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      What to do if you get a "Wrong Password" message   01/21/16

      You must reset your password (even if you know it's the right one) before you can sign into the community. Thanks to the upgrade, there's an issue with passwords and signing in. The good news is that you can click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/lostpassword/ to change your password (it'll let you reuse your old one). If you can't reach the email address connected to your account then please contact the admin at latoya@grandparents.com and I'll help you sort it out. 
    • LaToyaADMIN

      Anonymous posting is back   01/21/16

      We've removed the extra step that required you to go to the full-page editor to access the anonymous post option. Now, you can reply to a post and toggle the button to post anonymous (see photo below).    Read more on anonymous posting here:    In short, the mods can see who posts as anonymous, we moderate anonymous posts the same as revealed posts, you can reply anonymously to your own topic, you may report anonymous posts.

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  1. Are you...

    ... watching your GC on New Years Eve? Or doing your own thing? Or if you're the parent of young children, will their GPs have them on NYE while you go out? Or do they still socialize on NYE themselves? Or if you're a custodial GP, will you be leaving your GC w/ any other GP/relative, so you can go out? Or do you spend NYE w/ the kids? DH & I haven't gone out or had friends in for NYE for years. So we, generally, have the DGC stay over for on NYE while YDD goes out. In fact, often, we  get to have them for a couple of nights - this year, they'll be w/ us from Sat night through Monday morning. We are all looking forward to it! How about you?
  2. Maybe all your kids knew the truth about Santa Claus by the time they were 5 and you're worried b/c your GD or GS still believes in him at age 10. Or perhaps you clung to the belief till you reached your teens, and you're not sure how to react to your DS or DD who seems eager to know the truth at age 4. Or maybe you're a custodial GP and suddenly faced w/ the question of "when to tell a child about Santa Claus?" - a question you thought the parents would have to handle this time around. Regardless, if you google "what age is too old to believe in Santa?" you'll see a number of articles on the topic. Some of them point to a specific age by which the author thinks a child should have let go of the idea. But most of them suggest it "doesn't really matter." Then again, in almost the same breath, some of those say it would be odd for, say, a 16-yr-old or even a 14-yr-old to still believe (barring certain mental and emotional disabilities, of course). What do you think? In your opinion, are any of your kids/GC holding/did any of your kids/GC hold on to the Santa myth "too long?" Or are they giving it up/did they give it up "too soon?" Or do you feel, perhaps, that their parents/GPs/other relatives let the cat out of the bag "too early?" Or??
  3. This New Hampshire custody law was just passed (7/31/17), giving GPs custody preference if parents are guilty of substance abuse: http://www.nbc-2.com/story/35770125/new-hampshire-law-gives-grandparents-custody-preference Thoughts?
  4. We generally caution GPs not to interfere in parenting choices except in cases of abuse or serious neglect. However, what can a GP do, if anything, if they notice their AC or CIL "helicoptering" (is that a word)? And is there more leeway for granny (or grampy, etc.) nannies here since they're often "up close" to the situation and possibly more aware of any "overprotective" parenting? What if a custodial GP appears to be guilty of helicoptering? Do the parents or other relatives have a right to step in/speak up? Thoughts?
  5. Spring is here (or almost). As you look forward to the warmer (or in some places, hotter) months, are you making any plans to travel to see LD (long distance) family? Or are they coming to visit you?
  6. About December Babies!

    Is your new child/GC or will your new child/GC be a December baby? If so,  please let us know (no specific birth dates, however - too identifying!) And please feel free to tell us all about them! (Please do not give us more than the first name, though - again, too identifying!) And If you'd like to post pix,  please make sure you have the parents' permission, unless you have custody.)    
  7. What does the expression "helicopter parent" mean to you? Is there such a thing as a "helicopter GP?" Also, if you care to share, do you see your GC's parents as helicoptering? Or have they ever accused you of same as regards your babysitting/caregiving style? Or, as a GRG (grandparent raising grandchild/ren), have you ever been told you're "a helicopter?" Or if you know anyone that you feel is a helicopter parent/GP - a friend, cousin, aunt, nephew, etc - please feel free to draw on that, if you'd like, in this conversation.
  8. About November Babies!

    Is your new child/GC or will your new child/GC be a November baby? If so,  please let us know (no specific birth dates, however - too identifying!) And please feel free to tell us all about them! (Please do not give us more than the first name, though - again, too identifying! And GPs, if you'd like to post pics,  please make sure you have the parents' permission, unless you have custody.)        
  9. Granted, this forum was originally created to focus on the issue of AC (adult children) returning home, w/ or w/o spouses/SOs and kids, "refilling" their parents' "empty nest." But now I'm wondering about those situations where that nest has been refilled by aging parents/GPs. Are any of you here dealing with/have you ever dealt with that scenario?  If so, what do you feel are the special challenges of that situation, if any? And if you will, the rewards (again, if any)?
  10. About October Babies!

    Is your new child/GC or will your new child/GC be an October baby? If so,  please let us know (no specific birth dates, however - too identifying!) And please feel free to tell us all about them! (Please do not give us more than the first name, though - again, too identifying! And If you'd like to post pics of your new GC,  please make sure you have the parents' permission, unless you have custody.)   ETA: You may also want to check out the thread "Autumn Babies" http://community.gra...-autumn-babies/
  11. About September Babies!

    Is your new child/GC/ or will your new child/GC be a September baby? If so,  please let us know (no specific birth dates, however - too identifying!) And please feel free to tell us all about them! (Please do not give us more than the first name, though - again, too identifying! And If you're a GP/relative who would like to post pics,  please make sure you have the parents' permission, unless you have custody.)   ETA: You may also want to check out the thread "Autumn Babies" http://community.grandparents.com/index.php/topic/12048-autumn-babies/
  12. As we've discussed before, instead of AC (adult children), some of you have had your aging parents/PILs (parents-in-law) move into your home, due to economic or health reasons or both. And others of you are caring/helping to care for an aging parent/PIL or two, even if they still live in their own home or another relative's home.   So now I'm wondering, how is that working out? And do you see any changes happening in that situation in the coming year? Perhaps the elderly father, once so reluctant to relocate, is ready to sell his home and move into yours? Or the elderly and very ill MIL who has been living with you will take up residence in a skilled nursing facility? Or?? Please feel free to let us know, overall, how this situation is going...
  13. About February Babies!

    Is your new child/GC or will your new child/GC be a February baby? If so,  please let us know (no specific birth dates, however - too identifying!) And please feel free to tell us all about them! (Please do not give us more than the first name, though - again, too identifying! And If you're a GP or other relative and would like to post pics,  please make sure you have the parents' permission, unless you have custody.)   ETA: You might also want to check out the thread, "Winter Babies!" http://community.gra...-winter-babies/
  14. About January Babies!

    Is your new child/GC or will your new child/GC be a January baby? If so,  please let us know (no specific birth dates, however - too identifying!) And please feel free to tell us all about them! (Please do not give us more than the first name, though - again, too identifying! And If you're a GP or other relative and would like to post pics,  please make sure you have the parents' permission, unless you have custody.)   ETA: You might also want to check out the thread, "Winter Babies!" http://community.gra...-winter-babies/
  15. It's holiday time, allegedly, the "most wonderful time of the year" for all, especially children. But what if a child's parent(s) won't/can't be there for the Christmas or Hanukkah, etc? What do you tell your child, if you're the other parent, or your GC if you're a GRG (grandparent raising grandchild)? And do you bring up the issue or wait till they ask?  (Same questions if you're raising a niece, nephew or other relative child/ren).    
  16. The "responsibility" thread in MIL Anonymous reminded me of when I had to balance helping out w/ my MIL against my being a caregiver for my DGC. I used to pinch hit for SisIL about once a month, so she could get a day off. But that was usually on a Saturday when I wasn't needed to watch the kids. However, I was the one who went w/ MIL to her doctor's appointments (DH drove us there but I spent time w/ her in the waiting room, etc., while he tried to find parking, which was often difficult). Fortunately, SIL was good about working out the appointment dates and times w/ me so they wouldn't conflict w/ my schedule w/ my DGC. Also, in my view, my first priority in this matter was to YDD and the kids, not MIL. Lucky for me, both DH and SIL understood this. (I think MIL would have, too, at least, in the early stages of Alz. But IDK if it was ever discussed w/ her. )   But now I'm wondering... are you/have you ever been sandwiched between caring for an aging parent or PIL and taking care of your kids/GC? And if so, how do/did you balance the two? What are/were your priorities and, if you will, how does/did that pan out?
  17. If you're estranged from your GC - or if you're a parent who has distanced or CO your kids' GPs - how do you feel the situation came about? And what do you anticipate happening in 2015? An effort to improve parent/GP relations? Other relatives (or friends) interceding? A court case? Nothing? Or ??
  18. What's your fondest wish for your kids and/or family unit in the coming year?
  19. My daughter and son-in-law are loving parents to my 1 & 3 YO grandsons whom I babysit 2X WK. But they fit the definition of helicopter parents. I find that their anxieties greatly restrict me in my interaction with the kids. I am also concerned that these same anxieties serve to hold back rather than encourage the development of the kids. I have seen some evidence of the latter.   To give some examples: I am not allowed to take the kids anywhere in my car or in a taxi.  The kids have only been in my home a few times and never left there alone with me and my spouse. Obviously the 3 YO has never had a sleepover with me or anyone else for that matter. DD & SIL believe kids do not need and should not be given starches/grains, any sugar, chocolate, ice cream, crackers & a host of other things. Their house is interesting-food starved. I am not allowed to bring "bad stuff" for kids. When we are out, I cannot even buy myself an ice cream because I am not allowed to share it with kids. The 3 YO had not even been given bread until recently. Ambient music (even classical) from radio or computer is forbidden because the noise disturbs either other sleeping kid or parents. Baby is physically active & is learning to climb but he is discouraged, i.e. removed from wherever he is. 3 YO still sleeps in a crib. Has recently learned how to climb in and out but is discouraged from doing the latter, as he is from using stairs on his own. My play with them is restricted as we cannot make a mess or too much noise. I know I must respect my DD & SIL's desires/rules. Yet I am so personally frustrated and sad. I also worry about the degree of fear-of-just-about-everything that has been and continues to be instilled in the 3 YO. I want to be able to open up the world for them. Am I alone or is there anyone else out there experiencing similar problems? Any wisdom or advice? Keep in mind that I must avoid the impression of "criticizing" at all costs.
  20. If you're estranged from your AC (adult child) and family, how do you handle the holiday season or how are you/do you anticipate handling this one? Filling the void w/ lots of other family and friends? Enjoying more quiet days at home, just reading, watching movies or catching up on hobbies, etc? Traveling? Throwing yourself into work, as much as you can? Sitting alone and letting the tears flow? Volunteering? Or??
  21. Do you feel it's important to share T'giving w/ your child's regular caregiver, if any? If that's a GP or other relative, do you believe it's a given that you invite them to your celebration or attend one at their home? Or do you feel they spend enough time w/ your child? And that this is a time for your core family to bond as a unit or for your kids to spend time w/ other GPs/relatives?
  22. Perhaps you're the frequent or fulltime caregiver for one or more GC/relative kids but also have major responsibility for an aging parents. Or maybe you know someone in that situation. If so, how do you/they manage to balance the two? Or do you/they?
  23. Those Gender Reveal Parties ???

    What the deal w/ "gender reveal parties?" I never heard of them till recently and only on this site, But, apparently, this is a new trend for expectant parents who have just found out the sex of their coming baby. Have you ever been to invited to one? Did you go? If yes, what was it like - what did they do that's any different than at a shower? If not, would you go if you were? Are gifts expected? Who tends to give them, if you know, the parents2B or their friends or... ??   Also, did/would you ever have one? And did you get/would you expect gifts?   Generally speaking, what's your take on this new idea? And do you think it will spread and become par for the course? Or do you think it's a passing fad that will soon dies out?   I know I've asked lots of questions here. But please feel free to answer only the ones you want...
  24. What role will you play, if any, this weekend, in the lives of the GC/relative kids you take care of? Will you see them less b/c it's a holiday weekend and they will be with their parents? Or more b/c you'll be needed to babysit, esp. on Monday if kids are out of school but the parents still have to work?   If you're a custodial GP/relative, do the parents see the kids on this weekend, at all.   And if you're a parent who relies/ever relied on family daycare, will you be utilizing that avenue more or less, given the 3-day weekend?   Regardless, have a great weekend everyone!
  25. Let me start by saying I have Bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 5 months pregnant with my first daughter "S". But I have followed the "rules" of the game, taken my meds, seen my doctors, and lived a productive life. I was blessed to be a stay-at-home mother for both my daughters. My 30-yr old daughter "S" and I have always been exceptionally close. She has always had an above average IQ, and is very well spoken, and presents herself very well. Though with all this going for her, she has never leveraged these talents. She turned down her free ride to college years ago, and instead has always worked tending bar until about two years ago. She works a decent job now, though capable of doing so much more.   Her biological father, I divorced when she was just an infant. He has not played an impressive part of in her life (being there very, very little and only when it benefitted him), so she and I developed a close bond early on. She considers the person I later married as her father figure. She has had a few hard knocks growing up, and I have always been the only person in her life that has been there for her unconditionally. She went through a 2-yr period of cocaine use, and in the end it was me she came to, and we drew up rules and time limits for her to get "cleaned-up" and a job, and how long she could stay in my home as an adult. I have always been a parent who believed in setting boundaries. She DID get cleaned up and followed the rules, got a job, moved out, etc. That same year (8 years ago) she became pregnant with my first grandson.   I was newly divorced after having been married for 20 years. I was delighted with this little bundle of freshness introduced into my world. I kept this little bundle nearly every weekend for her to tend bar. I did not mind at all. I loved having time with him. In less than 2 years came another little bundle and I kept them both on weekends for her to work. We might as well say she was single. The "donor" of these 2 little bundles was soon gone - they were never married, and he has never been involved in their lives. Then she met "C". Her relationship with "C" grew. I was happy she had someone in her life. After some time "C" moved in as a permanent part of her family. I was cut back to keeping the (no longer bundles) boys to every other weekend. Which was fine. I have proceeded to have my grandsons nearly every other weekend, even when she was no longer working weekends. So I've been extremely active in their lives all their 8 & 6 years.   I cherish the weekends with them and we always have such a great time. They are always excited to see "Granna", and Granna is excited to see them.   Then in 2012, my 2 daughters and I lost 9 very close family members; losing someone nearly every six weeks. Close, very much love family: the girls lost 2 grandmothers, a special-needs uncle took his life, my boyfriend of 10 years was killed in a car wreck, etc. Horrible year. But my daughter of my grandsons, "S", was very "stoic". In retrospect, she was not dealing with the deaths at all.   Then last July (2013), she had "a psychotic break with reality". She developed severe anxiety and panic attacks (which I have dealt with all my life - anxiety and panic attacks). Plus she became delusional, and began hearing "commanding voices" and seeing things, which were not there (one example: a man in the grocery story turned from getting something out of the freezer and she said "when he turned around, he had the head of a lizard"). She herself knew she was in trouble and checked herself into a psychiatric hospital.   Once out, she continued with psychiatric care. She was getting better, but was not back to being my "S". Then 7 months later, this past February, I had plans to have both the grandsons, and also had my step-granddaughter from my younger daughter. "S" came to drop the boys off. Everything seemed fine. Just before she started to leave, I asked her to please be sure to be available to me with i had the boys, because of late she I had not been able to reach her sometimes when I needed her. Suddenly, with that, she turned into a person I did not recognize. She started screaming at me, wanting "proof" of being unreachable, yelling at a pitch that would raise the roof. The grand’s came running in the room and I sent them to the back of the house and closed the door. "S" continued to rant and speak to me as though I were 4 yrs old, order me to "sit down". Eventually hen i did not comply, she hit me (later leaving a bruise which I photographed), and shoved me down onto the sofa. I finally got her to leave. I was torn up emotionally. The grand’s were upset as well.   That was the last time I have been "allowed" to see my grandsons. She has now been fully diagnosed as being in a "Manic Schizophrenic Delusional" episode. The psychiatrist said it could last 4-6 months. We are now in month 6, and there is no sign of change in sight. Part of the problem being that, because I was diagnosed having Bipolar 30 years ago, my mother has always been mortified and embarrassed about this (stigma). I have become the person "S" has demonized and blames for her problems and for passing down the mental illness gene to her. So to quote her, "This mental illness crazy train is going to come to a halt. You had no business having child and passing down this gene. Now I’ve had children and probably passed it to them." And thus I was banned from her life and theirs. My mother & step-dad, "C", who she is married to, and my other daughter and her husband, and my ex-husband, have all grabbed onto Alice's rope and followed her down this dark rabbit hole. They refuse to believe anything is really wrong with her. They say, it must be me that said or did something to set her off. She is NOT mentally ill (esp. SD), and they refuse to believe what I say started all this- they refuse to believe it even took place as I say, even with me having photos of the bruise she left on my arm. It's entirely my fault as far as they are concerned. No one has even stopped to consider if the boy’s safety could be at risk with her hearing commanding voices and seeing things that are not real.   Now, I'm left without my daughters (the younger "T", to give birth w/i 6 weeks and I've been totally excluded), my grandchildren, and even my own mother. "S" even took out a "Cease & Desist" & "No Trespassing" notice on me when I delivered birthday gifts to her and one grandson in May, and her Mother's day gift. So now, I really, legally cannot even try to talk to her!   Because "S" speaks so eloquently, presents herself so well, and is so extremely smart, she has this whole entourage behind her, and the psychiatrist says (and I totally agree) that this is only prolonging this Schizoid-delusional episode.   I’m concerned about the safety of my grandsons. I’m worried sick about “S”. I miss my daughters. I horribly miss my grandsons, and I know they have to wonder where in the world Granna has gone, especially after losing 9 people in 2012. What do I do?   ~Left Alone in the Dark Granna