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maybelsmom

Lost weekend visit with my grandbabies

31 posts in this topic

When you said, "When I asked my son why he won't stand up to her he replied that he did not want her to use the kids against him" it sounds like you're getting involved in how they conduct their marriage.

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I get the feeling your DS has much of the responsibility in your fallen relationship. He should not be speaking of his DW to you as there are two sides to every story. How difficult for any mother not to show bias. Perhaps DS is using his DW as a scapegoat and he too feels as she?

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"My problem is going from weekly visits to being cut off indefinitely."

 

Once again, as a GP caregiver, myself, I can just about imagine how painful that must be. The time I spend with my DGC (dear grandchildren) has lessened, recently, now that they both go to fulltime school and, in the summer, day camp. And I know it will decrease more as they get older. But if they were suddenly torn from me, entirely, I know it would hurt me very deeply!

 

Ordinarily, I would suggest finding other ways to fill your time. But it's not as if you had them several days a week and could use the time to get household chores done or pick up on an old hobby... well, unless you work during the week and could use the weekends to socialize with friends, etc. I know little or nothing will make up for missing them, completely - I'm just trying to think of some things that might help.

 

Some estranged GPs swear by volunteer work. If that appeals to you (and if you're not already doing it or even if you are), please note that GP.com has established the GrandCorps (see the very top-left  of this screen) to help hook up GPs/Seniors/Boomers with volunteer activities in their vicinity that interest them.

 

BUT  if this rift only occurred, recently, it's possible DIL is still just angry and when she calms down, she'll reach out to you again, if only for a few weekends of babysitting. Chances are the 4-yr-old, especially, will ask for you, from time to time and her mom will, eventually, relent. (When I said the kids are "ok," I meant simply that, fortunately, I think, kids bounce back emotionally, faster than adults, in most cases, not  that they don't ask for you or want to see you.) Unless this last incident was, somehow, the culmination of an ongoing issue, I don't think this separation is necessarily permanent. And even if it was the latest in a series of problems, I still feel there's some hope here. You may not be asked to watch the kids as often as b4 - DS and DIL may decide they need the weekends to spend time together as a family - but it's very possible, IMO, that you'll be sought out for childcare, once a month or every other weekend - not what you were used to, no doubt, but better than nothing.... Just a thought...

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I do agree that son should be teamed up with his wife but he also should be the man of the house and head of his family according to

God's design. I shared the details about DIL to illustrate the family dynamic. I do not interfere with their lives. I did not want to go into a long story about what transpired, but it was of a petty nature brought on by DIL pilfering my house which had nothing to do with the children. She became angry with me when confronted and decided to punish me by huffing off with the children in tow telling me in front of the children that they would no longer be visiting. Also, she has arranged her work schedule so she is off when son is working and takes the children to daycare anyway. I am not trying to go on a rant about DIL just making an observation to provide more background. My problem is going from weekly visits to being cut off indefinitely.

You do know that not everyone believes in god, right? And, many who do believe in god still do not subscribe to the idea of a patriarchal god. We still don't know much about what happened to cause this dust up and can only speculate. So here I go speculating. Do your son and his wife share you religious view? I am guessing one of both of them do not or you wouldn't have this judgment about how they choose to divvy up home and family responsibilities because they would be doing it he way you think they should. Personally, if my little girl was getting a lot messages from anyone along the lines of men are supposed to lead families and women are to submit, I would start cutting way back on the amount of exposure she was getting to whomever was giving her those messages and time alone with that person would end immediately. Just a thought, wondering if religious differences might be causing strife.
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maybelsmom,

I sent you a PM. Look at the top right of the below the Grandparent site line and above the search line. You should see a red spot on your envelope. Click this and you will see my message.

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You do know that not everyone believes in god, right? And, many who do believe in god still do not subscribe to the idea of a patriarchal god. We still don't know much about what happened to cause this dust up and can only speculate. So here I go speculating. Do your son and his wife share you religious view? I am guessing one of both of them do not or you wouldn't have this judgment about how they choose to divvy up home and family responsibilities because they would be doing it he way you think they should. Personally, if my little girl was getting a lot messages from anyone along the lines of men are supposed to lead families and women are to submit, I would start cutting way back on the amount of exposure she was getting to whomever was giving her those messages and time alone with that person would end immediately. Just a thought, wondering if religious differences might be causing strife.

I agree. And not all people who believe in a patriarchal God believe in "women's" work and "men's" work. DH and I are Christians. We are also partners. I support him and he supports me. We have equal say in our marriage. And together, we have decided that we will share the chores in a certain way. And it is no one's business but our own. If he feeds and changes our DS every night before bedtime, scrubs the toilet, dries the dishes, and helps with laundry, that does not mean he is less of a husband, man, and leader in our home. He may not like having to do this (I mean, who likes chores?), but he has agreed to take on the tasks, and that is important in a marriage. We help each other and often have to put our wants to the side to meet the needs of the other/the entire family unit. 

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