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RoseRed135

The Bluest Day - possible triggers

7 posts in this topic

Since the very old "Blue on Blue" thread has been closed, here's a new topic in the same vein...

If you're comfortable telling us, what do you feel has been the "bluest" day/moment in your life? (Hopefully, your experience will help others to see they're not alone.)

And/or what do you feel has been the happiest moment?

Edited by RoseRed135

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Too many happiest moments to mention but all involve the kids and grand kids and being a kid or grand kid- Bluest would have to do with loss, lack of understanding, fear- But time and reflection have a way of changing the shade of blue to different hues while healing and understanding circumstances with a bit more clarity than before-

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I knew December was coming, but I was already experiencing a Major Depressive Episode and thought with new medication and counselling that I would get through it.  But the last 3 days have been hell.

On Wednesday, I went to do an errand for my aunt, and when I was in the store, my hands started shaking so badly I could hardly get my money out of my wallet.

On Thursday, I went to my counselling group at the hospital. I had to take a tranquilizer just to stop my hands from shaking, so I could get dressed. Once I was there everything was OK......but they had a Christmas Party. Everyone appeared cheerful. As I was leaving, I walked with another woman in the group, and I could hardly hold back my tears.

I thought all this might be my new medication, but couldn't reach my doctor........so I went to see my pharmacist who then directed me to the walk in clinic. I cried in the waiting room and by the time I saw the doctor (who doesn't know me) I was bawling and my blood pressure was high. He got my doctor on the telephone and I finally got to see her yesterday.......still crying. She gave me a note to take to Emergency at the hospital if I was suicidal.......I almost was. But I came home and went to sleep.  

The Holidays are the worst when you don't have a spouse, or your kids or your grandchildren i.e. you are all alone. More suicides happen on Christmas than any other time.

When I woke up, I did something that I never did before...... I emailed my youngest cousin and asked if I could be included in anything they were doing tonight or tomorrow........she said absolutely!!!!!  You can't imagine what that has meant to me.  Just knowing that I will be with someone tomorrow has brought calm.....the crying has stopped.  

This is a huge lesson for me. Other people, even close friends, don't always know what's happening in your life. As my mother used to say, "If you don't ask, you don't get"

My estrangement from my daughter and my grandson, because of my SIL, has broken me apart, but this situation may never change......but I will never give up hope. Meanwhile, I have to take care of myself......physically and mentally.....for the day, I pray will come, that we will be a family again.

Next up..... is my my grandson's birthday in March. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with that.

What bothers me so much this Holiday is that my SIL's mother and father have the joy of my daughter and my grandson as part of their family.....and I am left to rot.

What happened to "Love thy neighbour" ? What is the meaning of the Holidays if you cannot be with those you love?

The last 3 days have been my bluest days ever.

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3 hours ago, Boobie said:

I knew December was coming, but I was already experiencing a Major Depressive Episode and thought with new medication and counselling that I would get through it.  But the last 3 days have been hell.

On Wednesday, I went to do an errand for my aunt, and when I was in the store, my hands started shaking so badly I could hardly get my money out of my wallet.

On Thursday, I went to my counselling group at the hospital. I had to take a tranquilizer just to stop my hands from shaking, so I could get dressed. Once I was there everything was OK......but they had a Christmas Party. Everyone appeared cheerful. As I was leaving, I walked with another woman in the group, and I could hardly hold back my tears.

I thought all this might be my new medication, but couldn't reach my doctor........so I went to see my pharmacist who then directed me to the walk in clinic. I cried in the waiting room and by the time I saw the doctor (who doesn't know me) I was bawling and my blood pressure was high. He got my doctor on the telephone and I finally got to see her yesterday.......still crying. She gave me a note to take to Emergency at the hospital if I was suicidal.......I almost was. But I came home and went to sleep.  

The Holidays are the worst when you don't have a spouse, or your kids or your grandchildren i.e. you are all alone. More suicides happen on Christmas than any other time.

When I woke up, I did something that I never did before...... I emailed my youngest cousin and asked if I could be included in anything they were doing tonight or tomorrow........she said absolutely!!!!!  You can't imagine what that has meant to me.  Just knowing that I will be with someone tomorrow has brought calm.....the crying has stopped.  

This is a huge lesson for me. Other people, even close friends, don't always know what's happening in your life. As my mother used to say, "If you don't ask, you don't get"

My estrangement from my daughter and my grandson, because of my SIL, has broken me apart, but this situation may never change......but I will never give up hope. Meanwhile, I have to take care of myself......physically and mentally.....for the day, I pray will come, that we will be a family again.

Next up..... is my my grandson's birthday in March. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with that.

What bothers me so much this Holiday is that my SIL's mother and father have the joy of my daughter and my grandson as part of their family.....and I am left to rot.

What happened to "Love thy neighbour" ? What is the meaning of the Holidays if you cannot be with those you love?

The last 3 days have been my bluest days ever.

(((Hugs!))) Just lots of (((hugs!))) And hope you enjoy your weekend w/ your young cousin and her family... Peace...

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17 hours ago, Boobie said:

When I woke up, I did something that I never did before...... I emailed my youngest cousin and asked if I could be included in anything they were doing tonight or tomorrow........she said absolutely!!!!!  You can't imagine what that has meant to me.  Just knowing that I will be with someone tomorrow has brought calm.....the crying has stopped.  

This is a huge lesson for me. Other people, even close friends, don't always know what's happening in your life. As my mother used to say, "If you don't ask, you don't get"

The bolded....when people I don't see often ask how I'm doing (DH passing along with other significant people in my life, 11 deaths in 18 months). I'm tactfully honest....good days & bad days. This is the first Christmas since my uncle passed in April, we always spent part of Christmas Day together, that I am totally without a plan for Christmas Day. Instead of having the day I want, I'm just rolling with it. However, my DD is hosting her ILs at her home today,so I'll go there for dinner. xDIL is dropping of the grandpup there for me to bring home later, he's spending the week with me while they travel. He is a 100# chocolate Lab who is wonderful company.

My AC insist Christmas Eve be "at home", meaning my home...so I hosted 17 for a luau yesterday.  So actually I'm not all that upset being home alone today...

Be kind to yourself. Ask for what you need. Give where you can.

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While fortunately for me, my life has always been a happy one, I just realized that I've had more than one "bluest day" in it. Not surprisingly, they all involved the deaths of loved ones - more specifically, my DBs since they all died "too young" (though for different reasons) and more or less unexpectedly. Sure, I was very sad when DM passed away and I miss her even now, after almost 2 decades. But, thankfully, she lived a long life/I had her for a long time. And, at least, I knew it was coming, so had time to prepare myself somewhat mentally & emotionally. Yes, I was very sad when my beloved dad passed on, too - also "too young" like my DBs - but as w/ DM, I knew it was coming, which made it a little easier for me. It's those sudden deaths, especially when "too soon," that seem to get me down the most.

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My mother and father passing away was blue inducing, but DHs job related disappointment was the worst. 

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