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lizasnan's Blog

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also nana of Klara now (and Abby)

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Yes, we made our first trip with granddaughter to the zoo; not sure what/how mom had been preparing her but all the way down (it's in the next city over - couple hour trip away) she kept talking about what she wanted to see

But...first, we - well, most of us - glad the snake house was shut down - but then we first went to the bird area - uh, not interested, except a little in the house where you can actually feed them and they'll come sit on your shoulder but she still wasn't too interested

Then the primate house - did I say monkeys? - but she not too interested in those either

And I was actually getting a little concerned we - the adults - were going to get too hot and tired by then and want to leave before she even got to see what she really wanted - maybe that's a thought for grandparents taking grandchildren, maybe depending on age - she's 3, will be 4 in October - do you really have to see everything?

But we stopped at the safari café - the outdoor eating place - well, it's under shelter, but no A/C but then it wouldn't be a zoo, would it? and got drinks - remember we're down south - they ran out of sweet tea! oh no so I went back and stood in line to no response until I finally called for a mgr. and got someone to refill it - ok, now we good to go again - oh did have a little incident but we trucked on - and was so worth it all - when - oh wait, we did see the hippo, no good either - but!

when we finally got to the elephants! then she lit up - was indeed so worth it - she loved it -

had thought she'd like the camels and they were even offering rides although we didn't pay the extra for that - maybe because she didn't seem interested -

and then the giraffes - oh yes, sorry, think that's what she'd said she wanted to see -

no, not too interested in the lions either -

tigers not too bad - didn't know they loved water - but...

the zebras...! she wanted to bring one home with her but she was okay with letting it stay there - but she was so fascinated by that striped creature!

we were afraid that we would have taken so long that that's what she would remember but at least she got to see the good stuff last so - no - she kept saying she had so much fun! it was such a good - beautiful day!

and, oh, just to kinda go along with some things that are mentioned in the forums different places - this is how that went down - she posted on FB (dil - and yes, we're FB friends, for now - it comes and goes and I rarely mention; often don't even notice if I've gotten busy with other things both there and in rl but things are better now, as in she's feeling better, not that our relationship necessarily changes but can somewhat go up and down depending on how she's feeling and I've somewhat learned, from her, to just roll with it and not really have any expectations, just take what I get and appreciate it - was it here talk about "mismatched expectations" - anyway - she posted about special deal days there and them wanting to go - and then also did mention it on the phone or in person when we talked and somewhere in all this I think I did mention was it something that, since she was mentioning it, did she want or at least not mind us going as well or was this something for just them to do, which would have been fine or even actually last weekend hub had something he'd actually gotten obligated for and with having just found out about it at that point he was not going to cancel, especially because other arrangements to take his place would have had to have been made and he wasn't going to put them in that position for something he'd just found out about, that they hadn't already made plans earlier about but....don't remember why but they ended up not going anyway so when it began to come up again for yesterday, at least it was something he already knew about and didn't have any obligations for, so even though didn't actually ask him until the night before, somewhat because after he'd spent the past 2 nights involved in the same thing - one is a monthly, one is a weekly that he doesn't do every week, not sure why he did that night - guess he felt time to include in family something, especially if it was involving that little granddaughter, especially her first trip to the zoo! also another factor that might have played a part (might?) in our going was son's having vehicle issues that really didn't need to make the trip in it; however, he could probably have taken ours (enmeshment? anyway); he has before for things but he doesn't really like to ask for something like that, especially, so not sure if felt obligated for us to go if they were going to take her but certainly hub by that point wanted to but they didn't have to let us or have to go but it didn't really feel totally like that when we went; we all seemed to enjoy being together and not even just being with granddaughter because, to address another issue that's often brought up - I at least do enjoy being with son as well and I'd like to think hub does as well, though not quite the way I would like but that's another issue and could be another one of those "expectation" things but all in all I think we all felt like we had a very "beautiful" day!


From Beds to Houses

Wow, it's hard to believe it's been so long; so much has happened. Think you got them settled down with a new bed then I guess the next thing was all the kid's semiannual consignment sales where you go get them their next batch of clothes so where we were then; just that it still seemed to come out our pocket even though he got his school money, so don't know what will happen next go round because there won't be any more of that; he's about through with school, still has to take that dreaded math class this next semester; how you can get through your whole program without taking the math course that you supposedly need in order to get through your other courses seems as if it should say something but anyway and his graduation orientation course and that really should be it, so...then little liza had her birthday with a much smaller party this time, just us and maybe a couple of their friends and not even really sure about that, only one of hers while we were there and just at their place this time with more just homemade goodies for eats; mom did a good job making and frosting cupcakes but seemed to get lots of presents - I guess with money saved on clothes because they did get most of them themselves. Then we had her adenoids taken out after a sleep study and doctor visits. Then it was time for Thanksgiving, which we finally had one at home with them. Their landlady had actually given them a turkey but it's still in the freezer because everybody decided they wanted ham, so we may yet have it at some point. So I cooked the ham this year - yes, Hawaiian style with pineapple and glaze, with dressing, sweet potatoes, and cranberry salad, with her bringing Hawaiian rolls (to go with Hawaiian ham? maybe but she knows we all like them besides), baked beans, green beans, corn, and potato salad, nothing fancy just way too much but then they took a lot of it back home with them and she was here enough after to eat up the ham, so much so that youngest son hardly got to have any, so should I fix 2 next year? hm

And then (or maybe it had already started) it turned cold, which actually it had already somewhat; part of why the landlady was there, to put plastic on their windows but they put it over their blinds, not even caring whether they were up or down, open or closed, and just put cheap flimsy stuff and putting it up with duct tape, just looked so tacky so as soon as they left, she started tearing it down and here we are again, going and buying good plastic and a stapler, with son putting it up much better but they had moved in back in March just at the end of winter but even then it seemed pretty obvious this place was not built nearly so well as where they moved out of, like kitchen floor very obviously not level and no bath, just a shower that wasn't even built-in, just had the hand-held, which I guess that in itself isn't too bad, but it's not even standard height and had a very different, much less efficient heating system, just a window heat pump unit like we'd tried that didn't work vs a mini split like they had at their old place; would be hard to get through the winter - but a year's lease was signed so it was just expected that it was just have to be toughed through until just at this time - and with throwing this in, son had already said when it was up he wanted out of town or at least out of that neighborhood, which would probably mean having to get out of town because they couldn't afford anywhere else in town; how they wound up there in the first place; son actually wanted back out here where he grew up - a house owner financed with no down, completely remodeled, except, of course, for no stove or refrigerator, but they thought they could come up with them fairly cheaply anyway - came up for sale out here by people we knew but that she had met as well - actually somewhat of a neat story - actually on both of theirs first pediatrician visit; their children's birthdays are only 2 days apart - so we were going to see it, did go by, but since she found out about it as well, she wanted to go see it too. Which is that not always a bad move; when you see something, if you like it, you want it - haven't we been there before, which is, of course, exactly what happened. And then you have son wanting to move out here so you have him go see it as well and this time the same thing happened with him, which has not been the case; you could tell he really liked it as well as where it was and really would like to have it, although he's more understanding of what all's involved and you have dh with the old deal of course that it's always better to buy than rent, but at 9% interest? well, no downpayment, which I know there at least used to be some deals like that you could get through a bank at a better interest but you had to have really good credit, which they don't have, so, yes...do you see where this is going? dh was considering getting it himself to get the better interest rate because...you do remember who's been paying the rent anyway, right? they figured up what the payment would be and at that rate it would be much higher than the current rent. So...when they realized that and the situation and the fact that they had actually quoted a much smaller payment themselves because they'd gotten their own selves mixed up about the purchase price they did drop it by $10,000 bringing the payment down considerably but still more than their rent had been being plus of course with buying you also had to buy your own insurance which of course you would add on to it; poor dil, as no clue, she thought that was included in that price, which, of course, going through a bank, could be and held in escrow so maybe not so clueless really just not the way being done in this situation, which did take a while to get her to understand; these people just never considered getting into all that or actually she thought they would just keep the insurance in their name, which in somewhat of a way we possibly found out could somewhat possibly be done but they're just not going to do, so we started pricing insurance and found out that, with living out here in a rural area even with a good fire rating - well, actually we really didn't just find out; it had just been so long since we'd gotten ours that we'd basically forgotten why we had it with who we have it with, that they're the best for being in this type of area - they said that since we're covered under a volunteer fire department that isn't legally required to respond makes the insurance considerably higher and of course even though they will never call it a credit rating; no, it's an insurance rating, it comes into play; doesn't take into account everything that your credit rating does like getting a mortgage but they have at least one eviction on their record, even if that could be justified, in that sense, because of that landlord's lack of maintenance; still, it's the way they handled it; that's where this other option comes in with keeping/having title actually in someone else's name and them having a landlord policy - hm - but we would have to have another policy with them in order to get that, at least with that company, which we could just move their vehicle that we have on our policy over to them but if we're going to have to do all that told them we'd just check with our own insurance company and see how that would work. Which seemed as if it should work perfectly at least as far as finding out because dh actually had an appointment that next business day re his life insurance which had gotten dropped when our term ran out because of his health but with everything he's had done the past few years and with an agent change, they felt he could get it again, which he did and be able to ask, which would possibly have worked; they'd just started a couple of months ago a legacy program for children of long-time customers who are first-time home buyers with not having to be based on their insurance score but ours but you still have the rural situation in this case plus we learned through all this how important central heat and air is, even though we don't have it either but seems the bigger the house maybe the more important and this one is actually twice the size of ours - not saying this one's one of those huge McMansions, just more an indicator of how small ours is so it still turned out be considerably high - but that's still not the program we were supposed to be trying to find out about, which we'd done ourselves before he went but not sure it would have been any better but it had been a week at this point so the owners were feeling like we weren't going to take it; they'd been calling basically every day to see if we were ready to go to the lawyer's to sign the contract - that I didn't really like - ; so they put it back out for rent with a sign they found out when they went by; poor kids, they'd pretty much felt like it was theirs and, yes, dil, felt like we just weren't doing it, so here we go again but when that happened son just called and talked to her about just going ahead and doing that, which of course was fine, with another year lease, except that hadn't been worked out, except they had talked to their landlord this time about moving out and being able to get out of the lease, which kept leading to misunderstandings about when - fine, be out by first of month but which month, no way could get everything done to buy by the first of this month when they said it takes a month to get things ready to close to buy so had to go back and get that resolved, which was fine, until they said they were going to bring a form by for them to sign that turned out she had told them they would be out by the first of the month, which there was no way, so they said they would give them to the 5th, so good thing they could rent, and also they ended up saying they'd discovered that their lease wasn't valid anyway - they'd hired a property person at the time to take of those things for them and said they had never even looked at it - yes, even when they signed it, or rather her husband did; she didn't, which may have been part of the situation but there were other things that she did but I think I know why but anyway that one won't be on their record so they jumped in/on that one - again - because that's exactly what they did when they moved into where they've been.

So to go back a bit, after this came up, as good a deal as it sounded, some deals you need to look at it more closely, so right after that a trailer came up for rent actually cheaper than where they are now that hub wanted me to go look at it myself without her getting involved, which I was able to do, all this being right before Thanksgiving, which I felt could have been rather nice had they not already seen the house so we did tell them about it then for them to go look at but he also didn't like how far back you had to go to get to it; talk about rural, it really was, and true enough it had white carpet with rust stains that the landlady said to just put down some rugs......

Then she found places in the next town down she wanted to go look out because then it began to really come out that it wasn't actually about the house for her; she was just wanting to get out of where she was just like she was before especially after she'd found out by then that she could get out of their lease, so we did go look at the only one that was still available, which was a nice apartment, which the whole initial reason for a house before wasn't really so much of an issue as it was then, another duplex like they had before, as nice a one as they'd had before, as they'd already looked at another one in town, close to where they'd lived before owned by the same people but it wasn't nearly so nice, with this one having a back door, where the other one they'd lived in was a front to back so no back door or yard, which this one a fenced in one like where they were then, except they had the same problem basically with the back door; they basically, even though they had, couldn't get out of it, which in talking to this landlady about, she brought up what we'd wondered, that that's against code and they could be reported, which could negate any repercussions that she'd somewhat brought up, even though they'd agreed to let them out of their lease, plus there were several other things that were not right, like they'd already had to come work on the pipes underneath the house, that really - and they had said this themselves - needed to be completely replaced but it sits (where they'd been this past year) quite low to the ground thus making if difficult to do and they just don't want to do it, he said as much; he really wouldn't mind selling it to them himself, which we'd somewhat considered but then we'd be responsible for all that work, no thank you very much although the actual house price probably would be cheaper but how much would it cost, although son could probably, at least in theory, do it himself so it probably wouldn't cost that much but really with school, although that was soon going to be over; you could tell, though, the landlord really didn't want to really fix the problem with the pipes that had caused the kitchen sink to stop up and the washer to overflow, then the kitchen floor that was not level when they moved in had gotten worse, that it was about to fall in, maybe because of her weight but they said the renters they'd had before had moved a bunch of people in there so surely she couldn't have more weight than that or maybe they didn't cook or wash dishes, now maybe it was or wasn't quite that bad but even dh said it was bad and the landlady basically said they didn't want to fix anything, that they knew what was wrong with it when they moved in - while this other landlady of this duplex in the other town had completely remodeled this place when she got it; she said if you want good renters, you have to invest in your property. Maybe why she had somebody else coming to look at it that same day so then....you see where this is going, right? she wanted to hurry home to my dear hub, not hers, who was at work and she knew who would be getting her out and in, anyway, right? to get him to do it - so now, get all this, we've already paid the rent for their old place or we had at least taken the check to her to pay plus now she wants us to now go ahead and get her in a new place; well, in all fairness turns out she had actually already torn up the check he'd given her with the idea that she wasn't going to be staying in that place that one more month that it was going to take to get in the house to buy; not sure if she just didn't understand or thought they could just go ahead and get in that house....so anyway true enough in her mind at least we weren't having to pay one on top of the other but we hadn't fully known that yet and didn't really know how responsible we'd be at that point but....dh being what he is he was going to just go along with it except of course he wanted me to be the one to actually do it so.....now, you have to understand this is, like, the biggest day in this state - the day of the big football game and she'd already said that morning when I called, as dil had asked me to, that she couldn't show it after a certain time, which was the time the game started - now, granted, she didn't say that was why but that's just the big assumption on that day but we all know what they say about assuming....so when she said at that point that she only had a certain amount of time I said - yes, I did - oh, that's right, it has to be done before the game - now everybody knows that's just a throwout statement that's made on that day and nobody thinks anything about it even if that's not you're going to be doing, just like I don't care anything about it and possibly it turned out that she didn't either and that wasn't the issue but not normally a problem. I say all this because probably dil doesn't understand that; after all, she's only been down here - this will be her 4th year to be here at this time of year and son's a big "that game" fan but she does know that not everybody is, but not what I just said, so...she goes ballistic so maybe I handled this wrong but it just hit me the wrong way; I'd called this lady, gone all the way into town to get her to take her to go look at this place, all while, at that point still somewhat thinking we'd not made a decision and weren't going to until dh had that insurance meeting next business day only to have her come talk - I felt - dh into going ahead and getting her into this - even though, yes, it was cheaper and insurance wouldn't be an issue - maybe because I felt I knew (and after possibly some other stuff later maybe I didn't really know but then again maybe I did) that son really wanted the house but would go along with her going ahead and doing this just to keep the peace even if he really neither wanted or felt it was the best thing but then again, with her, what it the best thing? but then again, what is and whose decision is it if we're funding it, but then again, what is best, it is cheaper but it is still renting, so I guess I just wasn't too thrilled at that point anyway so when she did that I just gave her the phone and told her to take care of it, which seemed to take care of it all right; nothing was done, which was fine with me at the time....except that later I was told that then she wouldn't rent to them at all anyway after that, after what I'd done - after what "I'd" done? - hm, well, I didn't want to burn that bridge; it was a nice place but then I'm not really convinced that's the way it was, actually I think it was more her rush; she'd made a comment while we were there that she liked for people to take their time even if that meant they didn't move in to the first of her rental properties that they saw; that the more time they took the longer they usually stayed which I was concerned about then so I think it probably worked out for the best.....

so anyway she then finds some more places to go look at so here we go trotting off again - a trailer and another duplex. Out in the country again and again, uh, no...the trailer was an old construction office trailer this old man had somewhat converted into a house trailer but only on the inside - no windows, just stuck in a place that looked like a construction site, no yard for little one, uh, no...cheaper still, true, but....

and this duplex shared a porch with the lady we met who was out decorating for Christmas - can you just picture it? wish I had one - every stereotype you've ever heard of - yep, some of them really are true - so, again, uh, no....

then the next day this house right across from our church that we'd considered for them before had a rental sign up in the yard, even though we'd just passed it the day before and it hadn't had although it had been sitting empty for quite some time and dh had just mentioned it. Our neighbor's son had lived in it for a while some time ago but dil didn't believe me until I took her by, having her out here again, but when saw it called the landlord immediately and he came right over and showed it to us, having somewhat remodeled it as well with also what I thought was rather strange for just a rental house, no stove or refrigerator either; said that most renters now like to have their own, which he does have some to sell, which we would need since they don't have their own; she liked it well enough to have son look at it, which might have worked except for, again, having already seen the other, but otoh he doesn't really feel comfortable being right across from the church where he grew up since he's not ready to come back even though she said she'd probably come more often since she could just walk right across the road but also it's right in front of the cemetery where their little girl is and he just can't handle that although she said she'd probably be over there every day and not sure that would be good either so..

so of course now where are we? well, where we are at that point is right where we were before she started all this; dh still has the insurance meeting the next business day...except when son came to get her after work with a friend of his and they went by is when they found the for rent sign in the yard then later we both found where she had posted it for rent. So I immediately called and explained the insurance situation to her better than dil had earlier, which had created this situation; all she had been understanding was how expensive it was going to be and she wasn't going to be able to get it, while the rest of us are still working on it; son told her later she needs to leave the explaining to him or me, at least with something as serious as buying a house, which she wasn't understanding anyway; she was just wanting to move and having told their landlord they were by the first of this month, she was getting herself in a situation, with it taking a month to get things ready to buy; she really was wanting to go ahead and move in this house before things were ready; she just didn't think she'd be able to so actually she was glad she'd put it up for rent so was thinking maybe they could. But she still didn't know if she was going to be able to have it at all with hearing all the talk about how it was going to be more expensive, even though son had said he would make up the difference, but thought would be cheaper to rent, which would so...

when found out didn't get insurance straightened out he jumped on it and called to see about just renting it and got that worked out to meet the next day to sign the lease so....

younger son hooked up the trailer and we went to help them move such that they spent the night there that night, even without kitchen appliances...although she'd found some but they were way up or out the other side of town and son didn't want to get into that with all the trips he'd had to make to move their stuff; said they had more than they ever had; he'd like to make this place more or less permanent and quit this moving.

except then when she got there the next day she ended up not having any so he just took the money from her tearing up the check for the rent for the other place plus of course dh came up with the extra rent to get them in plus the deposit even though we didn't get the other back, just like the last time, although we did at least get half of it back then but not all because they moved in the middle of the month without giving a month's notice but at least not having to pay rent on both places this time then...

new utility deposits since moving out of the old utility area so hopefully expecting those back but...

so they headed out to the other town to pay to get all that turned on...

then spent the next couple of days moving the rest of their stuff, cleaning up the old place, to some extent and trying to find a stove and refrigerator, which turned out to be able to be as cheap as they'd thought; they said things had really changed the last 3 months with the new health care law, for whatever that's worth, so you know who also came up with money for that so....


Since, since the last time I've posted here my dad has passed away but this isn't about him; it's about dil's grandfather, not sure what, if anything, I've said, but it's been a real situation; something happened to him, leading to him having been placed in several different facilities but not being able to stay being placed in any of them till eventually his next oldest daughter - after dil's mom's passed away, having been the oldest - took him and with his check rented them a place to live and got guardianship over him but then she wasn't really taking care of him, such that he'd wound up back in the hospital - again - after several times of this happening - and apparently with his diabetes, which he won't take care of, seemingly just hasn't cared after his oldest daughter passed away, having affected his heart just like hers, even with his back deteriorated seemingly just like dh's uncle and needing to have the same type of surgeries he's had can't have because of his heart, although not exactly sure what's going on there since dh's uncle has congestive heart failure but anyway they sent him home this time with nurses and home health supposed to be coming with oxygen but not sure if they wouldn't wait but still wasn't there not long ago and he gasping for breath, bedridden now for sure, seemingly in that sense possibly should have been before since he would fall when he would get up but now apparently can't even attempt to get up, not really able to move, think that may have been what happened with this last fall he did have, not sure what nurses being able to do, but saying he's cold, that, at least if nothing happens soon, it may not be long so....dil wants to go; again, can't really remember all what I've said on here but the last time she went it wasn't good but at least we don't have one in the hospital this time, although Thursday will be what would have been her birthday and we were going to commemorate it but will just have to see; she'd like to get everything cleared up anyway; they'd said they were coming after her but then son's just called about me taking her; guess will see, have my own issues apparently regarding my dad's passing to still deal anyway but then some of that has to do with situations possibly still going on up there that I just wonder what would happen if I did take her; last time I went when she went was when I headed out to get her, since I didn't take her that time, son took her halfway and they did meet him, just about this time from the hospital, so maybe that is what will happen again this time so then just have to see what happens....


Keeping Beds for Beloved Ones

just doesn't seem to work anymore

Little one outgrowing her toddler bed, it seems - who came up with those anyway - who used to have such a thing - anyway...so mom wants her to have a new bed and when mom wants it she wants it now, never mind that ds - her dh - will be getting some money later and she doesn't have any right now, cause you know who can get it, right - except, no, except, duh, took awhile to remember - partially because remember I only have sons and when I think of a little girl's bed I tend to think of something totally different, you know, feminine, like the bed I grew up on - and, no, can't have it yet, that's another story, anyway, so why never thought about ys's bed had had stored in the garage because, well, it's a Boy's bed, but anyway finally reached the point that I finally remembered, well, if it's that big a deal, hey, oh yeah, I've got one. so all good, right; she's fine with it, until....

dh gets it out, takes it over there, now, I hadn't actually seen the bed itself for a while; it had been in storage even in the garage, like in that space under the stairs - yes, our garage is 2-story; anyway, the bed was a captain's bed but with the drawer unit a separate piece that just slid under the bed, only half-width, not actually the base of the bed itself so I had it in a separate room - yes, our garage is divided into 2 rooms - mine and dh's and the unit was in my side - basically being used as a coffee table, but that's definitely a whole other story - point being I had not realized, maybe because of being stored in a non-climate controlled environment or whatever but turns out, like an another piece of furniture I had at one time, an old table, it had veneer which had started peeling off, which my dh "made the mistake of mentioning", although may not have mattered; dil may have noticed anyway, but dh didn't think anything about it but does he not realize by now that everything - and maybe she's right about this - is a big deal to her, so, no, once she realized that no way was she going to use the bed itself, as in the headboard and footboard, so now she wants to use the frame as a platform bed, using plywood, which we had, in addition to or instead of the slats.

well, dh says we have some - maybe even what we'd used but don't think so since turned out be chipboard - though why we had that I have no idea - instead of actual plywood so since he'd told them we had some he felt he had to go buy some so we trotted over to the big box store to get; now silly me for some reason thought we were going to buy the whole sheet, though how I thought we were going to haul it since we don't have a truck; oh wait, yes, I do, that's what we have the trailer for but apparently for some reason I didn't realize when we left that we didn't have it hooked up; guess just so expected it to be that never realized when we didn't; no, dh was going to have it cut to size there so it would fit without the trailer but of course, not expecting that I didn't take the measurements so ended up calling dil to get them again; now, we've all heard the adage, right? of "measure twice, cut once"; so rather than quite do that, I thought more along the lines, "can always cut if too long but can't add if too short, so leave some room for error and can cut on site" so gave him a measurement about 2-3" longer than what she gave me - although turns she did the same thing so ended up being more like 5-6" longer than size - but then of course when delivered nobody had taken a saw to do the cutting and nobody wanted to wait so put together and of course bigger than the bedding; now does that really matter; hey, at least it's not smaller, right? now everything else had already been painted now so now of course what's showing doesn't match, but now can't it just be painted as well or does it really matter; well, that itself might have all worked out, but of course that wasn't all of it; still had the drawer unit part.

well, mom now decides she doesn't want to use it as an under the bed unit - you know, a Captain's bed; she wants it cut into 2 night stands - yes, just cut the drawer unit in half;well, not really - there's a door section between; ok, now dh hasn't looked at it; doesn't remember you can't just do that;well, you can but it's not really designed to be done so not really going to be supported right; so ds just proceeds to do what dw wants; does anybody even think about maybe this isn't really theirs anyway but then that discussion's been had, hasn't it? hm anyway, sure enough it doesn't work right, not really and definitely not for her - did she really think it would? yes, at the time because it's what she wanted right then -

ok, now they painted them one at a time, so one did work and was painted; then the other didn't and wasn't painted; now I could have fixed it and actually another issue they had, just merely couldn't get the actual drawer to go it; just have some patience, people, just picked it up and put it in the drawer glide, just have to take it slow and easy, not the best made piece in the world but we'd never had a problem with it - maybe because we'd had worse - ds comes out - "how in the world, mom, did you do that?" - now he can work on cars but furniture? anyway,so now were they going too use it or not, but seems since the other didn't turn out just like she wanted it they not going to use any of it maybe because then they have a friend that wants everything they're throwing out, which is more than the bed unit but that's more of a story; anyway, you can see how this goes, he ends up with it all and then she just back to wanting a new bed again -

which of course is what she really wanted to begin with, anyway, but, again, ds still doesn't have his money and I'm still not buying one though she thinks we can but she made one fatal mistake this time - dh was out of town, without me, because of her and her tooth issues; I was staying here in the first place to babysit her after her dental work so I wasn't too inclined to not only have to be here and deal with her with her then apparently not needing to rest from it but then wanting me to also accommodate her wishes on top of what she'd done with what I'd already tried to help her with besides - now, again, maybe that's a whole other issue of trying the wrong thing to begin with, maybe I should have never said anything to begin with about having a bed but I wasn't going to buy one; could she not wait, not that long until ds got his money. (I'd still like to think that the ys that it was bought for might have liked to have had it for possibly his kids one day)

She did even just put lo on the floor on her mattress for a while, I think, thinking that would get to me; nope, sorry - should it have? and then on top of that, wanting it done then, that day, and not only pay for it but go get it and deliver it. Well, that actually was more son who did't want to have to deal with after working all day, which I could understand, but then, again, didn't see where it had to be done that day anyway. Now, granted, here I go again, thinking I've got to have the trailer and not wanting to have to try to hook it up, etc., although turns out not to be the case; we are still talking about a little bed, after all. And it did turn out to be close to a friend of mine that I had not seen in a long time so I could get something I wanted out of the deal after all if I did go, especially with dh out of town - because normally I probably wouldn't make a special trip to see her with him here, so, since that turned out to be the case I did agree to go get but I still wasn't going to pay for it even if she did say "you're not - my dh, as in mine,not hers - he would; probably true, but sorry, he's not here, you want it today, it's me you have to deal with" although not to say dh wouldn't put the money in ds's account but it was going to be in my hand before I went after the bed, no matter where it actually came from, none of this- me go get it first and I'll pay you when you get back, if then, and certainly not not until when his money comes in - no, sorry, you want the bed today, you give me the money first,

is it not favor enough to go get it for you, considering you don't really have any way to do it yourself? although the friend who got - my - bed set - has a truck - shouldn't that count for something? this way, if I go, you don't have to after working all day - I know, I'm not doing anything anyway - but the only way and reason I'm going is because I'm going to see my friend when I do, so if that doesn't suit, puts me taking too long, getting your wife back too late, whatever, then I can just not go and you can get it yourself, which they almost decided to do or said they were until they realized I was serious, did not matter to me, I would leave it with them, so we finally got on our way.


Rabbits to Kittens

Now can a rabbit be litter box trained if a kitten can be? and it does have to be; they don't come that way but mom didn't want to fool with the bunny anymore so it's back at our house and now lo has a new kitten so....hm, should I keep the rabbit for when she comes to our house or should I return it?


Fun Day

We did go to the dentist Friday like I mentioned then dh left to go out of town overnight and ds works on Saturday so we'd already been prepared (why I didn't go with dh) for any pain/problems with dil so planned to go over in the am so...yds, who stayed home for this purpose, could study, but....anyway - as part of that as well, if she felt like it, she had wanted to take ldgd to a free fun day they were having but then she was concerned she'd get to feeling bad and want to come to the house; well, that one was way out the opposite direction but then we found one on the way to the house so decided we'd just stop by - well, we got there and the fire truck was blowing its horn - not its siren at that point, that came later - scaring us to death - and they had the safe house and the ambulances, both the kids and adults, so first thing mom does is tell me about calling the ambulance on dgd, now how did I miss that but don't remember anything about that at all, didn't wind up in the hospital but was right after she'd gotten out that time so still a little panicky and then talking about how they didn't send the kids one but the adult one, maybe it was busy, idk...

stopped at the gymnast booth, she's been wanting to put her in something and they have a mommy and me program for her age, so...

got our timing mixed up so we missed the heart picture frame she could have decorated but I'm going to try to see if I can find another one for her; those went fast but ended up being able to get her a little wooden treasure box

saw the guy with the snake, a python, yes, around his neck, and yes, after telling a story about how one time it almost killed him, taking 3 guys to get it off him and then him doing it again! not too close

they making slime

got a back pack and lunch pack

then almost forgot she did a ring toss! I'd like to get and/or make something like that for her to do either here or home or both - she had fun with that

and then the big climb up/slide down thing - one of those inflatables - she loved that!

and then we got to meet the ambulance people and had her pix taken with the big firefighter and got her goody bag there with armband; keychain, etc. and a jump rope!

Oh and I also got to talk to the robotics guy that built a robot that did chin-ups!

and that was just the first one

then we stopped by the Goodwill and the first thing I saw - oh, you other gmas out there did I ever mention getting my tea party in a hat box book - been trying to get that together for a while and been wanting a tea set for her for it - so, yes, yes, yes! but I didn't want to get it in front of dil so just casually mentioned it and went on at that point

found a set of Thanksgiving Pilgrim bears around the table praying - oh my! but went on as well

found lots of kits and stuff passed up as well same reason

but then as getting ready to check out did find a game with Squiggles - anybody know what those are? somebody there it is or was at least another big collectible thing - anyway sounded like fun - thinking mom was going to be out of it so thinking needing something for dgd to do so got it but then dil said to wrap it up for her bd so okay...

but then ran into a friend there just as she said she leaving b/c had milk in vehicle so got everybody out to ours and hers still there so went back in and, yes, got the tea set - now you didn't really think I could pass it up if I could figure out a way to get it, did you? and the bear set for her to take home - at least I hope she got them especially after I paid for them - guess if I end up going back to town I need to check first - or wait and check with them - hm, her birthday's next Saturday - now I could feel guilty if I let myself, maybe I can find her something

anyway headed home now and we pass another fun day not far from the house that hadn't quite started yet - so hit the morning one in the am, go home, rest, this one has lunch provided, so go back and hit it

first thing - cotton candy! - hadn't had any of that in forever and no dgd didn't get any - mom said be too sticky - she didn't seem to even notice I had it - had lunch then on to the other climby/slidy thing - mom took her shoes off - must have been different or I missed something somewhere but how's she supposed to climb in her slippery socks - think we did finally convince mom to let her take them off then she took off - they assigned her a sweet helper named Lily -

was a perfect day - clouds - till the sun came out and made them too hot when she tried the other one - bigger - out in the son - but they had a punching bag type thing next to it that had a canopy that she loved - like a big pit with these things hanging down that you punch and they'll come back at you - loved it - then sun went back in and she went back to the big slidey - so big she didn't even realize there was a slide on the other side - she just thought it was just the climby so when she got to the top she started to turn around and come back down - really at that point I hadn't even fully realized she'd gotten to the top - the first time she didn't make it and I was talking to someone who pointed her out - don't mom even realized either - I said "no, go on over" so she did and guess didn't realize as soon as she would she'd be going downnnnnn - kindy scary but she loved it - again - at least once but mom getting tired and hurting so we left - were going to go back and see the puppets but nobody rested like they should have - said if didn't everybody'd be crashing just at the time and that's exactly what happened - anybody heard of Miss Pattycakes - no, that's not who was going to be there but I think possibly somebody like but either mom wasn't thinking or just thought didn't need since we have Miss Pattycakes - would like to see about getting more - she ran across her at a thrift store - and dgd is loving her!

and that's just the first part of the day but the planned for fun part plus rr, long enough again? :)

oh, she told her mom she had fun - don't you all agree she needed a day like that after all she's been through even though somewhere along the way - still not sure if mom's initiating or her but she still did mention she missed/es little sister but still she did say she had fun


Wish I had a pix - mom's been having those cloth cubes to keep lo's stuff in but apparently today lo decided she was the "stuff" to be kept in the cube because seemingly she decided to get in one herself - shades of too many times in nana's baskets and boxes around here - but things that are sturdier - because she broke the cube - a not happy mama

course mom's not been feeling the greatest - we're going to the dentist tomorrow


How old is Dora?

Last year we went from Winnie - the - Pooh (oh, excuse, I have the book - you know the name isn't Winnie Pooh, don't you, no, it's Winnie, the Pooh - oh well anyway) to Dora - at 2 yrs. old for our lo; ok, not bad, Dora can last a while, right? I mean, not like she's exactly 2 - and btw - where are her parents anyway? oh well - so we're settled into Dora - nana here's thinking as lo's getting to be 3 getting old enough to actually learn more about Dora and all the stuff she does - not that she's not already b/c mom and dad have already put a Tv in her room for her to watch all the Dora stuff - silly me, I'm still stuck in dinosaur mode of thinking of reading to her about Dora - right, I know? huh - oh well -

mom says she's gotten interested in the whole zebra design so changing out her room to that - idk, guess just memories but I thought that was a whole - dark side, at least as in not the norm -teen thing - is this how it starts? oh well, not going there at my house - at least not in design - not might learn about zebras - they are fascinating creatures, aren't they; still just amazes me the variety we have in this world.


5 Years Today

since son and daughter-in-law tied the knot and what a wild ride it's been but here they are, still together and they do seem to be doing better. Things seem to have settled down. Son has a job he really likes in the field he's been going to school for; has almost all his actual field courses taken, just trying to finish up the degree they'd started requiring between the time he was in before and when he started back; didn't know if he'd do it or not but seems to want to, so will be starting back tomorrow. Dil got to see her family the other day when they came out of state so took her up there; that helped; then her and his good friends have become good friends so that also seems to have helped.

Then have I mentioned about the rabbit; did I mention about the puppy; don't remember why they got rid of it but they did (the puppy not the rabbit). But neighbor brought over a rabbit for her but then she (lo, not the rabbit) developed a cold or something, glands swollen, then breathing hard; they go in for consult re sleep study next month; far enough away for son to be able to ask for day off for so will work out for us to be out of town, hopefully - 2 years ago had to leave, then last year didn't get to go, year before that when our lo expected soon, so...been 4 yrs. but then dad turns 95 the next week, so...

anyway, gave her amoxicillin for the duration, gave her problems so back in, this time talking about asthma, so anyway seemed to have started about the time she got the rabbit, so brought it home with me, at least for a while, since gave her inhaler, etc. till see how all that did,

so then she came and spent the night last night; had a good time, youngest son, her "uncle" had just got back from being out of town and had "the gang" over for a bonfire, kinda his thing, set up the building this time for the table, etc. (though not sure what they had this time) but she got to "hang out" with them this time, one of them being their cousin and her cousin, etc. - so she thought she was hot stuff this time

got to take her to church again, finally, for the first time in a while; she finally got to wear this gorgeous dress we'd bought her a while back but don't think she'd ever worn (except thinking now maybe once) that everybody just loved and this time she stayed in Sunday School - her little friend she'd gotten to spend the night with once while mom at hospital was there

but then when mom and dad came to get her the first thing she said was she wanted to take her rabbit home with her, so they let her - she was so excited!

it has really seemed to help fill this whole void she's had with the loss - I'm just glad she's enjoying it so much

(I'm thinking the puppy thing got too rambunctious for them - know mom's made several comments about how calm this rabbit is - but know it loves its carrots!)


Neighbors and their grandchildren

Probably around 10 years ago had the strangest thing happen; dh and the 2 boys were gone somewhere - used to happen a lot, they were in Scouts, etc. - strange man came up in the yard, wanting to know about access to our neighboring property that had a garage built across the access/driveway to it from the other road. Turns out the previous owner had built it deliberately to keep the man who built the road/subdivision from being able to access that property if he ever bought it but he'd been long gone and the next owners, who did buy the property, of course, didn't need to use that access since it adjoined their property but then she died and he moved and the new people didn't know anything about any of this so they wouldn't let him have access; they'd have to tear down the building - which they did eventually end up having to do - beware of buying foreclosed/as is property. Anyway we somewhat knew the situation and we were wanting a new driveway anyway along our property line so we allowed him to do so.

Then as we learned more of his situation it happened that at this time we were in the process of building our house and would be wanting to either move or get rid of our mobile home we'd been living in - this, in a way, could tie in to last post re furniture, do you just get rid of your old place or save it for your kids, which actually by the time we got in our house we only had the last one - the poor other two never got to be in it - don't let that happen - but that's a whole other story - but anyway it did sit for a while - that was right at the time everybody and their brother wanted to strip it and leave but that we weren't going to allow - anyway he had told him he could have it but at the time he didn't really want it; he was wanting and was building his own house - now then it gets sticky - things sat like that for a while - son was off doing his thing - we're talking a few years - then he gets married, ends up coming down here, them staying with us a while - now, granted this mobile home had been sitting, it had some problems but nothing really major that couldn't be worked out but at that time dil was having none of it so, fine, here we are again, except, here we are again, dh had told son he would help get them a place expecting some things, however, he didn't quite get because he wouldn't quite spell things out but be that as it may they didn't take the mobile home, other things rocked on, they ended up leaving again and moving back where they came from, dealing with her mom - the first baby, etc. - I dealing with my mom, etc. - we built our building - getting kinda fuzzy but that much I know - now what I'm not remembering real clear is whether they were back by this time or not - maybe they were - anyway -

neighbors' - yes, plural by now, because turned out he had a "friend" - now, granted, he'd broken his back falling off an airplane - long story there - and she was taking care of him - but, yes, there at least ended up being more to the story - but that's what we were given at the time - anyway they were friends besides, so when her grandchildren ended up being taken away - after their mom/her daughter and her boyfriend set their place on fire making meth - but being taken to her aunt's because all this was in another county where they'd come from and all this time while he'd been working on this house - by himself - and, yes, one of those kind - doing it as could for cash - without mortgage - because that went on the land that he'd wanted to buy to leave to those kids anyway - they'd been living in just a camper, so, not acceptable to the authorities to put those kids in - so, finally time for them to want the mobile home - so, now, okay, our kids, you want it, think you might ever? they even had another opportunity for another piece of property with another one on it could do the same thing with but, still, dil having none of it, ok - going once, twice, he's here now to get it - oh, that was a day and a story - but he got it and over to his place - and set up - and inspected by the people - for all that everybody else was finding all that was wrong with it must not have been too bad since they approved it - and actually after another whole long story since for all that it wasn't good enough for a lot of other reasons but not sure really understand but apparently mom for all that could approve that her mom could get her kids, seemed she didn't want it to happen for a long time maybe because she didn't really have anywhere for them until she got the mobile home anyway - but however,

she got the kids! yay!


And the latest - the bed

Maybe I do need to ask this on the group - wonder how many people keep furniture to pass down vs get rid of it.

Anyway when youngest son was around 8, say, he decided he wanted a captain's bed; you know, the kind with drawers underneath to have more storage. Well, I found a nice one with dresser at a Rent-A-Center store that they were discontinuing so selling, not renting, at a steal - like $100 for both - and yes, it was nice, lot nicer than the kind you buy for that price at these big box stores - more like the kind you pay lots more for at the furniture store, more like what you would pay for it there and more if you rented, which, no, I've never done.

Anyway kept it for several years until he decided he wanted something different, at which time, had a friend who had a son about the same age who was then looking for one who wanted it but she's always swapping furniture - which I guess we were too, though, right? - anyway, have another friend who always kept her stuff for her future grandchildren - a lot of which had been passed down to her from their family - just more that type - and I'd had one before that my parents had bought for older son that I'd left behind when married and moved because no room and they had that type thing themselves so raised that way myself - dh more like other friend - not that way just buy and get rid of even throw away or burn, so which do I do?

anyway friend did end up finding set for son - not as good and always felt bad but she also was one that if she really cared might have waited till she found better of maybe didn't really care for son since knew really wouldn't be keeping long anyway - anyway after she did she wouldn't have bought mine anyway - though guess could have just let her have it - but anyway just kept it - so...

sure enough the time came recently when dil said dgd outgrowing her toddler bed and needed a new bed - which, of course, here we go again, could we buy - now, not sure how much have said and still somewhat whacky but really bad then or maybe just because we hadn't gotten it worked out but anyway - just like, to me, other situation, didn't think we should have to - we'd bought them several beds already plus her baby bed that shes gets rid of, which I know you would, in that sense, but the money never goes for the next thing, it just goes - anyway it got away anyway and I had forgotten about having this one but then remembered and it was what she wanted - a captain's bed - nice wood - so we took it over there - now...it had been out in our garage but was still in pretty good shape, thankfully, except, dh apparently mentioned - now, I had forgotten this, and this is another topic for somebody - if you find out a piece of furniture has veneer is that good or bad? anyway without having realized it before it was peeling, so you know what a little 2 yr. old's going to do - so now what do you do? do you peel it the rest of the way off and then refinish or replace or just put back down, which, then, it's going to be rough and show if you just paint it? at least though she isn't just wanting to get rid of it, which is what I was expecting and is what she said first when she text -

just gonna have to get her a new bed now - ok, like shoes, should she - I mean, she doesn't have to have the bed, I'll just take it back and do what I want to with it - but maybe son had something to say about that too, especially after the broken chair incident - if he can't replace that how can he buy a bed? and she says she likes to refinish though haven't seen it - think he did the cradle - oh me


Oh me, She's at it again

Oh, I thought things were better but maybe we've just been focused on the commemoration of the lo we lost and now that that's over things can start again.

Starting right after the 4th of July the next week dh's been caught up in the whole sequestration thing, fortunately not the cut hours but having to do 4 10s with Fridays off; it's actually been pretty nice; we've been able to get caught up on a lot of stuff that had been neglected over this past almost year what with the lo and my dad so we've spent most of the Fridays running around then having Saturday for doing the home stuff.

So that stuff being neglected vehicle and home maintenance. Dh's (and our main) vehicle's rear end and front (it's 4WD) - didn't I mention that somewhere - drive shaft both been going out - and, yes, one day, in town, fortunately just as we pulled into a turnaround spot in the median, they both went out - that was an interesting day - and yes, we were on our way to dil's since son's been working on Saturday's now - that was before the Friday's off - anyway, finally got it put in the shop - and out - and so spent yesterday taking the old one back for return. Now, didn't know that if you pay by check they repay you by check - but, turns out this place is a national chain - I thought it was just a local - so they don't give it to you there; no, they have to send it in to corporate and they'll mail you one later - so money still tied up - oh well....this place quite a drive but a nice pretty day - stopped at a local Mexican restaurant on way back -split a big burrito - good - still don't quite understand why can't find a Mexican restaurant that serves the Mexican soft drinks but oh well...

then went by the roofing place to get some stuff to go on our house that should have been done when we put the new metal roof on but wasn't so....got it now but not till after we clean and/or finish painting the trim that we paid to have done but apparently too soon because he skipped out on us so....

then stopped by the local but India Indian owned gas station/convenience store for dh's favorite peace tea drink - anybody out there into those, anyway having a yard sale next door so I walked over there....

found some nice Keds tennis for our lgd - our big lgd - who'd outgrown all her shoes but one and maybe really even those or maybe she's just worn them out since they've been her only pair now for a while - then dh came over and started looking for clothes since she's about outgrown all them as well but dil and I were going to go to one of those kids clothing sales that they have about twice a year next month when he comes and son gets his money but dh wants to get now since they have them; might have something to do with the fact they belong to the grandchildren of this guy he was in the fire dept. with for 20 years but anyway...got a bunch...so..

dil decides last night she wants to go to this particular thrift store today - which son has to work on Saturdays now - and with dh being off on these Fridays likes to use them for the running around and stay home and work on the Saturdays but she assumes we'll take her to the thrift store, which...he was willing to do but wanted to know what time, which she hadn't said - now, to me, beggars can't be choosers and seems as if we would decide the time but anyway if he wanted to be nice, that's fine, but she hadn't said and I wasn't going to ask since I knew he wanted to do some more work in prep for this trim painting, etc. on the house, which he did get started with but also in addition to that, like said she decides last night, after he's gotten paid yesterday and they've gone and bought their household supplies, not before where they could work out how she was going to get what she wanted to go for, oh no, not till after, so then just how was she going to do this? His check is all deposited in the bank and he didn't get any cash. Now, he does have a debit card but only one, only he, not her, and he normally takes it to work to use to get something to eat and yes, that's another issue but we won't get into that. His boss sometimes - will say I guess I'd thought all the time but guess not - buys their lunch so I didn't think he needed it but guess wrong or maybe could wait till after lunch or be back by then but that gets complicated so...

son, without checking with dad, had just decided that dh could just pay and he'd reimburse him, hm...wish I'd known that before I let older son go ahead and send him his money to repay him for shipping this $40 gear shift knob - guys! - that dh had already given him the money to help him get a new phone to replace the one that wouldn't work - guess that's what happens when you talk someone down on their price - otoh glad he didn't pay more for it if it wasn't going to work - he offered to send it to us but I just told him not to worry about but if I'd known he was going to just expect us to pay for more I'd have taken him up on it - of course, then I didn't know we'd been doing what we did and of course we had paid for that part and should get our money back but I had thought then we'd be getting it then so...

I hadn't told her about getting what we did so I did then hoping - know better than to actually think - that that would satisfy her and she'd just take what we got and we wouldn't have to be concerned about tying up anymore, although I know part of it is she does just get tired of being there and wants to get and I do understand wanting to shop for stuff yourself but still, if you can't come up with this in time to work it out yourself there's an element there, but....

no, here's where we go again - she'll just call son at work and have him go ahead and leave to come get her and take her himself....

how may times did we go through that at his old job until, really, the trip out of state certainly didn't help and may have been the final straw but only on top of all that, that caused him to lose that job; does she want it to happen again? well, maybe...

anyway, one difference; son has either learned or this job is different; he has to actually work at this one and is not always available to answer the phone or maybe he just doesn't do it at times like that because he knows...

either way, she didn't get him, so he didn't leave but on top of that, maybe we need to learn or maybe we handled it just right but...

we did have reason to go over there and knocked on the door but she didn't answer and we didn't call so she ended up not getting to go; we didn't have the clothes ready - dh wanted to wash them first - even though that was before but even after he still put them in and then we left but of course by the time we did were we going by what she said - should we have been? oh well

and we didn't even take the shoes either, which became the real issue when he did get home - I do hate that but again did we do the right think in taking her at what she said, knowing it might not be that way but then with what's happened in the past, did we? oh well, again, it's been this long, it can wait - but...

like before, which way will it be? said she'll just have to spend $40 to get her a new pair - well? should she anyway - are we looking at things all wrong?

idk, son came in - been working all day - said she just wanting to start drama again - she can make it till something's worked out - he'll be off Tuesday - or we'll see between now and then - or even if not till after doesn't have to be long...

so we'll see


Balloon Release

Yesterday our little one that we lost would have been a year old so mom had decided she wanted to do a balloon release. We'd ended up not even being able to go to the grave when we had her service - yes, we had an actual funeral with an actual burial - because the weather was so bad, raining so hard and it would have been so muddy - then, where, at least often in those situations, you would then go later after the rain had stopped (at least I think it did; I really don't remember, guess I'm just thinking of how people often go back later anyway, after they've eaten) son (oh, me, did I not raise him right?) just could not go so even though dil (mom) would have liked to she didn't insist on him taking her so she had not even been until just the other day when I'd gone and gotten them and they came out and she wanted to go by a young lady from church's house that she and her husband had not only just moved into a nice big house but she had just had a new baby.

This young lady is the same age as son and there'd even been thoughts that they might have gotten together at some point but she instead married this young man somewhat considerable older than her who, now, has basically just gotten his master's degree and has a good job in the computer field. Not, that you have to be that old because another young man who's a good friend to younger son just got his at a much younger age; actually younger than this young lady - go figure. Anyway, maybe with the age difference, this other young man was able to buy a house for her when they got married and now, already, has been able to put her into a 3000 sq. ft. nice home; granted, he bought it from his former boss, who quit his job when he took another one and moved out of state so he got a good deal on it but still....I just feel bad for dil when she sees these type things of others her age because she didn't go that route and son's still trying to get his feet on the ground, but at least he is trying now...

Anyway, she wasn't home anyway, but...the usual route back to our house from there (which, if I'd been thinking about it more I might not have taken) goes past the cemetery where she is - which, interesting enough, at least to me, dh and I'd just gone by there not long before- so she wanted to stop. I wasn't sure how she would handle it - not really sure what's going on there - but she did fine, just very quiet and somber, if not sad, but no dramatic outbursts, like at funeral or situation at hospital or even earlier. I wonder what's making the difference but then I think I do know especially based on some things later - in spite of the possible sadness and grief there's no anxiety about how to handle the situation - that's what I think was making the issue before so from that standpoint I suppose still all for the best, much as I hate it and it almost seems somewhat hypocritical to me (hm, looking at that word literally puts a whole other spin on it but that's another issue).

Anyway said all that to say I've been hearing maybe since lately about balloon releases being done at the gravesite at the funerals but obviously we weren't able to do that; I wonder if, had we even known, we would have done that then had we been able to go then. hm

But the other aspect of balloon releases that I've known about on the later events/dates has been from a heart support group we're both a member of where, not sure exactly all the reasoning, the moms will get names of other children to place on the balloons, which, in the first place, yes, plural, multiple balloons, and seemingly obviously the plain latex kind that you, first, can write on, and then blow up yourself (either manually or with a blower but I'm not sure you use those with latex). So that's what I was prepared for.

So I thought we would be getting a pack of those when we stopped by the store. But, no, instead we got a single helium, like if you were taking one to someone, hm. Turns out, as she explained it there, she truly was releasing it to her for her birthday - not really sure how literally she actually believes these things (or you people here if anybody actually reads these) but she talked as if she at least thought it could actually make it to heaven to her. Anyway do really appreciate the nice lady at the store, who, after she'd just run across the one that was handiest, when she'd told her what she was wanting it for, found her a really nice very pretty one with butterflies and flowers, etc. on it. It really was very nice.

However, yesterday was almost the same type day as the day of the service, so even though she'd originally wanted to go at noon, the weather was just too bad at that time, even though that's the only time dear niece, who so wanted to be there, and had been there so much for her at the end, could be there because she's had to go to work or has been able or finally was able to get a job. She has her own issues that I won't go into here.

Then, also, she was somewhat hoping son would get off early (or maybe even if he didn't) and come and go with her. He did get off early but he still just couldn't do it - said "you know I can't do that".

Anyway, with not going at noon and waiting to see what was going to happen and with big sister going to probably be awake and participating this time then she also found a picture frame - in a box I was going through; I'd actually somewhat forgotten about it because I really didn't know if it would a nice gesture or upsetting but - that I'd gotten just for this purpose so we got out the pictures of little sister and found the one of them together and put it in the frame. Which, sounds a lot simpler than it turned out to be. I'd picked it up at a thrift store and turns out all the backing, etc. that had been glued to the frame the glue had dried out so after we took it out of the packaging it fell apart; well, no biggie, right, I'd found my good Elmer's so no problem to just glue it back, right? yea, right. don't know what the problem was but there was something wrong with that bottle of glue; oh, besides the fact haven't done any in a while, it was dried up at the top - know how they get where it comes out, so had to deal with that but besides that it seemed as if it weren't lined up right to the point I looked to see if it were indeed Elmer's and not some cheap knockoff brand of lower quality but no...anyway finally got done and meant a lot to her; I'm just still not sure if it's really good thing.

Anyway after talking to son finding out he not coming we went on. Still wasn't sure how going to go. But again, just seems to be different now. Everything fine. We released it after getting a picture (maybe I can post at some point) then another after. We were a little concerned it wasn't going to make it up but then it caught the winds and away it went. She picked a butterfly off the flowers that were there and big sis got a dragonfly. Talked about changing out the flowers for fall ones in a little bit.

And, oh, turns out big sister has a bear that plays and sings Happy Birthday so she'd made sure to bring it and play it for little sister; I think that got to me more than anything.

We'd (or at least I) so hoped the marker would have been here by then; was getting somewhat concerned when I couldn't even get the man to even talk to me; I'd been calling about it for about a month. I think finally the secretary took pity on me at least when I finally asked where it was supposed to be coming from, that I'd call them myself, that she told me and I did but that's another story but anyway when I called back he "just happened" to finally be walking in and she put him on the phone. We'd gotten a voucher from the hospital - well, the chaplaincy fund, not really sure I understand it, either because she died in the hospital or never got to come home or because of the situation; at some point would like to find out more - to help cover the service expenses, very nice of them, anyway how the marker was being funded. Well, anyway, he said it took a while to actually get the funds (maybe something to be worked out) and he had to have to actually order the marker (hm, really? only a flat one so don't think would cost very much - an upright one doesn't really cost that much but anyway - some things are a matter of perspective) so said just got ordered 4 weeks ago - now how long would it take anyway but he said he'd check on it; all that wasn't until this week but then I got tied up with other things and didn't press it or recheck so...but didn't really matter anyway. We had a nice occasion anyway.

Oh, and also, with big sis having so much to say about over this time when she'd gotten sick and took her into the doc mom said something to her about it and they made a referral to a grief counselor for kids that we got the appointment for next week now; will see.


Cousins on the 4th of July

Background: Klara's last day was the day before Easter and as much as little Liza was with little sister before we didn't want her there then so dh's sister's new dil, who loves children, offered to take her while she had her step-children - sister's son's twins by his first wife, there, and she also had niece's daughter there for an Easter egg hunt. Twins are somewhat older and of course have each other, while other great-niece is also an (now) only child who's been normally kept by her grandmother (which has its own issues) besides the attitudes of mom toward our part of the family. Anyway just glad she let her be there - not sure if she knew ours was going to be or not or if had anything to do with the situation that she couldn't bring herself to be that mean-spirited to not let her go ahead after she found out or couldn't do it to her because when she - the little girl - found out ours was going to be there, she was so excited because then she would get to be a "big" girl to one littler than her rather than have to play the "little" one to the older ones. Anyway they all had a good time but that was the last time they were together, in spite of talk of doing it again, just doesn't get done.

So anyway today they got to be together again. But still before - when the plans were being made and said (elsewhere I talked about how this was the first one probably basically since all these little ones have been here or at least old enough to know - long story) this little niece asked if ours was going to be there - and almost wasn't but that's a long story as well - and was told she was said "okay, she would go then" - okay, like she would have a choice, but who knows with that, they might have not gone if she'd said she wasn't but she probably would have wanted to anyway just that she really wanted to - again, like said, think gets tired of being either the only child - because twins, of course, not always around - or the youngest.

So anyway little awkward at first but they soon made up for it - running around holding hands.

Grandparents (can read about that other place) just built a new porch across the front of their house - just perfect for the kids to go play while the grownups ate and visited on the side patio that connects - with a gate, even, so can go back and forth. Then even has a recess with a couple rocking chairs for more adults to sit and watch the kids. Only one hitch, if you will, this porch has a step-down, so dgd once, while running stumbled at it and fell, not hurt, but little big cousin tried to help her up and miss independent screamed like you'd thought she was killing her. Don't think she expected that, wanting to be the big one and all, think she learned they're more equals than she thought even though she's a couple years older but she'd been more babied when she was younger, not been through as much as ours has (but that should make ours worse, shouldn't it - oh well).

Anyway good time had by all - well, the kids, that is - and I guess that's really what it was all about anyway, wasn't it?


well, Friday it was supposed to storm here (well, actually not anymore than Thursday but really think dil was just tired of staying home again by herself now that, hopefully, son has actually settled down into a job, at least for now, seemingly even through hopefully getting back into school this fall; at least 2 classes are supposed to be online, so now we just need to get his phone situation straightened for his hotspot and just glad he held onto his laptop; one class, the one he doesn't want to take anyway won't work so got to get all this worked out to go full-time with working but hopefully he will - anyway - that's ok, hadn't seem my little one in a while so went and got them, brought them out to the house. Actually thought mom was going to rest since she's been having trouble sleeping but somewhat surprisingly to the way things used to be she didn't; maybe because actually we wound up stopping by at least one estate sale on the way home but then the one we really meant because I forgot to put about kittens in my title (may go back and edit) and/or little sisters - anyway

seems little one's been talking about little sister quite a bit lately - mom and dad got rid of her puppy dog as well so she seems to be feeling the loss more - so...she's been asking for a kitty again and...they just happen to have some free ones at this estate sale, so...we stopped on the way home, looked around a bit, but saving the money - they finally got for watching son's friends children while he worked a while back - for new phone for son, with the one he's got gave up the ghost and it's just one dh let me have that he'd just picked up off ebay used, so...

then asked about the kitties - oh, me, had to hunt them up around the porch, hiding under the bench, in the flowerbed, always one more skittish than the other, but got one to hold - she was enjoying it so much until she apparently squeezed it too hard and there it went - oh she was so upset, we said we'd come back later but...

got home, played with her marker table - yes, we did get some more - and her sand table - and oh, she brought her tricycle (just a little plastic one) back in the house to ride - yes, I let her, it's actually smoother on my floor in here than on the deck boards on the porch and we don't have concrete -

and, oh, this time she actually brought her baby doll and basket with pillow with her and actually played mommy - (or is big sister?) something she's never been one to do - plus also her bigger doll (not in size but agewise - does that make sense) and we read and she played with her uncle - but...

she'd been asking for her blocks - that she left at a friend of her mom's when she went with her to her house - so...

we went out there and got them - she was so....glad

stopped by the store

came back and her poppy was here! she was so glad to get to see him! and he took them to meet her daddy!

Then we saw her again yesterday when we went to help them take care of some business - and took her her blocks that she ended up leaving after all Friday, so...she finally got to have them back to actually play with them - loved that!

Then this morning - early - mom texted - then called - 3 mos. today since we lost little sister - and -

little one went in her closet and got this big stuffed worm that ls'd had in the hospital that had been put up ever since and slept with it last night - like she knew or something - or some reason seemed to want to sleep with something to remind her of little sister last night -

she's not been staying in her room plus she's outgrowing her little toddler bed so mom's been wanting to get her a twin bed so..today she found one on a yard sale site with drawers underneath but didn't stay there long at all but hadn't realized or even thought about that being what she wanted but - duh - we have one like that that we had for our ys that I'd kept - by the hardest, so hard not to let a friend of mine have it for her son - I know we all do a lot of swapping of that kind of thing around but otoh other friends save their stuff like that for their grandkids - (hm, an idea for a forum topic) so that's what I'd done way before son got married and ended up having only girls - thinking more for a boy but then too late for her so just hadn't gotten rid of it, so.... hm, maybe? will see

and then supposed to have her tomorrow night as well - ran across an idea for rainbow foam to make - gonna check it out -


Lunchtime with Liza

Somewhat doing this in reference to a convo on one of the boards.

To give some background, didn't get to dil's to pick her and gd up until later than originally planned (long story) so really in one sense ended up having nothing to do with original intent but oh well, was good day anyway. However, almost just as got there - interest, b/c happened so many times with her but this time other way around - anyway was just looking for actually this particular young mom's pix she'd posted of her daughter or was just getting ready to when realized had just missed a call from her from before I went to get my phone, having left in the vehicle. Anyway money's been kinda tight around here lately what with everything and we'd had a portable window a/c unit go out a summer or so ago, which turned out to be right before the warranty expired but back in the day when money was flowing a little more freely, down here in Alabama in July I guess if you can at all you don't wait for a repairman, you just go buy a new one, which we did but especially since we had a widow friend that at least at the time didn't think had the money to buy a new one, called the repairman to go ahead and come out and fix this one (especially since we didn't have to also pay for that) but then turned she didn't need one as bad as we thought so we've had it just sitting around since. So recently dh got it out, checked it out, made sure it still works fine and decided - since this young mom and her dh, with their special needs daughter, had given up everything they had to take care of her, including him giving up his job - for a while at least - but leading to them basically having a thriving business scrapping wholesale and buying/reselling - to have them sell it for us. Well, that had been a couple weeks so hadn't given it much thought but the call was that she had just sold it. However, dh had just gotten it out when ys and I left on our trip; matter of fact, I almost took it with us to see if anybody down there might have a need and actually sure enough when I got there the friend I stayed with, her a/c had gone out, so I really wished I'd had. I even tried to get some other people that were coming to bring it but they were bringing a dog crate so didn't have room. But when I got back it wasn't still sitting out so in the back of my mind I think I expected dh had taken it to these people that were going to sell it even though I remember him saying something about taking pictures of it - or maybe that's while I was gone and he was just telling me about it; there was a lot going on - oh, yea, how was I even able to take the trip if things were that tight? well, that's another story, anyway...

turns out the a/c had only been put in the garage so she sold it without having it so was trying to call to have me bring it to her - now just what was she going to do if I hadn't been able to do that? anyway since I was supposedly at least just picking them up to bring them to the house, no problem (except there was but that's another story too - anyway) so we headed out (while dealing with yet another situation with people thinking can't deal with this one but not understanding whole circumstances) to get it in time to get there in time for people who had to be somewhere else in time to be there; and on top of all that vehicle issues this very day; anyway, got here, got help from ys to load and headed out. All this to say this was around lunchtime and now none of us had eaten. But...they had been wanting to get together anyway, so...now do we leave, come back and eat (not that we had anything but that's another story too - I did say money's been tight, right? now do you see where the money for the trip came from - not that we're starving, mind you, but didn't really have any lunch stuff) or stay try to tough it out (again, not that we, or at least me was that hungry); dil didn't say anything b/c she did want to stay so we did; however, guess friend must have thought about it and asked; now, guess got too much of that southern in me, I still didn't say much but dil did immediately tell her that, why, yes, she was hungry, so she got out stuff and fixed some lunch. Okay, now... we get to it

dil I think tends to fix for lunch basically just finger stuff - you know, maybe hot dogs, chicken fingers, etc.

friend fixed canned chicken with ranch dressing mix and cream cheese with crackers on the side. dil gets some, fine. makes no attempt to get any for gd, friend does. dil still makes no attempt to help her. gd's trying to figure out what to do, maybe sorta gets the idea of trying to put the stuff on the cracker or get it up with but having a hard time; friend helps, fine as long as crackers last, then nothing to eat with, friend does get her a spoon and may have been fine at that point if not for the cream cheese. I've fixed canned tuna/chicken, etc. for her at my house; she does fine eating with spoon but as sure you know cream cheese makes it more sticky, harder to get up with just a spoon, at least if not used to it so she having a hard time; dil still not helping, so at that point I do step up because going to require actually touching the food which friend understandably doesn't feel free to get that involved even though she does wear gloves (although I think she'd taken them off by that point).

Point being I do understand dil not involving herself in feeding gd especially at least if someone else around and/or not understanding feeding her something she can't totally take care of herself.

btw, it was good; dil'd never had it before, at least not with the ranch dressing and actually I hadn't either making lots of things with it - like even roast - seems to be making the rounds around here.


Play Date

wow, has it been this long - since last post ys invited me along - since none of his friends could go, and unlike his mom who would strike out on her own anywhere anytime, didn't want to go by himself - on a trip to the town I lived in when I did first strike out on my own before dh and I got married; since no family there, ended up hadn't been back since ms I talk about so much was a 6 wk. old baby - maybe I should tell about that trip sometime - 25 yrs. ago, not that I hadn't seen anybody from there in that but some of the ones I was closest to hadn't seen in a long time and some I'd even lost contact with for quite a while but had just gotten back in with somewhat fairly recently and we'd been wanting to see each other but didn't know how I'd squeeze that in but just so happened ys's best friends ended up being from the same place; their mom didn't even live there when I did; she married and move there after I left, just worked out that way but main one graduating this year with ys (as in same year) so invited so off we went - and just another - they both love the Western look - his party in the bandana them - right up mine's alley, may steal for his 18th bd party! anyway really enjoyed seeing them and also spending some time with my matron of honor of my wedding and her husband who ended up having a lot in common with mine.

Anyway then after that week and a half of ys being busy so needing to be here with him more takes us up to this week then dil's doctor's appointment and another issue coming up re ys not directly but the vultures nipping - know how that goes, right? when good things happen because you've worked for it?

but today ended getting dil/gd and going to spend some time with another young mom and her little daughter about 6 mos. younger in age but probably close to a year younger in actuality because of her time spent in the hospital with her severe medical issues. She turned 2 in February but not walking yet, although she's getting potty-trained while ours isn't but feel that could be because of the lack she had with all the time we spent in hospital with little "sissy" she calls her as looks at her pix, not sure how good I feel about that but then may not be bad - I know, I know, not my kid, can I just say it here - I never say it there, really. okay? :)

anyway she seemed to really enjoy it; her little girl smiley, laughy, to our seemingly somewhat more serious but seemed to be good balance until the other wanted to literally balance; she can walk with help so tried to pull herself up using our little one but she didn't know what to make of that so that was enough - "no, get down",etc. So mom gave her first little lesson in how to handle a child like that; may be interesting.

I remember when os was young and I working, having a babysitter who went on vacation referring to another one with child with DS so one of what looking back not sure if mistake or not - leading to some attitudes now re some of this so - of keeping the change so would learn the same but not sure an occasional playdate with lesson afterward the same as forcing your child in that situation on an everyday basis.

So all in all a good day - good to see "my" (can I say - I know she's not mine but she is "my" gd) lo again but also glad, not necessarily for me, but for them that they decided to keep her with them tonight instead of feeling they had to "pawn" her off but also glad she wanted to stay with her mom and dad because there have been times when things have been stressful that she's begged to come, which you all know what all that can lead to -

not sure I realized when started here how much of that there would be - think I though everybody else just would have the fairytale life I could just hopefully learn to emulate but I guess find out we all have our issues -

nice to have a support network


Haven't had her in a while it seems but dh brought her in yesterday evening. Getting so big; she's talking to me on the phone now, too. Straight to her art desk again but not sure how it's going to keep working; should have done better at keeping up with her with those markers; should have known - can't find the lids to them, was trying to train her to put them back on and thought I'd done it pretty well but guess not good enough; I hope they're not dried out but they probably are.

But then she wants to wet the sand so it will actually mold when she tries so then we pour water or try; my poor watering can I found busted so wouldn't hold too well so today we went back to the bowl, not nearly so easy without a handle, oh me - shopping list? new markers, new watering can

then after dark we do the floor puzzle and then of first we had a bath and supper - ooh, good - did that 3 pkt. roast that's been floating around only couldn't find the McCormick grill mate so - ssh, don't tell anybody - used buffalo wing pkt. - yea, I know for a roast - but they loved it! - just spicy right - anyway then off to bed so...

up eaaarly this am and going all day - found her doll house furniture for the big dollhouse, which stays in the attic so off we go but it's dark for some reason so I get the lights hooked up and we play there a while, then back in for breakfast - yea, I know but it was way too early earlier - got out the applesauce, bless her heart (oh, me, there's my southern, ya'll - well, what do ya'll say?) anyway just gobbled it up - wish I'd had my head together a little more - next time going for the rainbow pancakes - March Reader's Digest, check it out but you know what was happening then) - then we painted our handprint salt dough ornament we started last time - anybody see it floating around for Mother's Day? if I can figure out how to do pix I'll try to post if you haven't - and just did fingerpainting, etc. then lunch, again gonna get it better together for some good sandwiches, etc. (again check out the RD Food Digest section)

then back outside for riding toy time and took the rough wooden rocking horse out as well, then back in for bath and

then on (sorta) the way home to dh's aunt where she was staking beans then went to look at her flowers - she's taking care of my mom's amyrillis I brought down after she passed away - just missed it blooming; seems to be on an earlier schedule than the rest she has, mom's is red, she liked that color better, I really prefer pink and she has one of those as well; mine's having babies so she's going to help me plant those so we'll see; want to try to involve the lo in such; aunt used to sell flower, lilies, which I didn't think about the amaryllis being a type of but is.

And then I took one little worn out girl home, asleep when we got there - mom got her pillow and cover and covered her up right on the floor in the living room for a while; didn't want her to sleep too long or wouldn't go to bed early tonight for dad to get up and start new job and 6am in the morning, so..

mom called said she took a water gun to her - "Meanie" she called her but she did get up so maybe things will go well -

we'll see

(this better?)


The Musical Toy Giraffe

One of the things I put in the tall cabinet in the front room to try to clear out some of the clutter was the collection of stuffed animals we seemed to have accumulated (and I found mom's in her trunk while I was up there but that's another story, isn't it). While running across another blog tonight I found a story of someone else who had, like us, as part of that collection, a very special giraffe. It's a musical giraffe that you wind up like a music box and it moves its head while it plays a very pretty song. To be honest, at this point, I can't remember which of the little ones I bought it for but for now anyway it symbolizes both of them to me. I do remember where and how; hub and I were out on one of those fine days just jaunting around town and stopped in at our local Goodwill; couldn't tell you now what, if anything, else we got but believe we must have because this was one of those things, you know, like when hub has everything up there checking out and you see this and you just know you have to get it for that grandchild, one of, if not the first, toy we bought; you know, it's not just any other stuffed animal, this one plays music, see, to help them go to sleep by. Oh, I'm going to cry now just thinking about it. I was keeping it out but I guess it gets relegated to the cabinet now. But I may implement what he was talking about and bring it out on Thanksgiving and maybe even put it in the center of the table - and no, we're not going to start having giraffe for dinner but what's it all supposed to be about anyway. As a symbol of our deep and ernest gratitude to God for what we do have - our one precious little granddaughter (at least by this family) that God has allowed us to have, much as we miss, grieve, and mourn for the other two. And to see her as an expression of God's love to us, maybe not the greatest- as he said - outside of Christ - or maybe so? but certainly as that. Am I getting more emotional as I get older - is this what my mom went through as things seemed so important to her while I thought experiences were more so but I think I read somewhere those are memories but then as I hear so much about those older losing that memory and needing those tangible things to help trigger that will things become more important to me as well, not for them themselves but for the memories they trigger; is that what it was for mom? but what I don't want to lose is passing those down to the ones behind me; with mom, she may have had them but that's something she didn't pass on so her memories aren't mine, something I feel is sad. I want this to be an Ebenezer for her as we pray at that time and then wind it to hear it play its beautiful song of gratitude as we remember God's goodness (especially not forgetting how close we came to losing her as well, not that I want to burden her with it but for her to appreciate it). Will it be our velveteen rabbit? As through it we remember her growing up, hopefully well.


My Little Artist

Been trying to work on my 14 wk. house reorganizing plan after everything that's happened starting with my kitchen but after dil took my corner shelf out of the front bedroom obviously that left that corner bare just in time for a tall pantry/cabinet that would just fit and be closed that could close off some of this clutter in that room showed up on our local yard sale site so after all the trailer hitching for all the stuff she was getting from her friend/sister that was there for her through all that that had moved that she helped that we took to them availed ourself of going and getting it and while there got a dry erase board artist easel type desk for our little one. And just as cool was hub found bunch stuff from where somebody retiring or something at work been bringing home, laminating pouches, accordion type folders, etc. but the jackpot was a dry erase marker set with all kinds of cool colors and eraser plus cleaner and cloth that he hadn't brought home yet but did now.

So when he brought her home with him Friday after work she thoroughly enjoyed it - for a while.

Good news - dad finally actually started new job, a real job, using what he's been going to school for, not exactly a mechanic one but in the automotive field at what they now call an "auto recycler" ; yea, I know in that sense a junk yard but really some of them , like this one, have really gone high tech and really professional, with the internet, selling all over, so he's a parts puller but hey, at last he's calling you as a telemarketer anymore, which is what he did for about 4 years till all this happened and he just couldn't keep it up but before anything is said, that's what he was expected to do within the medical community, apparently not uncommon at all for these families to just give up everything for the duration of taking care of these sick ones, not everybody but many so anyway.

However, my go at everything full speed ahead son did just that and got sick even while there during the day; oh, which is another thing, his other job was afternoon/evenings and also inside of course while this one is normal daytime schedule, which dil'd been saying for a while she'd been wanting so she's getting her wish, outside of course so may have contributed but he was able to not let them know then came home so sick we ended up taking her to go take them/him to the ER; oh it seemed to take so long but when they finally got him back there - and this was the good hospital but still on a Friday night - gave him IV fluids and nausea - then he tends to panic when he gets like that - went through that once before - gave him Xanax practically knocked him out while they ran the fluids - dehydrated - but then guess shouldn't say anything happened to me once and don't remember getting any by IV so maybe they gave me something too but they didn't give him anything else like I remember them giving me stuff to drink so don't know about that. Then sent him home still not feeling too good but better, went to bed. And mom wanted to just go ahead and take little one with her, so didn't get much time with her but did have some. Oh and she read the papers that said he had food poisoning - that hamburger from the golden arches place he had at lunch? hm

Then mom calls this afternoon; lo takes a nap yesterday afternoon from 3 -6 so doesn't go to bed last night but beyond that won't sleep in her room or even go in it and play, which she'd been doing fine, insisted on sleeping with mom and dad. Kept saying sissy was in her room, which must have upset her because otherwise wouldn't you think she'd want to go in there and be with her but after what she'd been saying and did again after mom talked to her about her being in heaven with Jesus can see where she'd be concerned about seeing her in her room, so...


Resurrection Day

As you all can imagine, Easter kinda got knocked out of the way (at least for Nana, think parents/mom managed - why ? cause nana was managing the other stuff but anyway) but had seen on a blog a while bag about a dozen egg pkg. of plastic "Easter" eggs except Resurrection eggs in the sense that each egg, instead of having candy, had a symbol of the "Easter" (as in Jesus ) story so while running back and forth with all the arranging there's a small, locally -owned (and found out today by a man in a wheelchair) Christian book/gift store in that town (we can go either to the big town or the little one from where we live and even though seems we're more mostly bigtown oriented seems when there's something like what we just went through we still to migrate toward the little, more community minded one, anyway) so while there stopped in asked if could still get those eggs even those "Easter" was past; now don't know if could have done that at the bigtown but he said sure if he could get them; picked up the phone right then and called and got them but just now getting them but working out great; have our little one - who's getting bigger everytime see her - overnight tonight - dh says mom's having a slumber party and maybe she is but she's helping a friend (and she sure needs one so this nana's just glad she's getting one - who's become/ing more of a sister to her than her own family, was the only one she had to come to the funeral basically "just" for her; I'd say almost everybody else would have come for us regardless, not quite the same thing, as in too she's the only one of those who came to the meal, not sure if exactly invited or just kinda invited herself but one or both of them said hey, she's her sister, she's coming, not that we cared or probably would have cared for anybody coming but nobody else felt that free to do that and I'm glad she did - anyway she and her grandmother - and I just realized part of the bond they have - both their mothers are gone, have passed away - and both have lived/still live with their grandmother (okay) have just moved and she'd wanted her to help her organize their new house, something I will say dil's extremely good at and would help me more if I'd just let her (so maybe I should; I've just had to deal with my own letting go of things issues, oh well) which with both/all their schedules does work out better for her to just spend the night (at least I'd say with mine and I'd say with dh's as well since we have to coordinate their getting together, long story there ) and maybe it's good for her and son to get away from each other little bit - ( just hope it's good and not bad anyway) and guess she could have kept gd but we all know how that can be when you're trying to do something like that - now son, well...anyway I get her (hub wasn't too happy but loves it when she's here - just may have changed our later schedule, we'll just have to see about that but anyway...)

so we did our Resurrection Easter (though must admit when got to Jesus coming back from the dead and the empty tomb hard not to think about a grave I wish would empty but oh well as well )

then also finally got the purple sand from the neighbors for the water table and got out the cookie cutters for making shapes in - made sure I put an old shirt on first in case it stained - she loved that !

cleaned the (oh I need to learn how to post pix or something - I can't describe these things these kids have but anyway neighbor had given it to me for her and needed cleaning so got that done and she loved it -

so nice to be outside she didn't even get in her playhouse - either one but that's another story

when went to the yard sale the other day (oh was it here I talked about that - no ? oh well ) got a potty training book we - well even she this time spent time looking at and talking about - so maybe we'll make some progress there now that things are to this point - is there a resurrection metaphor here - kinda the way I feel

then a classics neat these are board books as well - you know The Ugly Duckling, Goldilocks, Princess and the Pea, which thankfully she's not one of those, etc. she's beginning to love to look at - mom just didn't really come from that place so enjoy having the opportunity to instill these things in her and love to hear her talk about coming to church with us and then melts her papa's heart when she says "love you too, papa" aww! growing up so much!

nice to have her (when it's like this, just have to not think too much about the other and trust she's enjoying herself as well, do I want her to know we miss her; I guess not and I know this is just feelings not really reality - but as I read somewhere else today - it's never wrong to grieve the loss of a life; this is just for me, don't want to forget her but life does go on for us and the other one and today's really the first time we've had her since so really the first normal - enjoyed it ( I mean I did have her right after but I was still tired then so not a good day but been long enough now I'm getting/rested) : )


The Way it used to be

One statement I've heard over and over again lately and through this last is that "a parent (or grandparent) should never have to bury their child (or grandchild), yet as we look back through history (as in a conversation with a friend who's been interested lately in reading about the pioneers, etc) it used to be a not uncommon thing and there didn't seem to be quite the attitude; they seemed to be more stoic and accepting of it. Now I realize that was before the era of modern medicine, which has raised our expectations that they can fix everything but just aint necessarily so; they can still hit a brick wall.

A couple more things along this line; spent the day with hubs family - one thing I think has come from this is spending more time with them - now having said that this is more his extended family rather than his nuclear one but that's another story - celebrating his aunt's birthday but for his really it was more just celebrating being with family but one special thing that came from that is that with his cousin and her daughter and grandchildren coming in from out of state - and turns out they actually live close to where I'm from; I could have been going by and seeing them many times on the way to my family - small world - nobody in the family we've been mostly with all this time knew that - and with her daughter somewhat being the family historian with her good camera she wanted to see her mother's old haunts and also the ancestor's graves so oddly enough even though I've been here almost 25 years could never get my husband to go to this particular graveyard even though it was just down the road and yes, I could have gone myself but just never did and turns out he'd not been apparently since he was a little kid even though it turns out his dad went a lot but he never took at least my hub but again that's another story we actually went twice today, once with them and then when got back the cousin who hosted this event said had he known we were going would have gone and showed us some graves we for some odd reason because it's not like they were hidden; actually, except for location they were better marked than the ones we found; did not find but mainly for this purpose there were some particular markers - but let me start, we found the graves of husband's great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents - now I believe with the gggps there was a marker that said infant children of them with 3 rocks below it, seeming to indicate of course 3 children, then one more that said infant child, then beside the ggps there was another infant marker and I may be confused (not that it matters) but husband's father's twin sister is there also.

Then as well he has a set of twins in another cemetery plus the one who's birthday we were celebrating has one there also.

Now as well this morning before we went there I received a message from someone in my family re an old family book that had a record of an infant loss to one of my ancestors.

And, then, finally after all that, hub and I went to little one's grave to do some flower work and knew we had some friends who had children there plus then found other we'd forgotten about then as we walked around I was amazed at how many we found belonging to people we knew that were before I knew them or even older and actually at both graveyards how many infants and children there were.

My point in all this; we're by no means the only ones. I'd love to know all the stories behind each of those short lives and how their parents and grandparents handled it. But just from what I've read - and I do wonder if we just don't know beyond that because people just didn't put down any more than that - so actually is what we read really the way it was - so actually were they that stoic and accepting as they seemed or do we just not know - have you noticed I tend to do this - I'll start one way and end up another but either way we're definitely not alone in this situation - it may not be supposed to happen this way but it definitely has and does. Maybe they're all playing together. I'd like to think so, to think they're all happy now.

Gone but staying near to our heart

(I loved some of the epitaphs; may try to go back, maybe do some rubbings but if nothing else would like to get them down - would love to see if I can get one for ours; we'll see) and oh, I have another story but another time - hope this is okay for now


Little Footprints

Some things that were so precious that we didn't get to experience the last time were that after it was over and mom had all the time she wanted - well, basically, there did come a time when they began to somewhat press the issue that we needed to begin the next step before it was too late but it was after a rather suitable amount of time and mom was okay with it as much as I guess you can be - we were able to go back upstairs with her and take prints and make plaster casts of her hands and feet and get a lock of her hair, all for her memory box they gave her. It was all just so precious and memorable, something I don't think we'll ever forget.

Love you always, little one -


Funerals - Dignity and Respect

Reading through a forum (I think it's called on here) ran across a comment on how funerals were handled when poster was growing up in their hometown but actually more than just the funeral itself - so really probably should title this - Deaths - point that struck me in particular was how food was brought to the family for weeks afterward but also mourning was still handled for quite a while afterward, as in the wearing of black, etc., be honest things I thought had gone out a long time ago but as I think about I do remember it being this way when I was growing up as well. Another thing I associate with that era is pregnant women not even going to funerals or even funeral homes. I remember being that way with my first child and my grandmother admonishing me or maybe it was my mother regarding me; she may have thought I would have not had a clue because she probably knew mother had never told me anything about it but she knew she had her and felt she should have so really was probably an admonishing of her not passing on her raising to me but it was about the baby being marked; wish I could remember whether I went or not, might have some bearing on whether I believe there's any truth to it, maybe I could tell him when he starts giving me all his reasons for why his life has turned out the way it has I could just tell him it was because I went to that funeral or at least home while I was carrying him and that explains it all. Not sure whether there should be a smiley face now or not. Do remember grandmother being the same way with 2nd son regarding cravings, if you didn't get what you were craving, baby would be marked by it but that's a story for another post.

Anyway said all that to say bdg cardiologist last weekend - not this past one but the one before - was a beautiful pregnant fairly young woman - who I feel just simply should not have been, leaving any traditions or superstitions (a word I hadn't used in so long that when I tried to with her it took almost 3 tries to quit saying suspicions - Freudian slip of the tongue? with everything that was going on? she definitely looked quite perplexed at my saying I felt it was suspicious of her to be bgd's cardio - oh me - when she was the first one to give up home on her and definitely said she would not authorize transport for her because of her unstable condition) aside, because she was just so hormonally emotional about the whole situation. I mean, it was bad enough as it was but that just made it worse for us. But from the tradition/superstition perspective I somewhat really wondered just how healthy it could be for her baby to be in that environment. Not necessarily that I think it would be actually "marked" but affected? I mean, even now, or back to now should I say, don't we hear/say all the time how our unborn children are affected by the environment we place them and are so urged to be careful what we expose them to in utero; well, if that is true, then how in the world can a Cardio-Vascular Intensive Care Unit especially in a situation like my bgd was in last weekend especially with her doctor (thereby unborn child's mother) being so emotional be healthy for that child? So now in one sense I guess my thought is do we believe this or, as she probably buys into as a doctor, do we take the strictly what used to be new modern rational position that this unborn child can't be affected by anything that goes on outside so therefore it doesn't matter what you do and certainly should not inconvenience the mother?

Food for thought?


We all grieve in different ways

That thought has been made so much lately in the light of this situation regarding son. By the time we got to this point dil just wanted it over with even if that meant son not being there. So so very thankful for 2 very dear friends who have just been there for me in so many situations like this and who care just as much for son as they do for me, and as you all know, as a mother and grandmother, sometimes that means so much more even. They said, no, not happening without son, so, from what I understand, they're the ones that really got the chapel thing going; otherwise, I'm not sure but what it would have just been in the room, without dad, just like typical. But they saw underneath everything with son to a hurt, grieving dad, who needed to have this time, otherwise it was going to be just like last time, which has made this the way it is, because of not being able to have it last time. Mom has talked about how he left last time and was able to just block it out and never really deal with it, expecting to just be able to just go on with life, until this has happened again.

Another friend has talked about how, if he'd just been able to spend more time with her, maybe this wouldn't have happened. We still don't really know what happened. Seems there was a comment made that we think the possibility exists that she just didn't like his very presence being there because who knows what's been going on with her, especially considering what's happened, with no one being there; I mean, who knows? seems that same person or those same people also didn't like it when niece and husband started staying with her. But whether anything will be in the records will be another story.

Not really sure why they didn't want dad staying, in particular, as in why they wouldn't want someone staying. Maybe there was more to it than we know.

But what we do know, whether they care or not or believe it or not, is we had a very hurt, grieving dad.

A dad, who, in his hurt, and also because of the way he was being treated, expressed his hurt in anger, thereby, in this day and age, we live in, scared people, making them feel threatened. I suppose, understandably so, because, also in this day and age, you do have people who actually do dangerous things. But that's really always been the case but people didn't use to just get scared of situations like that; they actually knew how to deal with them, but now, no one takes care of their own situations, that's what they have security for. It's so sad in so many ways.

And that's what the doctor and the chaplain basically both said; if they'd been allowed to handle the situation with son to begin with rather than security being called, it never would have escalated to the point it did. Maybe I shouldn't say the doctor even though they did because at the time they did need to keep their focus on bgd and patient care but that is what the chaplain is for, although they were coming around and didn't seem to be doing that, so it does seem to be a hospital policy somewhere that they seemingly weren't allowed to because they didn't seem to even know. It just seemed to them that had they been told they could have handled the situation. Though not sure the one at the time but does seem this could have been planned ahead of time and not had to go through what we did. But also believe they could have dealt with the fact that much of this was an outgrowth of the grief he was already experiencing. And they also believe if even the medical staff could be the way they used to be - as in patient And family centered care, which they supposedly are - they could have dealt with the situations themselves and it not have escalated to this point. But as with so many euphemisms, this one doesn't seem to mean what it says - patient, yes, but not family. It seems so easy to exclude them. When it didn't use to be that way. That the focus on patient, at least when it's a child, has seemed to come to mean, almost ownership, taking parents rights out of the picture. And I know I just read something along those lines when parent's wanted or didn't want a particular course of treatment, it was stated that child's right to the treatment or not trumped parents call. In a way I can see that but that wasn't even the situation here just seemed to want dad out of the picture; they just seemed to be afraid he would want something or see that they had done something. That just seemed to override any care or concern or even thought regarding dad's feelings/emotions regarding "his" child or is it when it's in the hospital; began to wonder. Being a children's hospital seems to be one of those places where children do truly come first even to the exclusion of their parents. As in not really caring about the family but just the child. So really didn't matter about the grief, wasn't really the point. Which issue would need to be addressed first before can even get to the point of different ways of expressing it. I mean, mom had a counselor; did dad? no. Why? because mom had expressed need of one; so just because don't, you don't get? hm or at least even be offered

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