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RoseRed135

The NEW Are YOU a long distance grandparent?

49 posts in this topic

Do you live far away from your adult DS (dear son)/DD (dear daughter) and GC (grandchildren)? If so, how do you cope w/ the distance/keep in touch, etc., if at all?

Same question if you live far from any other family/ILs that you like to keep in contact w/ or who want to  maintain contact w/ you.

Edited by RoseRed135

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@cjmmytunes  - Repeating the question I asked you in the now-locked thread... Do you, hopefully, get to keep in touch w/ your LD family between holidays, via Skype, email, FB, FaceTime, snail mail, phone calls or whatever?

 

Edited by RoseRed135

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Yes, we all have cell phones except for the 2 youngest GD's.  We text back and forth daily and use Facetime and Skype.  They also have FB and send pictures via snail-mail and cards/letters to my mom.  Thinking about getting mom either a tablet or iPad for Christmas.  She has one of those old flip phones and will not upgrade to a smartphone

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Sounds good, CJT! Hope you're able to get mom that tablet/iPad - and that she's up for learning how to use/enjoy it! :)

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My daughter and son-in-law live in Australia and I live in Canada.   They have two children.  I've made two trips over when she had each of the babies and they visited this past March and stayed with one of my sons.   I really looked forward to seeing them but don't have a close bond with them.   I try to keep in touch with the children by sending little gifts.    Because of different time zones we Skype only occasionally.  Unfortunately I feel like our relationship is "superficial".   Sometimes I miss them terribly but mostly I have come to accept that this is how it is.   Luckily I have three other grandchildren who live locally so that takes away some of the heartache of not seeing my little Aussies.

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2 hours ago, mairead52000 said:

My daughter and son-in-law live in Australia and I live in Canada.   They have two children.  I've made two trips over when she had each of the babies and they visited this past March and stayed with one of my sons.   I really looked forward to seeing them but don't have a close bond with them.   I try to keep in touch with the children by sending little gifts.    Because of different time zones we Skype only occasionally.  Unfortunately I feel like our relationship is "superficial".   Sometimes I miss them terribly but mostly I have come to accept that this is how it is.   Luckily I have three other grandchildren who live locally so that takes away some of the heartache of not seeing my little Aussies.

Welcome mairead52000! Glad you decided to come in and talk w/ us! I'm sorry your relationship w/ your Australian GC (grandchildren) isn't as close as you'd like it to be, but it sounds as if you and yours are doing your best. As you'll see if you look through this forum, your situations isn't unusual. Nor is it uncommon to "miss" the faraway family "terribly" at times. (((Hugs!)))

I know you didn't ask for suggestions, but have you thought about sending one of those books where you (general) record yourself reading a story? Would DD (dear daughter) and SIL (son-in-law) be ok w/ that? Are your GC the right ages for it? If so, then that way, perhaps, you could stay a little "closer" to them, even when you're not there. If you're interested, no doubt, some other members will have some helpful suggestions, as well.

Meanwhile, I'm glad you get to enjoy your 3 other (nearby) GC more often and that you appreciate that fact. Overall, I think you have a very reasonable attitude. Kudos!

Looking forward to talking w/ you some more...

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New here. I'm a young and new grandmother. I just turned 39! I have 3 kids. 2 boys and 1 daughter. My oldest son is almost 21. My youngest son is almost 20. My daughter is 18. My youngest son is in the Army. He got married last year and in August they had their first child. Sadly I have not even met him in person.  Its been hard at times. I am totally ready to embrace being a grandma, but its hard not being able to see him. My daughter decided to get married after she graduated. She found out she is 8 weeks pregnant. Im concerned with her age, but I have no doubt she will be a good mom. Im happy I get to be fully involved with her child. 

Edited by Mame925
removed names in the interest of privacy

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10 hours ago, brandymarie77 said:

New here. I'm a young and new grandmother. I just turned 39! I have 3 kids. 2 boys and 1 daughter. My oldest son is almost 21. My youngest son is almost 20. My daughter is 18. My youngest son is in the Army. He got married last year and in August they had their first child. Sadly I have not even met him in person.  Its been hard at times. I am totally ready to embrace being a grandma, but its hard not being able to see him. My daughter decided to get married after she graduated. She found out she is 8 weeks pregnant. Im concerned with her age, but I have no doubt she will be a good mom. Im happy I get to be fully involved with her child. 

Congratulations on your new GC (grandchild), brandymarie, as well as the coming one! How exciting to be a 1st-time GM (grandmother) and know that you'll soon be one again! Congrats on the marriages of YDS (younger dear son) and DD (dear daughter), as well!

You definitely are a young GM! But I see you're "ready to embrace" the role and that's great, IMO! It's unfortunate that your new GC lives so far away. But I'm sure you will in time and that, as he gets older, you'll find ways to develop a long distance relationship w/ him (skyping, FaceTime, cards and letters, etc.). 

I'm glad DD lives closer and that, as a result, you happily anticipate seeing her child more often and being "fully involved." (Your idea of "fully involved" may be different than hers, however, so you might want to discuss that w/ her, if you haven't already.)

Wishing you and yours all the best! And glad you came in to talk w/ us! Welcome! :)

ETA: Please extend my thanks to YDS for his service to our country.

Edited by RoseRed135

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I have a son and daughter in law and their five children in Brazil.  We've been able to visit a couple times for which we are grateful.  We spend lots of time texting or face-timing.  It is a super way to stay involved in their lives and they love it.  They are always asking if they can facetime with grandma and grandpa and we never turn them down.  It has made it easy for the youngest one to get to know us too.   

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2 hours ago, gramlock77 said:

I have a son and daughter in law and their five children in Brazil.  We've been able to visit a couple times for which we are grateful.  We spend lots of time texting or face-timing.  It is a super way to stay involved in their lives and they love it.  They are always asking if they can facetime with grandma and grandpa and we never turn them down.  It has made it easy for the youngest one to get to know us too.   

And, clearly, you  and DH (dear husband) have a good relationship w/ DS (dear son) and DIL (daughter-in-law) or these things wouldn't be as likely to happen. Kudos to you all for that! :)

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This is my first post here. I googled long-distance grandparenting and found this site. Thank you for being here.

I'm living alone for the first time in my life. It's been about 3 months, and I love living alone. Not having a "partner" means I have more time to think... and so I'm missing my 2 daughters, sils, and 5 grandchildren a lot. Way too much.

I've been a long distance "Nana" for several years, and have lots of experience with sending gifts, social media conversations, etc. My youngest daughter and her husband moved overseas 11 years ago and I made about 20 trips to see them (the best trips being meeting 2 of my grandchildren when they were born). They moved back to Canada last year, but have settled in Alberta which is a 36 hour drive away. I've flown once to visit and meet my newest grandchild. I love visiting them, and we have so much fun together.

My oldest daughter and her husband moved from Toronto to Quebec 4 years ago. When they lived in Toronto, I used to see them often - they'd come to visit me or I'd visit them. Having them move away really shook my world. I've been to visit them several times over the last 4 years, and every visit is excellent.

I've always said that my greatest blessing in life is being a mom - I love my daughters so much, it hurts. I love my sils and my grandkids. I've been having a tough time - lots of tears - for a long time and I'm feeling very depressed about the whole situation.

My 2 daughters and I were very, very close as it was basically the 3 of us for quite a few years. Now, they are busy moms, and I'm feeling all sorts of emotions, some of which are very stressful... especially the grief of not being able to see my grandchildren on a regular basis, or for birthdays, Thanksgiving, Hallowe'en, etc. I always spend Christmas with one of them, although I did spend one Christmas alone and swore I'd never do that again.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this here, to people I don't know. I just don't know what to do or where to turn. I feel broken, and I'm not sure I can fix me this time.

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Welcome Nana.  I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely, it seems the holidays have a bit to do with that.

Have you thought about volunteering at the library for preschool story time and such where there will be little ones?  For some people this is a comfort.

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6 hours ago, NanaFromCanada said:

This is my first post here. I googled long-distance grandparenting and found this site. Thank you for being here.

I'm living alone for the first time in my life. It's been about 3 months, and I love living alone. Not having a "partner" means I have more time to think... and so I'm missing my 2 daughters, sils, and 5 grandchildren a lot. Way too much.

I've been a long distance "Nana" for several years, and have lots of experience with sending gifts, social media conversations, etc. My youngest daughter and her husband moved overseas 11 years ago and I made about 20 trips to see them (the best trips being meeting 2 of my grandchildren when they were born). They moved back to Canada last year, but have settled in Alberta which is a 36 hour drive away. I've flown once to visit and meet my newest grandchild. I love visiting them, and we have so much fun together.

My oldest daughter and her husband moved from Toronto to Quebec 4 years ago. When they lived in Toronto, I used to see them often - they'd come to visit me or I'd visit them. Having them move away really shook my world. I've been to visit them several times over the last 4 years, and every visit is excellent.

I've always said that my greatest blessing in life is being a mom - I love my daughters so much, it hurts. I love my sils and my grandkids. I've been having a tough time - lots of tears - for a long time and I'm feeling very depressed about the whole situation.

My 2 daughters and I were very, very close as it was basically the 3 of us for quite a few years. Now, they are busy moms, and I'm feeling all sorts of emotions, some of which are very stressful... especially the grief of not being able to see my grandchildren on a regular basis, or for birthdays, Thanksgiving, Hallowe'en, etc. I always spend Christmas with one of them, although I did spend one Christmas alone and swore I'd never do that again.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this here, to people I don't know. I just don't know what to do or where to turn. I feel broken, and I'm not sure I can fix me this time.

Sorry you're having such a hard time right now, Nana, but glad you found us. I think it's good that you came here to talk "to people (you) don't know" - as you read this thread and look around this forum (perhaps you already have), you'll see there are many other parents/GPs in your situation. I hope it helps, at least a little, to know you're not alone.

It seems to me you have mixed attitudes about your situation - enjoying your independence and visits to your DD (dear daughters) and their families, but missing them very much and feeling rather lonely. This mix is very normal, I think.

I've been having a tough time - lots of tears - for a long time and I'm feeling very depressed about the whole situation....I feel broken, and I'm not sure I can fix me this time.

I'm glad you felt comfortable enough here to share this ^^^^ w/ us.  My heart is so w/ you. Since you've been feeling down "for a long time," have you considered counseling? It might be able to help you learn to cope better w/ the more negative emotions.

Regardless, we're here for you! (((Hugs!)))

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Thank you, SueSTx and RoseRed135 for your comments. I appreciate them very much.

I do volunteer work (for different reasons, mostly helping people with tax returns), and have some friends who've adopted me as a substitute Mom/Nana. It's satisfying (in the way yogurt tastes great, but what you really want is ice cream) and my friends comment that they think my daughters and grandkids are so lucky to have me; however, I still miss them like the dickens!!! It is hard to explain without going into too many details here.

I've also sought out counseling, and apparently I have my head sorted out quite well... in fact, I'm considered a "healer" and help others quite often. It's another volunteer activity!

What appears to be in my face is the fact that I did such a great job of mothering my daughters (they in turn are excellent moms), that I feel as if they don't NEED me. I know they love me. That isn't ambiguous at all.

Because I live so far away, I'm not asked to babysit or do errands like pick the kids up at school. I've done my best to look at the pros and cons of my situation - and the biggest benefit of being a long-distance Nana in my opinion is the family immersion aspect of visits. When I do see them, I see them 24/7 for days at a time. I see them wake up, all day long activities, mealtimes, going to bed, etc. I see the reality of who they are, not just Sunday dinner visits.

Thanks again for caring, and for the hugs. It means so much, and I'm grateful.

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23 minutes ago, NanaFromCanada said:

Thank you, SueSTx and RoseRed135 for your comments. I appreciate them very much.

I do volunteer work (for different reasons, mostly helping people with tax returns), and have some friends who've adopted me as a substitute Mom/Nana. It's satisfying (in the way yogurt tastes great, but what you really want is ice cream) and my friends comment that they think my daughters and grandkids are so lucky to have me; however, I still miss them like the dickens!!! It is hard to explain without going into too many details here.

I've also sought out counseling, and apparently I have my head sorted out quite well... in fact, I'm considered a "healer" and help others quite often. It's another volunteer activity!

What appears to be in my face is the fact that I did such a great job of mothering my daughters (they in turn are excellent moms), that I feel as if they don't NEED me. I know they love me. That isn't ambiguous at all.

Because I live so far away, I'm not asked to babysit or do errands like pick the kids up at school. I've done my best to look at the pros and cons of my situation - and the biggest benefit of being a long-distance Nana in my opinion is the family immersion aspect of visits. When I do see them, I see them 24/7 for days at a time. I see them wake up, all day long activities, mealtimes, going to bed, etc. I see the reality of who they are, not just Sunday dinner visits.

Thanks again for caring, and for the hugs. It means so much, and I'm grateful.

Sounds like you've done a great job as a mother! No, they don't 'need' you, because you raised them to be strong, independant, self sufficent women. That's an awesome thing!

Better, your relationship is that they *want* you. That says a *lot*

Even when folks are local, not everyone has grandparents babysit, or pick up kids from school, or that sort of thing.

Be proud of the great job you did at the parenting gig!

Edited by ImpishMom
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5 hours ago, ImpishMom said:

Sounds like you've done a great job as a mother! No, they don't 'need' you, because you raised them to be strong, independant, self sufficent women. That's an awesome thing!

Better, your relationship is that they *want* you. That says a *lot*

Even when folks are local, not everyone has grandparents babysit, or pick up kids from school, or that sort of thing.

Be proud of the great job you did at the parenting gig!

Thank you, Imp!

For a long time, I felt that pride of a job well done. My DDs have told me in various ways that I was a really good Mom and that one of their core strengths is knowing we have a strong love bond. I think that's part of my confusion/sadness now... I don't feel as if I'm making much of a contribution to their lives anymore. Unfortunately, I've experienced financial 'rape' by a previous partner and although I should have been retired by now, I'll probably be working until I die. I'm self-employed, just to add to the stress. So, flying at whim is out of the question. I have to book seat sales far in advance and make sure I have someone to look after my fur babies while I'm away. (I have 2 cats. My 16 yr old dog passed away earlier this year - and I'm still grieving the loss of her, plus I've made a commitment to not get another dog for a while... so I can be 'free' to travel. I'm not great at kenneling a dog, and never will be. Just who I am and how I feel about dogs. So, in addition to living alone for the first time in 63 years, I'm also dog-less. Unusual for me.)

One of my sisters lives far away from me (we don't see each other often), and so we talk on the phone a couple of times each week. Her kids are exactly the same ages as mine, and her 4 grandchildren who are similar ages to mine live within 10 minutes of her home... so she sees them almost daily. I'm so happy for her that she has such constant contact, and I'm also envious.

I know my kids didn't move far away to BE far away from me... it just happened, due to their work choices (that's why my youngest moved to Europe for 10 years and why my oldest moved to Quebec). I'm grateful that where they live is beautiful and a scenic place to visit. We go for hikes in the mountains or parks. Another issue: they're all very athletic and I'm finding my body isn't as young as it used to be. I've worn it out in unplanned ways (e.g., bad car accident - broken neck), so I feel like I hold them back when they plan physical outings. I've made the decision to get back into better physical condition... just haven't done much action yet! The decision part is so much easier than the doing!

One last point. Both my daughters are married to men who come from divorced parents. So they each have 4 separate grandparents to accommodate. There's only one grandpa (my ex) who lives close to my youngest daughter. All the other 7 grandparents live a flight (or a very long drive) away. I feel badly for my grandkids that they don't have their grandparents close by. As a child, I only knew one grandma and she died when I was 7. Perhaps my wishing I had more of that grandparent love is percolating to the surface and I'm projecting it onto my grandkids. They know I beyond adore them.

When my first grandchild was born, I told people that I'd been so wrong for so many years. I'd said that I could never love anyone the way I loved my daughters. Not true. It was as if a brand new place opened up in my heart when my grandson arrived. OMG. He's now 10 and we had 6 years together, seeing each other weekly. That bond is pretty solid. His younger bro is also a strong relationship as we are both "imps". We have such fun conversations! e.g:

Nana: "You are adorable!"

Grandson: "Nana! I'm not a DORABLE. I'm a people!"

Maybe you had to be there. Ever since that conversation, I now post comments on social media about 'dorables'. They're everywhere.

My other 3 grandkids have always lived so far away from me and so I don't have the same feeling about our bond together - partly due to the fact that I usually visit them at their home. They are seldom at my place. It's always been that way and I don't see it changing until they're older.

I think my favourite moment of all is when I'm walking with a grandchild and they hold my hand. That seems to be the time when we have the best conversations.

Thanks for listening.

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I think, perhaps, you need to quit worrying about what 'contributions' you make.

You don't have to prove yourself to your daughters. There's no 'coin' here, if that makes any sense. You don't have to 'earn' your place/keep with them. They want you around b/c you're you. If the physically demanding things are too difficult, then say so. They can't know if you don't. I'm sure they'd be willing to plan other activities that are more suitable for you.

Don't feel bad for your gk. They're not grieving. It's the same idea of, "I lived in poverty as a child, so I'm making up for it with my kids!" sort of idea: it doesn't work, and is misplaced, b/c these kids don't have your experiences, kwim? Loads of children have long distance, absent, or grandparents who have passed, and they're still happy kids. You say your gc know you adore them, so just enjoy what is, rather than fretting about what isn't.

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4 hours ago, NanaFromCanada said:

Thank you, Imp!

For a long time, I felt that pride of a job well done. My DDs have told me in various ways that I was a really good Mom and that one of their core strengths is knowing we have a strong love bond. Awesome! I think that's part of my confusion/sadness now... I don't feel as if I'm making much of a contribution to their lives anymore. Nor do you need to. What you need to do, IMO, is adjust to the fact that your relationship w/ them has changed, as parent/AC relationships generally do in one way or another. Unfortunately, I've experienced financial 'rape' by a previous partner and although I should have been retired by now, I'll probably be working until I die. So sorry. I'm self-employed, just to add to the stress. So, flying at whim is out of the question. I have to book seat sales far in advance and make sure I have someone to look after my fur babies while I'm away. (I have 2 cats. My 16 yr old dog passed away earlier this year - and I'm still grieving the loss of her, plus I've made a commitment to not get another dog for a while... so I can be 'free' to travel. I'm not great at kenneling a dog, and never will be. Just who I am and how I feel about dogs. So, in addition to living alone for the first time in 63 years, I'm also dog-less. Unusual for me.) So you're dealing w/ a lot of changes and stress... sigh... More (((hugs!)))

One of my sisters lives far away from me (we don't see each other often), and so we talk on the phone a couple of times each week. Her kids are exactly the same ages as mine, and her 4 grandchildren who are similar ages to mine live within 10 minutes of her home... so she sees them almost daily. I'm so happy for her that she has such constant contact, and I'm also envious.

I know my kids didn't move far away to BE far away from me... it just happened, due to their work choices (that's why my youngest moved to Europe for 10 years and why my oldest moved to Quebec). I'm grateful that where they live is beautiful and a scenic place to visit. We go for hikes in the mountains or parks. Another issue: they're all very athletic and I'm finding my body isn't as young as it used to be. I've worn it out in unplanned ways (e.g., bad car accident - broken neck), so I feel like I hold them back when they plan physical outings. I've made the decision to get back into better physical condition... just haven't done much action yet! The decision part is so much easier than the doing! No kidding, LOL! I hear you! But as Imp says, I think you can let your DDs know if these activities are too hard for you now. And/or cut back on participating/spend more time as a spectator.

One last point. Both my daughters are married to men who come from divorced parents. So they each have 4 separate grandparents to accommodate. There's only one grandpa (my ex) who lives close to my youngest daughter. All the other 7 grandparents live a flight (or a very long drive) away. Wow. So they have to find time for several GPs, yet still seem willing and happy to share a lot of time w/ you. That's a plus. IMO.  I feel badly for my grandkids that they don't have their grandparents close by. As a child, I only knew one grandma and she died when I was 7. Perhaps my wishing I had more of that grandparent love is percolating to the surface and I'm projecting it onto my grandkids. Probably. They know I beyond adore them. No doubt.

When my first grandchild was born, I told people that I'd been so wrong for so many years. I'd said that I could never love anyone the way I loved my daughters. Not true. It was as if a brand new place opened up in my heart when my grandson arrived. OMG. He's now 10 and we had 6 years together, seeing each other weekly. That bond is pretty solid. His younger bro is also a strong relationship as we are both "imps". We have such fun conversations! e.g:

Nana: "You are adorable!"

Grandson: "Nana! I'm not a DORABLE. I'm a people!"

Maybe you had to be there. Ever since that conversation, I now post comments on social media about 'dorables'. They're everywhere.

Sounds delightful! (And, no, I didn't have to be there. :)) I'm sure these GSs miss you sometimes. But I agree w/ Imp, kids are more resilient/don't feel it as deeply as adults do, especially if they're w/ loving parents. They're  ok (I know you didn't say they weren't.)

My other 3 grandkids have always lived so far away from me and so I don't have the same feeling about our bond together - partly due to the fact that I usually visit them at their home. They are seldom at my place. It's always been that way and I don't see it changing until they're older.

Can't be helped, I guess. Not all GP/GC relationships are the exactly the same.

I think my favourite moment of all is when I'm walking with a grandchild and they hold my hand. That seems to be the time when we have the best conversations. Beautiful!

Thanks for listening.

 

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Well, aren't y'all what the doctor ordered? :)

I soooo appreciate your comments, ImpishMom and RoseRed. Just the fact that you read my posts and made the time to respond... warms my heart.

This is one of the greatest and most beautiful shared links of women - or sisterhood as I like to call it - the reaching out to help others, and being there to listen and support.

I'll write more when I can. I also want to spend more time reading through the threads here. Just wanted to acknowledge that I'm very grateful for this site, and you for your caring comments.

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16 hours ago, NanaFromCanada said:

I think my favourite moment of all is when I'm walking with a grandchild and they hold my hand. That seems to be the time when we have the best conversations.

Mine too! All of those "parallel" moments is where real life is lived.

When DS was an older teen I used to cut his hair...he also liked to have it washed....this kid keeps information to himself better than Ft. Knox (no wonder as an adult he's Black Ops for the Navy!)...so I get his head in the sink and all lathered up.....he would tell me where grandma hides the money! I learned so much about his life and what he thought during those few minutes of massaging his scalp...

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I can't stop crying.  My Daughter and husband have decided they want to live closer to family...his family.  They have two children under the age of 3 and have been far from us for the past 6 years. They live on the east coast and we live in the midwest.  Work is not an issue for them and they just bought a house in the same city as SIL's parents.  Sadly for us the flights are fewer and way more expensive.  It will be an 11 hour drive for us.  My husband cannot retire for another 5 years and only gets a couple weeks vacation a year so it will be hard to see them throughout the year.   I feel such rejection, I am usually pretty strong but this has done me in.  My children have always come first in my life.  I really have lived for my kids, they have been everything.  My sister and sister in law both have grandchildren in the same city as them and love to boast about how great it is.  My sister in law called my last week and went on and on about how painful it would be to not be able to see your grandchildren every day like she does. Just rubbing it in.

 

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Welcome paintby123.

I am so sorry that your heart is aching because of this situation.

I raised my two an 11 hour drive away from my parents and they actually had a closer relationship with them than the grandparents less than five miles away.  My parents were lucky in that they were able to make that drive three or four times a year.  They attended ball games, band concerts, science fairs, and the like over the years while the PGP didn't bother to attend any of these events.

Physical distance alone doesn't mean you will not have a great relationship with your grandchildren.

Good luck in the future trying to stay close to your Daughter and her family.

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1 hour ago, paintby123 said:

I can't stop crying.  My Daughter and husband have decided they want to live closer to family...his family.  They have two children under the age of 3 and have been far from us for the past 6 years. They live on the east coast and we live in the midwest.  Work is not an issue for them and they just bought a house in the same city as SIL's parents.  Sadly for us the flights are fewer and way more expensive.  It will be an 11 hour drive for us.  My husband cannot retire for another 5 years and only gets a couple weeks vacation a year so it will be hard to see them throughout the year.   I feel such rejection, I am usually pretty strong but this has done me in.  My children have always come first in my life.  I really have lived for my kids, they have been everything.  My sister and sister in law both have grandchildren in the same city as them and love to boast about how great it is.  My sister in law called my last week and went on and on about how painful it would be to not be able to see your grandchildren every day like she does. Just rubbing it in.

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. I think you'll feel better over time.

Is it possible to use DH's vacay days in small increments? Maybe he could combine 1 day vacay with a 3 day weekend. Get good sleep the night before, leave early, eat sandwiches in the car, stop for gas and keep driving. Arrive, check in your motel. Spend 2 days visiting and sightseeing. Check out early, drive home. All in 4 days. Maybe you could do that every 3 day weekend.

Get a credit card earning flyer miles, charge everything, receive  free tickets.

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3 hours ago, paintby123 said:

I can't stop crying.  My Daughter and husband have decided they want to live closer to family...his family.  They have two children under the age of 3 and have been far from us for the past 6 years. They live on the east coast and we live in the midwest.  Work is not an issue for them and they just bought a house in the same city as SIL's parents.  Sadly for us the flights are fewer and way more expensive.  It will be an 11 hour drive for us.  My husband cannot retire for another 5 years and only gets a couple weeks vacation a year so it will be hard to see them throughout the year.   I feel such rejection, I am usually pretty strong but this has done me in.  My children have always come first in my life.  I really have lived for my kids, they have been everything.  My sister and sister in law both have grandchildren in the same city as them and love to boast about how great it is.  My sister in law called my last week and went on and on about how painful it would be to not be able to see your grandchildren every day like she does. Just rubbing it in.

 

My heart goes out to you, paintby! Hard enough to have DD (dear daughter) and family live far away! It must have hurt badly to learn they were moving closer to SIL's parents! I'm so sorry about that.

Whatever ways you have been keeping in touch the past 6 years though, will still work, no doubt, especially as the children get older. Have you been making use of the new technology, such as Skype and FaceTime?

It seems as if your pain is being increased by your conversations with your sister and SisIL. I'm sorry about that, too. In the future, I hope you can find a graceful way to change the subject or end the conversation if they start to go on too much about their relationships w/ their GC.. In fact, it might be wise to keep those conversations short, period, at least until you've adjusted better to DD and family's current situation. (((Hugs!)))

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My son and his wife and 2 GD just moved to another state and they are now 13 hours away.  The reasons they had for moving don't feel or seem right to me.  It's not like they had job promotions....my son doesn't even have a job yet!  My Daughter-in-law transferred to a restaurant job.  This is not like my son to make an important decision like this without financial stability.  His wife has pushed him to move for a long time so she could live closer to Disney World and go more often.  

Tried to talk to my son before they moved, but he said he has his own family now and wants to make them happy.  I understand that, but I don't think she will be happy anywhere.  She had always been jealous of my relationship with my son and told me not to come over unless invited (which wasn't very often).  I gave her the space she needed and she told my son that since we don't come visit very often, they might as well move where they are happy.

I'm trying to be happy for them, but it's so hard to know I won't see my two little granddaughters very much.

I went to say goodbye the night before they moved, and my son's mother-in-law who is going with them and living with them, asked me how I'm doing.  I told her "hanging in there", but feeling sad too.  She had an attitude with me and said, "You're only supposed to be happy for them!"  

My heart was already broken and I didn't need someone to tell me how to feel.  So I told her that I could be happy for someone and still be sad because I will miss them.  I also said it's easy for her to be happy because she is going with them.  She said, "Well you have other kids and grandkids! I only have one child, so I'm going."   I don't care how many kids I have, I love them all and want to be part of their lives!  It's not my fault she only had one child.  I felt like she won and I lost.  I don't want to be angry, but this hurt me so much.

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