members. I continued to email her, and write letters. Mothers Day 10 years ago, was the last time she contacted me. I got an email later from her, telling me to stop contacting her, she "did not have time for the stress". That is the only explanation I have ever gotten from her. I have tried calling, but her husband always answered the phone, saying the she was not home, gone to the gym or something. They have since had another little girl, who is now 5 years old. I've only seen a few pictures of her, and that's all. I don't ask my son about them because I refuse to put him in the middle of all this. In the past when i've asked him, he acts like he doesn't want to tell me anything..either she has asked him not to, or he honestly does not know anything. I simply don't know what to do at this point, or if there is even anything I can do. My son does not live far from me, and I don't see him as often as I would like to either. If and when I hear from him, he always says he's been so busy. I don't know if he wants anything to do with me or not. When I do see him, it's uncomfortable for us both, but he's talkative, and seems to be fine.
Tony and I got married in 2007, and have never been happier. But my children are missing from my life, my grand children too. They don't even contact my parents anymore. I know I messed up, but at some point, now that they are adults, shouldn't they accept things as they are? Is there anything I can do?