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RoseRed135

Widowed? How do you cope?

10 posts in this topic

Are you, sadly, a widow or widower? If so, my heart goes out to you!

If  you've been widowed for a while now, what have you found are the best ways to cope? If your loss is more recent, how are you coping so far? (Please realize that your words may help someone else.) Please feel free to let us know below...

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One day at a time. Don't force anything. Don't be afraid to ask for help from people you trust (financial advisor, the folks at the bank, your attorney, your tax guy, yes, get professional advice, don't just rely on a family member "who just wants to help", they may mean well, but may not know what they are doing). Settling an estate, even a simple one takes months, don't expect to do it over a few days. You'll need a death certificate for everything. If you don't have a living trust now, get one moving forward...simplify your life. We have a trust and it still took months to complete the estate settlement.

This grief is a path you walk alone. You will know who your real friends are. Reach out for support. Accept invitations even if you aren't sure. Let go of the things you think should be happening but aren't. Speak of this person often. I recently checked in with a  friend who recently lost his dog (they had been companions for more than a decade). He is devastated and stated if he this broken up over his dog, he doesn't know I have kept going over the loss of DH...he's been wonderfully supportive of me, so I will be equally as supportive of him with his loss. Keep moving forward on your path.

I know who my real friends are now...women and men. Some of DH's friends have stayed in good contact and become my friends. Some of "our" friends apparently were just his friends and have dropped off the face of the earth. That's ok too. Re-evaluate as you feel the need. We now know nothing stays the same.

I'm approaching my second Christmas alone. The AC want to "be home" (here) for Christmas Eve. We'll proceed as we have in the past. There have been other changes as well (DS divorced shortly after DH passed, he remarried just before Christmas last year, lovely woman with two kids), so there are new things happening. Embrace the change.

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Very sound advice, Mame.

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Truly agree with the advice given. It is very important to motivate ourselves so that we are able to overcome through our grief. Consulting our family attorney is also very good option. Lawyers like   renowned lawyer in Paris also provides counseling. A lawyer can be your guardian, agent and legal advisor as well. Hope you get the strength to keep yourself strong and move ahead in life.

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Welcome, RosaJJackson. I have sent you a PM -- just check it by clicking the envelope at the top right of this page. 

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Welcome, XavierJensen. If that is your full name you might want to change it for greater privacy.

 

 

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Fast forward six months from my previous post...

Still moving forward...there really is no other choice. Looking back at the previous post I think I'm assuming most new widows have my same independent streak...and I know they don't. My bad. Find your inner strength. I know I love living alone. I know other people don't. I know I don't like managing money (DH did that, but that doesn't mean I didn't know where every nickel was), so I set up most of my bills on auto-pay (however I do look at every statement for every bill). I keep trying to further simplify my life. I meet regularly with my finance guy, she's a 50-ish divorced woman who understands the need to prepare for your own future. I went over all my bills to see where I could cut costs....and managed to chop out about $200 from my monthly budget. See to your own health.

I am not dating. I have no interest. However, I do have men friends...we meet for dinner, the ballgame, etc....with no other expectation on either side. I have girlfriends, we have playdates. I have no problem doing things alone. I went out the other night to a very nasty little music venue to see a band I met last winter in Vegas. I went alone. I had one beer, switched to club soda because I had to drive myself home. I just went to see the band. My usual concert buddy (DD) is on vacation...

I hired someone to keep up the yard. I am getting a new housekeeper. These are things I don't want to do and don't want to worry about. I have bigger projects to tackle. My kids are busy with their own lives...for all that they are all very attentive. DS still does my "honey-do" list. If something is urgent I have people to call...get to know an electrician, a plumber and a handy-man...I put a realtor-style lockbox on my back deck in case I accidentally lock myself out of the house.

The list goes on....be kind to yourself. Know your own worth. Give where you can with an open heart. "No" is a complete sentence. 

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My granddaughter asked me why I live by myself. I told her because my kids are grown and live on their own. Like you Mame925, I like living by myself. No one to worry about but me. The grands come over all the time so I am not really alone that much.

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