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RoseRed135

"Oh wow. They're moving back in!"

35 posts in this topic

10 hours ago, LifeIsGal220 said:

@RoseRed135 - Hi Rose.  Thanks so much for the kind words. You're very welcome. I've just found this site and I'm really looking forward to gaining as much insight as I can into this particular topic so that our family can move forward with confidence in our love, and support for one another.  I truly want our DD and SIL to feel confident in the decisions they make.  They have their reasons and methods, and I trust in their love for the Grandboy.  I'm trying to make it a priority to understand their reasoning for choosing their methods and to look for the best things that come out of it so that I can show my support to them.

Once again, IMO, you have a lovely, positive attitude. As far as being able to "understand their reasoning" and "show (your) support to them," you might have to "fake it till you make it," as they say. Or at least, avoid challenging them on their methods. If the change in childcare arrangements was some kind of reaction to the recent argument, another one might lead to further changes, which you might not be ready for. Hopefully not, but why take the chance?*

Thanks also for the insight into some littles having difficulty with more than one or two adults (authorities) in the room at the same time.  I hadn't considered that.  Good thought to entertain when, or if this happens again. Glad you found this idea helpful!

Thanks again for the kind words and insight.  Blessings.  :)

Thanks for the good wishes! Same to you! :)

* Then again, once you've become a full-fledged Member here (amassed 10 posts), you'll be able to open your own thread. There you can give more details about DD's and SIL's parenting methods, if you wish, and others here may be able to help you understand them. To gather those 10 posts, if you're interested, please feel free to post more here or look around the forums and find other recent or pinned threads to post in.

 

Edited by RoseRed135
to add a thought

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Gosh how I wish my kids and grandkids move in with me, they live kind of far and an elderly woman can have a little fun

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35 minutes ago, Marthasimmonds54 said:

Gosh how I wish my kids and grandkids move in with me, they live kind of far and an elderly woman can have a little fun

Welcome...I guess everyone is different. I enjoy living alone.

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I enjoy my teen GD a week at a time, but after that I enjoy just hubby and myself.

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4 hours ago, Marthasimmonds54 said:

Gosh how I wish my kids and grandkids move in with me, they live kind of far and an elderly woman can have a little fun

Sounds like you would like to spend more time w/ your grands and AC (adult children). I feel for you. Hopefully, you've found ways to connect, even if it can't always be face-to-face.

That reminds me, you might want to check out some of the topics in the Grandparenting From Afar forum:

http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/14-grandparenting-from-afar/

 

 

 

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DH and I have had each one of our 3 sons and 2 daughters (blended family) move back in again at some time, sometimes more than once.  In fact right now one of our sons is in the process of moving back in again with us to save some money so he can buy his own home.

Our home is not Grand Central Station, although it sometimes feels that way, but we have the philosophy that if we can help our kids then we will. The only rule we have is that they must ask. Our kids are pretty self-reliant and so it has to be a pretty tough situation for them before they ask, but if they ask we never say no. It is the least we can do and it is important that they always know they can rely on their family in times of need. 

We have a really big house so the space helps. Our kids are also actually all pretty nice to be around but even then sometime living together can be a bit of a challenge, although it has also taught us many things. One thing we have learnt is that our kids are actually pretty decent human beings and that we really like them. You always love your kids but you don’t always like them, however as they’ve matured, and we have grown closer, we’ve grown to really like them, and they us. The second thing we have learnt is not to sweat the small stuff, because my big mess is not your big mess. The third thing we learnt is not to be hypocrites. Honestly I never noticed how I would ask my kids to clean up but leave my own messes all over. We are all artistic and I often use my kitchen table for my projects. Yet if one of the kids left their model half built on the table it would irritate me a lot. Until I realised how unfair that was. Sure it might my house, but they pay their way and help in the house, so they should have at the very least equal rights to the space. 

Although DH and I dearly love the times when we have the whole house to ourselves so we can do what we want without wondering whether we will scar a kid for life if they walk in on us :D, it has also been nice to get to know our kids as adults and for them to get to know us as adults. It has been great having everyone around the table for meals and it has been great to have extra help in the veggie patch. 

Our kids, like most kids, all went out and found themselves away from their family once they finished school or tertiary studies. But when they came home again, whether it was to lick their wounds after a a failed relationship, or just to recover financially from a bad decision , they used the opportunity to reconnect with their family and to rebuild those familial relationship as adults. So now they support each other just as we supported them, and one day they will do that for their own families. 

Meanwhike DH and I have made it clear to them that once they’re all established and doing well we will be moving into a very small home with no spare bedrooms - they think we are joking. Wait until they spend their first visit in our guest cabin :D 

 

Edited by Gigima
Typos
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I don't mind helping my kids keep a foothold in the world, but they were raised to not want to live with me, so they don't. All have good paying jobs with benefits. No one has wanted to move home. 

@Gigimado yours pay rent & do their own laundry & help with chores/maintenance? 

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I raised two kids in a 1200 sq ft home.  They were raised knowing that unless they were enrolled in school and attending classes, they were own their own. Our daughter lived here two years of junior college and our son came back home for one year and attended JC before he returned to the city.  They both have good jobs and make more money than the two of us did together.

They both know that unless there is a true emergency, there is no room for them here.  They own homes of their own and have good jobs where they live...hopefully there want be any problems for them in the future.  If so, they live closer to big medical doctors than we do and they are better off there.

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49 minutes ago, Mame925 said:

I don't mind helping my kids keep a foothold in the world, but they were raised to not want to live with me, so they don't. All have good paying jobs with benefits. No one has wanted to move home. 

@Gigimado yours pay rent & do their own laundry & help with chores/maintenance? 

Oh yes they definitely do. We divide all of the expenses between the number of adults that live in the house. They also have to do everything for themselves that they would normally do, including cooking. I enjoy cooking but I am no ones slave. And I haven’t done my kids’ laundry since they were teens. All of them can cook and take care of themselves and I expect the same when they live with us. The only thng I do for everyone is the food shopping as it’s easier to just buy in bulk. We have a huge blackboard against the kitchen wall and if they need something they write it up there.  They buy their own toiletries etc. 

All of them pretty much have only lived with us when they really needed to, except for our one son who is a high functioning person living with autism. Because of high property rental prices in our area he cannot afford to live on his own and because of his autism he finds house sharing with strangers problematic.  He keeps trying it though but people take advantage of him and he ends up not seeing much of the very good income he makes. So he is moving back in with us until he can buy his own place so he doesn’t have to have that issue anymore. 

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15 minutes ago, SueSTx said:

I raised two kids in a 1200 sq ft home.  They were raised knowing that unless they were enrolled in school and attending classes, they were own their own. Our daughter lived here two years of junior college and our son came back home for one year and attended JC before he returned to the city.  They both have good jobs and make more money than the two of us did together.

They both know that unless there is a true emergency, there is no room for them here.  They own homes of their own and have good jobs where they live...hopefully there want be any problems for them in the future.  If so, they live closer to big medical doctors than we do and they are better off there.

In our case the rule was either you’re working and contributing or you’re studying in tertiary education. But this was when they just finished school because we didn’t want them to end up just hanging around like we saw some of our friends’ children doing. Now that they’re older and taking care of themselves the rule is we will help you if you’re in dire need, but you have to ask for help. Our kids are very proud and don’t ask unless they absolutely have to. They’ve all also paid rent with the espxception of when they were fresh out of school or studies when we gave them a few months to find work, or once or twice when we have had kids move back in after relationship issues left them in the lurch or depressed and needing some tlc. 

We are happy to help though, as much as we can and within boundaries. 

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