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sunshine97325

Don't feel like a Grandma yet...

170 posts in this topic

Hi Sunshine,

I have to say right off the bat that I tried Facebook, I gave it an honest try but it was not for me so I deactivated my account.  I will not be nudging you into trying it against your will, especially because I am convinced facebook will outlast us all.

 

I have been reading this thread and really haven't felt like I had much to contribute to the situation until your last post.  I'm curious, noisy, but I think it will give you good insight into the situation and for others if you consider the part I have bolded above.  Do you think the way you are being treated is impolite?  Where is that boundary for you?  Do you feel like it is impolite not to inform you weekly? Or when a milestone has been reached?  Do you think it is impolite that your DIL does NOT stop by? I have to say this last one boggles my mind, it only goes to show how different people really are.

I am a MIL and I am very curious about this too. What would it take to make you "feel like" a GM? It does seem from your wording that you really were not ok with them going to a friends for dinner, why is that?   "her Grandmas good friends house for a birthday dinner for her Grandma.That I was OK with that they couldn't make it to our house for dinner."

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Hi Sunshine,

I have to say right off the bat that I tried Facebook, I gave it an honest try but it was not for me so I deactivated my account.  I will not be nudging you into trying it against your will, especially because I am convinced facebook will outlast us all.

 

I have been reading this thread and really haven't felt like I had much to contribute to the situation until your last post.  I'm curious, noisy, but I think it will give you good insight into the situation and for others if you consider the part I have bolded above.  Do you think the way you are being treated is impolite?  Where is that boundary for you?  Do you feel like it is impolite not to inform you weekly? Or when a milestone has been reached?  Do you think it is impolite that your DIL does NOT stop by? I have to say this last one boggles my mind, it only goes to show how different people really are.

I feel that people think I should get a Facebook account to help them out with sending news etc. Why should I have to go their direction? That is where you compromise and meet in the middle. Cell phones are easy to use. I would think that a parent or grandparent would be on the list of sharing news. It doesn't have to be daily etc. Just now and then. It is wonderful to hear from someone. Specially exciting news. DIL loves to text etc. So, its not difficult for her. If I would depend on my son it would be "all is good" stuff like that. I do text both of them and hers is more detail. Girls are better than that. He also knows she will fill me in. 

 

So, yes I feel its impolite, also could be taken as being rude, un- thoughtful, inconsiderate etc. 

 

Yes, its amazing how different people are. It looks like I am a "one of a kind!!!"

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sunshine, why would you not want to make it easy for DS/DIL by doing FB?  I just do not understand this.  My Daddy said that when you stomp your foot, all you get is a sore foot.  Can you explain this to me more?

I have never wanted to have a Facebook page before why would I want one now??

 

It sounds like from what others are saying here for me to keep posted of new things etc to get a Facebook page. They say its to hard for them to send me a text or email. That I am asking to much for me to treat me different than the rest. That I have chose  to not be a part of the way they do messaging so its my loss. 

 

So, I will take the loss. I feel they can make a effort to fill us in just like they do others. It may take a few minutes longer but it can be done. We text before baby we can after. I was hoping the cell phone would have made it easier to be connected then we wouldn't have to "see" each other. It does when a text gets started, 

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I am a MIL and I am very curious about this too. What would it take to make you "feel like" a GM? It does seem from your wording that you really were not ok with them going to a friends for dinner, why is that?   "her Grandmas good friends house for a birthday dinner for her Grandma.That I was OK with that they couldn't make it to our house for dinner."

Typing out what I am thinking is hard to do. Also could proof read better.  I am very much OK with them going to the dinner for her Grandma tonight. It was a short notice invite also. But, at least I tried. 

 

To feel like a Grandma would be, a random text to say hi, to ask if we are busy and to bring the baby by so he/we could see each other. To hear about how he is changing etc. I have no clue size of clothes etc. To be invited over to see how they have fixed the place up for him etc. But, to get any info we have to approach them. It would be easier if they approached us they know their schedule and what is happening in their world. Yes, they have a life and now are parents but also we are Grandparents and want to be a part. 

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I am a MIL and I am very curious about this too. What would it take to make you "feel like" a GM? It does seem from your wording that you really were not ok with them going to a friends for dinner, why is that?   "her Grandmas good friends house for a birthday dinner for her Grandma.That I was OK with that they couldn't make it to our house for dinner."

Also do you have Grand kids? If so how often do you see them etc. It would be nice to hear from other Grandparents and how things are for them. 

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Well, I would think you would "want one now" because "now" you want pictures and that is where they put pictures.  They are putting the pictures "out there", all you have to do is go get them.  OR, you can miss out on this grandchild even more.  Your choice.  I just, for the life of me, do not understand this mind set.  If I want something, I will do whatever makes it easier for the person I want it from to give it to me.  Is the effort you want, or the pictures?

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I am a little confused, as you have said that she does keep you updated via text since she knows you prefer that, but am I understanding correctly that she posts more on FB, and that is the problem? It seems like she is already compromising - but I don't think you can honestly expect her to duplicate exactly what is on FB for you alone via text without fail every single time. If you're going to be checking up on what others are seeing on FB to compare, then I really think you should just go ahead and get an account. If you're worried about your own security, just use a fake name, bday, free email, picture of a cat and voila. Tell them you want to be on FB to keep up on the group pics and you're doing it under such and such name so they recognize you when you friend them. You are not required to post even a single thing, but then you wouldn't feel left out.

 

When our oldest was born, I posted pics on Snapfish. Almost immediately, various family members wanted me to use Costco, Flickr, SmugMug, Target...you get the idea... instead. I wasn't trying to be a jerk, but I had to just say, if you want the pics, here's where they are, I'm not uploading to 5 different services. I don't think that's impolite or selfish. I think your DIL is already going out of her way for you and keeping you in the loop, but by your own admission it's not enough or fast enough.

 

Also, I don't think you should let your son off the hook. Girls aren't better or required to do more. You can't expect her to fix the problems between you and your son and get blamed for his failings.

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Also do you have Grand kids? If so how often do you see them etc. It would be nice to hear from other Grandparents and how things are for them. 

Yes, I have GKs. Some I see daily. Sadly, one of our DDs and her kids had to move in with us. My other DD is my housekeeper (she needs cash) so I see her almost daily also. I drive CCD carpool and some sports carpools. I have other gc that I see when I see them, I am their babysitter and see them babysitting and when my sons bring them over. I have a 50ish yr old brother who has sole responsibility for his sweet baby. My sisters and I watch her a lot for him. "Seeing" babies can put more on your plate than you wish for.

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Honestly, it just sounds like you want what you want when you want it and how you want it. Other people don't have to adhere to your wants. That isn't rude. It just is.

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I feel that people think I should get a Facebook account to help them out with sending news etc. Why should I have to go their direction? That is where you compromise and meet in the middle.

 

I had to comment one more time on this particular sentence. Why should you have to go their direction? Because that's how they are putting out their info. Like Mrs.Kitty says, it just is. Why should they go your direction when what they are doing seems to work for 99% of everyone else?

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I feel that people think I should get a Facebook account to help them out with sending news etc. Why should I have to go their direction? That is where you compromise and meet in the middle.

 

I had to comment one more time on this particular sentence. Why should you have to go their direction? Because that's how they are putting out their info. Like Mrs.Kitty says, it just is. Why should they go your direction when what they are doing seems to work for 99% of everyone else?

Myself, I do what people ask of me when I want a favor.

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 You don't want to be "that mil" and not see your grandchild, do you?

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I have to say this one stumps me, totally.  Someone has what GM wants out there for the "getting" but GM will not "get" it because it is not being delivered the way she wants.  I really, really do not understand this.  Anyone got an answer for this?  I am wondering if it is because she IS the grandmother or more so the "mother".

 

Sunshine do you think that you should get "special" treatment because you are his Mom or because you let him use your shop?  Please try to explain this to me, because I can not figure this out, at all.  It seems like DIL's family gets pics from FB and even post some of their own there that you could also have the privilege of seeing.  When you (general you) want something, you (general you) should be willing to do the work to get it, not wait for it to be laid at your feet. 

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I think you are having unrealistic expectations. You are a grandmother. These are your grandchildren . It's not like when you were a mother and there all the time. You ARE going to miss things. There is no way you are going to know everything going on- you do not live there. You need to realize how blessed you are to see them once a week.

You've had lots of practice. Do you remember what it was like sending your child to kindergarten? I remember thinking I didn't know what was going on with my child anymore because he was gone from my site. I got use to it. I worked. I missed things. That's the pitfalls of working. Your kids grow up, they leave, and you don't know every little thing about their lives anymore. Only what they choose to share. That's just the way it is.

My advice- readjust your expectations.

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Just as you say, you don't have to follow their direction, in regards to FB, neither do they have to go at YOUR direction, and send you pics the way you're demanding.

 

Honestly, I'm very boggled by what you've written. You expect more, period, and are unhappy that it's not happening. More emails, more calls, more texts, more visits.

 

Yet, the vast majority of what you've been told here is that you're already getting more than average.

 

I really do not understand why you think/believe that things should have changed, that you should be more a part of their lives, seemingly on the sole basis of birth of a grandchild. 

 

What it boils down to is this: Want what you've got, rather than what you don't. Be grateful that you get once a wk visits. For most families, that's an impossibility. Just b/c you're the grandmother doesn't entitle you to an increased involvement in their lives, nor seperate arrangements to meet your expectations.

 

You can either be unhappy that they're not following YOUR direction, or you can be happy that you get what you do.

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Sunshine97325: "I feel that people think I should get a Facebook account to help them out with sending news etc. Why should I have to go their direction? That is where you compromise and meet in the middle. "

No, you don't have to help them out at all. They are not looking to you for help with this "problem" because to them, there isn't one. DS & DIL are happy with the way things are. They are sending news and pictures out via Facebook and text. Interested family & friends know how to access what they are providing. They may feel they are already compromising, meeting you halfway, they may feel there is no need to do anything different because it is your choice to not easily access what they are making available to you on Facebook. They are making an effort to fill everyone it - from their side you are the one not meeting in the middle. What are you doing, exactly, by way of compromise? If you are thinking "my share of the compromise is accepting less time, pictures and updates than I would prefer" I'm sorry, but that is not compromise on your part. You really don't get a vote in that. I think not having any input in their decisions is what is really bothering you.

You said in another post that you would "take that loss" - you are willing to have less pictures and news. Yet, you are obviously not okay with that at all. You want them to do it your way - that is not meeting in the middle.

You asked "why should I have to go their direction?" The reason is because you are the one that wants the pictures and news. You are the one that wants things to be different, yet you are not willing to do anything different. That is not compromise.

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Are you a Grandparent yourself? Just wondering?

 

I guess I will get what I get. I don't feel I HAVE to sign up for Facebook to get updates, photos or whatever when I have never had one to begin with. If they are not polite enough to send a  text or email or phone call or stop by then I guess its the way it is. I am very much OK with text, she does excellent with it. 

 

The bold  comment was meant to say, that tonight I invited them to dinner but they had plans already to go to one of her Grandmas good friends house for a birthday dinner for her Grandma. That I was OK with that they couldn't make it to our house for dinner. That they always get together with that friend each birthday. 

The reason I'm asking about 'being ok' with them not being there for dinner is that the implication is, they needed a reason you found acceptable not to come for dinner. What if they'd said, "Thanks, but that won't work for us" instead?

 

It just sounds as though you're approving/disapproving of their choices and activities, and that's not your role. Hasn't been since your ds became an adult.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh. It's one of the problems that crop up, over and over again w/parents and AC, the moving away from an authority figure role, to a peer. And peers don't give approval. When he was a teen, he needed to have a reason you found acceptable to miss dinner, but as an adult, that's no longer the case.

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I get the feeling from  posts from here that I am very lucky with whatever I get. I think they are from the DIL's,  that 2-6 week visits are pretty common. If I get 1-2 weeks apart then its excellent and shouldn't complain. I haven't heard from many Grandmas saying how often they see their family when they live just minutes apart. It sounds like I am expecting way to much. So, to be happy with what I get. That I should now get a Facebook page to make their life's easier so one time out with any news is easier than finding time to send a random text to a parent/grandparent. I don't think that is necessary. Its so easy to keep in contact compared to the old days. Also I feel it would be fishy looking if I started a Facebook page, when they know I don't want one from even before the baby was born. 

 

Thank you for noticing that I am patient. I have only vented on this site and to my husband. Its just thoughts that need to get out and let me adjust to the way things are. 

 

I am not sure still on keeping the dinner invites out or wait and see on their side what they would do. 

 

Guess what, I just thought about it. This week we seen our son. WHY? To borrow our trailer, yes we visited a little, but it was about his project etc. Interesting. That sucks to have people for sure come around when they need things. Its good we can help them. But, still its just feeling used again. We talk about the shop use. trailer use, tools etc at least once a year. DIL insures us that they come by just because, but really not like she thinks. 

 

The part about random people coming  over when they work in the shop. They are strangers or new friends of theirs that they are building bumpers for their off road trucks or jeeps. Our son does it on the side to make money. So, the owner of the truck comes over to at least drop it off  and sometimes comes over while he has it to help etc. So, strangers to us are in our shop and checking things out. Makes us uncomfortable. It has took years to get what we have. It wouldn't take much to loose it...Most of the time the people he works for are nice and turn out to be friends but still they don't go to their house.  She doesn't like strangers going to their place when they invite a friend over and they bring someone else with them when they come. It makes them uncomfortable, why can't it make us. They purchased an alarm system just for that reason.

 

That is why I am excited about their garage being used for his side jobs. His tools, space etc. Yes, we won't see them as much. But, that is fine. He needs to be independent in all areas. 

 

If you guys could be a fly on the wall. You would understand so much more. Its just not me that has issues. I am willing to talk, compromise etc. Its hard to do when you have to be careful with what you say. If I were to talk to them like this. It wouldn't get me anywhere that is for sure.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. Its amazing the different ways to look at things. I just don't want people to think I am the MIL from H - - -. I am a long ways from it. 

 

I definitely don't feel you're "the MIL from H- - -," sunshine! :) IMO, many GPs have concerns similar to yours, even though I think you're doing better than most of those.

 

As for whether or not you've heard from any GMs in this thread, yes there are MILs/GMs in here, as well as DILs. And most of them seem to be agreeing, which is not always the case. A few have identified themselves as GMs while others haven't. But perhaps now that you've specifically asked about that, the others will.

 

Granted, not all of them live as close to their GC as you do. I'm a GM and I live just minutes away from mine. But I didn't mention that b/c I'm the "nanny granny" - I watch them for some part of every week day, while their mom, my DD, works, etc. So yes, I see them 5 days a week and, sometimes, more. If DD didn't need me to take care of them, however, I doubt I'd be seeing them this often, at this point (they're school age). Maybe she would have come over with them a lot - or asked me to come over a lot - when they were babies, even if she didn't have to work, so she could get some help/breaks during the day, just as DIL goes to the GM who raised her. But otherwise no.  And you say you don't think DIL is going to need you as a babysitter. So I didn't think it was fair to bring up my situation b/c it doesn't really compare.

 

Now that I think about it, though, there seems to be a wide spectrum of time spent with GC - from those GPs who, unfortunately, have to raise their GC to those who, also unfortunately, are estranged from their AC and their families. And there's a lot in between. For those GPs who live reasonably near their GC, and aren't doing much babysitting, the most common visiting intervals seem to be once a month and once every other month. Well, at least on these boards (I'm not sure how that pans out IRL). I have seen some cases here where GPs see their GC about once a week, as you do, but not as many as you might have thought. That's why so many of us have suggested that you "have it good."

 

I know what you mean when you say it might be "fishy looking" if you suddenly got FB now. It might look as if you only did it b/c you want to see pics of baby and not b/c you're interested in DS and DIL, themselves. And yes, that would offend some people. So if you think DS and/or DIL would be offended, then perhaps you had better not. Then again, they might be delighted that you finally joined and can share their news/pictures that way. Obviously, you know them and I don't so you can gauge that better than I can.

 

Regardless, as long as you're willing to accept the fact that, w/o FB,  you're going to miss out on seeing certain pics or hearing about certain milestones as they happen, then, IMO, that's good. I know it still hurts you that they don't/won't share the info and pics with you separately. But, again, I don't think they're intentionally trying to offend you.

 

But you say, DIL replies in detail if you (general) start a text conversation. Have you tried that with news about baby? Maybe even just, "Hi! How is everybody?" would get you a reply filled with news about GS. Or if not, perhaps you could follow up with something like, "Anything new with GS, lately?"

 

Also, I know you feel that "girls are better' at such communication than guys. But that's a very sweeping generalization, IMO. Perhaps if you let DS know you'd like to hear more details about baby if you text him, he'd be more forthcoming. IDK. Just a thought.

 

Anyhow, I'm also interested in the fact that DIL "reassures" you that they do come over "just because." My guess is that she's referring to the times they come for dinner. You say to us, "really not like she thinks." But there it is - clearly, you have 2 very different views of the situation. they're not going to change their view and you and DH, I imagine, aren't going to change yours. However, if you can see that they aren't deliberately being unkind or unfair, perhaps that will ease some of your concerns. Also, as I may have said b4, no doubt, they're going to act according to their view. So if you can accept that, even though you don't agree with it, then I think you'll be happier with the situation, as well.

 

About the additional people who come over when they're working on projects. It does seem a little self-centered of them not to realize that you and DH may be as "uncomfortable" about that as they are. But perhaps that's one of the reasons they got the alarm system and are transitioning to doing more of the work in their own garage. Did you and DH ever tell them that having these random strangers at your house disturbed you? If not, perhaps you should have. But no matter, since now they will be doing more of the work in their garage.

 

As for the dinner invites, I understand that it's taking you some time to decide. Best of luck to all, whatever way you choose to go!

 

ETA:  I meant to ask you why you feel you have to "watch every word you say?" Is it just a general precaution b/c you've read/heard that you (general) shouldn't say this/that to AC or CIL? Or have there been issues over this in the past?

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 To the "girls do better" statement, I hate to hear anything akin to that. It's not true. If it's true look for cause in whoever raised your son.

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I wonder, if you joined FB, whether the AC would be more accomodating in other areas, because they wouldn't feel your pressure of wanting separate treatment.

 

Or, would you be one of those people who, after joining FB, be complaining the AC don't post new pix or comments often enough for you.

 

Two sides of the same coin.

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Sunshine you seem to think it is rude or impolite of DIL not to treat you extra-special and text you photos.  I think you have things a bit backwards here.  You are the one that wants something from DIL.  She does not have any duty or responsibility to send you photos of her child and she already comes over frequently enough that you can see the child once a week.  She is already putting photos on facebook so everyone can have access to them and you want her to go an extra step for you because you don't want to do facebook.  That's your right not to do facebook but you cannot then say that she is rude to not give you the extra special attention.  She does not need to give you the photos and it is not rude or impolite of her to not treat you extra-special by texting the photos.  You seem to be requiring she go the extra step of texting even more photos so you can feel special and then being in a bit of a huff when she does not want to go that extra step and you miss out on the photos.  I don't understand you.  It really seems to me that you are cutting off your nose to spite your face here. 

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I know several people who aren't on facebook, but they do happen to have facebook accounts. The account may be under their pet's name.  Or a made upname like Sunshine Ninetyseven. Using a rarely used email account so they're not searched for that way.  They don't fill out profile details or post any pictures.  Not even a profile picture.  They don't play games or "like" things or join groups or track down high school friends.  They don't make posts.  They don't do anything. They just have the account to "friend" a very small amount of people they know well, who know it's them because they told them.  That way they can look at the photos of others that they want to see, (and that others want them to see), if and when they feel like looking at them. 

 

Though it's a good point (as pp have noted) that if looking at the activities of other people will make someone feel left out, then it's probably not worth it for photos. 

 

This couple does put the pictures out there.  It can't be said the couple doesn't provide pictures, because they do.  You are free to look at them, if you actually want to see pictures.  If you don't want to look at the pix where they put them, that's okay, of course.  Just realize that you choosing not to look at what they do put out there for the looking, is entirely your choice. 

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I just can not understand why someone would not make things "easy" for those that they love.  I will do just about anything to make things easy for my husband, kids, friends or even the people I meet on the street.  Give a little,.........get a lot.................

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I've been chewing on this for a little bit now after your updates Sunshine. You say you didn't know what to expect of being a grandma...but respectfully, I disagree. You have told us what you want. 

 

1. You want DIL to send you random pictures/text messages giving you updates about the baby.

 

2. You want your son and DIL to slow down some, stay home more and spend more time with you....(you say spend more family time...but they ARE spending time with their family - your son, your DIL and the baby....what they aren't doing is spending the amount of time that you want)

 

3. You want your DIL to make sure that you see what goes on Facebook because her sending you the same pictures and updates is a "compromise". What you don't seem to realize is that what you are asking is NOT a compromise. A compromise involves concessions from both parties...you only want DIL to concede and keep you updated - while steadfastly refusing to join FB where she is already posting everything. You are not willing to concede anything in order to get what you want - but you want her to concede to give you what you want. 

 

4. You want time with your grandchild - you haven't said how much...but since you see them once a week already - I can only guess you would like DIL to stop by every day or every other day to visit with you while your son is at work. 

 

5. You want to be treated as a special person in their lives (who doesn't but that's neither here nor there)

 

In all likelihood - these were already in your mind when you became a grandmother and probably before. That is what we mean by mismatched expectations. Your hopes and plans as a grandmother  are not meeting up with your son and DIL's plans as parents. Mismatched expectations. 

 

To answer the ever present question - No...I'm not a grandmother yet. I have two teenaged daughters and I'm in my 40s...so I'm older than some of the MILs here and younger than some. I don't have the experience of a MIL. Mine was wonderful, God rest her soul. We rarely didn't see eye to eye. So...you asked for opinions from Grandparents. Specifically those who live nearby to their grandchildren - how often they see them. I took that question to my mom. My mom is a vibrant, strong, woman who retired several years ago. She loves being a grandmother - BUT her life does not stop for her grandchildren unless it's an emergency. My parents travel extensively and are gone much of the year. But when they are home, they live less than 10 minutes away. Generally speaking - my children will see their grandparents on average between once every two weeks and once a month. For the most part, it has been that way all of my girls lives. We don't just drop by unannounced, my mom would be gracious but have my head for being rude. We moved AWAY from family when I was a child because they showed up unannounced constantly and there were no boundaries. My mother does not show up unannounced at our home. She uses Facebook to keep up with my girls - who each have their own pages now, but before that - the only time I can remember giving any of the grandparents pictures was when they have professional pictures made, school pictures or I made something as a gift for Christmas. I never sent random pictures of my girls to anyone - everything has gone on Facebook. 

 

So I asked my mom if she sees our girls enough. "I love seeing your girls - I love them. But I also miss having a chance sometimes to spend time with just you. And I hate when I miss something they are involved in, but if I'm not home, I'm not home. When your baby has babies it is a miracle. But they are YOUR babies. The best part is that I could send them home whenever I wanted to. Do I see them enough - that's the million dollar question. Most grandparents never think they see their grandbabies enough, because life goes by so fast.  But I also enjoy seeing what they are up to on Facebook, seeing them interact with their friends, I know they are busy - and they are supposed to be. When they were little and you were busy, you were supposed to be. My life slowed down just as yours blew up. Just like mine blew up just as my mom's slowed down. That's hard sometimes. You feel a little left out because you don't feel like they have time for you...but the reality is that life is just like that. Life doesn't stop when you become a mom..or a grandmother. EVERYTHING keeps going on. If we stop our lives for our grandchildren - we are essentially saying our lives are over unless we have our grandchildren with us. I LOVE my grandbabies - but I've got a lot of life left. I'm retired now! I can do anything I want! I've enjoyed every minute of being a grandmother. But that's not all I am."

 

You allude a couple of times in your recent posts to a few things.

 

1. You say that it's not your fault that your DIL isn't polite enough to send a text or call or stop by. I'm not sure what polite has to do with it. SHE IS polite enough to not just stop by. That's considered rude in many circles. And not sending a text or calling - well I don't know what polite has to do with the fact that she isn't meeting your expectations. She can be perfectly polite and still not want to send texts when she's already doing everything on FB. Perhaps...and I'll say this as gently as I can - she thinks it is impolite that you ask her to do double duty instead of joining Facebook where you know she is already posting everything. Just a thought.

 

2. You ask why you should get a Facebook page to "make their lives easier". I ask - why not? You can make it private - no one else even has to know you are there. Make up a name and only have your DIL and son as friends so you can see their pictures. Yes, it makes their lives easier...but it makes yours easier too - a lot less fuss and worry over not getting text messages. You didn't want one before the baby was born...but the baby was born! You have right at your fingertips every update, every first step video, every smile, every coo...everything...but you don't want it?

 

I have never wanted to have a Facebook page before why would I want one now??
Um...that would be because that is where everything is being shared. Again - why WOULDN'T you want one - that is private and locked down and your own private baby album?

 

3. A question about the shop. If she's down there with the baby - why can't the visit be there? What is to stop you from joining them in your own shop? 

 

4. You feel left out because you have to approach them for information. But don't most of us have to ASK to get answers to our own questions. They have a 4 month old baby. That takes every minute of every day. It bothers you that they haven't changed their lives as parents - but let me put it to you this way - have you changed your lives as grandparents? Our lives can't revolve around other people so much that we are bothered when they don't reach out to us on a daily basis.  The ONLY people I talk to daily in person are my children and my DH. 

 

5. You keep telling us that they don't come around or spend time with you - but you've told us you see them once a week. They DO come around and spend time with you - it just doesn't meet your expectations. 

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I think more than anything that this statement bothered me "That not many want to be a part of their Grandkids life. Only see them once a month or so."  Please, please tell me that you don't really believe that. Please tell me that you don't believe that the amount of time spent with a grandchild = how much they want to be part of their lives. 

 


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