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Cotylucky's Blog

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5 years in waiting for visiting rights-NY

Cotylucky

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Daughter still living free party lifestyle in Cali 5 years after turning custody over to the Father when got child endangerment felony for selling drugs out of babies stroller with my gs present!later while gs who is now 6 being withheld from school (first grade) & kindergarten too, no immunizations & a frazzled GP on edge of visitation rights because Dad knows I'm finally serious after attempting to have visiting papers served on him!& he of course evaded, so says he says will work with me as doesn't want courts involved!! It's been hard to not report to CPS, but fear of losing all contact too great! God works miracles so in meantime I'm keeping lines of communication open! I have continued visits for 5 years every 2-3 months$$$, at attorneys advice, some days feel like just paying my attorney's mortgage payment with no results!!!




8 Comments


Cotylucky

Posted

Reason for waiting so long to file, again out of fear losing rights to see gs & dad allowing me visits on his turf only plus all the $$ manipulation from him!

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RoseRed135

Posted

Hello again, Cotylucky! Welcome back! And I feel for you as much as ever! I know it must hurt to see that your DD (dear daughter) prefers the party life to raising gs. And I understand you're worrying about gs not going to school or getting immunized. Many of us GPs would feel the same way.

 

I'm not sure, though, what you mean when you say the child is "being withheld from school?" Are you saying that his dad is denying him an academic education? Or is it simply that he is homeschooling him? If it's the latter, perhaps it will ease your mind to know that many young parents are homeschooling their kids, often with excellent results.

 

An increasing number of parents are also choosing to forego or delay immunizations, for fear of serious side effects, etc. To me, it's a very scary idea, especially when they don't get their kids immunized, at all. But again, hopefully, it will be of some comfort to you to know that this is not unheard-of and often well-thought-out by the parent(s).

 

Meanwhile, I'm a little confused about the visitation. If you've been visiting regularly, "every 2-3 months... for 5 years," what would a visitation case have been about? I know you told us last year that the dad had cut off your visits, but that was after 4 years. So I take it the visits resumed again, after a little while? Is that correct? And if so, then... well, as I said, I'm confused... I realize that it can be hard to get everything down clearly in so little space, Especially when you (general) are agitated.  Can you clarify?

 

Whatever the issues, I'm glad the dad has decided to work with you. What do you think that will mean - more frequent visits or longer ones or... ?? Anyhow, please keep us posted on how it all works out!

 

ETA: Rereading some of your posts in the forums, I see that gs was actually enrolled in school in kindergarten but seemed to have been absent several times. Is that still the case now, in first grade, or could it be that his dad had mixed feelings about the schools and finally, as I mentioned above, decided to homeschool?

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RoseRed135

Posted

Oh, just saw your additional comment! We must have been posting at the same time.

 

So you've filed before? And I take it you lost that case? (Please forgive me if I'm wrong about that.) 

 

I so understand if you were hesitant to file again, for fear that if you lost (again?), the dad might cut you off entirely, out of anger that you took him to court, at all.

 

...& dad allowing me visits on his turf only...

 

Sorry, but I'm not clear if you're saying that one of the reasons you wanted to file is that the dad only lets you visit at his (and gs;) home/in their state - or if you're saying that if you filed for visitation, he would only allow that. Again, please clarify.

 

...plus all the $$ manipulation from him!

 

Again, I'm not clear on if you're saying that this is one of the reasons you wanted to file or one of the reasons you waited. I get that you may be posting in a very agitated frame of mind (and again, I know I could be wrong). But please try to make the story a little clearer. It will help us to understand. And to give any support - or advice if you're looking for that though I know you have an attorney.

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BlueEyedGirl

Posted

I am so sorry that you are going through this. As Rose acknowledged, I'd be curious as well as to whether he is being homeschooled or simply not being schooled at all. NY law states that school is not compulsory until age 6 so his Kindergarten (5 years old) year wasn't required by NY state law. If his father is homeschooling him - even if its not real - if he's "legitimately" homeschooling his child by NY state laws and your grandson is able to show the mandatory achievement requirements for NY state, he isn't required to send him to a  public or private school. Immunizations as well - are not compulsory for many reasons. Specifically - if I'm understanding correctly - in NY, they can get a religious exemption (most states allow this) but not a philosophical exemption. However, any child that does not attend a public (and in some states private) school is not required to be immunized. If he actually started to a public school - they would have been required to show proof of vaccinations before he would be allowed to attend. 

 

All things considered - I think it is better that you work with dad on visitation- unless you suspect abuse. If he is enrolled in school - believe me - the school is closely tracking attendance and reports absences beyond a certain number. In my state - for example - if a child misses more than 20 days (unexcused)  in a year, they are required to provide a hospital/doctor's note, repeat the year or meet with a social worker to discuss truancy.  They will not allow him to attend without proper immunization documentation. 

 

You mention that you have struggled with not reporting to CPS. What specifically were you considering reporting him for? If I'm understanding correctly - your first statement about child endangerment and the drugs and stroller pertain to your DD correct? What specifically has Dad done (let's ignore for a second the schooling and immunizations) that would require a call to CPS? 

 

Regarding filing for visitation - I'm going to agree with Rose, it sounds like you are getting visitation. Is that correct? 

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Cotylucky

Posted

Sorry for not clarifying more…. It has been back and forth with the schools, Kindergarten he didn't like and pulled him out because teacher said he would not sit at desk and do work, well how would he know to since never in preschool setting, plus Dad does not celebrate Holidays, so pulled him out, told school he was moving to Georgia , second time trying to dump my gs on his Mom there, who is uneducated and no vehicle, and he refused to allow me to pay for school there and transportation for my gs because I would not buy him a vehicle, this has happened often, the manipulative tactics…He told me a month ago a "conglomeration of people" are helping pay for my gs to be in a Montessori school in Staten Island, where they live, and we had visited together before in past.I have not confirmed this yet, as not sure school will talk to me?

Since visiting 4 weeks ago, the Dad stated he would rather not go to court for visiting rights (let me clarify, that I have only once been allowed to bring my GS to my home in NCarolina from NY where they reside, because Dad controls me and won't allow it unless I offer something back in return, $, car, etc….My family in the mean time has only seen their great gson and nephew twice since he was born and taken from my daughter, hence my desire to get also in "writing" these visiting dates legally written up, as I have made plans to fly to NY to visit and done so and then had to eat the ticket because he changed his mind after saying ok to visit!!!Dad will not reply now for 4 weeks , as I have emailed the visiting outline request per my attorney to him, and he is again stalling. Now my attorney just informed me that another court date has been scheduled since the first one got cancelled, on Sept 4, because she had a baby (no I have not made it in front of a judge yet in the 5 years) as was told to keep an accounting of all the visits and interactions at my expense to develop this relationship with my gs so that my case would be stronger when do present for visitation.Attorney just emailed me today and stated the new hearing will be for Nov 20th for visiting rights, and the DAD was given until Oct 20th to reply to me if he does not want to go to court about this, this has been offered to him also verbally by me for last 4 years! He avoided the papers being served on him prior to Sept 4, by having his gf state that he doesn't live there anymore!Lies! Now attorney states we will have to re-serve if don't hear from him by Oct 20th!

Its a rat race with this DAD, he is a control freak!& is now on 4th gf since he and my daughter broke up and one has already left him a month ago and is pregnant by him, and now there is a new one living in the basement of his Dad's house (last 10 years) with my gs and 4th or 5th gf!

I know he smokes pot, and asked me how to keep Yahshua out of his bed at night time? Grow up Dad, yes he has been much more consistent with my gs than my daughter ever was, but this tormenting me and my family is not right, hope courts will see that also!Thank you for your time! and energy!Was going to report to CPS, his neglect to homeschool or send to school, but guess?? that isn't case, and too scared to involve them anyway, have heard scary stories, they could take gs and place in foster without consulting me.Other Grandma has fled to England, living there now!

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Cotylucky

Posted

Main Reason for Visiting Request: Dad refuses to put anything in writing! so he can continue to manipulate and control me.....Just told my daughter he will not sign anything!

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RoseRed135

Posted

Thanks for filling us in further, Coty!

 

Glad to hear GS is in school, after all. It sounds to me as if the dad has had a little trouble getting his ducks in a row. But this is a good sign and hopefully, it means he's growing into the role.

 

Still, I'm so very sorry he changes plans on you and tries to use your requests to get money out of you, etc. Granted, he has a right to change his mind. But how unfair when you're looking forward to a visit and have already purchased a ticket and even, I take it, already flown to New York!

 

I'm guessing that your attorney had you put the requests in writing so you have proof that you tried and that the dad has been consistently denying you. This tends to establish the fact that you're being pushed away. Please realize that it doesn't necessarily mean that the judge will decide you and GS should have more contact. Maybe. But maybe not.

 

If it's any comfort, the dad's refusal to let you take GS to NY may merely reflect a decision he has made as a parent about letting his little boy go out-of-state w/ anyone but him. It may not be an effort to control you, personally. A lot of parents, to my knowledge, would balk at sending their child so far away w/ anyone else, GP or not. Plus, he may be afraid that you wouldn't bring GS back though I'm sure you would.

 

Also, if it's any comfort, please realize that it's not your responsibility to make sure that aunts and uncles and GGPs, etc. get to see GS. I know you'd like them to and it would be great if they could do so via your visitation, if any. But please try not to feel pressured to make that happen.

 

As for the dad's refusal to "sign anything," again, I don't think that's necessarily "so he can continue to manipulate and control" you. It may be b/c he fears being manipulated and controlled (I'm sure you wouldn't try to do that but this might be what he's afraid of) and losing some of his right, as a parent, to decide who his child sees and when. But, in the end, if the court gives an order, he would do well to adhere to it.

 

And hey, I don't often hear of the courts awarding overnight or extended visits to GPs. But in the case of long distance GPs, sometimes, I have.

 

Good luck! Here's hoping everything turns out for the best!

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Cotylucky

Posted

Thank u so much prayers for Nov 20 please , dad had been now served & still speaks to me but no mention of court so pray all will go well & he will still gs to visit NC with me this Thanksgiving as he had said he would and I have bought ticket!!

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