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Notes from a Nanny Granny

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Another Kind of Shift

RoseRed135

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In a recent entry, I talked about how hard it can be, as nanny granny, to keep the line between my DD and me in sight when I'm so much a part of her and my DGC's lives. I've also spoken before about changes in my caregiving role. But here, I want to talk about another change - one that's very natural, I think, but that doesn't make it any easier to see where the boundaries are, either - shifting relationships with the DGC! Until the last year or so, DGD was very attached to me, so much so that I worried that it might hurt DD's feelings though she (DD) seemed to brush it off. DGS, on the other hand, was way more into "Mommy" than "Grammy," and, in fact, perhaps that's what made it easier for DD to accept DGD's attachment to me.

So you'd think we had it all figured out for, at least, the next several years. Though they loved us both, of course, and I've never thought of myself as the "2nd mom" or anything like that, DGS was, more or less, "Mommy's boy" while DGD was "Grammy's girl," at least as far as we women were concerned (I could write a whole other entry about the dads and "Grampas" - maybe I will, sometime). But, gradually, over this past year, DGD has become "all about Mom." Due to her somewhat erratic schedule, some days, DD takes the kids to school and some days, I do - but on the days that it's me, DGD always complains, "I want Mommy!" DGS, to the contrary, though he still adores DD, has become more clingy where I'm concerned, even asking me to stay in their home when they're not there!

Not that I expect their new attitudes to become set in stone. Those will shift, again, I'm sure - and again - as time goes on, I become less and less of a presence in the children's lives and their world widens more and more to embrace friends and classmates, etc. as well as family. The one constant, for me, is my love for them - that, of course, will always be there!


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5 Comments


ChAriLu3

Posted

One of the things I enjoy most about being a caregiver is having a birds eye view into the little ones heads - who they love most (for the moment), what they like to do, who their friends are....  It is ever changing.  Like you, I believe that your DGC's attitudes will change over time, and change again.  Me, I just try to stay in the moment with my guys - well, I guess I try to keep up with them!  :)

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Heavensent54

Posted

Hi, in my experience they do change back and forth like that at times. But I am also quite sure that you will always have that closeness with your granddaughter. When it is ingrained in them early, it never leaves. You sound like a smart lady who lets her have her own mind and it is part of what makes you happy.

I have noticed (I have several grandchildren) that some seem more clingy to grandmother than others, therefore we end up closer. That does not mean I love more or favor them. All my grandchildren are so precious to me. I just think there are times in their lives they need to fulfill that need possibly more than the others.

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RoseRed135

Posted

Thank you both for these beautiful comments, ladies! And thanls for the vote of confidence, Heavensent!

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lil-things

Posted

Kids are funny, they will jump back and forth, from Mom to Grandma. They will try real hard to get what they want. Like the old saying " If Mom says no, then go to Grandma."  But it can go in reverse, too. We can not take it personally, my oldest GD had been jumping back and forth for 22 yrs. I was the first to whole her when she was born, Mom was in bad shape. I treat all kids as my own, even friends of GK's. They ll feel the love I have for them, I am Nana to all of them, and DH is Pop.  

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RoseRed135

Posted

Sound wonderful, things! And thank you for the encouragement!

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