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GrandNonna's Blog

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My 2015 In Review

GrandNonna

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Greetings Grand Nonna's and Poppa's ,

I enjoyed the winter months and the white holidays , and their ambiance , but most of all my grandchildren . December brought memorable times with my grandson as I bought him ice skating classes , an old fashioned sled, and his one piece long sleeve snow suit of black and blue. It totally rocked to see him feel warm and roll around on either the ice skate ring and or the snow hill. I can only hope this winter his father did not donate it I will chase him down with my rolling pin if he did . Just kidding. Trying to be optimistic, and make humor of some things , my grandson never finished his skate classes as his father pulled him to take him out on the lake and claim to have trained him himself. Glad I can still take him to the rink soon to see how well he learned .

My granddaughter is a plump little 2 1/2 yr old who loves to attend family concerts, took her and daughter to rib fest and to a couple of carnivals with music. She loves dancing and does quite well I must admit. The absent grandfather was notified and has may years of family connecting to work out . While he is taking some interest our darling daughter is not. I pray for unity and peace and forgiveness and that God gives him the wisdom to make up for his abandonment .

As far as the visitation goes I get it for days at a time and then don't for weeks at a time. DD called me today to clue me in on an American Doll doll that came to the resale store she volunteers at and wants me to buy it . With her discount of course... let me dash right on over and purchase it and scat back home and hope you let me be her sitter instead of my grandsons father who enjoys taking my place . No he is not the father of both just the grandson.I no longer acknowledge him per a friends suggestion. So when I arrive to pick the kids up I stay focused on eye contact with only DD , GS, or GD , do not look at him , speak to him , or wave at him. Why ... ok . Well.. GS told me his father has offered him wine. I guess I just am sickened by this loser . Now telling his son he is back to his old job. A photographer. Someday GS will ask his father how to do taxes . Cough cough!

Meanwhile DD is back on track working , enjoying her job and volunteering , hoping to get a place of her own or ... plan to move back home and help get us into a larger home.Sorry I have not

been on here much . Been trying to focus and organize my life love and always on the lookout for a house rental . January is the deadline goal. WIsh me luck! And oh! Happy belated independence day , memorial day , fathers and mother day , easter, valentines day , new year and christmas.

GN




8 Comments


RoseRed135

Posted

Welcome back, GN! Sounds like things are mostly going well! Glad to hear it!

 

I take it this means the counseling you and DD were going to has been successful. Am I right? If so, great! Either way, are you still going?

 

Of course, I'm sorry that there are still tensions between you and GS' dad. Avoiding eye contact must be uncomfortable, but it is probably the best idea.

 

As far as the visitation goes I get it for days at a time and then don't for weeks at a time.

 

I must admit, I don't quite get how this works. Is there an agreement, formal or informal, that you have the kids stay w/ you for several days, X number of times a year? Is that why there is such a wide gap between these extended visits? Or does DD just ask you to take them X number of days at various intervals and  then turn to the GF for babysitting in between? Or ??

 

Regardless, thanks for all the good wishes and same back to you! And yes, wishing you luck on finding that house rental!

 

Hope you keep getting to enjoy those grandkids! And that we hear from you more often! :)

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GrandNonna

Posted

Hi Rose!

 

So sorry I did not forget to come back I have just been absorbed in life and the such. Still working with a broker on a house and am researching "Sears Homes" should I be so lucky as to find a deal on one ! Ok back to reality and to update on the happenings. I wish I could say they are good I truly want to and keep praying to God that I soon will . 

 

DD admitted her sons father yells and hits my GS. When asked if she's looking for a place she says yeah with a friend. GS still cries when has to go home and as usual my days are now 24 to 27 hrs maybe every 2 weeks. GD has been shipped to her father who's wife claims my GD calms her down. I think ... what is she a therapy pet? When I ask when GD is coming back I am told "none of your business" so ... I emails the child's father .  Daughter told me she wont tell me anything because of what I might do with the information. I fear guessing for fear I might be right. 

 

I took my GS camping at the local park district event and I loved it . Never pitched a tent before and never had a smore, nor grilled a hot dog on a long wooden handle metal skewer over a fire. It rocked this grandma's world. I taught GS to swim this summer "dead man float" as that is all I know and he took to the rest . His behavior sometimes is hard to watch and when told he cannot do something he talks loudly and over me , gets angry clenching his teeth balling his fists then running under or behind a chair asking to be alone. I hold back my tears and sit calmly in a chair nearby and let him get it out his system and ask him to come out for a hug and we talk. I tell him I know how he hurts but assure him that in my home "we talk" and let hie his own m know that it is not the same at Nonna's and to know that he will never be yelled at or hit on here . We hug , I dry his tears and we move forward.

 

I can't wait to find a house for him to have a room of his own or to share with his sister. I have to get back to my book  soon and I hope I finish , my editing soon , upload my book and start on the second one .

 

Oh. I called DD father . Will tell ya about that soon... I hope all is great in your neck of the woods Rose and all others! I hope everyone had a wonderful summer. 

 

GN

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RoseRed135

Posted

Thanks for updating us, GN. Sorry things aren't better than they are. Especially sorry about how GS' dad disciplines. Glad he sees a different example in you. I'd be careful about advising him to tell his mom about the difference though. She may just see this as competition or find it irritating.

 

I take it GD was sent to her dad and SM (stepmom)  for a visit?  Like you, I'm not crazy about the "child-as-therapy" aspect. But if SM enjoys having her around, maybe that part is good.

 

Glad you had a chance to go camping w/ GS! Sounds like you had a good time!

 

Good luck w/ your book!

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GrandNonna

Posted

Hi Rose ,

I too am sorry things aren't getting any better . I pray soon that I can have a more steady flow of positives to post here .  Oh the GS dad what a toll this has taken on me. How he has everyone programmed is beyond me .

GS says - Nonna when I want to come see you I ask Mom. She asks my dad and he says no most of the time.

DD says he provides a roof over our head and gets my daughter what she needs so mind your own business . He gives the orders but should I approach him he squirms around and studders.

As for the GD fathers wife she comes off as quite the controlling and bossy person . I do not like her as I found her scantly dressed and undressed FB page which she pulled but jokes on her I printed it right away lol! Of all the people who are blood to my daughter , the extroverted people seem to be the main people in her life and in the kids worlds . Yes it hurts to feel isolated and abused by these mongrels.
I only wish they had a small element of class and respect for elders .

I said to myself a day ago ..   While I have always felt blessed to have a beautiful daughter who I have vowed to raise with love respect  education , dignity and all that I can as a role model , I also feel somewhere along the line as a single parent I failed somehow somewhere along the line because  everyone else she connect with is not like who she is and she enjoys them , and every family seems envious to have a daughter like her yet have no problem being  homewreckers while she welcomes them. 

GN

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RoseRed135

Posted

Just saw this, GN. (((Hugs!)))

 

Please rest assured that many people like those who are different than themselves - "opposites attract" and all that. This doesn't mean you've "failed" in any way. It's just a factor of her personality.

 

Or she may see a lot of good points in them, where you see only/mostly bad. Again, not a "failure" on your part. Just a sign of different POVs.

 

Also, DD may have changed, over time, and may be  more like these other people (not in any bad ways) than you think - may be more "extroverted" than she was in the past or share some common interests w/ them. My own DM held into an image of me that she had from when I was in high school, long after my ideas and behaviors had changed in certain ways. If that's the case, the only thing you may have "failed" to do is recognize that DD has grown a little differently than you expected. Not an unusual mistake for parents to make.

 

Since you're concerned about DD preferring extroverts, I take it you're more introverted or somewhere in between? And as such, don't feel comfortable w/ these people?

 

But I'm not sure how you're defining extrovert. As far as I know, an extrovert is someone who gets their emotional energy from being around other people, is very sociable and often (not always) the "life of the party," etc. It has nothing to do w/ being "bossy" or "controlling" or w/ "giving orders." Not that you said it did, but these are the other ways that you describe the other adults in DD's life. Not sure if you're making a connection there or not. You also speak of these people as "mongrels," but I trust you're not relating this very negative opinion of them to the fact that they happen to be extroverts. Or was extrovert perhaps the wrong word?

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RoseRed135

Posted

Regardless, what concerns me about DD is that she seems so willing to overlook any mistreatment of GS by his dad, as long as he's providing them w/ a home and doing for GD. Apparently, though, she doesn't have the means to put a roof over her and the kids' heads on her own, so, unfortunately, she may be feeling a little stuck. She may need some individual counseling to help her see how to find her way out of that situation. But she would have to come to that decision (to get individual counseling) herself. She's not going to listen, IMO, if you suggest it.

 

Then again, if he's good to GD, even though she's not his bio child, I can see where that's a huge plus in a mom's/DD's mind.

 

I'm a little confused about the relationship between GS and his dad though. In a previous blog entry, you worried about GS' getting TOs (time outs) at his home, a fairly common and "normal" punishment, even if you don't think it's deserved in this case. But now you're talking about yelling and hitting. Granted, DD  may not really see the these as abuse, depending on how hard the dad hits GS. While I don't condone any corporal punishment, myself, I know some people don't see a spanking or a slap across the face as abusive.

 

But I'm also confused b/c in one post you tell us hat DD is thinking about leaving the dad and moving in w/ a friend and then, in another, you say she's glad the dad provides a roof, etc. and tells you to "mind your own business." Did something change her mind about leaving? Or is she just vacillating (which, IMO, is totally "normal" and understandable). It may be best not to speak to her about this too much, and especially not to argue over it, as she may dig her heels in and stay w/ him.

 

Still, if it appears that DD is staying in a situation where GS is being truly abused, then you may have to contact Social Services. You can do this anonymously, of course. But, TBH, if DD or GS' dad even suspect it was you, it may mean you don't see your GC, for a while - maybe even a long time. But if you truly think GS is being hurt, then it may be a sacrifice you need to make. I hope that's not the situation, but I'm saying this, just in case it is.

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GrandNonna

Posted

Hi Rose ,

 

Many times when I blog , I am blogging like a diary to keep the journal of the events that took place s my own mind is not boggled and my hard copy journal and arthritic hands get a break ) . One moment DD makes statements that lead us to believe life's great for her and again on the other hand will also express she's trying to move out. Going back in my blogs I mentioned people being mongrels to me. After I read the email from GD fathers 2nd wife the only word I could think of was mongrel. She yelled it's none of your business ! Yelled DD is a good mom! Have a very nice day!  

 

I deal with multiple people who DD has made her cherished friends. From the one who called me a racist ( the illegal immigrant ) and her few who brought her here to the other individual who had been arrested sometime before she was galavanting to various farms with him and her little girl to the GS father and his family. She DD has made these people her family.

 

The GS family from France are controlling and have made sure only their names appear on school documents, only they are allowed to take GS on week long trips even out of the country. When I saw my GS last weekend he asked me why I wanted so long to come get him. I blamed myself to him and said I had many Dr appts and work related business but that he was in my thoughts all the time and apologized for taking so long.  

 

This friday I had GD over but GS was hurried back home per GSD request . I had an early CT scan to get done so I mentioned to DD that having her stay here to be with her DD would be most helpful so I could go without waking GD up . She failed to show and by 11:30 PM I phoned her. I had to lock up and sleep . She finally showed up at 12AM she said she was spending time with a friend. She had been expected by 9PM . After I returned from the hospital , no answer at the front door as I had givin her the keys in case she wanted to walk and enjoy the sunshine before I returned . I walked across to the park and I found her there kissing some strange guy . GD was playing on the gym set. She introduced him and his name was a name of someone she had gotten pregnant by in July and came to ask me to pick her up as she felt ill in July , later informing me that she took a pill to induce herself in my bathroom . When I learned of this my stomach was turned over multiple times.

 

My GD while here was talking to me infact paused me when I was reading to her in my room before bed . She told me that GS father is showering with her and kissing her on her mouth. After a few hours with DD and GD on Friday I took her to my room to bring it to her attention.

She began to yell at me telling me that GD was repeating . I said no no

this is really what she is telling me. I wanted her to remain calm let her daughter tell her this without interruption.I was so hurt so frustrated I slightly raised my hand to her I wanted to slap her to snap her out of her yelling. But within a fraction of a second I was slapped in my face , falling onto the bed being slapped again . I have a bruised eye and arm.

 

Thank you Rose (((Hugs))) much appreciated . I went to the police but was redirected to where the wrongful touching took place. GD will not talk and I have been told that I am stressing her kids out and am cut off once again. She called me the day after and in a very cold tone said she was sorry for hitting me. She said GD did not say what I told her she said. Of course she is intimidated. No more money for lawyers anymore and my last choice is to go to the court house and have the judge bring her to his chambers he said he needs her to be there to tell her what the visitation schedule will be . I want to tell her this can happen if she refuses me anymore . I try to do the best I know how without involving police . GS father warned me if I did he would destroy me" yet no cooperation.

 

I noticed a support group on FB but no one is manning it . I'd like to find a lawyer who will allow funds to be raised for situations like this . I read the front page on here about grandparent visitation rights . I pray a solution comes into play because my grandchildren mean the world to me. Much prayers needed. 

 

GN

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RoseRed135

Posted

Forgive me, GN, for not replying to this, right away. It's a lot to take in. I'm sorry but your DD seems very unstable to me and in serious denial of what's happening to her kids. I appreciate your fears (of having DD brought into court, etc.), but you may need to do whatever needs to be done - not so much for yourself, as much as I sympathize w/ you - but for the safety and wellbeing of your GC.

 

I just read your new post in Grandparents Unplugged, and answered you there, as well. Basically, what I said there is what I think about this situation, overall.

 

More (((hugs)))!

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