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KaIana

Come home...

32 posts in this topic

The advertisers went over the top to sell a simple message. Life is short. Treasure it. They aren't selling perfect family scenarios because if they were the dad wouldn't have considered faking his death to begin with. No matter how busy or rewarding anyone's life is its eventually going to end and pausing to consider that very fact might inspire anyone to visit with a loved one or anyone, any age, who would benefit from having company. My mother is in her 90s. She said if anyone told her what it was like to be 90 when she was young she wouldn't have believed it. And this strikes her funny. Which strikes me funny ..

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This was titled come home to which I have wanted my son and his family to move back home since they left but has anyone encountered that their kids want them to follow them and move where they are? We might consider it but it is alot costlier to live there and we like the north where we live as the temps are milder. We do get caught up into the people being more important than money thoughts though but at our age and close to retirement we do have to think about money. Any thoughts?

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24 minutes ago, BaumaJan said:

This was titled come home to which I have wanted my son and his family to move back home since they left but has anyone encountered that their kids want them to follow them and move where they are? We might consider it but it is alot costlier to live there and we like the north where we live as the temps are milder. We do get caught up into the people being more important than money thoughts though but at our age and close to retirement we do have to think about money. Any thoughts?

Welcome, BaumaJan! Glad you came in to talk w/ us! We usually ask members not to bump up threads that are more than 3 months old, unless they're the OP (original poster). However, I know you can't open your own conversation thread yet and I understand how you question fits in here.

Also, I get your concerns about money. But the way I'm reading this, you have another reason to be hesitant to relocate - the climate that you prefer. I think you need to consider what's more important to you and your spouse - and what's in your best interests, overall - before you make any such move.

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Thank you RoseRed135 climate is another reason. We also have tried to live south by helping our son start a business there that we thought all of us would be running and although it is very successful, the beauty of the North is home and very hard to walk away from. The cost of living here is alot less as well. I remember watching Suzi Orman give a session on t.v. about money one night and she was answering a question a lady gave about not knowing if she should take a loss on her house and move closer to her sister down south or wait until the housing market revived and then do it. She told her it's people first, then money, then things. That is what bother's me. I was born to be a grandma. I raised my 3 children and was a stay at home mom so no career. My 1st grandchild was in my home 2 days a week and they lived just down the road. They chose to move for one reason and then when that didn't work out they came back to decide what to do and even had a job here but went back anyway. We really did think we would follow and really tried for the last 3 years to learn to like it. They have a big enough house for us to live with them until we get a home of our own but it is just not the same as having your own place. I fear I will wake up one day and be old and realize I missed the best part of this part of my life...watching now 2 boys grow up and not know us as intimately as they could. On the other hand, my middle child was born mentally handicapped and is now 31 and lives with us as we care for her. It is a full time job even though she is very mobile and loves to travel. I wish answers were easy but the biggest hurdle right now is learning how to handle the pictures and events in their lives we miss and not feel the wound in our hearts re-open each time. It's not as easy as some would like you to believe because it has been almost 4 years and it still feels new at times.

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Hmmm... A lot to think about here...As the regular "nanny granny" to my 2 DGC (dear grandchildren), I definitely feel there are great rewards to having as much access to them as I do. If you really enjoyed having your 1st GC in your home twice a week and you and DH (dear husband) miss them terribly now, it might be worth making the move, regardless of other concerns. The fact that you say, "I was born to be a grandma," suggests to me that a big part of you truly wants to. If you truly can't afford it, though, or can't deal w/ the weather for health or safety reasons, then maybe it's not such a good idea, after all. Only you and DH can decide what means the most here.

They chose to move for one reason and then when that didn't work out they came back to decide what to do and even had a job here but went back anyway.

This ^^^^ concerns me. Is there any chance they might move again after you've already relocated? You and DH might want to think about that and discuss it w/ DS before you make your decision.

We really did think we would follow and really tried for the last 3 years to learn to like it.

But apparently, you haven't, is that right? So the question, IMO, becomes, do you dislike it more than you dislike living so far from your GC? Or do you enjoy where you live more than you enjoy having greater access to your GC?

They have a big enough house for us to live with them until we get a home of our own but it is just not the same as having your own place.

True. But perhaps a lot depends on how long you think it would take you to find your own home there? Or does the thought of the 3 of you - DH, DD (dear daughter) and you - living in DS' and DIL's home for even a short period just not appeal to you?

Also, if/when you got your own place, are you sure you would see DS and family as much as you're hoping? 4 years have passed and, no doubt, much has changed. You may not be needed for as much childcare as before - or they might be hoping for more than you can do w/ a glad heart. As you tell us, taking care of your own DD is "a full time job."

I fear I will wake up one day and be old and realize I missed the best part of this part of my life...watching now 2 boys grow up and not know us as intimately as they could.... the biggest hurdle right now is learning how to handle the pictures and events in their lives we miss and not feel the wound in our hearts re-open each time.

Ok, I hear you!  (((Hugs!))) But have you looked into other ways of staying in touch, such as skyping and FaceTime. Not the same as being there, I know, but more, perhaps, than just seeing still pictures, etc. In fact, if you take a look around this forum, you'll read much about these and other ways of maintaining a relationship w/ faraway GC. Hopefully, some of these will help until you make a decision - and afterwards, if you decide to stay put.

 

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1 hour ago, RoseRed135 said:

I'm glad you found this community, too, Lizzy, and that you're finding so much comfort here.

In addition to what Mame said, I want to *** that you don't "have to" help DD pack if it's too hard on you. She and DSIL can do that together, no doubt, or hire people to help them, if need be, just as they'll do when they get to Wyoming. But if you can bring yourself to help a little w/ a willing heart, that will be beautiful.... Peace...

You all have helped me wrap my brain around this. It is do-able! The waterworks have stopped, for now at least. I'm seeing how careful I need to be in conversation with DD, I can see now that anything I say that I am just meaning from a practical side of things is being taken as non supportive and I sure don't want that. Thanks to you all I see that now. I am proud she has the adventurer in her to do this. I've always told her the world is her oyster and now they are doing it. I will try to be strong and supportive through the transition. There are happy memories still to be made.

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Glad to hear that you've found our words helpful, Lizzy. Apparently, you posted the above here in error. As such, I'm going to copy & paste it back to the thread where the quote came from, "Just learned they're moving away" (ok to do b/c it's in the same forum):

 

Meanwhile, locking this thread, as it's almost a year old, anyhow.

Edited by RoseRed135

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