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    • LaToyaADMIN

      Tell us about your experience with signing up for Medicare   01/23/18

      We want to know what the process was like for you, any difficulties you experienced, the length of your process, etc. This is strictly research and any information you share with us will not be shared elsewhere. Please email jack@grandparents.com with the subject line: Medicare Process and we'll be in touch with specific questions.
    • LaToyaADMIN

      PLEASE READ: We are moving the community   02/15/18

      Dear Community friends and family,   After great consideration, we are moving the Grandparents.com community to Facebook Groups effective March 15, 2018.   This wasn’t an easy decision, but we want to bring our communities together and believe the best place to do so is through Facebook’s groups feature. We’re so appreciative of you and the diverse conversations and opinions you have provided over the past 9 years. Your stories and amazing advice have helped so many readers, and have reached thousands of GP.com users. We encourage you to retrieve any information you want to retain as the forum will only be accessible by the admin after March 15, 2018. We’ve created a closed Facebook group called Mothers-in-Law Unplugged where we welcome you to continue the conversations around grandparenting, family, and in-law relationships, and any general topics we discuss here. As the group is closed and each user must be approved, your friends and family on Facebook won’t see any of your activity. Request to join the group here: http://bit.ly/milunplugged Thank you to all of our past and current users. You helped build our community, and we look forward to continuing to interact with you in the Facebook groups. If you have any questions about the groups and privacy, let’s chat about here:   Sincerely,   The Grandparents.com Team

Welcome to MIL Anonymous 2017! - PLEASE READ

9 posts in this topic

Welcome one and all to Mothers-in-Law Anonymous! We're a lively mix of MILs (mothers-in-law), DILs (daughters-in-law) and some others who readily explore the ins and outs, ups and downs of MIL/DIL (and similar) relationships). Looking forward to having you join in our conversations!

Here are links to some helpful information, especially if you're a new member or a returnee. Please realize that much has changed here over time, so even if you're not "new," this info may be very useful:

Before you post, please read the following GP.com thread...

... and the following advice/information/requests:


Also, to familiarize yourself w/ the rules/guidelines for this Community, please read the following thread:

While it says "on this forum" in here ^^^, these rules are actually for the whole community - Forums, Blogs, Gallery, etc. In fact, you'll find a similar thread or the link to one pinned to every group.

Also, please note that these guidelines were originally posted in 2015. and updated/refined since then. As such, not all of them may necessarily be reflected in any threads you might read that are older than that. Nor do we mods go back and edit/delete posts in such old threads retroactively.

Options/Permissions - To see what options are available to you as a New Member, regular Member, etc please check out one of the following GP.com threads and its "permissions" chart (comparison of the options available to New Members and more long term Members, as well as Guests, Moderators and Administrators) :




Changing Your Username - If your username contains your active email addy or actual full name, we strongly advise you to change it.  To see how change your name for any reason, go here :


GP.com also provides an FAQ section http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/35-faq/


Technical or Other Questions About This Community? - If they're not covered here or by the FAQ section, go to the Member Questions forum at the top of the Index or click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/41-member-questions/   Just click on Ask a Question and key your concern into the box that appears. You can also contact GP.com by simply clicking on "Contact Us" at the bottom of the Index Page and keying in your message. But please understand that Member Questions is  for technical/Community questions only not for personal advice.


About This Forum - Also, note that the Description of this forum says, "Dish, vent or ask for advice..." Please realize that when someone is "dishing" or "venting' about their ILs/family members, they might make some unpleasant remarks. At the same time, when you (general) unload in this way, please realize that, given the broader range of views enjoyed on these boards, you may be treated to some perspectives you didn't expect to hear.

In fact. we sometimes deal with some very sensitive topics in here. And some conversations can get rather spirited. But that's fine, no doubt, as long as we all speak to each other with respect and follow the GP.com guidelines linked above.

About the Moderators - All designated mods (those with the status of "Moderator" over their avatars) in this Community have identical powers in all forums, etc. BUT we mods have a kind of informal agreement that we will each respect each others' sovereignty/authority over the group(s)where we are, respectively, the lead mod or mods. The lead mods for this forum are Lilypond2, SueSTx, PhalenMum and me, RoseRed135.

About This Thread - Besides a general welcome, it also includes information about this Community and this forum. That info has been divided into sections ("Joining This Group," "Posting in This Group," etc) for your convenience and spread over a number of "replies." Please feel free to go to individual sections, as needed or read the whole thread through at once, if you prefer. Please reread, now and then to check for updates. If you have any questions  about this forum, please PM (private message) one of the lead mods (see "PMs" in post #6 below) or ask about it in this thread (just key in your question into the Reply box, below, and hit the "Post" button) (The first 7 posts of this thread are numbered at the top left of the post in this thread, beginning w/ post # 2 below.) HTH!

Boldface lettering and italics are used in this thread for emphasis. Boldface is also used for titles. And italics, as you can see, have been used for this OP (opening post). The latest updates will be posted in red - please check this thread for them, periodically.

If you're a new member - please feel free to introduce yourself here, briefly, below, whenever you're ready. Eventually, you'll be able to open a discussion thread of your own. But as a newcomer to this Community, you're required to become a regular Member/ post 10 replies to other people's threads in order to be able to open a conversation, yourself. See this GP.com thread:

ETA: You also have to become a regular member/amass 10 replies in order to use the Gallery or to start a blog, as you can see in the permissions chart linked earlier.

If you'd like some ideas on how and how not to amass those 10 replies, check out this thread in Club Newcomer:



If you're a returnee, please feel free to re-introduce yourself here. And if you're an "old hand," ;)   please feel free to come into this thread to help welcome others. Also, if you commented in any of our former Welcome threads, no worries, they're still here, just further back in the forum (and locked).

Whatever you do, delighted to have you here and hope you enjoy your stay! :)


...Continued below...

Edited by RoseRed135
to add a missing word

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.... Continuing...2


How to Join - Any signed-up, signed-in member of GP.com can post in any forum they choose. But you must be signed-up and signed-in to post. (You shouldn't even be able to see where to post if you're not logged-in.) For our own security, though guests can read the conversations, they cannot post.
(See the "I'm a Member..." thread, linked in the post above.)

How to Sign Up - 1. You'll see a Sign Up button, right here, on the top-right of the page - click it on and go from there.

How to Sign In/Log In - If you've already signed up as a member of GP.com, just click on the Sign In button, at the top-right of this page and go from there.

ETA: If you're having trouble logging in, please see the following GP.com thread: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/announcement/6-what-to-do-if-you-get-a-wrong-password-message/


1. If you click on your username at the top-right of any Community page, you'll find a number of options available to you. Most of them are self-explanatory or easy to comprehend once you click them on. (Those w/ gray background not currently available.) But I thought I'd provide further explanation about the following 2:

      - Account Settings - This option leads you to a number of others. It's where you can fill out/change your username (display name), email address and password. It also has a "Signature" option, where you can key in "your" signature or change it. A "signature" is a comment or saying that you key in and appears on the bottom of each or your posts, PMs, etc. (like mine that you see at the bottom of this post).  It's also the place to check your Notification settings (See more about this in Post #5 below.)  And it provides another icon for editing your profile.

       - Ignored Users - This option shows you if there are any posters whose content you're blocking and provided a place for you to choose Members for that option (more about this later in this post).

2. If you hold your cursor over any username, a kind of mini-profile will pop up.,  showing you some of the same items you would see on a Member's actual profile page (more about that later).. Most notably, it lets you see what any given Member is doing here, at any time, message the Member (just click on Messages) and find some of their more recent posts (click on Find Content). But more about messaging and finding content later...

 2. To change your username, see the link given in the post above.

 3  MULTIPLE IDs:  GP.com does not allow members to have more than one account/ID, at a time. To learn more about this, please see the thread titled "New posting and moderating guidelines" Guideline #1 (link given in above post).


ACRONYMS AND UNUSUAL WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS: For those who need help deciphering acronyms and unusual words and expressions commonly used on this site or in this group, there's a thread pinned to the front called, "Guide to Acronyms and Other Definitions Common to Internet Forums." Here's the link:





SYMBOLS/ICONS NEXT TO FORUM TITLES -  if you hold your cursor over any symbol/icon, a message will appear, telling you what it means. But here's a general run-down of the ones that appear next to forums:


f_icon.png This symbol indicates that there are posts which you have not read contained inside this forum.
f_icon_read.png This one indicates that all of the posts contained in this forum have been read.


Symbols/Icons Next to Thread Titles -   Again, if you hold your cursor over any symbol/icon, a message will appear, telling you what it means. But here's a general run-down of the ones that appear next to thread topics:

t_unread.png This symbol indicates that the thread contains some unread posts.*

t_read_dot.pnghis one indicates that you have previously replied to the thread and that it has no new replies since you last read it*.
t_unread_dot.png This indicates that you have previously replied in this topic, and there are new replies since you last read or replied to the topic.*

t_moved.png  Indicates a topic that has been moved into another forum.
t_locked.png  Indicates that a topic has been locked (you cannot reply to it)

* By clicking on this symbol, you can go straight to the "first unread post" in that thread.


 - "Unread Content" -You can also check out any posts/threads you haven't read by clicking on Unread Content (above, right). Same for any Gallery photos or Blog entries/comments you haven't seen. However, clicking on a thread this way will bring you to the start of that thread.

  - That Note at the End of a Discussion Thread - When you get to the end of a thread, say, here in MIL Anon, a note will appear in the lower right corner if there are posts in other threads here that you have yet to read.  Click it on and it will take you to the first unread post in the next such thread.  If there are no other unread posts in here, no such sign will appear.  The same is true in the other forums. A great way, IMO, to help you get caught up w/ unread content in a specific forum if you would like.


How to Turn the Discussion Thread Pages - At the top- and bottom-left of each page of Discussion Threads, you'll see the page numbers. Just click on any number to get to the page you want.

How to Turn the Pages of a Thread - If a conversation has more than one page, the page numbers will appear at the top- and bottom-left (just above the Reply box) of the ongoing discussion. Click on any number and you'll get to the page you want.






Edited by RoseRed135

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.... Continuing...3


To Preview a Thread: If you would like get more of an idea of what a thread is about before you click it on  just hold your arrow over the title of that thread and 1 or 2 paragraphs will pop up. This only works, however, on the actual discussion thread pages (pages that show the list of conversations in a given forum).

Reading a Thread: 1. To read a thread from the beginning, just click on the title. 2. To go straight to the latest reply, find it to the right of the title (in any given page of discussion threads) and click it on. Or click on the latest reply listed on the sidebar.  3. To go to the first reply in a thread that you've yet to read/first unread reply in a thread, click on the dot or star (see above) to the left of the title. Also, at the end of a thread, you may find a link to the next thread in the same forum that includes unread content. Click it on and that, too, will bring you to your first unread post in that conversation.

How to Reply to a Thread - To simply reply to a thread, just key your comments into the Reply box that you'll see below the conversation and hit "Submit Reply."* To respond with a quote, click on the Quote button, at the lower-right of the post you're quoting, key in your comments under the quote (you'll see) and then go from there. If you want to quote a few posts in your answer, click on the Multiquote button (same location) and go from there. (See more about this below under "Replying w/ a Quote or Quotes".) Either way, your post will come out at the end of the conversation.

* ETA: If you forget to hit Submit Reply (oops!) before going on to another thread, etc., no worries. You can now go back to the first thread, hit the Reply Box, and your unposted comment will pop up. In fact, you can finish it if you didn't before, etc. (This will work even if you go to another site, for a while, in the same window - but not if you actually sign out of GP.com. Also, it doesn't work for edits. )

Starting Your Own Discussion Thread - As stated above, new members are now required to "amass 10 replies" before they can start a thread of their own. In other words, if you join/joined GP.com in December 2014 or after, you will be physically unable to open your own conversation, until you've posted those 10 replies. This is to help you get a feel for this Community and its various groups before you begin your own discussion.  See "Newbie Advice" in "I Just Joined - What Now?' - Read This." (See link  in the OP - original/opening post - above). Or "Why Can't I Start a New Topic?" (also linked in the OP).

Once you've reached that marker, if you would like to open your own conversation, go to the top of any Discussion Thread page and click on Start a Topic on the top-right, just above the list of threads. Then key in your comments in the box and hit the "Post a Topic" button below it. Your thread will come out on the top of the 1st page of Discussions (below any "stickyposts" - more about those later). As new threads come in, yours will move down the page, though. It will bounce back up whenever you or anyone else adds another post to it.


Posting Anonymously/"Incognito" -

The INCOGNITO feature can be especially useful for those members who are posting about their personal situation for the first time and want to get a feel for how such a discussion would go. It is also now available in an expanded number of groups:

1. All those listed under Family Matters

2. All those listed under Grandparenting

3. 50 Shades of Blue

4. The Great Debate

To see how this feature currently works, go here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/announcement/7-anonymous-posting-is-back/

To read when it is and isn't appropriate to use it, see "Safeguard Your Account" in "I Just Joined - What Now?' - Read This." (See link  in OP above)

BUT - Posts made under the INCOGNITO option do not count towards becoming a full-fledged member/being able to open your own thread or use the Gallery, etc. Only comments posted under your own username count towards that.


Customizing Your Post - As soon as you click on the post box, a array of options will appear above it. These include Font style, Size (this is 18), color (the A), smiley faces. Also, you can choose to write in boldface  - just click on B - or italics (I) or with underlining (U), etc. Just click on the desired option b4 you type. Or after typing, highlight the words by dragging your cursor across them, click on the desired option and then click the highlighted words. (To remove bolding, etc. do the same). Where size and color are concerned, you'll have to make a choice (size 14, for example, or the color red) b4 clicking the highlighted words.


Color - There are now 2 color options - A  by which you can change the color of your type, like so, and A, by which you can alter the background of your type, like so. 

Emotions - When you click on the Smiley,  a whole array of emotions will appear in a little box, right under the icon.  :db: :clapping: :diablo::rofl:  - just click on whichever one(s) you want to use. To see more than initially appear, click on Categories and then Emotions. :angel::girl_devil: To see what any particular emoji stands for, hold your arrow over it, either in the box or on the post.    :drinks:     :give_rose:

To Cut, Copy & Paste  - You can now cut, copy and/or paste content from one of your posts to another, by using options right on them (see the scissors icon, etc that appear as you're posting) and depending on your own browser's security settings.

Also, depending on your security settings, you can use the paste option to post quotes from another member. But please remember that it's a violation to copy & paste another member's content from one section of the site to another (i.e. from Blogs to Forums or from Forums to the Newsletter, etc - see Guideline 5g).

About That Eye at the End of Your Options - That's to prevent possible book/movie/show "spoilers" In fact, if you click it on, a box will appear w/in your reply box marked "Spoiler." If you key a comment in the spoiler box, it will be hidden once you post. However, the words "Reveal Hidden Content" will appear. Posters who wish to read the comment/aren't concerned about spoiling a book/movie/show for themselves, can click it on to read.

It can also be used for sensitive content/possible "triggers". IOWs, if you think something you have to say may be "too sensitive/upsetting/disturbing" for some readers, you can give us all the choice of whether to see it or not, by using the spoiler box. (See more about triggers below.)


Uploading Avatars and Other Pictures - More will be said about avatars in post 5 below. As for uploading other pics onto your posts, one member found she was able to do so by copying, cutting and pasting.

But perhaps the easiest way is to click on the "Insert other media" option below your post on the right and go from there.

Depending on your browser security settings, you may also be able to paste a photo to your post using the paste icon on the post itself.

Also, once you become a regular Member (amass 10 replies),  you can post photos and create albums in the Gallery, above, left (more on this later in this thread).

Editing Your Post - Once you put up a post, an Edit button will appear on the lower-left of your post (right next to the Quote buttons). If you click it on, you can correct spelling, punctuation and/or grammar, if need be, as well as add, subtract or reword any comments. Then press "Save" on the bottom of your post.

If you want to call attention to the fact that you added something new, etc., you can preface the new comment with the words "Edited to Add" or the acronym, ETA. You can also fill out the "Reason for edit" space that you'll see at the very bottom-left of your post when you're editing and your stated reason will appear on the lower left of your post.

 - Time Limit on Editing - Please note that there is a time limit on editing for both New Members (w/ under 10 replies) and regular Members. To see what editing limit applies to you, see the chart in  the GP.com thread, "I'm a Member." (see link in post above).


Replying w/ a Quote or Quotes -

If you wish to quote another post in your Reply:

1 .Go to that post and click on the Quote button at the lower-left. 

2.The post you're quoting will appear in  a smaller box w/in the Reply Box. Then you can key in your comments under the quoted post or on the post itself.

3. If you key in your comments onto the post itself, it's a good idea to use a different color. To see how to choose a color, check out Color under Customizing Your Post - Options (above).

If you wish to quote more than 1 post at the same time, do the following:

1. click on the Multiquote button (+) on each post that you wish to quote

2. when you're done selecting posts, click on the button on the right that says the # of posts you wish to quote ("Quote 2 posts"/"Quote 3 posts"/etc). All the selected quotes will come out in one post (you'll see).


Tagging - There's another way to reach out to another member, even if you don't quote them. And that is by placing @ in front of their name when you address them. Once you do this and begin to key in the member's name, a dropdown will list several usernames. If you click on that of the poster you are addressing, the name will appear in a blue bubble and  they will receive a notice under their Notifications icon, the one in the shape of a bell at the top-right of the page (that is, if they are signed up for such notifications)..

ETA: Please note that you need to post the member's whole username for this to work.

Of course, you may, sometimes, choose to ignore the dropdown and just type out the name yourself. Or you may prefer to address the other poster by a nickname (i.e. addressing me as "Rose") or their username initials (like RR). If you do, fine, the dropdown will disappear. But please understand that, in that case, the other poster won't receive notice that you addressed them.

Triggers - Please realize that some posts/threads may contain "trauma triggers, " descriptions or discussions of even more sensitive topics (extreme abuse, suicide, loss of a child, etc.) that may be very painful for some of you to read.

If you feel your post might discuss a such a very sensitive topic, please feel free to add the word "trigger" or the words "possible trigger" to your title as a warning to others. But this alert, while appreciated, is not required to post here. (Wording based on comments by Lilypond. Thank you, Lily!)

In some instances, a mod may add a "trigger notice" to a post or thread containing such issues.

"Liking" a Post - On the lower-right of each person's post, you'll see a button that says, "Like This." Click it on if you really like someone else' post and want to show it. (If you're not familiar with this option, it's kind of like saying "I like this" and "Ditto" all at once.) The poster will receive a notice that you "liked" their post and a note will appear, next to the Like button, saying the same.

  -  Limit on Likes? - As the permissions chart shows (see link to "I'm a Member..." in the post above), the number of likes you can give is now unlimited, except if you're a New Member (w/ under 10 replies) and then, you are limited to 50 likes a day (not that this is so great a limit :))


Ignoring Another Member's Posts -   If you tend to find a specific member's posts offensive or upsetting, in any way, you can officially "ignore" their posts/make their posts "invisible" to you by following these directions:

1. Click on your username at the top-right of the page.

2. Click on Ignored Users

3. Key in the name of the user whose posts you wish to ignore.

4. A list of usernames will appear - click on the correct one. (If you choose the wrong one by error, you can remove it, by hitting the x that shows up next to the name. Then key in the correct name.)

5. A list of options will appear. Check off whatever applies.

6. Then click on Add User.

 UPDATE: An easier way to put a member on Ignore:

!. Hold your arrow over the member's name

2. Click on Ignore User

3. A list of options will appear. Check off whatever applies.

4. Then click on Update Preferences.



Reporting a Post - The best way to report a post that you feel violates a guideline (see link in first post) or that offends or concerns you in any way, is to click on the Report button on the upper-left of the post and fill out a Report. (The Report item is often very faint until you - general - bring your arrow near it.) ,Please bear in mind, though, that such reports go to all mods and admins on the site. And please do not report a post, simply b/c you disagree with it. You can also "report" a post by sending a PM to a mod or administrator.


ETA: If you'd like to do a poll - When you open your thread, fill out the content, then click on Poll to the top left of your thread, and create your questionnaire. You're allowed to post up to 3 questions w/ up to 20 possible answers/choices for each question (you'll see). If you click on the "multiple choice" option for a question, posters will be able to select more than one answer, If you don't, then they will only be able to choose one reply for that question. Please think carefully about how you want that to go.

If you click on "Make voter names public?" the name of each voting member will be posted along w/ their responses. Many posters prefer to vote anonymously and do not like having their votes publicized. So I recommend against making this choice - please think it over very carefully if you think you might want to set it up that way..


.... Continued....

Edited by RoseRed135

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... Continuing...4



Bumping a Thread - As mentioned in the above post, if you add a reply to a thread that's gone down the page or further to the back, it will "bump" it back to the top of the 1st page. But please do not bump up old threads (say, more than 3 months old) here, unless you are the OP (original poster), a MILA mod or an administrator. (If you'd like to bump up such a thread, please ask a MILA mod of administrator to take care of it.) In fact, inappropriate "Topic Bumping" is actually an offense on GP.com (more about that later).  Exception:  You can comment in an old stickypost (see definition below) unless it's locked, of course.


"Hijacking" a Thread - The term "hijacking" refers to deliberately taking over someone else' thread and turning the attention to your own problems and is highly frowned upon. Granted, it's not unusual to tell someone of a similar experience you're having/had in the past, as a way of empathizing with them or to show them what worked for you. Nor is it unusual for a thread to "evolve" from discussion of a specific situation to that of broader concepts and, in fact, IMO, it can be very valuable. But, clearly, it's unfair to the OP (original poster) of a thread to delve deeply into one's own concerns and redirect the conversation towards those. If you really want to get into your own problems, please open a discussion of your own. If you find that other posters keep turning the thread back to your problems, even though that wasn't your intention, please either bring it back to the OP's concerns or, again, start your own thread. Thank you.

Stickyposts - These are threads that a mod "sticks" or "pins" to the top of the 1st page. Often, they are introductory or info threads or threads that make some announcement about the group or the site, in general. But they can also be about major topics or questions that the mod thinks will be of interest to the group. Sometimes, a mod will pin up a thread begun by a regular member but most often, stickies are created by a mod. If you see a "pin", to the left of a thread title, that's a stickypost.


All other threads come out below the stickies. The stickies on this site do move around among themselves (i.e. if you post a reply to a sticky, it will bump it to the top of the stickies, altogether). But they never fall below the other threads or slip to a back page, etc.

Global Stickyposts - Posts that are pinned up in all/almost all forums. May be modified to better fit specific groups.
The current Guidelines thread pinned to each forum is a global sticky, even though the title differs by group. An announcement posted on top of every forum can also be seen as a global sticky..

Locked Threads - Sometimes a mod will close/lock a discussion if it's getting "too heated," has a number of violations or seems to need to be reviewed, for any reason. We may also lock an old thread that has been bumped up, inappropriately. Or if the topic seems to fall/veer to far outside the scope of this group (In that case, we may reopen/try to see that the discussion is reopened, elsewhere. But we may also simply move such a thread to another forum, if possible - See "Moving and Merging Threads," below.) Also, a Lead Mod might lock an announcement/sticky that is intended only to give a specific piece of information or if, for any other reason, they prefer not to have any further posts added to that thread.. The lock may be permanent or temporary. If you see a "lock" symbol to the left of the title of a thread, it means that discussion is closed. Same if you miss seeing the lock, open the thread and find there's no Reply Box. Though it is not required, often, the mod or admin who locked the thread will post a comment, saying that it is locked "for review," etc. Most often, also, the OP will receive a PM, letting them know the thread has been locked.


 Hidden Threads If there is a serious problem in a thread, we're also likely to "hide' it. That means that it's removed from the view of regular members, but mods and administrators can still see it to review and discuss the problem. This also may be temporary or permanent. The purpose of this is, generally, to avoid leaving ugly exchanges on the board if time is needed to decide how to handle them. Once the decision is made, the thread may or may not be restored,  If it is restored, it may reappear in its entirety or with some edits/deletions. Also, if a thread  has been hidden, a note will, most likely, be placed in the relevant group in the form of a locked thread. And, most likely, we will make a note of it if GP.com administrators decide that the thread will not be restored. Often, one of us will send the OP a PM, telling them that the thread was hidden, etc., as well.


Deleted Threads -   GP.com does not allow us mods to delete a thread, "automatically," unless the initial post  is spam/an unauthorized ad (See Guideline # 4 in the Guidelines thread ;inked above) or if it is an accidental duplicate (thread posted more than once by error). Even if the OP (original poster) requests it, we cannot delete their thread, unless given permission by an admin.

ETA: We may or may not necessarily, lock or hide a thread upon request either.  W/ all due consideration for the OP, we also have to think of the other posters who gave time and thought to responding. Where a request for hiding a thread is concerned, in some cases, GP.com may weigh in on the decision.


"Hidden" Posts/Replies W/in a Thread - Posts/replies w/in a thread can disappear (or "disappear")  for any one of the following 5 reasons: 1. Plain unpredictability of the Internet (sometimes it "swallows" posts; I'm not sure why); 2. technical problems on the site (if this happens to you more than once, please inform a mod or admin); 3. it was deleted b/c of infractions, as outlined in the stickypost mentioned above (usually; the poster will receive a PM explaining); 4. it has been "hidden" (temporarily removed from view of regular members) b/c of possible violations that need to be reviewed (usually, the poster will receive a PM explaining); 5. it has been deleted or hidden b/c it quotes/refers back to another deleted or hidden post or is otherwise part of a seriously heated exchange that is under review (again, usually, the poster will receive a PM and/or the fact that some additional posts were deleted/hidden will be noted in the thread). 6. GP.com has also determined that a mod may hide a post that tends to stir up too much unnecessary drama on the board or behind the scenes. Hidden posts may or may not be restored once decisions are made.

ETA: We may or may not hide or delete a post upon the poster's request. Again, it often involves more than one factor.


Moving and Merging ThreadsA mod or admin can move a thread from one forum to another. Also, we can merge 2 similar threads though I haven't seen this happen, at all, in here, as yet. Though we are usually fine with OT threads in here, if a discussion seems to fall/veer too far outside the scope of this group or to be a "better fit" for another group, it might be relocated. Often, one of us LMs will post a comment, letting people know if the thread is going to be moved and where. Or we will post a link that connects posters directly to the moved thread in its new locations. Generally, also, one of us will let the OP know by PM if that happens.

Reporting a Thread - If you are concerned b/c you feel a thread in this group breaks 1 or more of the GP.com rules or b/c a lot of posters w/in the thread have committed offenses or have, somehow, turned the thread "ugly," again you can fill out a Report. To do so,  please click the Report button on the OP (original/opening post) of the thread. Again, the report will go to all mods and admins. Again, also, if you prefer, you can send  a PM to one of the LMs of the forum or an admin.


How to Find New Threads and Replies -

1. On your Community Index Board/Page (the list of groups/forums), to the right of every group, you'll see the latest reply in that forum, as well as who made it and to what thread. Click on the title of the thread and you've entered that thread. Click on the reply and you'll go straight to that last post. Also, threads in each forum, itself, are generally listed in order of the latest reply (stickies may be older, of course).

2. On that same page, to the right, you'll see a list of "New Threads.  Click one on and you'll be in that thread and in that forum. Below that, under "Recent Posts,"  you'll find the latest replies posted . Again, just click one on and you'll be in that thread and that group.

3. To see the latest threads/posts - or to regroup the threads for yourself in any way - in this group, go to the top-right of the 1st page of the Discussion Threads,click on "Sort by," select the desired option and go from there.

4. About twice a week, GP.com features one of the Community threads in "The Buzz" section of the Newsletter.

NOTE: If you wish to receive notification of new posts and threads via email or the Notifications button (above, right), please see Post # 7.

.... Continued....


Edited by RoseRed135

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.... Continuing...5


What is a Profile Page - A Profile Page is a place that gives various info about a GP.com member and allows them to take such actions as make special statements, upload an avatar, receive PMs, etc.

How to Find a Profile Page - To find you/anyone else' Profile, just click on your/their username. Another way to find/go back to your own is to scroll to the top-right of this page, click on your username there and then "Profile."

What Information You'll See on Any Basic Profile - Under username -  member status, content count (# of member's posts), date of membership, date/time member was last in this community.  Below, left - Member's # of liked posts in a green box, w/ a rating, such as "Neutral" or "Excellent." Then any information member chose to give (see below). Also, in the middle of the page, you will see the member's recent posts, if any. And on the left, you can see a list of any members who follow that member's posts (get notices when that member posts new content) More about this later.

How to Fill Out or Edit Your Profile - Go to your Profile Page and click on the words "Edit Profile" at the top-right. Then fill out/edit as much - or as little - of the info as you choose. Much of this information will then appear on the left side of your Profile Page. But if you fill out the "About Me" section, an option to read it will appear on the right side of your Profile. You and others will have/be able to click it on to see it.

     - Status Statements and Replies - On your profile, itself, you can fill out the "What's On Your Mind?" status statement You can no longer fill it out under your username, as before, and it will no longer remain on your immediate Profile Page. In order to go back and see it, later on, you need to click on See Activity and then Status Updates (on the left). I f you click on Status Replies, you can see your replies, if any, to other member's Status Updates  Same comments about someone else' profile if you wish to see their latest Status Statement,  (unless you get a Status Update notice, which brings you right to it.)

You can go back to your Status Updates and add a new Status whenever. You can also reply to someone else' Status, And you can leave a message in the bubble provided on the profile page - this will show up on their profile page.

I trust that most of you would only leave friendly messages. Please remember, though, that all the same rules apply, regarding personal attacks, etc. ( If you don't like the message someone leaves on your profile page, you can click on Options in the lower left of their comment and delete it. )

Customizing Your Profile - To add a background to your profile, click on Cover Photo in the upper-right corner and go from there.

Uploading an Avatar - Go to the space provided on your profile, click on "Upload Avatar" and go from there.

"Friending" & "Following"   There is no actual "friending" option on this site. However, you can choose to "follow" another member (be notified whenever that member posts new content) by clicking on the Follow This Member button next to their username (if that member allows followers). And you will see the list of your followers, if any, in the Followers box on the left side of your profile page. You can choose whether or not to allow other members to follow you by going to the Followers box, clicking on the word Options and making the desired choice.

Blogging -  In order to blog, click on Blogs (above, left), then Create a Blog, read the instructions and go from there. To see all your blogs, you can click on the Blog option on your Profile Page (see how below). 

To See a List of Blog Entries -  on the top-right of your Community Index board, you will now see a list of recent" Blog Entries," just below the list of recent threads.


Gallery - Want to create a photo album or upload individual pictures in the Gallery?  Once you become a regular Member (amass 10 replies), just click on Gallery (above, left), then Add Images and go from there. Or click on Create (above, right), then Gallery Images and go from there. (See more about the Create option in a later post.)


Tracking Threads, Posts, Blogs, Etc. - Sometimes you may want to look back at previous threads or replies of yours to check what you said, etc. Or you may want to look at someone else' old threads or replies to refresh your memory of what they said or to review their backstory. Or you might want to check out their blog entries or gallery pictures, if any. To do so, go to their profile page and click on "See Activity" on the upper-right. Once you do this, the member's most recent posts, if any, will appear. Also, to the left, you'll find a list, including "Topics," "Posts," "Blogs," "Gallery Images," etc.  Just click on the desired category. Unlike on previous profiles, you will often be able to check out posts and some other activities going back as far as when the member first joined.

Another way you can check out past posts, here, however, is to do use one of your Search options. You can find one at the top-right of any Community page. Or you can click on Activity, at the top-left of the page and find a Search option there.

We mods trust that you would only check out another member's prior posts to try to understand their situation better or find more ideas about a specific topic and not for any negative purposes.


Notifications - Want to receive notices of "liked" posts, new posts and threads in the forums you follow, etc? Click on your username on the top-right of this page, then Account Settings page, then Notification Options on the right and fill out the form, telling if and how you would like notices about what.  You can choose to be notified via the Notifications List or by email.  If you choose the Notifications List, the information will appear under the bell icon at the upper right of any Community page (a red number will appear on the bell, showing you how many new notices you have).

But to receive such notification about a favorite group,  you must also click on the Follow This Forum button, at the top-right of the 1st page of that group and check off the options preferred.

To see other ways of finding out about new threads, see Post # 4.

To see other uses of your Account Settings page, see Post #2.


.... Continued...

Edited by RoseRed135
color & spacing

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.. Continuing...6


PMs (Private/personal messages) -
- To Send a PM -


1. Easiest way - Point your arrow to the name of the poster you'd like to PM and click on the Send Message button in the little box that will appear.
2. Click on the poster's username, then "Message" and go from there.
3. Click on the envelope icon at the top right of the page, then Compose New and then go from there.

- To See If Someone Has Read Your PM - Click on your PM and find their name on top of the PM.. There it will also tell you if they've read the PM yet and on what day and at what time, etc.

- To Check PMs
You've received - Click on the envelope icon and look at the list.

- To Reply to a PM - Key your word into the Fast Reply box below the PM and hit the Post button. If you wish to quote the other person's PM in yours, click on the word Reply, at the lower-right of their PM and go from there.

- To Edit Your PM - An Edit button will appear at the lower-left of your PM, after you post it, just as with a post in the group. Click it on, edit and press Save Changes

- To Customize Your PM - As soon as you click on the PM or Reply box, an array of options will appear, much as on a post.

- To Block PMs from a Specific Poster -  Most of the time, I trust, members speak to each other respectfully in PM, just as we ask them to do on the board. However, if a PM from a particular poster offends you or you wish to block further PMs from that person for that or reason or any other, you can.

To do so, click on your username in the upper right corner of the screen, then Ignored Users and then fill in the offending member's name and check off the appropriate box(es). For example, if you wish to block PMs from them, then check off the box that says Messages, etc. This is a good option, also, of course, if you want to block their signature statements, posts, or just want to block them completely by checking all boxes.

Once you block their PMs, of course, any PM conversation you have had/have been having with them will disappear from your Inbox (but not theirs).

 To Delete a PM/PM ConversationYou can also delete an offending PM. .And any  PM conversations that are getting too contentious for your taste or simply b/c your mailbox is getting too full.  You can do this simply by clicking on Delete Conversation to the top-right of the PM..The conversation will still appear in the other poster's Inbox but will be gone from yours. Nor will they be able to reply, anymore.

ETA: PM Limits - As the permission chart shows (see link to "I'm a Member..." or "I'm a New Member..." in a post above), the number of conversations a regular Member can have in their Inbox is limited, w/ a slight difference for New Members (those w/ under 10 replies). The number of members you can include in a conversation is also limited, though, given the upgrade, that number has increased and the # for New Members and others is the same.


To Create PM Conversation Folders -

1. Click on the Messenger icon (envelope).

2. Click on Go to Inbox

3. Click on arrow next to word Inbox

4. Click on Add a Folder and go from there

To Find Your Preexisting Folders - Having trouble finding your "old" folders since the upgrade? Go to your Inbox and click on the arrow next to My Conversations (or whatever folder title is there). All your folders will appear.

Moving a Conversation from One Folder to Another - To do this, just click on Message, at the top-right of the conversation, then scroll down to Move To and  here, also, the list will appear. Just hit  the folder in which you want to place the convo.


 To Report a PM - If you wish to report a PM, once again, you can either PM a mod or an administrator or click on the Report button on the upper-left of the offending PM (under the name of the offending member).  And again, the report will go to all mods and admins, etc. Often, though, it's enough to just block further PMs from the offender, as described in a post 11 above. and fill out a report. Once again, also, please remember that a Report will go to all mods and admins on the site. And often, it's enough to just delete a conversation or block further PMs from the offending poster.

However, please realize if you want to both report and block, you need to report first b/c once you block, the PM will disappear from your box.


ETA: Please remember that posting a PM on the board is a violation (See Guideline 5h). Talking about a PM or PM conversation is not though if you (general) were to quote a substantial amount from that convo, that would fall under that rule. And better to report the problem PM than to duke it out on the board.




.... Continued...

Edited by RoseRed135
to correct

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.... Continuing...7


The "Create" Option - Click on the Create button on the top right of any Community page and you will see you have 3 choices: Status, Topic and Gallery Image. If you click on Status, you will be able to key in/change a Status Statement that will appear on your Profile Page (see more about Profiles in a post below). If you click on Topic, you can start a new discussion, but only if you have amassed 10 replies, as discussed earlier in this thread. If you click on Gallery Image, you can create a photo album or upload individual photos, as discussed earlier in this thread, as well.


LIVE CHATS - To participate in a live conversation, hit the orange Chat button at the top of the page and go from there.

UPDATE: Chat is currently out of order and will be for a while, unfortunately. Will get back to you on this...

LOOK WHO'S HERE! If you look at the bottom of the sidebar on the right side of the Index page, you can see who is here in the Community at any given time.


- To Return to the Home Page - Key grandparents.com into your browser.

- To Sign/Log Out -  Click on your username at the top-right of the page and then hit Sign Out.. Or return to the Home Page and press the Logout button to the top-right there.


PRIVACY & SECURITY:  Often people think of a "grandparents' website" as a safe and benign place. And for the most part, this is true of GP.com. But it's still the Internet. Please avoid compromising your privacy/security or that of anyone else, by giving out full names, addresses, phone numbers, etc. To see more about these concerns and how they're handled in this Community, please see "New posting and moderating guidelines," Rule # 5, bullet point "a"  (See link in OP, above).

 - IN ADDITION: As people get friendly, via PM, it's not unusual for them to exchange phone numbers and other personal information. While I don't recommend it, for security reasons, there's no doubt that some posters have developed even closer friendships this way. But thought it's no harm to ask for someone's phone number or email address - once - if they decline, please accept their decision. Also, if anyone pressures/harasses you for your personal info, please notify one of us mods or an administrator, ASAP. Thank you. (Please realize, of course, that you can also block the offending poster.)



Anyhow, once again, welcome! Delighted to have you here! :db:

Edited by RoseRed135
to update info about Chat

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Any idea why MIL is the most used forums ?  Do MILs experience or create the most issues or is that the men are all out playing golf ?  Just curious. 

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9 minutes ago, Maxine2020 said:

Any idea why MIL is the most used forums ?  Do MILs experience or create the most issues or is that the men are all out playing golf ?  Just curious. 

IL issues seem to be a very "hot" topic, especially those about the MIL/DIL relationship. So I guess that's why MIL Anonymous is far out ahead of the other forums in terms of posts/threads. As for "the men," we do have some male members coming in from time to time - a handful of GFs (grandfathers) and one or two young dads. However, not as many men appear to post in these kinds of forums as women. Perhaps they' aren't as many men who are as into discussing these types of topics as many women are? IDK. :)

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This topic is now closed to further replies.