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Soon to see my Grandchildren!

GrandNonna

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GrandNonna

It has been a very long heart breaking 11 months since my daughter and her friends threatened my relationship with not only my grandson, but my new granddaughter as well. So much has happened and here is where I am. I searched attorneys based on fee's and I have one more payment to go to pay my added bill off . We go to court on Oct 23. I lost my visitation case the first time because my daughter moved back with my grandsons father but we were then able to file an amendment because during this time she had another child from another relationship she involved herself in. Next week all of this will be addressed based on both children. It is an expensive and very stressful journey. I hope my grandson remembers me , I have many photos from our special times . I hope to have a wonderful future with both .

I know my granddaughter will adjust and I know that the same situation will not happen since the courts are involved but my grandson , I pray he remembers me and is eager to get back on track. We have gords to paint, last years Christmas gifts to open, his birthday and mine to celebrate, all al holidays missed in between.

I can't wait to cook for him some of his favorites as well as give him his bed buddy bear that lights up stars all over the room. I have to replace his land of knod items as his mothers second relationship boyfriend gave them away. I joined a Moms group and plan on interacting with new friends who have kids the same age. I'll be looking for a couple of car seats. It pains me that the other side grandparents supported and provided legal counsel to their son and my daughter to fight with me. All I wanted was everyone to get along. Will keep everyone interested , posted.




13 Comments


RoseRed135

Posted

Greetings GrandNonna! Love your delightful use of color! My heart goes out to you though... I take it you have not seen your GS (grandson) in 11 months and have never met your GD or if so, only briefly! You must have gone through a great deal of pain!

 

I see that you have been a member of GP.com for over a year and have posted b4, in the Forums. Your story sounds familiar but, unfortunately, I can't find your forum posts - they probably disappeared after last September's transition to this new site. So I'm not clear on how your DD "and her friends threatened (your) relationship with your GC or what kind of relationship it was. You don't have to explain, of course, if it's too painful to rehash. But I would definitely appreciate it, as I think it would give us a clearer picture of your situation. It seems obvious, for example, that you had a close and/or active relationship with GS. But I'm wondering if you saw him on, say, a weekly basis, mainly on birthdays and holidays or were his regular caregiver, etc.

 

Also, I'm not clear on whether or not you're going for visitation, again, this time or custody. The reason I mention custody is that it seems as if you're expecting the GC to be living with you. I realize that you could cook for them even on afternoon or evening visits, etc. And that the carseats might simply be for taking them back and forth between your home and theirs with your DD. But the fact that you "joined a Moms group" suggests to me that you anticipate the GC's living with you. Please clarify...

 

Beyond that, I know you still must be hurting, as you haven't seen those grands again, yet, I take it and, of course, don't know what the outcome of the court date will be - or even if a decision will actually be made then or if something will happen to cause the court to postpone. But, at least, now, you have a greater note of hope, I imagine, and a sense of anticipation.

 

And no worries about GS remembering you. I'm sure he will. And even if he doesn't, he will get to know you, if the court allows, just as I'm certain GD will. You, of course, will love and enjoy him, as much as ever, and come to love and enjoy GD, too, no doubt, if and when you begin this new phase of your relationship with them. 

 

just hope all goes well. And like you, I'm sure, I hope the court truly puts the best interests of the children first and foremost! You - and they - will be in my thoughts and prayers (if that's ok).

 

Meanwhile, please do keep us posted, as you said!

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GrandNonna

Posted

Hi Rose,

 

Thank you so much for reaching out today! Here is my update. To update you on what happened with my grandson, my case was dismissed based on the fact that DD moved back with the father. All stipulations must be in order to initiate grandparent visitation so I lost that case. My attorney filed an amendment for my granddaughter since all of those stipulations are valid however, the case was dismissed on Oct 23 based on "not enough information" and my lawyer looked just as devastated as I .

 

 

DD did not enter the court room, instead one of the inexperienced staff  representing the firm did. The father of  the child did not appear and as of today a letter of demand went to the opposing lawyer for a visitation this weekend. What he is trying to do , is initiate visits so that he can force visitation with my grandson. I sent a text to my daughter to let her know I love her and that I want this to be resolved. And talk about karma I got a phone call yesterday from New York from a show that wanted to help us make amends. I couldn't make out the name of it , it sounded like Donahue as I was at the store when the call came in. I said sure call her and let me know if she agrees. So far no feedback .

 

I think I deleted a lot of my posts as I felt they were so traumatic . Thank you for the compliments on my colors , the pink and blue were for the little ones a boy and girl. I think color shows our moods so I will pick one when I post .Today the color is brown , I'm feeling kinda down

 

GN

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GrandNonna

Posted

Here we are now in November a new month with continued hope . It appears that the lawyers are now ignoring us, My lawyer wrote a letter asking for visitation for last weekend .No reply. He also filed an amendment with the courts again asking visitation as well as a letter to the lawyer letting them know he is disappointed that they did not even have the courtesy of answering him . Both lawyers offices are within 3 feet of each other.  

 

Our next  court date is Dec 3 . I won't be counting on thanksgiving with the kids yet another year a lifeless Christmas too . I am most likely going to form a support group I know I need one and if there are any grandparents who so desire to help me with building a good support group please get in touch .

 

GN

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RoseRed135

Posted

Hi again, GN! Sorry I didn't get back in here sooner! I'm sorry this case is dragging out, but if it's any kind of comfort, at all, that's not unusual. I know of many people, on this site and off, who are going/have gone through the same thing.

 

What he is trying to do , is initiate visits so that he can force visitation with my grandson.

 

 Unfortunately, the other lawyer probably realizes that.  Also, chances are, that your DD has been advised not to contact you - or, at least, not to discuss the case with you, outside of court - until it all is, in fact, resolved. So please don't be surprised if she doesn't answer your text, even though it is a very loving one.

 

I'm not sure how the people behind a show got word of your situation or your phone number. Did you, perhaps contact them and then forget about it? (Trust me, you wouldn't be the first, if that's the case.) But again, please don't be surprised if DD doesn't agree to go on the show. Especially if she has been advised not to discuss the case with you.

 

But I also see that you've posted in the forums again. I'm going to go over and take a look. ..

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GrandNonna

Posted

Hi Rose,

 

You know, I have no idea if the T.V. show might have been contacted a long time ago or if someone called and wanted to help but in any case , its positive on my part. What I cannot understand, and pardon my ignorance here is WHY a law firm would WANT to go along with such stupidity against a family member who didn't cause the denial to begin with. My thoughts wander ... is this an ethical issue that needs to be reported to the disciplinary commission?  I've met many lawyers before retaining the one I now have and every one of them were all for family and grandparents to be united. Where on earth did this one come from to accept a lot of money to do nothing at all but deny another and how does this effect my grandson?  I cannot help but see it as evil.

 

What's more, my grandsons other grandfather is coughing up the money to give to his son to support the opposing lawyer. My little granddaughter's father told me that my DD threatened to file for child support if he argued with her about me seeing the child who I never got to know. I managed to dig up some facebook information on that fathers father when my granddaughters aunt shared with me that her own brother has cut her off too , moved in with someone and she said to try to contact their dad ( my grandchilds other grandfather) so I did  on facebook and oh my I saw some very trashy content on his page, copied and delivered to my lawyer to show an example of the unhealthy exposure at risk.

 

In short , all I can say is I love my daughter and the children so much that I am feeling like I should view this as a mental health issue and go to some support groups, share my story and try to gain more knowledge  if this is post partum depression as DD has been increasingly withdrawn for more than 3 years.

 

GN

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RoseRed135

Posted

Once again, my heart goes out to you, GN! For better or worse, I'm sure DD feels just as strongly about her view of this conflict, as you do about yours. So she may be presenting her story to her lawyer in a way that makes them sympathetic to her. Also, I'm no legal expert, but it's expected, I think, that each side in a case be afforded an attorney. In fact, legally, I believe, everyone has the right to a lawyer in court? So if DD couldn't get one, no doubt, the court would appoint one. I don't think there are any rules about what cases an attorney is allowed to take or not. I could be wrong, of course.

 

I'm a little confused as to which GF had the "trashy content" on his FB page, GS' other GF or GD's (her dad's father). But no matter, perhaps it will help your case.Ok, I'm not sure how negative content on this other GF's page would help you win visitation, but maybe. I'm not clear, either on which GF someone advised you to contact or why. Was it the GF who is helping to fund DD's case? And was it to try to convince him to stop/see your side? Or was it just so you could see the "trashy" page (and again, is this the same GF we're talking about)?

 

Meanwhile, I can see where it would be very aggravating for you to find out that GS' other GF is providing money to pay DD's lawyer. That suggests she can fight on, indefinitely, I suppose. But, if it makes you feel any better, please remember that this GF, most likely, has his financial limits. Though you didn't say so, I can see where it may hurt you that another GP is funding this effort to keep a GM away from her GC. But again, if it helps, please remember that he is probably seeing the situation through his son's eyes and, perhaps, your DD's. 

 

However, if this is the GF you were advised to contact and if it was to try to change his mind about funding DD's case, IMO, that won't work. In the end, he's most likely to believe his son over anyone else. Also, since he's involved in the case, even if only financially, chances are he wouldn't communicate with you. And it's highly possible, too, he would let his son know you tried to influence him, which would just cause further antagonism. But again, IDK if this had anything to do with the idea of trying to make contact.

 

Actually, if I were you, I would avoid talking to any of the children's paternal relatives, at this point, or anyone who might repeat the conversation to DD or one of he fathers. That is only liable, I'm afraid, to cause more antagonism.  And, chances are, that no text to your DD will make up for her anger over this. I know you must be feeling desperate to find someone else who will vouch for you or give you info that can help your case. And I so understand that. But, at this point, IMO, your best bet is just to count on your attorney.

 

Support groups sound like a god idea though. While I hope you come to see this as your online support group, I also hope you find one that you can attend in person. IMO, that would be very helpful to you, no matter how long this case drags out - especially if it drags out - and no matter what directions it takes.

 

Once more, I hope and pray (if that's ok) that all works out for the best...

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GrandNonna

Posted

Hi Rose,

 

In this situation there are no crimes so I do not think a judge would appoint a family law attorney . How she came up with the money I do not know I only am told it was ALOT. 

 

The trashy content FB page is my GD fathers new girl . The concern started when the fathers sister told me about her and it opened a search to find that she is scantly undressed and I am told that when the child has her days with her father if he is called to work this person is left to care for her. Paining the childs fingernails are only one activity I know. The baby is only 1 . 

 

I printed alot of pages that I found on both the GF FB page and the GF facebook page due to sexually explicit content and gave the pages to my lawyer so it shows what the character of the people can be who are holing higher power and getting alot of visitation .

 

I speak with only one of the relatives you know the saying , keep your friends near, your enemies nearer. Thanks for  the feedback on support

groups so far no interest from others hope soon for that .

 

 

GN

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MrsKitty

Posted

Have you considered that your lawyer is taking advantage of you and taking your money, perhaps knowing that your case is not one that is likely to win? How many more times do you think you'll sue your daughter (knowing that each time you sue the relationship is less and less likely to ever recover)? How much money can you sink into this?

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GrandNonna

Posted

Have you considered that your lawyer is taking advantage of you and taking your money, perhaps knowing that your case is not one that is likely to win? How many more times do you think you'll sue your daughter (knowing that each time you sue the relationship is less and less likely to ever recover)? How much money can you sink into this?

 

Hi MsKitty

 

Yes that feeling of suspicion did come over me after the first loss of the case due to her moving in with my grandsons father . This is not a case of being sued it is a family court matter . I relate the term "sue" to money damages. 

 

I discussed this with my daughter and told her directly that if she did not

stop insulting me ( Mom get therapy ) allowing her friends to berate me 

( your Mother's nothing but a ***** nut) ( You do NOTHING for your daughter my family does EVERYTHING) , being slapped in my face on 

Christmas Eve long before pregnancy took place, bringing friends into our home to steal my belongings for profit , and after the pregnancy conception , and Mom I'm pregnant helping her come home with hopes that she would get a job and start giving back instead using the child as a weapon to further injure the family , I stand my ground. My lawyer has become compassionate with the case and has told me to not give him anymore money . He too is upset and has told the lawyer representing her that they are not being reasonable and that they not  answering any of his letters how disappointed he is that they could not give him the courtesy of answering him with a polite answer as to WHY. If anyone is

taking advantage of a persons money , it is her lawyers . And where is she getting these funds? Her sons grandfather on the fathers side who as instigated , put up money to bribe her to move closer only to watch her falter unable to pay any rent, yet too intimidated by them and their wealth to file for support. Our relationship can only rebuild itself if it winds up in family counseling which I am all for but in this case court order is needed to force her to do the right thing. She is 31 1/2 and if she fails to grow up  these children will grow to believe what they are taught. I can not sink any more money into this after Dec 3 I am not paying another dime but at least I tried which is better than wondering what the outcome would be like if I didn't. I love these kids and I love my daughter too but I won't be abused anymore . I also refuse to believe or feel like this is all my fault pushing her away . She distanced herself and hurt me deeply . My lawyer says these actions let her know I mean business . Thank you for asking .

 

GN   

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RoseRed135

Posted

Thank you for clarifying about the "trashy content," GN! And about the possible significance of that for your case. IDK if it will help but, at least, I understand it now.

 

Kudos to your attorney for refusing to take any more money from you! I admit, I feel as if in some ways, he's "grasping at straws." But it's his job to fight for you/his client and, at least, he's no longer asking you to pay for said straws, if that's what they are. And hey, I'm no legal expert.

 

I'm sorry for all the unpleasant dynamics that have gone on and are still going on between you and your daughter. (((Hugs!))) Sad to say, even if you win your case, those tensions will probably still be there. Have you given any thought to how you might handle the logistics of visitation - the dropping off and returning of the kids - if such a strain exists between you and the mom? I'm not saying it's "impossible." I'm just wondering if you've given it any thought or discussed it with your lawyer?

 

I get your objection to the word "sue." However, to my knowledge, it's often used to refer to any kind of court case. People can "sue for money," yes, and that's perhaps its most common usage. But people also are said to "sue for divorce" or "sue for custody" and yes, even "sue for visitation."

 

But no matter what words are used, I'm afraid Kitty has a point about these court cases further damaging your relationship with your daughter. Whatever the original issues were, It's not unusual for people to be further antagonized when someone takes them to court. Whether you win or lose, please don't be surprised if your daughter is angry and hostile towards you for a long, long time. No doubt, you may think it's worth it to have tried for visitation with your GC, etc. I'm just asking you to try to be mentally and emotionally prepared for how she might feel and act towards you... sigh...

 

Regardless, I hope everything is settled on Dec 3, one way or the other. And as always, please keep us posted!

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GrandNonna

Posted

Hi Rose

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns. I am concerned about my relationship and future with her and just to share a little about who I am and how I am - I sent her a text tonight and briefly said no expectations but my door is open thanksgiving. So that she knows I love her and that should she come down off of her high horse no discussion would take place should she take me up on that offer. If she wants to continue to be hostile with me it is detrimental to the children . I can only hope that the courts order family counseling for us because it is sure needed. I will plan and prepare myself both emotionally and mentally and through prayer and positive thinking , thoughts and actions and most of all because she and the kids are the most important people in my life , Sooner or later she will wake up and realize how she acts towards me and hopefully God will guide her . One thing I know is that my grandson will always enjoy time here and I am glad that he is at least old enough to be understood and able to speak to people about enjoying time here when he is here just like he always has .

 

GN

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RoseRed135

Posted

Well, of course, I know from reading your posts in the forums, GN, that your daughter didn't come for Thanksgiving. But it was very loving of you to send that text and I'm sure that, deep down, she knows it.

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GrandNonna

Posted

Hello all... Just a note to update you on my status . Visits with both of my adorable GC are working. I have gotten my D into counseling and we will be bringing in my GS.  He has developed a stutter and I am hoping that can be corrected . I am thinking it is from nerves of hearing his parents yell . I rented the movie the odd life of Timothy Green and at the end he cried. He said it reminds him of having to go home and I had to stop the movie. I'll be back hopefully with better news soon ! 

 

GN

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