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      Tell us about your experience with signing up for Medicare   01/23/18

      We want to know what the process was like for you, any difficulties you experienced, the length of your process, etc. This is strictly research and any information you share with us will not be shared elsewhere. Please email jack@grandparents.com with the subject line: Medicare Process and we'll be in touch with specific questions.
    • LaToyaADMIN

      PLEASE READ: We are moving the community   02/15/18

      Dear Community friends and family,   After great consideration, we are moving the Grandparents.com community to Facebook Groups effective March 15, 2018.   This wasn’t an easy decision, but we want to bring our communities together and believe the best place to do so is through Facebook’s groups feature. We’re so appreciative of you and the diverse conversations and opinions you have provided over the past 9 years. Your stories and amazing advice have helped so many readers, and have reached thousands of GP.com users. We encourage you to retrieve any information you want to retain as the forum will only be accessible by the admin after March 15, 2018. We’ve created a closed Facebook group called Mothers-in-Law Unplugged where we welcome you to continue the conversations around grandparenting, family, and in-law relationships, and any general topics we discuss here. As the group is closed and each user must be approved, your friends and family on Facebook won’t see any of your activity. Request to join the group here: http://bit.ly/milunplugged Thank you to all of our past and current users. You helped build our community, and we look forward to continuing to interact with you in the Facebook groups. If you have any questions about the groups and privacy, let’s chat about here:   Sincerely,   The Grandparents.com Team

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  1. Hands-Off Grandparents

    Hello.  Finally able to post my first post and stop hinting at it in responses to other people's posts.  First, some clarification.  I'm not a grandparent.  I'm an oldest son in his early 30's married to DW (she's an oldest sibling, too).  DW and I had our daughter in 2015.  My family has always had real problems showing love and affection.  My father was not in the picture for much of my youth.  I barely remember him living in our house (my youngest brother doesn't remember at all and only has pictures).  My mother raised my brother and I as a single parent and managed to do an amazing job with limited means.  To put it plainly, my parents do not seem to give a hoot in heck about my daughter.  Their first and only biological grandchild.  Now, I should mention, they have both remarried and they both have step-children that have children (so they have several grandchildren already).  My dad is a write off.  He hasn't ever tried and I don't expect him to try now.  The other family has always been his closer family and every year I get an apology and an 'I wish things had been different' and then I don't hear from him until the next holiday season.  My mother, on the other hand, acts the same way and I never, ever thought that would happen. My mother will not drive to see me or my family unless she has a reason to be here visiting.  When she remarried (she did so about the time my daughter was born) I bought her bed and bedframe, dresser and some other bedroom furniture from her so that she would have a comfortable place to visit when she comes up.  Now, this was in 2015.  Here's the kicker... My mother will not come visit my family.  When she does come this way, she says for about an hour or two, then goes shopping for a few hours and then goes straight home.  She's not spent he night with us once in the two years my daughter was born.  I've mentioned it before, kindly, carefully, "Mom, next time you come up, do you think you could stay?  We can do whatever you want.  We can watch movies, go out to eat, play boardgames, do nothing and just sit around and talk and enjoy our time together?" and every time it's "Sure." and nothing changes.  Last time she came up, she didn't even wait for my daughter to get home from daycare.  She stopped by for a second, then went shopping and then went back to my home town two hours away.  This was about two months ago or so.  I didn't bring it up because I knew it would turn into a fight.  Every time it's brought up, it's a fight.  Then I feel bad for making her feel bad.  But shouldn't she?  Shouldn't she feel a little bad?  I see people on these forums BEGGING to see their grandkids.  Why not mine?  My parents would not see this grandbaby if I didn't force her on them once every other month.  They don't call, they don't write, they don't ask to Skype.  If they communicate with my daughter, it's because I've begged them to.  I'm tired of begging. My wife's parents take my daughter every weekend they can.  They call all the time and want to talk to my daughter and they're always asking my wife when they can come in next and when my daughter can come spend the week with them.  And when they come over or when we go to their house, it's so cute to see how excited my father-in-law is with my DD.  He thinks everything she does is pure genius.  "She's sitting in the chair with her baby watching Peppa Pig!"  "She just said 'shoe'"  "She pointed at the grass and said, "GEEN!" (green).  My Mother-In-Law similarly dotes on her.  They love spending time with their grandbaby.  And every time I see it happen I am so happy for my daughter but inside I'm so depressed that she'll never have that kind of relationship with my parents (if nothing changes).  A couple of weekends ago was the straw that broke the camel's back.  My wife had to work unexpectedly over the weekend when we were going to take my daughter to my home town.  I decided that, for my daughter, I'd take her anyway by myself and play it single-dad for the weekend.  My mom knew we were coming and knew we were staying for the weekend.  Would you believe that when I got home (3:00 PM) she wasn't there?  Sure, that can happen.  Life doesn't revolve around myself and my family, I get that.  4:00 PM rolled around, then 5, then  6, then 7.  Then my daughter's bedtime passed, so I kept her up just a little longer hoping they'd come home.  I thought they were in the town over from ours shopping (as they are want to do, it's their hobby).  At 8 I had had it.  I had sat in my mothers house, just my daughter and I, waiting and waiting and waiting for them to come home.  I suppose this would be a good time to mention that my mother's husband is over the moon about his grandkids.  They're his world.  All he does is dote on his grandkids.  Every time we come by, they're around (and that's great, I'm glad they have a good relationship)!  I just can't figure out why my mother won't act that way towards my daughter.  Well, that night snapped it for me. I called my mom and told her just not to worry about dinner and that I was taking my daughter home.  She asked why and I told her, if I wanted to sit around by myself and play with my kid, I can do that at my house where she has her toys and bed and books, etc.  Then she laid it on me.  "We're at (stepfathers parent's eating dinner).  I'll be home soon."  I then went on to scream at my mother, "If (SF)'s grandkids were in town, you'd bet your *@#%@# @#%@^ that he'd be there and there would be no way in !#^% that he would let you take him away from them."  I then told her that from that point on there will be no more single dad visits with the daughter.  The next day I felt immensely guilty.  Terribly guilty.  I love my mom.  She's my whole life.  She was my mom, my dad, my best friend.  She had me when she was 17 and we basically grew up together.  We had a very close and solid bond. The next day I called her to apologize and tell her that I loved her, and she hit me with this, "Well, you should be sorry.  I love (SF) very much and sometimes we make plans.  You need to be more flexible, etc. etc."  I'm numb over it.  I'm numb today over it.  I mean, I'm glad the cards are on the table, but who says that?  Who does this?  I come to this website and my heart is broken for all of the grandparents who want to see their grandbabies but can't.  I would gladly part with health, happiness, possessions, anything, just to have my parents play even a passive role in my daughter's life.  Instead, I think she'll only see them two or three times a year.  It feels better just to have typed all of this out.  Maybe this catharsis will help.  I welcome any and all insights.  Thanks for taking your time to read this monolith of text.
  2. Do you tend to feel sadder/"bluer" during the winter months? Are you more likely to feel "down" or depressed when days are shorter and there is less sunlight? In short, do you experience Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) at this time of year? And if so, how do you cope?
  3. Coping with Holiday "Blues"

    Major holidays, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, etc., can be very difficult for some people, whether due to stress or loneliness or whatever. Do you ever have a blue moment or two during the holiday season? And if so, what, have you found, will lift your spirits?
  4. introverted depressed Son-in-law

    My daughter married a man who has a long standing history of depression and a very intense introvert. I always loved him anyway, because of how he made my daughter feel. They had two children who are now 10 and 7. I love those little buggers so much! Well, it's a complicated history but bottom line, he acted in an irresponsible way, losing his business to gambling. Since then, he works on and off. My daughter has a very good job, fortunately, but his mother went to live with them to supplement their income, helping to pay the mortgage. She is also a very depressed woman, much like her son. Her husband was a big time gambler also.   Well, bottom line, I was the first to tell my daughter about the gambling. Since then, my SIL will have absolutely nothing to do with me. He avoids me like the plague and when he is home, (weekends, holidays) I never get to see my grandkids. No Thanksgiving, no Christmas, etc.....He has essentially cut me out of his life, and consequently, my grandkids too.   Is there anything I can do at this point to change things? This consumes me.
  5. I read the site Allnurses.com quite regularly. It's a huge site, dedicated to nurses, that is quite a bit like grandparents.com.  It has forums just like here.   It has been reported that the man who started the site, a nurse, killed his wife, three children, and himself.  Does this terrible thing point to the pressures of running a business, the pressures of being a nurse, the pressures of life, a combination of all those things, a neurotransmitter imbalance, or some other mysterious factor?   I hope this tragedy reminds America and the healthcare community to pay more attention to stress and mental illness, so care is more available and so more people seek care before it's too late.   Did you know that Suicide Prevention Week just ended?   This incident is so heartbreaking. The effects of stress are so great. Many people are embarrassed to asked for help. Be as kind as you can because you never know the struggle another is having.  Be kind to yourselves, each other, and hold on!
  6. What People Say

    What are the best comments people can make to you when you're feeling low? Worst?
  7. I am the grandmother of a 15 mo granddaughter whose genetic testing has identified an illness that will progressivley get worse and result in early death.    I am heartbroken and at the point where I cannot stop sobbing. I have a very special bond with her. I am also desperate to help my daughter cope.   I am struggling with my faith. I am sick with worry. I need to be told how to put one foot in front of the other.   Please help me.
  8. Blue Skies or Blue Spring?

    Do you find that spring, with it's longer days and warmer weather lifts your spirits? Do you revel in the site of new leaves on the trees, flowers budding, more sunlight and blue skies? Or are you just as "blue," yourself, as in the colder, grayer months... maybe more...?
  9. Welcome to the new "50 Shades of Blue" group. I'm the moderator most in charge of the group, and I'm glad you're reading. I hope the group helps you as you go through depression, any other emotional disorder, and just anything that makes you emotional. What's on your mind?