"Why don;t you want to be involved?" my friend asked, somewhat bewildered.
This struck me very funny, actually, b/c it was about my DGC. As many of you know, I'm very involved with them, watching them, for a few hours, several times a week!
But this was about something my friend thought YDD should be doing with them (I'm not going to say what for reasons of privacy). And to me, trying to weigh in there would be "interfering," not merely, "being involved."
We've had this conversation b4 and my friend says my attitude doesn't make sense to her. "Up till recently," she reminds me, "you were doing a lot of childcare. And it's clear you've had an influence on DGD and DGS" (nice to hear, I admit, though, as my friend she may be biased:)). "Why do you stop short of being involved in the decisions?"
"That's why I stop short at the decisions," I've told her, more than once (well one of the reasons, anyway) "b/c I have been very involved and still am, to a great degree. I don't want to go too far and cross any lines that I shouldn't."
Then she stares at me or shakes her head, not really understanding. And I change the subject, not wanting to get into it, any further.
Funny thing is, I don't even necessarily agree with my friend's opinion on childrearing, much of the time. Often, my thinking it much more in line with YDD's. But regardless, I wouldn't try to change YDD's mind. And if I tried, I know exactly what YDD would say, "They're my kids! Stop interfering!" It wouldn't accomplish anything, except to cause tension where there didn't 'have to" be any.
For that reason, among others, I have no intention of trying to have a voice in the choices YDD makes, even on those occasions where I disagree with her. But I realize that my friend sees the scenario differently than I do. And looking back, perhaps so did my mom and MIL. Perhaps they didn't see themselves as "interfering" when they tried to weigh in... maybe they thought they were just being loving and "involved" GPs...
Then again, MIL did admit to me once that she did, indeed, try to "interfere' (her word) in DH's and my marriage and childlearing. B/c, as I've said previously, in the forums, "I know him (meaning DH) longer than you do! Why shouldn't I have a say?!"... Sigh...
But what I'm thinking now is that there are clearly different POVs on this... Like anything else, one person's "interference" is another's "involvement" and vice versa. And, I suppose, to still another person, it's "interference" but it's "ok."...