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SueSTx

Issues when a young adult granddaughter moves in

27 posts in this topic

Try calling a crisis hotline..I am seriously thinking of volunteering for one in my area..So I did a little research....

What I found was that a crisis hotline is not only for people who are about to hurt themselves.. Such a hotline may be utilized by somebody who suddenly lost his/her shelter and has no place else to go..Another call may be from an elderly person who is in the throes of a panic attack and is alone in the house..

Key thing is to call a hotline center who is local to you..These people are usually a wealth of information, and will refer you to the social services available in your community / a neighboring one..It is possible that they can steer you to places for her to stay temporarily...

I agree with the ladies above me..Your grand daughter, unless declared legally incompetent has her own autonomy of choices...Unless or until she is in danger of hurting others or herself physically...

Might be time to give you and your spouse some priority..

I know it is much easier for me to write from my keyboard than for you to do, but it's all about boundaries.....In helping her, you are not obligated to sacrifice your health, sanity and a good homelife..

 

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Oh, Scorpio, my heart aches for you and yours.. And I totally get your rock & hard place feeling... Glad you brought your problems to us, but sorry you're facing them. (((Hugs!)))

If it's any comfort, please know that you are not the only one who has ever come to these boards telling us about a GC who was "pushed aside" when a new sibling was born. We've heard of this on these boards before, especially when a 2nd marriage is involved and even when GC was adopted by the new spouse/parent. (Not saying this is always the case, people. I know there are many wonderful step and adoptive parents. Just saying that there are other cases here similar to this.) Nor is it unusual for the less favored GC to end up living at the GPs, whether for a short time or a long one. You and DH are not alone.

I'm a little confused about what happened when she snuck out the other night. You tell us she works, yet you say she didn't come home till 9:30 AM. Does that mean she missed/was late to work? Or didn't she have work yesterday?

I ask b/c if GD's sneaking out windows, it might simply be a reaction to having a 12 o'clock curfew at age 22. You  worry about her, no doubt. But most 22-yr-olds/young adults I've known didn't have a specific curfew and often stayed out later than midnight, unless they had to get up early for work the next day. Sneaking out is not a very mature response on her part, of course, but it may be a reaction to the curfew just the same. I realize she's not exactly her age on paper, due to the years of incorrect meds and apparent alcoholism. But she might be thinking, "Hey, I'm 22! I'm an adult! What's this curfew business?"

If that's the case, perhaps it's time to let her figure out for herself when she needs to be in, etc. I realize DH (dear husband) worries about her "being out late," but, IMO, he needs to let that go, unless she's seriously delayed mentally ("22 going on 18" says "immature" to me, yes, but not "seriously delayed"). I can understand having a "house rule" that everyone has to be in by a certain time. But it may have to be later than midnight, at least on weekends or nights when GD doesn't have work the next morning.

BUT if she's sneaking out and missing work b/c of it, then there may be more going on here. Could it be that she's drinking again? And maybe feels she needs to "sober up"/"sleep it off" before she can come home? Is that, perhaps, what you and DH are concerned about? If so, IMO, she needs more help than either you & DH or her parents can give her. IOWs, she may need that sober house, even if it means putting aside transportation, etc. for now. And if she does need a lot of structure (a curfew, etc.), no doubt, trained professionals can enforce that w/ her better than you & DH can.

No, kicking her out "into the street" (my words) might not be the right way to go. But helping her find a place that can assist in her continued recovery probably is, IMO. Please consider doggiediva's advice on how to find one. It's only fair to you & DH - and, in the end, GD.

IMO,  your idea that GD should see a psychologist is an excellent one. .Meanwhile, have you and DH considered AlAnon? No matter why a person's loved one drank/drinks, I understand they are very helpful for family members. Chances are, they can provide you w/ some good guidance in this situation... Peace...

 

 

Edited by RoseRed135
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