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RoseRed135

Calling All Guys, 2017!

33 posts in this topic

8 minutes ago, ImpishMom said:

I totally agree. His son has betrayed his wife, and caused his father to be in a terrible position.

No kidding.

Again, I feel so deeply for you Fractured. I just hope that when all is said and done this awful episode impacts your life as little as possible.

Meanwhile, @1FracturedFamily , about this:

His wife and her family do not know. It will destroy them.

By "her family," I take it you mean DIL's parents, siblings, etc? I'm sure they will be hurt and angry for DIL, poor people. But I don't see how/why it "will destroy them." DIL, no doubt, will be devastated when she finds out. But if these things destroyed whole extended families, a lot of families would be falling apart. Besides, hopefully, they will try to be strong for DIL and the kids.

I know all parents and extended families...maybe thats what makes it hard. It wasn't just some fling with a stranger

Yes, I can see where that would make it even harder. But please understand that you're not responsible for anyone's feelings here. Especially not those of the "parents and extended families." They'll have to find a way to cope.

I wish you - and everyone in the picture - all the strength, courage and wisdom you need to deal w/ this scenario.

 

 

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wow 

a lot of input, I thank you all,

I had to take a day for myself in hospital. I am now dealing with Epilepsy as well. At least the last part of the test I was sedated so I got a good nights sleep after all was said and done.

I am grateful. While I was in the hospital my son took the day to First meet with his Father in Law. Confessed everything thing to him and his MIL. Went well...they forgave him. Together they contacted my sister and flew her to my parents house to take the place of my DIL. She arrived back in town last night. They all met and he broke the news to her at her parents house with her parents present to support her. If I can be proud of him for something right now it would be that he did have the courage to take responsibility in that way.

to Clarify: yes he knew this was all going to come out. yes he knew in a way it was convenient to leave her there. Very Bad Move. Why is my son at my house not his own? They were all roommates he chose to move out and them keep the house as well as new developments I will explain below. 

DIL is home now her family knows and was told by him. Now had he not taken the action he had toke yesterday, I would have broken and gone to my DIL's father myself and would have flown her home. I think I was struggling with the shock of what had happened, and having to trust a son who had betrayed everyone, to do the right thing now. I have some relief in that now. 

At the same time while all of this was going on

No-one has said anything to me about any of it at this point other than my son, with the exception of a text from his FIL saying they had all talked and DIL was home and they forgave him. I also received a phone call from his best friend stating that his wife is now saying that it was not an affair, that my son had been basically raping his wife for 10 months and they are pressing charges. I simply hung up the phone  Nothing else. 

This all hit me about an hour after getting home from the hospital.My son got home about an hour after that.

Of course I confronted him about the new accusations. He literally feel apart.  Wouldn't talk for several hours. He finally came to me and told me he had never forced her, that it was at least to him a relationship. At that point he handed me his phone and said his only defense would be the texts on his phone from her and I needed to read them. I Did. NO FUN. Never would I have wanted to have ever known that side of my son. But clearly by reading the texts She was not forced. many ...many texts begging him to come home early from work because the house was empty...her hoping that her baby was his....on and on. She was also very fond of the way she looks and sent him numerous pictures No I didn't read them all just enough to believe my sons story. Just told him to keep them.

Meanwhile mothers from their church have all banded together around the other woman and are pushing to see my son prosecuted....evidently she thought my son had erased all the text messages she sent. 

At this point, point while my son has clearly betrayed his Wife and Daughter, broken the trust of his family. I think he is trying to make it right. At least he has gotten in front of it. The rest is a waiting game.

I feel for the other husband. I have always been faithful. Yes I am on my 3rd marriage, the two prior marriages did not fail because of my being unfaithful. They were. Having said that I keep going through my head knowing how badly I was hurt why would my son do this? He KNOWS how I feel about it. He say the consequences. Could it have been ya he saw women cheat on me...but he saw me forgive and let them back in. Did that teach him he could get away with this?

At any rate. I am not worried about this other couple and Her accusations, I believe her to be trying to save herself. I will support my son as long as he remains accountable and puts his wife and CHILD first. Honestly DIL and my Granddaughter are my first priority. 

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Good to see your son taking responsibility for his actions. It's nice his PILs "forgive him", but the only opinion he needs to worry about is his wife's. The other woman is backpedaling and trying to save face...at some point she'll need to sleep at night.

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3 hours ago, Mame925 said:

Good to see your son taking responsibility for his actions. It's nice his PILs "forgive him", but the only opinion he needs to worry about is his wife's. The other woman is backpedaling and trying to save face...at some point she'll need to sleep at night.

I hope everyone gives DIL the space she needs to decide what she wants to do, and she doesn't feel pressured by anyone else's opinions. (Not saying you, Fractured, but the last thing this poor woman needs is her own parents pushing her to forgive. She needs time to decide, freely, what she wants.)

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11 hours ago, 1FracturedFamily said:

wow 

a lot of input, I thank you all,

I had to take a day for myself in hospital. I am now dealing with Epilepsy as well. At least the last part of the test I was sedated so I got a good nights sleep after all was said and done.

I am grateful. While I was in the hospital my son took the day to First meet with his Father in Law. Confessed everything thing to him and his MIL. Went well...they forgave him. Together they contacted my sister and flew her to my parents house to take the place of my DIL. She arrived back in town last night. They all met and he broke the news to her at her parents house with her parents present to support her. If I can be proud of him for something right now it would be that he did have the courage to take responsibility in that way.

to Clarify: yes he knew this was all going to come out. yes he knew in a way it was convenient to leave her there. Very Bad Move. Why is my son at my house not his own? They were all roommates he chose to move out and them keep the house as well as new developments I will explain below. 

DIL is home now her family knows and was told by him. Now had he not taken the action he had toke yesterday, I would have broken and gone to my DIL's father myself and would have flown her home. I think I was struggling with the shock of what had happened, and having to trust a son who had betrayed everyone, to do the right thing now. I have some relief in that now. 

At the same time while all of this was going on

No-one has said anything to me about any of it at this point other than my son, with the exception of a text from his FIL saying they had all talked and DIL was home and they forgave him. I also received a phone call from his best friend stating that his wife is now saying that it was not an affair, that my son had been basically raping his wife for 10 months and they are pressing charges. I simply hung up the phone  Nothing else. 

This all hit me about an hour after getting home from the hospital.My son got home about an hour after that.

Of course I confronted him about the new accusations. He literally feel apart.  Wouldn't talk for several hours. He finally came to me and told me he had never forced her, that it was at least to him a relationship. At that point he handed me his phone and said his only defense would be the texts on his phone from her and I needed to read them. I Did. NO FUN. Never would I have wanted to have ever known that side of my son. But clearly by reading the texts She was not forced. many ...many texts begging him to come home early from work because the house was empty...her hoping that her baby was his....on and on. She was also very fond of the way she looks and sent him numerous pictures No I didn't read them all just enough to believe my sons story. Just told him to keep them.

Meanwhile mothers from their church have all banded together around the other woman and are pushing to see my son prosecuted....evidently she thought my son had erased all the text messages she sent. 

At this point, point while my son has clearly betrayed his Wife and Daughter, broken the trust of his family. I think he is trying to make it right. At least he has gotten in front of it. The rest is a waiting game.

I feel for the other husband. I have always been faithful. Yes I am on my 3rd marriage, the two prior marriages did not fail because of my being unfaithful. They were. Having said that I keep going through my head knowing how badly I was hurt why would my son do this? He KNOWS how I feel about it. He say the consequences. Could it have been ya he saw women cheat on me...but he saw me forgive and let them back in. Did that teach him he could get away with this?

At any rate. I am not worried about this other couple and Her accusations, I believe her to be trying to save herself. I will support my son as long as he remains accountable and puts his wife and CHILD first. Honestly DIL and my Granddaughter are my first priority. 

I'm another one who is glad DS is taking responsibility.And I can see why you're proud of him for that.

I'm having a little trouble w/ the fact that he confessed to his PILs before telling DIL. She's not a child, she's an adult and his wife. Ok, perhaps it was b/c she was away at your parents' home, so maybe that's understandable.. But I still don't fully get his telling her in their presence, instead of speaking w/ her alone, just the 2 of them. Sure, they gave her "support," but I wonder how she felt about their knowing before she did? (I realize none of this was your doing, Fractured, or in your power to influence, one way or the other.)

I hope that, after this, no one goes through DIL's parents about anything. IMO, DS and DIL need to deal w/ this situation w/ each other directly (or through lawyers if it comes to that). And I echo Imp's hope that everyone gives DIL her space now and that her parents don't pressure her to forgive DS just b/c they did.

Sorry about the other woman's accusations. How awful for DS - and for you, as well, not to mention poor DIL! I understand why you believe DS, and I hope the texts will help him out in court.

I'm glad you have the presence of mind to focus on DIL and GD.

Meanwhile, I'm sorry about your recent hospitalization and Epilepsy. At this point, I think you need to take care of yourself, above all.

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Thank you all

You get it...thank you Rose.

Ya him going to in-laws was not my advice for him. Her parents were also his ministers. Cool headed and good people. 

Her father and I talked this morning. She isn't being directed  to do anything as far as forgiveness. they are just breathing. And we Father and Law and myself to leave it alone. and leave them alone. But in all the storm that was created to know they are loved, and we are safe for them. 

My DIL sent me a text last night letting me know she was home and hoped "I" was okay. See the kind of woman she is. Cried for a while then sent he A text

I Simply said:  I will be fine. Right now just know you and GD are in my thoughts and I am here for you whenever you are ready, or you need me for anything, I Love You Both.

Thanks again all

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@1FracturedFamily, I hope you choose to stay with us here in the Forums. I think you could add great dimension here.

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I will and will let some friends know about this site,

y'all are great   

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