• Announcements

    • LaToyaADMIN

      What to do if you get a "Wrong Password" message   01/21/16

      You must reset your password (even if you know it's the right one) before you can sign into the community. Thanks to the upgrade, there's an issue with passwords and signing in. The good news is that you can click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/lostpassword/ to change your password (it'll let you reuse your old one). If you can't reach the email address connected to your account then please contact the admin at latoya@grandparents.com and I'll help you sort it out. 
    • LaToyaADMIN

      Anonymous posting is back   01/21/16

      We've removed the extra step that required you to go to the full-page editor to access the anonymous post option. Now, you can reply to a post and toggle the button to post anonymous (see photo below).    Read more on anonymous posting here:    In short, the mods can see who posts as anonymous, we moderate anonymous posts the same as revealed posts, you can reply anonymously to your own topic, you may report anonymous posts.
JustaGrandma

To spank or not to spank?

85 posts in this topic

Thank you, RoseRed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're welcome, Betsy!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I got what your calling spanked with a belt. My Mother only beat me, not my older brother, or my older sister, to this day we can't figure it out, accept we were poor and I came along and I guess I made it worse. My brother was almost blind in 1 eye at birth so he was my Mothers pet, my sister was 12 yrs older than me, 1st born she was my Dad's pet.

Having said that, I DID NOT SPANK. My SO would spank, not hard like my Mother, but a smack on the butt if they were misbehaving. He was a discharged Marine when our son was then 4 and he was very strict w/him, I use to call them the Sgt. ad the Private. Our 2nd was 14 yrs later and not so strict and a Girl, and the 3rd 5yrs later a Girl not so strict.

So I guess it was 1/2 spanked 1/2 didn't, I just couldn't after what I went through.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was spanked when I was a child.  I was not ever HIT and I have never hit anyone in my life.  My dad used a leather strap only on my and my siblings butts.

 

I am raising my GKs, now elementary age.  They think time outs are a joke.  A minute for every year?  They can stand there half an hour and still will do the same thing another day.

 

Taking away toys doesn't work because they find something else to play with.  "Go to your room" doesn't work since they have their best favorite toys in there.

 

They are pretty good with the 1-2-3 count and it rarely gets to 3 which is when they would get one swat on the butt with a belt, but never in anger.  

 

I also use stickers on a calendar for a reward for a behavior they are working on. I have never spanked them for something that happened in school.  I feel the school should deal with it.  They learned early on that bad behavior in a store would result in the shopping coming to a stop right then and them being taken out to the car.

 

When they become too fractious in the car and won't quiet down, I pull over to the side of the road and refuse to go on until they can tell me they will behave.

 

All of these combined seem to be working for me.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To teach my LO not to touch the stove, I showed him it was hot with a paper towel. First, I turned on the stove and asked him if it was hot. He said yes. I put the paper towel in the flame and it caught fire. I stuck it in a bowl of water I had waiting. I turned off the stove and asked if it was still hot. He said no. I put a second paper towel where the flame had been and it turned black. I told him he never knows when the stove is hot so he should never touch it.

For the road, I took an empty plastic coke bottle with a lid. I had him push on the bottle and on his tummy and tell me which one was harder. We agreed the bottle was. Then my DH backed the car over the bottle while I stood with him. It was flat. I asked what he thought a car would do to him if it did that to the bottle. He agreed that he should stay away from moving cars. Since then, if I say " hold my hand there are moving cars," he holds my hand. And it's not because he fears a swat from me but because he understands the real consequences, so he'll do it even when I'm not there to see.

Edited because quote in the wrong place

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I came across this article today and made me think of this thread.  It comes from an often snarky and sarcastic online feminist magazine so be forewarned: snark, sarcasm and adult language abound. Contains many links to studies and such. Especially liked these bits:

 

"Consider please that even in Kansas, it is already illegal to hit former children, also known as adults. As in most places, they have a law, K.S.A. 21-5413, which states that battery is knowingly causing physical contact with another person when done in a rude, angry, or insulting manner. So basically, SPANKING AN ADULT ONE TIME (without consent) would be battery. Just once."

 

"It's just a different "style" of parenting, no better, no worse! Yeah, a "different" style that just happens to be legalized assault. Even worse, it indefensibly suggests that there's some kind of logic to hitting that can be measured in actual strikes — 10 you're fine, 11 you're a child abuser? Should we let the domestic abuse shelters in on the secret?"

 

"Of all the parenting styles, there is a reason that authoritarian is considered the least effective: It is the KNEEL BEFORE ZOD power trip of parenting that is just ugly. (Which is why studies show that controlling parents have the most delinquent children.)"

 

And this one lifted from endcorporalpunishment.org: "In previous centuries, special defences existed in legislation in many states to justify corporal punishment of wives, servants, slaves and apprentices. Violence to women remains far too prevalent, but in most states it is no longer defended in legislation. It is paradoxical and an affront to humanity that the smallest and most vulnerable of people should have less protection from assault than adults."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All children are not alike and so they will not react the same to a given situation.  I don't believe spanking is the right answer to all situations as a method for disciplining, but I do believe that some children will not respond to anything but a good swat on their butt.  I have three sons that I brought up all by myself with no help from their father or my family, each one was different and as such I had to find a way to discipline them. Of the three the oldest was the hardest to deal with and the one that pushed my buttons to the max.  I tried not to hit/spank in anger. I would always line them up in front of me and asked them to the point who, what and why. And would tell them the consequence to their actions. I would always tell them that it hurt me more than than it would hurt them to have to dish out the consequence to their bad behavior. And yes, sometimes their bad behavior warrant a spanking/whack on their butt. For example, when my oldest (age 9 at the time of incident) pushed is baby brother (age 3 at the time) down the stairs. Or when my middle son (age age 8 at the time) ran across the street without looking to chase a ball that his brother threw and didn't heed me when I told him to stop and almost got hit by a car. I think that incidents like these gave me many grey hairs and almost stopped my heart. I would tell them the reason they merit a spanking but I never went overboard or hit in anger.  Sometimes I had to send them to their room to think over what they had done wrong before I disciplined them, which gave me time to cool down and think on how I could respond to their misbehavior. I used other methods like time outs, sitting in the corner, losing privileges, taking toys or tv away, and so on.  They never lost their trust in me, always come to me for advice and I still have good rapport with them (my oldest is now 29 with 2 children of his own, the middle is 28 with 3 children and the youngest is 23 still living at home), we care for each other. So even though I did spank them when they needed it they don't have scars for being spanked. I always told them that all actions have consequences, their rewards for their actions could be negative or positive.  So they could expect for bad behavior, depending on severity of it, anything from a time out - to a spanking. For good behavior, they also had positive reinforcement given, like a special outing, extra allowance, or special privilege. Now that the 2 oldest have children of their own, they are good fathers and they tell others that they had a good upbringing and that they want their children to have it too, they are teaching them that all actions have consequences and if they have to give their children a whack on their butt they do but never in anger and only if the bad behavior warrants it, which is almost never.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome snincle.  It is always nice to get new members.

 

We do ask members not to "bump" (move old conversations back to the top) unless they are the original poster wishing to make an update.

 

If you would like to open up a new thread, you can do so by clicking on the "start new topic" button on the upper right hand side.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/3/2013 at 7:45 AM, JustaGrandma said:

Spare the rod and spoil the child or does spanking teach a child hitting is okay when you are mad?

My grandkids are 6 & 11 and have  been raised without spankings. Well they hit each other all day! Kicking, slapping, punching, yelling you name it! 

Edited by Gmlou58
Spelling

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
29 minutes ago, Gmlou58 said:

My grandkids are 6 & 11 and have  been raised without spankings. Well they hit each other all day! Kicking, slapping, punching, yelling you name it! 

Welcome Gmlou58! Glad you decided to come in and share your views w/ us!

However, we generally ask members not to post in threads that are more than 3 months old, unless they're the OP (original poster) or it's a "stickypost"/ thread pinned (thumb tack icon) to the front of the forum. This one is much older than that. So I'm going to lock it down. But I've opened a new one on this same topic in this same forum and copied & pasted your post to that. Here it is:

 

 

Edited by RoseRed135

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.