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GrandNonna

Topic on Grandparent Visitation and Alienation

143 posts in this topic

15 hours ago, darkprincess said:

This is exactly what people have been saying on this board over and over again and I don't understand why so many grandparents don't get it

Maybe that's b/c so often, when EGPs first come here, they're not familiar w/ this line of reasoning. ,,, And why it bears repeating...

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That's a great news GranNonna! Hope you get to see you grand daughter as soon as possible! I can very well relate to what you must be going through I too had a similar experience. Me and my brother were looked after by our granny after both are parents abandoned us, but it was one tough fight for her! She didn't have that many resources at that time and struggles really had! Fortunately for her, someone told her a renowned lawyer in Paris, who fights such civil cases, and he helped her out! Otherwise we could have been living as orphans right now!

Edited by Mame925
edited out inappropriate link

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A post in this thread has been hidden. It may or may not be restored in it's entirety.

ETA: It has been restored w/ an edit.

Edited by RoseRed135

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@RosaJJackson - I've sent you a PM (private/personal message). To find it, just click on the Messenger button w/ the envelope on it in the top right corner of this page.

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On 7/7/2016 at 7:44 AM, shoppingninja said:
  1.  That a Maternal Grandmother of a child born out of a non marital relationship, who has a loving bond with the child and who was cared for , nurtured and spent more than two days each week visiting and staying overnight for 1 year or more on a regular basis be granted visitation.    
  2.  That the Grandchild , who has a reached a maturity level to state  his/her wishes and that those wishes  of visiting be granted.
  3. That any child born in America out of a non marital relationship who’s praternal or maternal grandparents are immigrants show work visa and other legal documentation , such as birth certificates ,employment and work visa, to protect the child from being removed from the United States by the grandparents .
  4.  That if the biological Father or Mother are under the care of a therapist or physician for treatment of a mental illness or developmental disability which requires prescribed medications to manage the illness ,  who otherwise , refuse to follow  physician orders ,  while engaging in recreational drugs and alcohol as “self  medicating “ be court ordered for drug screening and psychological evaluation at their own cost or by fee waiver .
  5.  That the courts ask for and accept any video recorded communication of a child expressing his wishes within 2 years of visitation denial, who has expressed his wishes of continuing visits , be fully considered . 
  6. That for every 1 day missed with Grandchildren to allow an additional 2 days reunification time. And that for each and every holiday missed to be awarded twice the time for make up of time missed."

 

1.  Maternal only?  Wow.  No words.

2.  Children's wishes in a custody dispute between parents is only given consideration not granted.  (The only state to have once had this rule - Georgia, repealed that law in ~2011)

3.The petition is in reference to maternal grandmother's only but immigrant maternal and paternal grandparents have to prove their immigration status?  I'm not sure the OP understands all Americans are immigrants (excluding Native Americans, of course)

4.  Oh yes, let's encourage people not to seek help for psychological issues.  And while I disagree with the use of a vast majority of recreational drugs, every day more and more scientific evidence show marihuana is therapeutic to those suffering depression, paranoia disorders, and even detoxing from harsher drug addictions without long-term detrimental side effects.  Yet it is not yet legal in all US states.

5.  Isn't permissible as evidence in family court between disputing parents, much less GPR cases.

6.  I can only laugh.

I would suggest you put your efforts into working on issues with your daughter.  If you push this petition, I foresee you irrevocably harming the relationship with your daughter and child(ren).

Edited by BoldlyGoing
Brain is faster than my fingers
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I have a question regarding my Gd and her other g/mother.   First of all Gd s father died before he was born and he was just getting to know his own mother again as she had placed him in foster care for fighting with her then boyfriend.   Father dies and g/m is now demanding to have overnight visits but without baby gates, without car seats and generally without any safety in mind.   My daughter said no because she was not willing to put her toddler in harms way.  Then g/m wants to put a koi pond in her house without any toddler fencing.  Fast forward to now... granddaughter is allowed to go o/n because she is almost 6.   Gd comes home in tears because grandma told her mommy was going to die.  Also told her it was ok to cheat in school and it is ok NOT to wear a seatbelt and also BTW Gd got to meet and play with her uncles (one of whom is on the sex offender registry for a min. Of 10 years). For sexual abuse of children.....

What would you do?   PS G/m is requesting every other week overnights!

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First, welcome Mima25....you will find support and opinion here (lots of both, lol), so please make yourself comfortable.

For that other GM....I'd suggest supervised visits only. You DD may want to consider making a list of the things that trouble this child when she sees her PGM (paternal grandma) then let GM know that because of these issues she feels it is the best interest/safety of the child that visits be supervised. You DD is being very generous to let these people spend any time at all with this child. That they are putting her at risk in any way shows they can't be trusted with her unsupervised.

My DsD (dear step daughter....raised her from age 7) has a similar issue with her older child's PGM...the woman is a nightmare. DsD agreed to casual meetings at the park or other public place, by PGM insisted she bring the child to PGM home. DsD said no....have hardly heard a word from PGM in several years.

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29 minutes ago, Mima25 said:

I have a question regarding my Gd and her other g/mother. 

My daughter said no because she was not willing to put her toddler in harms way.

What would you do?  

I would encourage our daughter to hire the best attorney, learn about her parental rights.

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First I will say that I would never allow my children to have unsupervised visits with this person.

but, here is where the hard part comes in. Your Gd is not your child and it is the child's mother who gets to make decisions. If she asks for advice feel free to give it, including the advise to only allow supervised visits so no overnights. But the mother of the child gets to decide what to do and who to allow visits with not other family members.

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On 11/15/2016 at 11:54 AM, Mima25 said:

I have a question regarding my Gd and her other g/mother.   First of all Gd s father died before he was born and he was just getting to know his own mother again as she had placed him in foster care for fighting with her then boyfriend.   Father dies and g/m is now demanding to have overnight visits but without baby gates, without car seats and generally without any safety in mind.   My daughter said no because she was not willing to put her toddler in harms way.  Then g/m wants to put a koi pond in her house without any toddler fencing.  Fast forward to now... granddaughter is allowed to go o/n because she is almost 6.   Gd comes home in tears because grandma told her mommy was going to die.  Also told her it was ok to cheat in school and it is ok NOT to wear a seatbelt and also BTW Gd got to meet and play with her uncles (one of whom is on the sex offender registry for a min. Of 10 years). For sexual abuse of children.....

What would you do?   PS G/m is requesting every other week overnights!

Welcome, Mima25! So deeply sorry that your DD is facing this issue and that you find yourself watching it go on from the sidelines. My heart is w/ you...

I agree w/ everything PPs have said.. I hope she curtails the visits or arranges to have them supervised since they are upsetting GD. And I definitely hope she doesn't allow overnights. But as DP says, it's DD's decision.  I know you're worried and I don't blame you.  I hope DD makes a decisions that you're comfortable w/ and I feel for you if she doesn't... Peace...

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I'm trying to start a new topic and don't know how to do it. I can't see where to do it. I'm new (been here an hour trying to figure it out). I saw someone posted on Grandparents rights and visitation and I can't find it again. So apologies if I am in the wrong place.  I need some help. I can't seem to find a lawyer that will take on the case. They seem to say that only mothers they can take on, not grandmothers.

 

Here's my story. Granddaughter is 10.  I've been in her life along with my husband, for that time. She is the ONLY grand-baby I'll ever have. She's got numerous issues, and at 10 acts like 5-6 and writes letters backwards etc. She tested normal and not dyslexic. She's jut not fostered at home. They don't read to her, play games with her, do homework with her, and actually punish her from books. The mother is practically illiterate in her FB postings, with no comma or period usage. She doesn't even capitalize and her grammar and spelling are atrocious.  Anyway I digress. My granddaughter LOVES coming here.  The problem is my son and this girl never married. She married some other guy, who just rough houses with the kids. They are "bullies" because that's what they know. Right now, there are 9 people living in a trailer (single wide) and two dogs. 5 adults, 4 kids.  There are two "uncles" there. One is really not an uncle. The other is a friend with her two kids. All are lazy and make my 10 year old do all the chores. When I picked up my granddaughter, she smelled like dog crap literally.  She said she didn't have time to do the laundry!  OMG.  I'm beside myself. My son and my granddaughter's mother do NOT get along (same with the husband).  They hate my son and he is mentally not right (needs Bi-polar meds I suspect). In any case, the mother loves drama and he likes giving it to her. Somehow, we end up in the middle with threats continually of not letting us see our granddaughter. Now today, she wouldn't answer texts, phone voice mails or FB messages. I think they're trying to shut us out. 

I've been on-line trying to find an atty for a couple hours. Only one responded and wants to consult for 285 dollars. I'd pay it, but I asked them first "do  you even handle stuff like this" and the answer was "285 office visit and we'll hear you and see".  When I talked to them on-line (different person) they said they only handle divorced women and not really stuff like this so I asked for a referral instead... and that's when they called to refer me to their local lawyer who may/may not be able to help.I just found that odd and didn't commit to it. 

Anyway, I saw someone got grandparent visitation and hope they are still here and can give me some guidance on who to contact, what to do, where to go... I'm lost. Anything would be appreciated. 

Thanks.

PS I got more. They've been under Social services for a while for different calls made, but they never do anything. They said pretty much the child must be neglected or abused to the point it's a risk to their lives. They do "hit" the kids, but they deny they do.  It's hard to prove.

 

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Welcome, GramsBear2....you have come to the right place to air your feelings and get support. You can not open your own topic until you have amassed 10 posts....

Please read thru this when you have a moment. Our Admin has compiled the info to make navigating the forums very easy:http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/topic/12479-i-just-joined-what-now-read-this/

You might try your county's legal services department for a referral. However, go into it knowing that while you have the right to ask for grandparents' visitation, the custodial parent and/or social services has the equal right to deny your request. 

Just keep giving this little girl everything she's not getting at home. Read to her, have her read to you (its the best way to increase fluency), do something crafty, cook/bake together....the list goes on. 

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When I picked up my granddaughter, she smelled like dog crap literally.  She said she didn't have time to do the laundry!

Oh, GramBear2, my heart is aching! It's one thing to give a child a few chores - I was going to ask you if that wasn't perhaps what was going on till I read what I've bolded. It's quite another for a 10-yr-old child to smell badly b/c she "didn't have time to do the laundry!"

I'm thinking that your first order of business may be to talk to Social Services and let them know about this incident, if you haven't already. IDK if it will help. But perhaps it if you keep a running document of these kind of incidents, it will, eventually. BUT problem is, if the parents know or even suspect that you spoke to Social Services. Then it may do little more than end up getting you perrmantenty CO (cut off) from  your GD.

I've been on-line trying to find an atty for a couple hours

If you're going to go the court route, I recommend you find an attorney who specializes in GP visitation cases or dealing w/ Soc. Serv., or both, depending on what you're seeking.

Many lawyers offer a free consult or, at least, one free phone call. It's generally in their ad if you're looking for them during this hurricane. I wish you the best!

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Posted (edited)

As for the 10-post rule that Mame points out (above), if you'd like some ideas on that click in this thread:

 

 

 

Edited by RoseRed135
omission

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Thank you red Rose. I'm trying to figure out how this board works. Just spent 10 minutes trying to find the reply. Apparently you can't reply directly under a post. So confusing.  I've been trying to find a lawyer still. This past weekend we were supposed to have the granddaughter. She didn't respond to several messages till my husband wrote "is there something wrong with your phone or are you purposely ignoring us".  To that she responded she was "busy" and would reply later at 5:00 or so. It was several hours later and we get a text saying her new husband said they're going out and we can't have the kid(s) this past weekend.  So I was not happy, feeling they are frosting us out.

So my plan is to try again this weekend. In the past, they LOVE it to no end when we take the kids and even ask sometimes can we take them longer etc. Once even asked me to keep them a week so they could move (took them two hours to move the little they had lol).  They really use us to get their freedom. So the way I figure it, they'll want their freedom soon enough again and want us to take her (them).  However, I still want a lawyer.

As for the suggestion of CPS, well that's not good at all. Every time CPS is called they think it's me (truth is the school called them twice, a neighbor called once and my son has called as well a couple times). It's not us. But we get blamed. They also have come to us and withheld the granddaughter because I won't give them cash to "pay bills/rent". My response is. NONE OF YOU ARE RELATED TO ME and if the kids need someplace to go, you know they can come here. But I don't have room for more than that.  Besides, I have to care for a number of other people at any given time.  At one point my son was homeless and I was paying hotels for him daily... and then my mom was 100% incapacitated and I had to put her in a nursing home and cover the costs for her flight here and other expenses. I was paying for three kids school clothes/supplies (will be four now because the little boy is only going for the first time this year), all my granddaughters clothes, toys, extra activities, school fees etc.  Not to mention I supplied 90% of all her diapers when she was a baby. Why do I have to pay THEIR bills too?  They think we are rich but far from it!

Anyway, calling CPS just causes consternation and again, you have to beat a child or starve it to death to get any help.  Even if the parents do drugs, they return the child to the parents. Even if they are hoarders, have roaches and feces, they'll allow the kids to return home. It's a sad, sad thing. So it's no use. 

They've used social service to get a "service dog" for my granddaughter, so she could learn "empathy".  Sad thing is, it's not her dog, but her mothers and they just make my granddaughter clean the poor and nothing else... that's when they clean it (don't go to their yard it's a minefield).

I just wish though that social services would spend a day there then come and spend a day here and see how both live and interact. But that won't happen. 

It's a sad world when you gotta let your grandchildren grow up to people who are filthy, lazy, smoke pot, eat only junk food, let their kids fail in school, and I'm betting my granddaughter will end up getting pregnant young, running away or doing drugs. I just see it now and by the way they live and the people they hang out with and the ideals they espouse.  SAD.

  

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The reply box is at the end of the thread.  There might be several posts/replies since your last post thoug, so you really can't reply to individual posts like you can on fb for example..

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But you can quote another member's post @GramsBear2 & then reply under the quote. To do this, just click on the Quote button on the lower left of the post you want to respond to. I'm going to do it below w/ your latest post...

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15 hours ago, GramsBear2 said:

Thank you red Rose. I'm trying to figure out how this board works. Just spent 10 minutes trying to find the reply. Apparently you can't reply directly under a post. So confusing.  I've been trying to find a lawyer still. This past weekend we were supposed to have the granddaughter. She didn't respond to several messages till my husband wrote "is there something wrong with your phone or are you purposely ignoring us".  To that she responded she was "busy" and would reply later at 5:00 or so. It was several hours later and we get a text saying her new husband said they're going out and we can't have the kid(s) this past weekend.  So I was not happy, feeling they are frosting us out.

So my plan is to try again this weekend. In the past, they LOVE it to no end when we take the kids and even ask sometimes can we take them longer etc. Once even asked me to keep them a week so they could move (took them two hours to move the little they had lol).  They really use us to get their freedom. So the way I figure it, they'll want their freedom soon enough again and want us to take her (them).  However, I still want a lawyer.

As for the suggestion of CPS, well that's not good at all. Every time CPS is called they think it's me (truth is the school called them twice, a neighbor called once and my son has called as well a couple times). It's not us. But we get blamed. They also have come to us and withheld the granddaughter because I won't give them cash to "pay bills/rent". My response is. NONE OF YOU ARE RELATED TO ME and if the kids need someplace to go, you know they can come here. But I don't have room for more than that.  Besides, I have to care for a number of other people at any given time.  At one point my son was homeless and I was paying hotels for him daily... and then my mom was 100% incapacitated and I had to put her in a nursing home and cover the costs for her flight here and other expenses. I was paying for three kids school clothes/supplies (will be four now because the little boy is only going for the first time this year), all my granddaughters clothes, toys, extra activities, school fees etc.  Not to mention I supplied 90% of all her diapers when she was a baby. Why do I have to pay THEIR bills too?  They think we are rich but far from it!

Anyway, calling CPS just causes consternation and again, you have to beat a child or starve it to death to get any help.  Even if the parents do drugs, they return the child to the parents. Even if they are hoarders, have roaches and feces, they'll allow the kids to return home. It's a sad, sad thing. So it's no use. 

They've used social service to get a "service dog" for my granddaughter, so she could learn "empathy".  Sad thing is, it's not her dog, but her mothers and they just make my granddaughter clean the poor and nothing else... that's when they clean it (don't go to their yard it's a minefield).

I just wish though that social services would spend a day there then come and spend a day here and see how both live and interact. But that won't happen. 

It's a sad world when you gotta let your grandchildren grow up to people who are filthy, lazy, smoke pot, eat only junk food, let their kids fail in school, and I'm betting my granddaughter will end up getting pregnant young, running away or doing drugs. I just see it now and by the way they live and the people they hang out with and the ideals they espouse.  SAD.

  

 Yes, it's very sad, Grams/ I'm so sorry.

Hopefully, the mom and her DH will turn to you again when they want some free time, as you say. Then, not only will you see GD, but the kids will get some respite from that apparently awful environment.

Bless you and DH for being there for those kids as much as you have! They are very lucky to have you in their lives!

My prayers (if ok) are w/ you and yours...

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