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RoseRed135

If you're raising your grandchildren (or other relative kids)....possible triggers...

57 posts in this topic

... what's your situation? Do you have custody or guardianship? Or have you adopted them? Or perhaps you're their foster parent till their bio parents turn their lives around? Or?

And, if you will, what do you find is your biggest challenge in these circumstances? Your greatest reward?

Edited by RoseRed135
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We have temporary guardianship of our 15 year old granddaughter and are hoping to get permanent guardianship next week.

grestest reward?  We believe our granddaughter would likely not even still be alive if we hadn't stepped up for her.  She was on a very dangerous path and felt she had nothing to live for.  It's been tough for all of us, but right now she is happy, healthy, doing well in school again, starting to have interests again, and visualizing and planning for a future.  Her smile and laugh is our reward! 

Biggest challenge?  Dealing with school, doctors and counsellors as a parent type figure while trying to balance that with being a grandparent to her and her siblings.   That's our biggest, but there are lots of challenges from dealing with her mom going behind our back and encouraging her to rebel against us like she did at home. (she rebelled at home because of neglect, abuse and no respect - it's not like that here) to having a life that semi resembles the one we were planning for our retirement.  

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A post in this thread has been hidden. It may or may not be restored in full.

@ToniaBond -I've sent you a message. To find it, click on the Messenger button w/ the envelope on it in the top right corner of this page.

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Custody of my grandgift -- sometimes feel a bit behind time in keeping up w/schoolwork again, but also want kiddo to do the work, not me, so tend to stay hands off unless help is really needed.

Hardship - not enough $$!  LOL!  Esp w/getting in higher grades and such - more projects,etc to do...

Reward - kiddo!

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were are the resurcuses that the programs tell you about to help grandparents cloth,feed,provde.Grandparents network group. Some of us are at the age how can we start a career to go back to school. That is all i get from phone calls or when appyling for a job. But if we can network and share you will never know the blessings that can come out when you meet someone that have some of the same issues just trying to love  the ones that need our love...Who can we make a stand for this generation when tecnology.Have their minds when you ask them a question my bag grandma . Let me have said that to my mom or Dad i would be getting off the floor or going outside to get the tree branch..

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4 hours ago, Nana-mom said:

Custody of my grandgift -- sometimes feel a bit behind time in keeping up w/schoolwork again, but also want kiddo to do the work, not me, so tend to stay hands off unless help is really needed.

Hardship - not enough $$!  LOL!  Esp w/getting in higher grades and such - more projects,etc to do...

Reward - kiddo!

That is why we need help. Money to help us raise no one give us that info.But i have some ideas and supplies to share.Network in my community from every resorce that i get to help support the shelters,Homeless anyone in need but this do not pay my bills or just like you said hardships furnace went out had to beg borrow.and over draft my account to get this done found a company that did it no credit check no money out of my pocket...August tried to destroy my life with the heat and no air...Do not allow Look out for the names and people that can show us how we can survive this. God Do Not but on his children more than we can bear.....I Do Not Know What to post here but if someone can give me the help that i need, I can help so many other Grandparents and Families....Love Mr E. Mrs. E,,,,Can ony show you not good with this Grandkids help me with this..Shout out to all of my supporters..Keep it coming.

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7 hours ago, mrse said:

were are the resurcuses that the programs tell you about to help grandparents cloth,feed,provde.Grandparents network group.

What programs have you tried? Have you looked into any of the resources members here have suggested? How did that go?

Some of us are at the age how can we start a career to go back to school. That is all i get from phone calls or when appyling for a job. But if we can network and share you will never know the blessings that can come out when you meet someone that have some of the same issues just trying to love  the ones that need our love...Who can we make a stand for this generation when tecnology.Have their minds when you ask them a question my bag grandma . Let me have said that to my mom or Dad i would be getting off the floor or going outside to get the tree branch.. But today, of course, that would be called "abuse." Hopefully, you have better methods for dealing w/ your grands. :)

 

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On 8/15/2016 at 1:25 AM, grammagoddess said:

We have temporary guardianship of our 15 year old granddaughter and are hoping to get permanent guardianship next week.

grestest reward?  We believe our granddaughter would likely not even still be alive if we hadn't stepped up for her.  She was on a very dangerous path and felt she had nothing to live for.  It's been tough for all of us, but right now she is happy, healthy, doing well in school again, starting to have interests again, and visualizing and planning for a future.  Her smile and laugh is our reward! Sounds great!

Biggest challenge?  Dealing with school, doctors and counsellors as a parent type figure while trying to balance that with being a grandparent to her and her siblings. A difficult balance, no doubt!  That's our biggest, but there are lots of challenges from dealing with her mom going behind our back and encouraging her to rebel against us like she did at home. (she rebelled at home because of neglect, abuse and no respect - it's not like that here) - What?! Can't even imagine how mom does that! Does it influence GD? I hope not! - to having a life that semi resembles the one we were planning for our retirement.  Sigh... a curve ball that many GRGs have difficulty adjusting to - hang in there!

 

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11 hours ago, Nana-mom said:

Custody of my grandgift -- sometimes feel a bit behind time in keeping up w/schoolwork again, but also want kiddo to do the work, not me, so tend to stay hands off unless help is really needed. Wise policy, IMO!

Hardship - not enough $$!  LOL!  Esp w/getting in higher grades and such - more projects,etc to do...

So sorry about this ^^^^! Clearly, GRGs need more financial help.

Reward - kiddo! Beautiful!

 

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I would love to know are there any grandparents that would like to network in meeting other  grandparents to share our thougths and see how we can bennifit from what resources that someone can have.I use to go to coffee shops to meet with other grandparents, K Care do not Know if i can give out there name, But Know that I do not know the finicial help that our grandparents need. Community center in my community awesome support.Networking in my community awesome support ,MY Team do not have money right now but we have a lot to offer. Feeding the homeless,Taking a bottle of water, giving  a blanket to someone sleeping on the streets. School starts soon for our grands not every grandparent attend church to get it. Much Love To All Grandparents touch through a beautifull Women in my Life this to shall pass. We can and will survive....... 

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9 hours ago, mrse said:

I would love to know are there any grandparents that would like to network in meeting other  grandparents to share our thougths and see how we can bennifit from what resources that someone can have.I use to go to coffee shops to meet with other grandparents, K Care do not Know if i can give out there name, But Know that I do not know the finicial help that our grandparents need. Community center in my community awesome support.Networking in my community awesome support ,MY Team do not have money right now but we have a lot to offer. Feeding the homeless,Taking a bottle of water, giving  a blanket to someone sleeping on the streets. School starts soon for our grands not every grandparent attend church to get it. Much Love To All Grandparents touch through a beautifull Women in my Life this to shall pass. We can and will survive....... 

I'm glad you have found support in your community. And I hope others raising their GC find/have found the same. GP.com does not allow unauthorized advertising, however, so it may not be wise to post the organization's name here.

Best of luck!

Edited by RoseRed135

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if posting  an organization is not acceptable are there meetings that grandparents can share resources.Network with the struggles that we go through. Help support each other to get the resorces that some grandparents do not know that are out their for us. Some might know how to get free school suupplies, Free clothes, Free food programs,Free weatherization to fix or repair home, Activities in our community that keep our grands from thinking that the technoligy will earn them a life. Yet they stay in front of the games,tv,Can actually see the person and talk to the person..When grandma say it is time to cut if off..They would sleep in a chair to interact with this.Every thing that i try to subjest grandma my bad or get with the time...

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To my understanding, an increasing number of communities have support systems available through local churches, synagogues and community centers like yours. For those whose communities don't provide this, there are, of course, online forums like this where they can reach out.

As for your GSs, of course, they're disappointed when you tell them to turn off the games, etc. They're kids. But kids need limits, so, IMO, it's good that you limit their tech time.

If they find your suggestions for other pasttimes old-fashioned, that's too bad. But maybe, in time, they'll try one of your ideas and enjoy it. :)

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Sorry, I don't know how to quote prior messages...  

Rosered, you replied to my earlier post:  "Biggest challenge?  Dealing with school, doctors and counsellors as a parent type figure while trying to balance that with being a grandparent to her and her siblings. A difficult balance, no doubt!  That's our biggest, but there are lots of challenges from dealing with her mom going behind our back and encouraging her to rebel against us like she did at home. (she rebelled at home because of neglect, abuse and no respect - it's not like that here) - What?! Can't even imagine how mom does that! Does it influence GD? I hope not! - to having a life that semi resembles the one we were planning for our retirement.  Sigh... a curve ball that many GRGs have difficulty adjusting to - hang in there!"

Yes, mom was trying to undermine us because she is so upset that our granddaughter wants us to be guardians and not come home.  Granddaughter wasn't negatively influenced towards us, instead recognized what her mom was doing and added it to her list of how her mom can't parent her.  She tries applying guilt too, and when nothing works just gets mad at her and creates a bigger wedge.  

The great news is we were awarded permanent guardianship with visitation at our discretion and tolerated (yes, tolerated is on our official paperwork) tolerated by granddaughter!!  Granddaughter finally (after all these years) has the stability she needs and wants! 

 

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2 hours ago, grammagoddess said:

Sorry, I don't know how to quote prior messages...  

Rosered, you replied to my earlier post:  "Biggest challenge?  Dealing with school, doctors and counsellors as a parent type figure while trying to balance that with being a grandparent to her and her siblings. A difficult balance, no doubt!  That's our biggest, but there are lots of challenges from dealing with her mom going behind our back and encouraging her to rebel against us like she did at home. (she rebelled at home because of neglect, abuse and no respect - it's not like that here) - What?! Can't even imagine how mom does that! Does it influence GD? I hope not! - to having a life that semi resembles the one we were planning for our retirement.  Sigh... a curve ball that many GRGs have difficulty adjusting to - hang in there!"

Yes, mom was trying to undermine us because she is so upset that our granddaughter wants us to be guardians and not come home.  Granddaughter wasn't negatively influenced towards us, instead recognized what her mom was doing and added it to her list of how her mom can't parent her.  She tries applying guilt too, and when nothing works just gets mad at her and creates a bigger wedge.  

The great news is we were awarded permanent guardianship with visitation at our discretion and tolerated (yes, tolerated is on our official paperwork) tolerated by granddaughter!!  Granddaughter finally (after all these years) has the stability she needs and wants! 

 

"Liked" this post ^^^ b/c of your getting permanent guardianship and GD's being happy/getting that "stability she needs and wants!" Hurray!!!

Sorry to hear about her mom's resentment and the way she, basically, is cutting off her nose, etc. in her relationship w/ OGD. But that's on her... sigh...

In order to quote, just press the quote button and post underneath the quoted material. However, sometimes, it doesn't work if you're quoting a post that has already been quoted but written on in a different color ink. (And now and then, it doesn't work, period - temporary glitch or whatever.)

Edited by RoseRed135

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On 8/26/2016 at 11:30 AM, grammagoddess said:

Sorry, I don't know how to quote prior messages...  

Rosered, you replied to my earlier post:  "Biggest challenge?  Dealing with school, doctors and counsellors as a parent type figure while trying to balance that with being a grandparent to her and her siblings. A difficult balance, no doubt!  That's our biggest, but there are lots of challenges from dealing with her mom going behind our back and encouraging her to rebel against us like she did at home. (she rebelled at home because of neglect, abuse and no respect - it's not like that here) - What?! Can't even imagine how mom does that! Does it influence GD? I hope not! - to having a life that semi resembles the one we were planning for our retirement.  Sigh... a curve ball that many GRGs have difficulty adjusting to - hang in there!"

Yes, mom was trying to undermine us because she is so upset that our granddaughter wants us to be guardians and not come home.  Granddaughter wasn't negatively influenced towards us, instead recognized what her mom was doing and added it to her list of how her mom can't parent her.  She tries applying guilt too, and when nothing works just gets mad at her and creates a bigger wedge.  

The great news is we were awarded permanent guardianship with visitation at our discretion and tolerated (yes, tolerated is on our official paperwork) tolerated by granddaughter!!  Granddaughter finally (after all these years) has the stability she needs and wants! 

 

Just want to add that, IMO, it's unfortunate that the mom can't be grateful her child has a good place to stay where she's happy. And that she (mom) doesn't focus on trying to rebuild her own relationship w. OGD instead of trying to tear down yours... sigh...

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Just want to add that, IMO, it's unfortunate that the mom can't be grateful her child has a good place to stay where she's happy. And that she (mom) doesn't focus on trying to rebuild her own relationship w. OGD instead of trying to tear down yours... sigh...

Yes, it is very unfortunate. my granddaughter loves her mom, but realizes she can't parent her.  She is 15 and wants a real life but has a lot of pain (and anger) because of her mom. I offered to help her mom rebuild their relationship.  But she won't do it, she's so angry that her daughter won't live with her. She won't accept that she's the one that caused it and try to repair it, instead she blames everyone else: our granddaughter, us or CPS or anyone but herself.   The truth of the matter is that I'm sure our granddaughter would be dead if we weren't able to step up at this time. She was on a very self destructive path, suicidal, running away and staying on the streets when she couldn't find anyone else to stay with.  Our granddaughter tells us herself she wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for us. I'm not trying to take credit, just pointing out the dire situation our granddaughter was in and that her mom STILL thinks we should send her home so she can accept responsibility for her actions and start behaving.  Smh, with medication, counseling and a stable, loving environment she is thriving and doing very well.  

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Dear grammagoddess,   You truly are a goddess taking on raising your 15yr old granddaughter.   Whew, it scares me to raise teenagers.  My husband and I have full guardianship of our 13yr old grandson and full custody of our 8yr old granddaughter.   They would have gone to foster homes if we hadn't stepped in.    Their Mom was a herion addict for several years.  Currently, as far as I know, she is clean and raising another family  2yr and 3yr old girls.   She wants the children back that we have but, can't afford to raise them.  The 13yr old doesn't want to live with her.   The 8yr old does, but doesn't get along with the 3yr old or boyfriend.    I love all of my daughters children, but, it's been a strain on our marriage and retirement is not in my future.  Sometimes I get very depressed over the whole situation and ask God to help my attitude.   Most people I talk to, including my husband and a Christian counselor pretty much say it was our choice to raise them.  

You're doing the right thing!   God Bless You and may your granddaughter realize how blessed she is to have you!

MamawBlair

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4 hours ago, MamawBlair said:

Dear grammagoddess,   You truly are a goddess taking on raising your 15yr old granddaughter.   Whew, it scares me to raise teenagers.  My husband and I have full guardianship of our 13yr old grandson and full custody of our 8yr old granddaughter.   They would have gone to foster homes if we hadn't stepped in.    Their Mom was a herion addict for several years.  Currently, as far as I know, she is clean and raising another family  2yr and 3yr old girls.   She wants the children back that we have but, can't afford to raise them.  The 13yr old doesn't want to live with her.   The 8yr old does, but doesn't get along with the 3yr old or boyfriend.    I love all of my daughters children, but, it's been a strain on our marriage and retirement is not in my future.  Sometimes I get very depressed over the whole situation and ask God to help my attitude.   Most people I talk to, including my husband and a Christian counselor pretty much say it was our choice to raise them.  

You're doing the right thing!   God Bless You and may your granddaughter realize how blessed she is to have you!

MamawBlair

What a beautiful but poignant post, MamaBlair! Welcome! And how kind of you to reach out to encourage someone else!

Your GS and OGD (oldest granddaughter) are blessed to have you and DH (dear husband), too, I believe. While it's good that their mom is clean now and wants to have them back, TG you were there for them in their time of need. And that you're still willing and able to take care of them since it doesn't look as if they're going back to mom any time soon.

Your post expresses the mix of emotions that most GPs seem to experience in this situation - fear, sadness, love, joy/relief that their GC are not w/ strangers, etc. Sure, you and DH chose to take these kids on, but that doesn't mean it's easy or w/o its stresses. I'm sorry your marriage has been strained by this. But, hopefully, you and DH can take comfort in realizing how much you've done and are still doing for your GC.

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Mamaw Blair,

That just frustrates me when given that response - ugh!  Esp by a counselor (of any type).  Ask them what they'd do if it were their grands!

I hope you are getting any benefits you need to help in raising those teen grands.  I'm not to teen years yet - but not too sure I'm looking forward to all of that (maybe attitudes won't be too bad).

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On ‎9‎/‎14‎/‎2016 at 4:58 PM, RoseRed135 said:

What a beautiful but poignant post, MamaBlair! Welcome! And how kind of you to reach out to encourage someone else!

Your GS and OGD (oldest granddaughter) are blessed to have you and DH (dear husband), too, I believe. While it's good that their mom is clean now and wants to have them back, TG you were there for them in their time of need. And that you're still willing and able to take care of them since it doesn't look as if they're going back to mom any time soon.

Your post expresses the mix of emotions that most GPs seem to experience in this situation - fear, sadness, love, joy/relief that their GC are not w/ strangers, etc. Sure, you and DH chose to take these kids on, but that doesn't mean it's easy or w/o its stresses. I'm sorry your marriage has been strained by this. But, hopefully, you and DH can take comfort in realizing how much you've done and are still doing for your GC.

Thank you so much RoseRed!   I'm so glad I found Grandparents.com.   I hope I can be encourage others too!

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Struggling right now with raising 3 grandkids.  I think I just realized that it is until they are grown.   Any help or advise 

on dealing with the stress induced anxiety.

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Welcome cjzs.  Yes raising grands can be til they are grown if circumstances don't change for the better with their parents.

I see a couple in church on Sunday mornings with their two year old great-granddaughter whom they are legal guardians of.  They was both in their mid seventies.  At one time both the father and grandfather were living with them also (very dependent on them for help).  This couple amazes me. 

Wishing for you to have the strength of both body and mind to do what is best for these three kiddos.

 

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cjzs - there are other groups (not knocking this one) that might have more info that could be of a benefit to you - esp if some folks are in your area if you need more "in-person" help or just plain conversation -- hate to see others stressing if there is a way to help

 

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