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lizasnan's Blog

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Keeping Beds for Beloved Ones

lizasnan

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just doesn't seem to work anymore

Little one outgrowing her toddler bed, it seems - who came up with those anyway - who used to have such a thing - anyway...so mom wants her to have a new bed and when mom wants it she wants it now, never mind that ds - her dh - will be getting some money later and she doesn't have any right now, cause you know who can get it, right - except, no, except, duh, took awhile to remember - partially because remember I only have sons and when I think of a little girl's bed I tend to think of something totally different, you know, feminine, like the bed I grew up on - and, no, can't have it yet, that's another story, anyway, so why never thought about ys's bed had had stored in the garage because, well, it's a Boy's bed, but anyway finally reached the point that I finally remembered, well, if it's that big a deal, hey, oh yeah, I've got one. so all good, right; she's fine with it, until....

dh gets it out, takes it over there, now, I hadn't actually seen the bed itself for a while; it had been in storage even in the garage, like in that space under the stairs - yes, our garage is 2-story; anyway, the bed was a captain's bed but with the drawer unit a separate piece that just slid under the bed, only half-width, not actually the base of the bed itself so I had it in a separate room - yes, our garage is divided into 2 rooms - mine and dh's and the unit was in my side - basically being used as a coffee table, but that's definitely a whole other story - point being I had not realized, maybe because of being stored in a non-climate controlled environment or whatever but turns out, like an another piece of furniture I had at one time, an old table, it had veneer which had started peeling off, which my dh "made the mistake of mentioning", although may not have mattered; dil may have noticed anyway, but dh didn't think anything about it but does he not realize by now that everything - and maybe she's right about this - is a big deal to her, so, no, once she realized that no way was she going to use the bed itself, as in the headboard and footboard, so now she wants to use the frame as a platform bed, using plywood, which we had, in addition to or instead of the slats.

well, dh says we have some - maybe even what we'd used but don't think so since turned out be chipboard - though why we had that I have no idea - instead of actual plywood so since he'd told them we had some he felt he had to go buy some so we trotted over to the big box store to get; now silly me for some reason thought we were going to buy the whole sheet, though how I thought we were going to haul it since we don't have a truck; oh wait, yes, I do, that's what we have the trailer for but apparently for some reason I didn't realize when we left that we didn't have it hooked up; guess just so expected it to be that never realized when we didn't; no, dh was going to have it cut to size there so it would fit without the trailer but of course, not expecting that I didn't take the measurements so ended up calling dil to get them again; now, we've all heard the adage, right? of "measure twice, cut once"; so rather than quite do that, I thought more along the lines, "can always cut if too long but can't add if too short, so leave some room for error and can cut on site" so gave him a measurement about 2-3" longer than what she gave me - although turns she did the same thing so ended up being more like 5-6" longer than size - but then of course when delivered nobody had taken a saw to do the cutting and nobody wanted to wait so put together and of course bigger than the bedding; now does that really matter; hey, at least it's not smaller, right? now everything else had already been painted now so now of course what's showing doesn't match, but now can't it just be painted as well or does it really matter; well, that itself might have all worked out, but of course that wasn't all of it; still had the drawer unit part.

well, mom now decides she doesn't want to use it as an under the bed unit - you know, a Captain's bed; she wants it cut into 2 night stands - yes, just cut the drawer unit in half;well, not really - there's a door section between; ok, now dh hasn't looked at it; doesn't remember you can't just do that;well, you can but it's not really designed to be done so not really going to be supported right; so ds just proceeds to do what dw wants; does anybody even think about maybe this isn't really theirs anyway but then that discussion's been had, hasn't it? hm anyway, sure enough it doesn't work right, not really and definitely not for her - did she really think it would? yes, at the time because it's what she wanted right then -

ok, now they painted them one at a time, so one did work and was painted; then the other didn't and wasn't painted; now I could have fixed it and actually another issue they had, just merely couldn't get the actual drawer to go it; just have some patience, people, just picked it up and put it in the drawer glide, just have to take it slow and easy, not the best made piece in the world but we'd never had a problem with it - maybe because we'd had worse - ds comes out - "how in the world, mom, did you do that?" - now he can work on cars but furniture? anyway,so now were they going too use it or not, but seems since the other didn't turn out just like she wanted it they not going to use any of it maybe because then they have a friend that wants everything they're throwing out, which is more than the bed unit but that's more of a story; anyway, you can see how this goes, he ends up with it all and then she just back to wanting a new bed again -

which of course is what she really wanted to begin with, anyway, but, again, ds still doesn't have his money and I'm still not buying one though she thinks we can but she made one fatal mistake this time - dh was out of town, without me, because of her and her tooth issues; I was staying here in the first place to babysit her after her dental work so I wasn't too inclined to not only have to be here and deal with her with her then apparently not needing to rest from it but then wanting me to also accommodate her wishes on top of what she'd done with what I'd already tried to help her with besides - now, again, maybe that's a whole other issue of trying the wrong thing to begin with, maybe I should have never said anything to begin with about having a bed but I wasn't going to buy one; could she not wait, not that long until ds got his money. (I'd still like to think that the ys that it was bought for might have liked to have had it for possibly his kids one day)

She did even just put lo on the floor on her mattress for a while, I think, thinking that would get to me; nope, sorry - should it have? and then on top of that, wanting it done then, that day, and not only pay for it but go get it and deliver it. Well, that actually was more son who did't want to have to deal with after working all day, which I could understand, but then, again, didn't see where it had to be done that day anyway. Now, granted, here I go again, thinking I've got to have the trailer and not wanting to have to try to hook it up, etc., although turns out not to be the case; we are still talking about a little bed, after all. And it did turn out to be close to a friend of mine that I had not seen in a long time so I could get something I wanted out of the deal after all if I did go, especially with dh out of town - because normally I probably wouldn't make a special trip to see her with him here, so, since that turned out to be the case I did agree to go get but I still wasn't going to pay for it even if she did say "you're not - my dh, as in mine,not hers - he would; probably true, but sorry, he's not here, you want it today, it's me you have to deal with" although not to say dh wouldn't put the money in ds's account but it was going to be in my hand before I went after the bed, no matter where it actually came from, none of this- me go get it first and I'll pay you when you get back, if then, and certainly not not until when his money comes in - no, sorry, you want the bed today, you give me the money first,

is it not favor enough to go get it for you, considering you don't really have any way to do it yourself? although the friend who got - my - bed set - has a truck - shouldn't that count for something? this way, if I go, you don't have to after working all day - I know, I'm not doing anything anyway - but the only way and reason I'm going is because I'm going to see my friend when I do, so if that doesn't suit, puts me taking too long, getting your wife back too late, whatever, then I can just not go and you can get it yourself, which they almost decided to do or said they were until they realized I was serious, did not matter to me, I would leave it with them, so we finally got on our way.




4 Comments


RoseRed135

Posted

I feel like saying, "What happened next? Did they like the bed? Did they pay for it or did you end up paying for it, after all (not my business but since you brought it up...)?"

 

I've known people like DIL - when they get an idea in their head (like she did about dividing the drawers), they run with it and don't stop to think that it might not work. IME, they're usually the same kind of people who insist on having whatever they think of now and often refuse to wait!

 

Still, a part of me is sympathetic with DIL on this one. If my child needed a new bed, I'd want one ASAP (whether it was really new or an old one that somebody had saved, as you saved YS' bed). And I wouldn't be too crazy about my child having to sleep on a mattress on the floor.

 

But that's where she and I part company. B/c in the end, I'd accept the mattress-on-the-floor situation until DH and I had the money for a new one. I can't imagine asking the GPs to buy one when we'd soon be able to afford it, ourselves.

 

As for the peeling veneer, to my knowledge, that can be dangerous for a LO. So I understand DIL's not wanting to use that. But the rest of it... sigh... I just hope it was all resolved in the end.

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lizasnan

Posted

ok sorry; did they like which bed; obviously not ours - the one they got; wouldn't have gotten it if they didn't, so, yes, although, again, I was a little surprised because to me it's more of a boy bed - but guess that's just another one of those things - it's a wagon wheel bed but she likes it, although she did start off with wanting something much more girly but also much more expensive And had they not been going to get this money soon and/or been willing to wait a little, we might have actually been more willing to get it; I'm not convinced she actually Needed a new bed but then, otoh, like said, she was in a toddler bed and she is a big girl for her age besides almost going to be 3, so, yes, she probably actually was; guess just really think the whole toddler bed thing should be skipped anyway, just an extra expense but shouldn't be too bothered, don't guess; they did buy that one on their own and they did sell it as well but then that leads to what did they do with the money; why didn't they save it for the new bed, especially since this one they got for basically that price, which also leads to that since it was so inexpensive we probably would have bought it but it was more in that situation the right now thing is what got me. So, yes, son, had just gotten paid the day before or really, in one sense, that day, since he gets paid so late in the day - actually don't we all or wait, never mind, not necessarily - that I was going to say they don't have much chance to spend it before the next day but that's not true; they can go out after work; Friday, after all; and have it gone but they are actually doing better - or were, since this incident led to ds having dil get her own debit card after that, so....we'll see how that goes. But since that being the case, yes, I insisted on going by the house and getting the money from ds for him to pay for the bed; he didn't like it but didn't say much, can he really?

And, yes, she will admit later, when it's too late, that she's like that, like just spent all day yesterday with her in the ER because she'd eaten I don't know how many peanuts the day before, just because she was craving them; went through that type thing a lot when she was pregnant but her family is like that; no self-control and/or caring at all; her grandfather is right now in the process of being put in a nursing home in his 60s over just that type thing, even in the hospital, his family would sneak him in money and he would sneak past the nurses and go fill up on candy and ice cream even being a diabetic, like practically the whole family, her included, talking $50 worth and eating it all right then.

Didn't really have a problem with her wanting a new bed right then, why I remembered about the one we had and let her have it but seems she could have lived with it - rather than put her on the floor - until she got one she wanted. I can understand about her not wanting to put lo on the floor; I probably wouldn't either although I didn't see where it would be that much of a problem if she was that insistent on her not sleeping on that bed.

That's the issue; accepting the situation but that's the problem, she thinks we should just take care of everything since her dh/our ds seemingly, at least according to her, can't, but otoh not so sure that's the case, at least with what we are taking care of so he can but that doesn't seem to matter.

And, yes, I can see that about the peeling veneer, although I guess we thought it could be glued/pasted/whatever back down, at least temporarily but that was fine about her not wanting to use that part because I can see how that probably wouldn't work - also based on my other experience and that was my teen-ager, who once he found it, proceeded to peel all off that he could - thanks a lot, ods! But, yes, lo's got her new wagon wheel bed plus all new other stuff for her room - says "mom makes it so pretty" and she does; really probably does it better than I do but then if I had the money we were spending on them maybe I could do a better job too - but, really, I don't want to be totally a poormouth whiner; it probably isn't really that bad, at least for now; that's what I deal with, is it really an issue or is just a matter of principle and is it really one there? in other words, to some extent, who is right and wrong here or is it even a matter of that anymore? things just seem so different or even really are they?

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RoseRed135

Posted

Wow! A lot of thought-provoking questions, LN! But, no doubt, some things have changed from one generation to the other and from one person the next, as well.

 

And whether something is "really that bad" or not, I hope you always feel free to come and vent here, either via your blog or in the forums. Also, I don't think it's so much a matter of whether or not the bed issue was so awful as that it seems to be part of an ongoing pattern. I may be wrong but I'm guessing that's what's bothering you the most.

 

Meanwhile, thanks for clarifying further! After all that, hope Liza likes her new bed - and that she doesn't need another one for quite a while (I'm sure she won't)! :)

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lizasnan

Posted

probably not a new bed; now mom's already gotten new bedding; this is only like the 3rd in this bed process in like the past just month or so and now she's already talking about another to match a - anybody heard of a bolster pillow; had one of my grandmother's growing up - case she found that she really didn't know that's what it was, thought it was a cover already but more like a quilt thing to hang on a rack for decoration that she was going to get a rack for but now she thinks either it or some material to match or at least that type; she says it's soft but so was what she just got; she thinks would make a nice comforter that she'd like to make but at least she's wanting to do something and I've been wanting to get things set up to get back into that type of thing myself; just wish I could get a chance to do it but guess will go get her tomorrow and we'll see what happens.

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