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RoseRed135

Just found out they're moving far away!

107 posts in this topic

Thank you RoseRed. I understand what you are saying. In order to keep my relationship with my daughter, I should remain positive. In addition,  to use this site to vent. I understand and am trying but I'm sure my daughter knows me well enough to sense my unhappiness.  On the flip side, I don't want her think I don't care one way or another if she moves. Right now I'm taking it day by day. 

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10 hours ago, Ctgirl said:

Thank you RoseRed. I understand what you are saying. In order to keep my relationship with my daughter, I should remain positive. In addition,  to use this site to vent. I understand and am trying but I'm sure my daughter knows me well enough to sense my unhappiness.  On the flip side, I don't want her think I don't care one way or another if she moves. Right now I'm taking it day by day. 

I hear you.

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Hello,

I am a newbie and just found out on Sunday that my daughter who is 28 and her husband are going to have their first baby.  I should be over the moon, but I also found out that although they live in San Francisco now about a 1 hour plane ride they are moving to Portland, Oregon... they are going the wrong way! LOL.

I should be very excited because hello, I am going to be a grandma- but I am heartbroken.  They are moving to Portland because they want to raise a family there.  They have no family there.. I am just so hurt.  I can't wrap my head around them wanting to be even further away from us...

I have read your posts about not making them feel guilty, but I am angry and honestly don't know how to fake my happiness, when I have all these fears that I will never know my own grandchild. I was not raised like this, I enjoyed being around my family and my daughter has fond memories of her time with her grandma.  Why would she purposely move away..

 

Anonymous poster hash: 7dffb...4ba

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Why would they purposely move away..

Maybe less traffic/pollution, a more relaxed lifestyle, a better paying job or more secure job, a cheaper cost of living so your daughter can stay home with the baby, etc.  There are many reasons why a couple might decide to move none of which has anything to do with "getting away from family".   And, just because they are planning on moving now doesn't mean it is a forever move.

I raised my two a 10 hour drive away from my parents and they had a closer relationship with my parents than they did with the paternal grandparents who lived 5 miles away.  Distance doesn't break a relationship.

Edited by SueSTx
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Welcome New Member/Incognito! And congratulations on becoming a GM (grandmother) for the first time! It must have been quite a shock, though, to find out at the same time hat DD (dear daughter) and SIL are planning to move to another state.  I totally understand why that took the edge of the baby news. (((Hugs!)))

Why would she purposely move away..

IDK for sure, of course. You tell us she and SIL "want to raise a family there." Perhaps she/they gave you a reason? Have they visited there and "fallen in love w/" the place?

You seem to be "blaming" DD for this mostly. Is there some reason for this? Are there any issues between you? Or is that just your hurt and anger talking?

I have read your posts about not making them feel guilty, but I am angry and honestly don't know how to fake my happiness, when I have all these fears that I will never know my own grandchild.

IMO. these are normal feelings on your part. Fortunately, you now have us to vent to, so you don't have to complain to DD and SIL. Please read Sue's post (above) carefully and trust that you will find ways to get to know your GC (especially w/ today's technology). No doubt, members here can help you figure out ways to do that. It will take time to adjust, but I have faith that you will.

 

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1 hour ago, INCOGNITO said:

Hello,

I am a newbie and just found out on Sunday that my daughter who is 28 and her husband are going to have their first baby.  I should be over the moon, but I also found out that although they live in San Francisco now about a 1 hour plane ride they are moving to Portland, Oregon... they are going the wrong way! LOL.

I should be very excited because hello, I am going to be a grandma- but I am heartbroken.  They are moving to Portland because they want to raise a family there.  They have no family there.. I am just so hurt.  I can't wrap my head around them wanting to be even further away from us...

I have read your posts about not making them feel guilty, but I am angry and honestly don't know how to fake my happiness, when I have all these fears that I will never know my own grandchild. I was not raised like this, I enjoyed being around my family and my daughter has fond memories of her time with her grandma.  Why would she purposely move away..

Why move to Portland? Maybe because it's a beautiful city and a great place to live - vibrant, eco-friendly, supremely liberal and youth oriented. Perhaps because they can get great jobs, the economy is booming, unemployment is low, there's no sales tax, homes go up in value (vs. stagnating like housing prices in so much of the country).

If you were an hour away, by plane, now it's two hours, not a huge difference. When you visit there are fabulous gardens, museums, and zoo. Oregon has several series of mountains (and skiing), epic beaches, pretty parks.

The Shakespeare festival is world famous and only a few hours drive south through a lovely area.

Why not Portland? Be happy for your daughter and her husband, it's not like moving to vacant wasteland.

ETA: in the future I believe I'll be a travel planner   ;)

 

 

Edited by JanelleK
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5 hours ago, INCOGNITO said:

Why would she purposely move away..

Because the San Francisco area is prohibitive financially for many young families. I live in the San Francisco area so am well aware of the cost of living here.

Now she'll be two hours away by plane, not one....not a big deal. Portland is a beautiful area and currently affordable.

I hope you can be happy for them. Go visit & explore.

(P.S. Welcome to the forums....I hope you decide to register and join us)

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@Rose1909, @nanasangels8, @louisianahoney, @Momofseven, @44, @Ctgirl - Just checking in to see how you're doing. (Hope the Incognito poster comes back in to talk w/ us, too.) 44, did you have that visit w/ GD? How did it go?

@Lizzystuff - Hope all is still going well for you and yours. No doubt, your story and advice have given hope and comfort to others here. @mairead52000 & @brandymarie77 - IMO, your words of encouragement are beautiful and helpful, also. Hope we hear from all of you again soon. :)

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Hi Rose1909, 

I am leaving in about an hour to see my Lil princess. I have been really struggling with this trip.  I am excited to spend some time with gd, but dread the good bye before I even get there. I am putting on my big girl pants and hitting the road.  (4 1/2 hour drive). 

Thanks so much for checking on me,  all the support here has really helped me come to grips with what is.

44

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4 hours ago, 44 said:

Hi Rose1909, 

I am leaving in about an hour to see my Lil princess. I have been really struggling with this trip.  I am excited to spend some time with gd, but dread the good bye before I even get there. I am putting on my big girl pants and hitting the road.  (4 1/2 hour drive). 

Thanks so much for checking on me,  all the support here has really helped me come to grips with what is.

44

Safe travels and have a fabulous time!

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Thank you,  my Lil princess is too cute not to share. 

42563.jpeg

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She's adorable!

Echoing Mame to wish you "safe travels" and a "fabulous time!" I know leaving will be hard, but, no doubt, the memories you make will be worth it.

BTW, I think you mixed my name up w/ another poster's - I'm RoseRed135 - but that's ok - just mentioning it to avoid confusion. :)

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So in 2005 my son announced to my wife in an e-mail they were moving to London for 2 years for job advancement. It was up to her to break it to me. They came home and had our first granddaughter. In 2006 when our granddaughter was two and a half they again announced they were moving to Singapore for three years. I was swallowing the last bite of my birthday cake. Nice birthday gift. Our grandson was going to be born the next month in Nov. and they would be in Singapore for Christmas. They came back 3 months after our youngest granddaughter was born in Singapore.

So now our oldest just turned 13 last week, our grandson is 9 and the youngest is 7. Tonight at 9:45 PM all the grandparents got a text message saying they have a new opportunity in Tampa, FL and are moving in 2 months. My son already makes a half million. That's not a joke. They also told their children today.

All three of the grandchildren are crying, the grandparents are crying and we are being told we are immature because we are upset.

Anonymous poster hash: 0fd25...713

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Posted (edited)

Welcome New Member! Glad you found our site though I'm sorry it's under such unhappy circumstances!

I'm so sorry, but it definitely seems to me that DS (dear son) and DIL (daughter-in-law) are overly ambitious. They appear to put new opportunities (and more money?) ahead of human relations, etc. My heart is w/ you, DW (dear wife) and the kids.

No doubt, the kids will adjust, especially once they start making friends. DS and DIL may hear a lot of complaints about this from their oldest/the teenager. But, rest assured she and her siblings will likely adjust fairly quickly. IME (in my experience), kids tend to adjust faster than adults.

It's you and DW I'm most concerned about, right now. It must be hard never knowing when DS and family may suddenly leave - or return... sigh... It sounds like an emotional roller coaster, even if the bumps and dips are spread far apart. Also, this time, you two have had years getting to know and enjoy your GC. It wouldn't surprise me if you were more upset about this move than the past ones.

You've adjusted before, and I know you will again. But I think it's understandable if you to go through a period of anger and grief.. Your reaction isn't "immature," IMO, it's normal. It's unfair of DS/DIL to say otherwise. If it's any help, they're probably just being defensive.

All the more reason why I'm glad you found us! Better to vent to us than to them. We're here for you!

 

Edited by RoseRed135

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When your child is an "adventurer" you do just have to paste on that smile and wish them well.

My DS is career Navy. He enlisted at 20...in the submarine corps...something you have to test into, you cannot be "assigned" randomly (like so many military jobs). So, my "smart" boy left for Great Lakes training center near Chicago and I became "next of kin"...I no longer had any say whatsoever in that area of his life. He came home as often as he could, but never lived with me again. He's been all over the world at least once, lived on both coasts...2 of his kids were born 800 miles away, the youngest 350 miles away. I've visited everywhere he's been stationed, been present for the births of all 3 gkids at their invitation. This was his adult decision to make. I had to respect that, like it or lump it...I chose support.

We raised our kids to be independent and think for themselves. I never second guess their adult decisions. If they have problems they can't handle they will ask to talk it over. They've all made mistakes. 

I'd be asking "let me know when you are ready for visitors", saving up my airline miles and googling everything there is to do in that area. 

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I agree with Mame.  I raised my two to be independent thinkers and problem solvers.  Why would I fret at this stage of their lives (both are in their upper thirties) that they do not ask me for advice or for my approval when considering a long distance move?

Actually, when DS lived 8 hr or more drive away, we probably spent more actual one on one time together than we do now that they are only 100 miles away.

Glass can be either half full or half empty, you choose.

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14 hours ago, INCOGNITO said:

So in 2005 my son announced to my wife in an e-mail they were moving to London for 2 years for job advancement. It was up to her to break it to me. They came home and had our first granddaughter. In 2006 when our granddaughter was two and a half they again announced they were moving to Singapore for three years. I was swallowing the last bite of my birthday cake. Nice birthday gift. Our grandson was going to be born the next month in Nov. and they would be in Singapore for Christmas. They came back 3 months after our youngest granddaughter was born in Singapore.

So now our oldest just turned 13 last week, our grandson is 9 and the youngest is 7. Tonight at 9:45 PM all the grandparents got a text message saying they have a new opportunity in Tampa, FL and are moving in 2 months. My son already makes a half million. That's not a joke. They also told their children today.

All three of the grandchildren are crying, the grandparents are crying and we are being told we are immature because we are upset.

Anonymous poster hash: 0fd25...713

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. I think you'll feel better in no time.

Be pleased your DS is able to earn a good living. Children are adaptable, they'll love Tampa once they get settled in. Get a credit card earning flyer miles, charge everything, receive  free tickets. Reserve a hotel room, again with miles, and go see them at Disney World. Florida is such a fun adventure!

Fill your happy glass 99% full, that's how I like my glass.

Anonymous poster hash: ea945...f93

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9 minutes ago, INCOGNITO said:

Fill your happy glass 99% full, that's how I like my glass.

As well, THE GLASS IS REFILLABLE!

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On 2/21/2017 at 9:38 AM, 44 said:

Hi Rose1909, 

I am leaving in about an hour to see my Lil princess. I have been really struggling with this trip.  I am excited to spend some time with gd, but dread the good bye before I even get there. I am putting on my big girl pants and hitting the road.  (4 1/2 hour drive). 

Thanks so much for checking on me,  all the support here has really helped me come to grips with what is.

44

Have been meaning to ask you for a long time, @44 - How did that visit go? And are there any more in the planning?

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Hi RoseRed135,

That trip did go well,  I had a great time playing with my lil princess and just hanging out with my son and his gf. I shed my tears as I drove away, but kept my big girl panties on the whole visit.  

Since then I flew to South Carolina in June and saw all 3 of my beautiful grandbabies.  I'm hoping to get there in October for princesses 1st bday, but not sure if it'll all work out.

It's great when I'm there and I know they all have busy lives,  but i don't hear from them very often when I'm back home and it hurts my heart but I'm pushing thru it day by day.  

Thanks for checking on me.  

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It's crazy how fast they grow

56532.jpeg

55228.jpeg

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Posted (edited)

@44 - Thanks for responding so promptly! Glad that the visits have been going well! IMO, it's very wise of you to "(keep your) big girl panties on" during these visits - that's probably why you're welcome so often. Kudos!

Sorry your AC don't keep in touch more between visits.  I think it's wise (again) of you not t push it, but do you ever call or text them, etc?

Anyhow, I hope the October visit works out. Please keep us posted!

ETA: The kids look so precious!

Edited by RoseRed135

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Hello! I found this site while researching about adult children moving away. I have read the posts and they have helped a lot! 

This summer started out with a bang and then took an exciting but somewhat sad turn as life often does. Two of my married daughters decided to move away quite unexpectedly. Both for jobs. I found this all out within a two week span. I live in Ohio and one is moving to NC and the other to Texas. And on top of that, the one moving to NC just found out she is pregnant.

This has been really hard for me. The emotional roller coaster is horrible. I keep a happy face on though. I am truly very happy and excited for both of them and their spouses. This is a great opportunity and I raised them to spread their wings and fly. I guess I just didn't expect the  intensity of the emotions and am having a hard time with the ups and downs. Ugh!

I still have children at home (9,12,14,17, and 19) which has helped but they are devastated to be losing their older sisters and BIL's. They are very close to them and an integral part of our daily lives. I've gone through this twice before so I should have been prepared but for some reason I wasn't. Maybe because it     happened so quickly. Idk. But reading other people's stories has helped    tremendously. Sorry for the rambling post...

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@Ohiomom - Hi again! Just spoke to you in Club Newcomer! Glad you found this forum, as well!

Your post isn't "rambling" at all, and no matter if it were! You're going through a hard time - and handling it very well, IMO! Good idea to vent your feelings here, too - hopefully, that makes it easier to keep on that "happy face" in front of your DDs (dear daughters) who are moving.

Kudos to you, also, for raising your kids to " spread their wings and fly!" And how beautiful that you appreciate that this is "a great opportunity" for them and their families! But still, it's understandable that this is difficult for you. Especially since you found out so suddenly and since there's a new GB on the way. (((Hugs!)))

Good that you still have other family around, including 5 more kids at home! Then again, I'm sorry you have to deal w/ their sense of loss, also. Hopefully, they'll profit by your beautiful example. And I know you'll all "be there" for each other. You sound like a very loving family.

Glad that "reading other people's stories has helped!" Hope you continue reaching out to us, so that, perhaps, we can help you and yours through this. Also, in time, no doubt, you'll be able to help someone else, too. :)

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Thank you for the very kind words RoseRed! I do enjoy reading all the stories. It made me feel not so alone with how I was feeling. I know I will get through this and the family will readjust and move on as strong as before. Like you wrote,    better to put it all out here instead of in front of them. All they need from me right now is support and encouragement!

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