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RoseRed135

Stressed Out? Overwhelmed? Making Sacrifices? Unload It All Here!... possible triggers...

35 posts in this topic

13 hours ago, nanatype said:

Lorikat, hi!  I am new here, but I read your post and it resonated with me.  My grandson just turned 4 and he will NOT poop in the potty.  I feel like I have tried everything.  He has a speech problem and is getting speech therapy.  I just called about getting him tested for learning/social/emotional problems too.  He is a loving child and brings me great joy but is at times defiant and refuses to do what we ask.  He has attachment issues too;  I can't be out of the room for long before he comes looking for me.  Our daughter is raising his younger brother who has more serious problems.  On one hand, I can't imagine his not living with us, as we have raised him since he waS two weeks old.  On the other hand. it is hard to be kind to my son sometimes since he cares more about doing drugs than he cares about his children.  It is very tiring for someone our age (I'm 62 also) to run after a little one.

Oh, nanatype. I so hear you! Though i'm not raising my DGC (dear grandchildren), I watch them frequently. They're schoolage now, but a decade or so ago, when they were LOs (little ones), I know how tired I often got even back then in my 50s.. Can't imagine how I'd handle it now in my sixties! No doubt, it's all the more difficult for you, given GS' various issues. (((Hugs!)))

The potty training problem sounds especially aggravating though, if it's any comfort, it doesn't seem to be that unusual these days. Is GS in any kind of daycare or preschool program? B/c some of them, to my knowledge, are very effective at helping out w/ the potty training. Or does his separation anxiety make it too difficult for you to send him to anything... sigh...

I take it both he and his younger brother are DS' children. I'm so sorry to hear that DS is so deeply involved w/ drugs. Clearly, you're frustrated w/ him and that increases your sense of stress. I just hope he's not living w/ you, so that you don't have to face his lack of interest in the kids every day.

Bless you and DH (dear husband) for being there for this GS! And bless your DD for being their for the other boy! Good that you're on top of things, too, like getting him tested for other possible issues.

Meanwhile, I'm glad you brought your concerns to us. Welcome!

Edited by RoseRed135

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I am so stressed out. Cannot sleep and want to cry. My son is a drug addict and his son {my grandson} has been in and out of my home all of his life. He is now 17.  My son and his girlfriend were shot at in their car in late October and she was killed.He went to treatment for the fourth time,  and his 3 kids were given to relatives. I took my grandson back again. My son's baby is 2 and he went to the dead girl's mother. My son is soon getting out of treatment and has informed me he is moving to a nearby state to rebuild his life with his baby. The grandson I have cannot move with him because my son  is going at first to a sober living, and also my grandson is emotionally disturbed and is a junior in high school. He cannot just move to another school in another state because he has always gotten special services at his current school. He has a big support system here and is also on the tennis team. He needs to stay and finish school here. I am just devastated by this turn of events. I had begun thinking about what I would do with the rest of my life at 74 and now I have total responsibility for my grandson without my son even living in the state. He seems not to care about us at all. Just himself and the baby. Even though my grandson needs him too and will be upset when he finds this out. Also my grandson is 17 but just a junior and will be going into his senior year at 18 not graduating yet. I need to find a grandparents support group so I do not feel so alone but do not know of any where I live in the Coachella Valley.

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Welcome Leochic.

We generally ask members not to post in threads or blog entries that are more than 3 months old, unless they are the OP (original poster) or it's a "stickypost"/thread pinned to the front of the forum.  Since this one is a few years old, I'm going to lock it down until the lead moderator of this forum can decide where to put your post.

I do sympathize with your situation.  I'm not quite 70 yet and am glad I don't need to care for a grandchild on a regular basis.

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Thanks Sue! And welcome, Leochic!

Your post is heartrending, @Leochic! But before I say anymore, I'm going to reopen this thread and pin it up, so the conversation can continue.

ETA: Done.

Leochic, my heart goes out to you. Among other things, it can't be easy having to take on the raising of a teenager at this time of life. Like Sue, I'm near 70, and I can barely imagine doing that.

However, trust me, you are not alone. There are many GPs raising their GC, today, often b/c of parents abusing drugs, etc. Several of them are members here, and hopefully, some of them will come in and talk w/ you.

I'm sorry DS (dear son) is moving out of state, but thankfully, GS (grandson) has a good support system. Please don't hesitate to call on that support system to help GS through this coming change.

May have more to say, but have to read your post more carefully...

Edited by RoseRed135

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6 hours ago, Leochic said:

I am so stressed out. Cannot sleep and want to cry. (((HUGS!))) My son is a drug addict and his son {my grandson} has been in and out of my home all of his life. He is now 17.  My son and his girlfriend were shot at in their car in late October and she was killed. OMG! What a terrible tragedy! He went to treatment for the fourth time,  and his 3 kids were given to relatives. I took my grandson back again.Bless you for being there for him! My son's baby is 2 and he went to the dead girl's mother. My son is soon getting out of treatment and has informed me he is moving to a nearby state to rebuild his life with his baby. The grandson I have cannot move with him because my son  is going at first to a sober living, and also my grandson is emotionally disturbed and is a junior in high school. He cannot just move to another school in another state because he has always gotten special services at his current school. He has a big support system here and is also on the tennis team. He needs to stay and finish school here. I am just devastated by this turn of events. I had begun thinking about what I would do with the rest of my life at 74 and now I have total responsibility for my grandson without my son even living in the state. He seems not to care about us at all. Just himself and the baby. Even though my grandson needs him too and will be upset when he finds this out. Also my grandson is 17 but just a junior and will be going into his senior year at 18 not graduating yet.  To my limited knowledge, it's not unusual for drug addicts to be selfish. But t least DS is trying to improve his life and baby's. Perhaps if he really succeeds in rebuilding his life, this time, it will benefit GS in the long run. I need to find a grandparents support group so I do not feel so alone but do not know of any where I live in the Coachella Valley.

If  you're looking for a local, in-person support group for GRGs (grandparents raising grandchildren), a good idea might be to check w/ local churches or Senior Citizen organizations. Also, please check out the 9th post of the following thread:

 

Some of the sites or organzations  listed or linked there might be able to help you find such a group.

Meanwhile, I've made some comments are your quoted post, as you can see.

 

Edited by RoseRed135

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While setting in Church this morning, I was reminded of two sets of great-grandparents who have or are raising their great-grandchild.  Both couples were in their 70's when they took on this challenge.

One set thought they were just signing on for short term care and later discovered that the baby's mother drank heavily during her pregnancy and the baby had a lot of asthma and allergies due to that per his doctors.  That turned into a lifetime job.  When he was in his later 20's and early 30's he and his wife wound up taking of her into well into her 90's.  

The other couple while well into their 70's are retired missionaries taking on a baby who just turned 4.  They have both survived cancer and are now raising their great-grandchild.  The mother has mental health issues and her parents have the older child.  The parents are still married, but the father has his hands full trying to take care of the mother and work.

Leochic, I know this is hard for you...but by no means are you alone in this endeavor.  We live in a very sparsely populated area and these two I personally have known for years.

 

Edited by SueSTx

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Thank you RoseRed for your support.  Jaden and I will get through this. He has been bounced out to me so many times that he no longer wants to be with his father. He has a secure home here but he is very difficult for me to be around. Defiant and angry.

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3 hours ago, Leochic said:

Thank you RoseRed for your support.  Jaden and I will get through this. He has been bounced out to me so many times that he no longer wants to be with his father. He has a secure home here but he is very difficult for me to be around. Defiant and angry.

I'm hoping he is in therapy for these issues...And your son needs to be reminded that Jaden is also his child. He can be a long distance parent.

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12 hours ago, Leochic said:

Thank you RoseRed for your support.  Jaden and I will get through this. He has been bounced out to me so many times that he no longer wants to be with his father. He has a secure home here but he is very difficult for me to be around. Defiant and angry.

Sigh... No doubt, that's very challenging! Hard enough for a parent to deal w/, but perhaps harder for a GP. I can barely imagine having to deal w/ that at this time of life. No wonder you're stressed out!

Granted, a lot of teenagers are defiant. But I can understand why he's angry, as well, considering his parents' lifestyle and how it has impacted him. Does he understand, though, that drug addiction is a difficult illness?

Also, I'm guessing he's grieving the loss of his mom, right now, too, poor boy, no matter how "bad" a mom she was. And, as I understand it, one of the "stages of grief" (disbelief, sorrow, etc.) is anger.

Regardless, as Mame suggests, I hope Jaden's support system includes therapy/counseling. Perhaps you could use some counseling, too, Leo, to help you cope?

I agree w/ Mame, also, that DS can be a LDP. He and GS can make use of the same techniques that LDGPs (long distance grandparents) and their LDGC, etc. often use - Skype, FaceTime, etc.And, of course, Jaden may be able to visit his dad and the baby, sometimes (this would give you a break, too, of course), if that wouldn't be too disruptive for him (Jaden). Have you and DS talked about any of these possibilities?

Hoping you and GS adjust to the changes in your lives soon and things begin to go more smoothly.

9 hours ago, Mame925 said:

I'm hoping he is in therapy for these issues...And your son needs to be reminded that Jaden is also his child. He can be a long distance parent.

 

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Thank you Mame925  for your support. Jaden has said he does not want any counseling.  But at a recent parent-teacher meeting he did agree to go to one he knew at school. He is still agreeing but so far nothing has been arranged for him. I have reminded his father that Jaden is also his child.  Apparently they do converse by phone often.. We are going to visit his dad on Saturday at his treatment facility. I was planning to talk to his father soon about what his role with Jaden will be and that  I hope he stays involved, because he is still his father and Jaden  needs his dad in different ways than the baby does. 

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