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RoseRed135

Do You Feel Appreciated?

15 posts in this topic

Do you feel that the parents of the GC/relative kids you take care of appreciate your efforts? Or do they tend to, frequently, find something to complain about? More specifically, if you're a nanny granny (or grampie, etc.) do they seem grateful for the time and energy you put in or do they seem to take it for granted? Or if you have custody, do they appreciate that you're there for their kids or do they seem to blame you for the fact that they don't have them? Or ??

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I get my SGS off the school bus every afternoon and I wonder sometimes about this. I sometimes have to keep him a little longer on some days depending on their work schedule and I know they appreciate that I keep him and don't charge anything. What I think they don't understand is that I have to watch the clock if I go anywhere so that I am home when the bus gets here. It can be annoying when I want to do something and have to cut it short.

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I saw this topic and felt I wanted to comment on this one for a few minutes.  I do not think my daughter has ever appreciated anything that we have done and still do for her children. There have been so many examples of  no appreciation for years.  I just hope that one day my granddaughters will know that we ( DH and I) have given all that we could give to them in so many ways.  I have taken care of them for most of their lives in so many ways and continue to help them. When I have my older granddaughter I have her to read to me because she is struggling in her reading due to her learning disability.  I have her to read to me twice a week when I pick her up to take her to therapy.  Then the two weekends that she visits with me we will read for a short time several times a day.  I tell her that I will help her because I love her dearly and I want her to be able to read.  Her mother doesn't work with her even though the teacher has told her to do this. I am also glad that I am still able to get therapy for her and her mother is letting me continue this after she was awarded custody of her children. So I hope that my granddaughter will appreciate all the effort I go to help her.  My daughter will not.  The girls have fun at my house.  We do a variety of activities.  We try very hard to make sure their meals are very nutritious and enjoyable while at our house.  I do hope when the girls are older they will realize all that we have done for them and appreciate us.  It does hurt that my daughter doesn't see that we are really helping her by what we do for the GDs. Yet, I have to "Let this go" and know that it doesn't matter if my daughter ever appreciates what we do for the GDs.  We know what we do and the girls hopefully will realize it when they are older when they hear what other children's grandparents do for their grandchildren and what the  other mothers do for their children.  Even if they don't ever realize it, we do know in our hearts that we have done so much good for GDs.  We have given our hearts to them and have provided for their needs in many areas of life, provided a lot of fun times and etc.  I dearly want them to get the attention they need and deserve.  Their mother sure isn't giving them this.  I do hope someday that she will. 

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They (the parents) don't. She even told me it was my choice (becoming guardian). My granddaughters will -if they don't already.

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My kids discovered we (the parents) weren't so bad afterall when they'd been away at college/military. "Now I see why you did what you did when we were kids"

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I saw this topic and felt I wanted to comment on this one for a few minutes.  I do not think my daughter has ever appreciated anything that we have done and still do for her children. There have been so many examples of  no appreciation for years.  I just hope that one day my granddaughters will know that we ( DH and I) have given all that we could give to them in so many ways.  I have taken care of them for most of their lives in so many ways and continue to help them. When I have my older granddaughter I have her to read to me because she is struggling in her reading due to her learning disability.  I have her to read to me twice a week when I pick her up to take her to therapy.  Then the two weekends that she visits with me we will read for a short time several times a day.  I tell her that I will help her because I love her dearly and I want her to be able to read.  Her mother doesn't work with her even though the teacher has told her to do this. I am also glad that I am still able to get therapy for her and her mother is letting me continue this after she was awarded custody of her children. So I hope that my granddaughter will appreciate all the effort I go to help her.  My daughter will not.  The girls have fun at my house.  We do a variety of activities.  We try very hard to make sure their meals are very nutritious and enjoyable while at our house.  I do hope when the girls are older they will realize all that we have done for them and appreciate us.  It does hurt that my daughter doesn't see that we are really helping her by what we do for the GDs. Yet, I have to "Let this go" and know that it doesn't matter if my daughter ever appreciates what we do for the GDs.  We know what we do and the girls hopefully will realize it when they are older when they hear what other children's grandparents do for their grandchildren and what the  other mothers do for their children.  Even if they don't ever realize it, we do know in our hearts that we have done so much good for GDs.  We have given our hearts to them and have provided for their needs in many areas of life, provided a lot of fun times and etc.  I dearly want them to get the attention they need and deserve.  Their mother sure isn't giving them this.  I do hope someday that she will. 

But God does know and He is holding you up as one of His special Angels. :angel:

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I'm not surprised at the lack of appreciation that's being talked about here. It seems to be a common theme among GP caregivers and other parents who have helped out their AC, in some way. I'm fortunate in that YDD does express appreciation for my time and efforts, now and then (like on Mother's Day). But. much of the time, it feels as if she's taking my help for granted.

 

@ homey - I don't think DS and DIL will ever realize how your getting SGS off the bus affects you, unless and until they have to do it themselves, at some point. :)

 

@ Cobalt - Love your statement about "knowing" it in  your own hearts! And that, IMO, is more important than whether or not DD ever appreciates all you've done. I'm sorry about OGD's  learning disability but so glad she has you to help her!

 

@ Cobalt and gga - No doubt, the GC will appreciate some of what you've done, eventually, perhaps more than their parents do now. That may be true for all of us. 

 

@ Mame - Your kids came to that realization young, IMO, lucky for you! I began to understand and  appreciate some things about my parents more when I was a young mom. But given some of my issues with DM, at the time, I don't think I even saw certain things then. Really, I'm just now beginning to appreciate some things I tool for granted, years ago.

 

@ Patty - What a kind and beautiful sentiment!

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Ahh, I can only imagine the toll it takes to be a full time guardian as a grandparent.  Bless all of you who are making our children and hence our society better with your love and care.  My daughter does try to appreciate all the help I give her as a Granny Nanny, but she also takes advantage of it.  She refuses to admit my age, and though she tries,doesn't always understand it's a lot harder as we get older. She was horrified one day to see my white roots.  Mom!  You're getting old!  She won't let me go natural.  She says she's just not ready to admit that.   lol   Some times I have to tell her "you guys need to go home, I'm tired".  She quickly gets it, but then forgets again when she's busy and needs/wants my help.

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PattyGram,

Thank you so much for your post.  Tears are in my eyes as I type this.  I am having to stop and wipe my eyes between these two sentences.  Thanks I really  appreciate your comment.

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Thank you Rose.  I do believe my GDs especially my oldest with the learning disabilities will appreciate all that I do.  She seems appreciative now even though she doesn't express it.  They enjoy all the fun activities we do.  We planted watermelon seeds this weekend.  I haven't ever planted this type of seed before.  We shall see how they grow.  My husband is going to plow up an area to plant them in a month.  We also planted Rosemary in a container. 

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I'll chime in from the parent standpoint if I may. DH and I have always appreciated everything our parents have done for us. And we made sure they knew we were thankful. For example, because DH and I had to be at work very early (before eldest DD had to be a school) the first year of school for oldest dd - my mother was gracious enough to allow us to drop DD off at her house and she took her to school. Lots of my friends didn't think this was a big deal, as mom only lived about 5 minutes away, and I was dropping her off rather than mom having to come to our house....but let's dial that back a little bit. It meant some big sacrifices for my mom. She had to be up and "awake" by the time we arrived - which was early for a newly retired person. She was careful to schedule very little in the school year that year because she didn't want to mess up our schedules. She drove DD to school every single day that year. She was our go-to babysitter when we needed one. My ILs, truthfully they didn't do much to "help" but I know they would have if we had needed them in a pinch. They didn't like babysitting one on one. 

 

I have never taken advantage of my mom's availability. If she said she couldn't keep the girls - we changed our plans or took them with us. I am very cognizant that my mother's time is HERS, not mine by default because she's the grandmother. Just because she was available in the morning to take DD to school, I never assumed that meant she was free all day. We put DD in a paid afterschool program. 

 

There really are those of out there who recognize that a grandparent babysitting or helping out is a bonus/perk not an obligation. When mom was driving her to school, she'd find gas gift cards or other little things like that, because she refused to let us pay her. I never bought into the "I'm giving her time with her grandchild, she should be happy" thought process. To me, she was doing us a huge favor, even though she got to see her granddaughter because of that. She was never under any obligation to help us. 

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BlueEyedGirl,

I am so glad that you appreciated and still appreciate your mother's help in the past. I appreciate your thought process in:

 


There really are those of out there who recognize that a grandparent babysitting or helping out is a bonus/perk not an obligation.I never bought into the "I'm giving her time with her grandchild, she should be happy" thought process. To me, she was doing us a huge favor, even though she got to see her granddaughter because of that. She was never under any obligation to help us. 

 

 Your post does make me say "Yes!"   "That is the way parents should feel about the grandparents helping out."

 

I love my grandchildren and I do want to help them in any and every way that I can.  Yet, I do not want to enable my daughter to think that she doesn't have to be responsible for the girls since she is now raising them.  She must learn responsibility.   

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@ Billie - I hear you about the mom showing appreciation "one minute" and trying to take advantage, the next! I think it's a common scenario, if that's any comfort, and that such parents don't always think of it as "taking advantage. Looking back, I can see some ways where I took advantage of my own DM's willingness to help out though I didn't think so, at the time.

 

@ Cobalt - You're welcome. And how lovely that you plant with the girls! Good luck esp. w/ those watermelon seeds!

 

@ BEG - Yes, of course - great to have a parent's POV, too! And kudos to you for having approached your mom in the spirit you did! Thank you for showing us that there are truly appreciative parents out there! :)

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@ BEG - Yes, of course - great to have a parent's POV, too! And kudos to you for having approached your mom in the spirit you did! Thank you for showing us that there are truly appreciative parents out there! :)

 

I second this Rose.

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Unpinning this now to make room for something else. But please feel free to continue the conversation.

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