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RoseRed135

Welcome Newcomers 2017! And Welcome Back Returnees!

57 posts in this topic

Welcome, all Newcomers, 2017! And welcome back, Returnees!

I'm RoseRed135, Lead Moderator of this forum. I've also been happily married for several years and hubby and I have 2 wonderful adult daughters, as well as 2 adorable (of course) grandchildren (not to mention a great son-in-law)! I'm the regular "granny nanny" to those GC for some part of several days a week, while their mom goes to work or school.

If you're new to this site or even just this Community, please tell us something about yourself, briefly below, when you're ready (just key in your comments in the Reply Box and hit Submit Reply).  If you're a returnee, please feel free to introduce yourself, as well. And if you're an "old hand" here,  :) you may wish to introduce yourself, too, and help welcome new members, as well as help direct them to other forums they may enjoy.

In fact, this group was created, largely, as a springboard to other groups. So if you're a newcomer and you tell us something about your interests/concerns, we may be able to help you find the forum or forums that "fit," if you haven't already. Also, please check out the following "stickypost"/thread pinned to the front of the forum w/ a thumbtack icon:

 

 

 

But I know how bewildering it can be when you (general) are trying to familiarize yourself w/ a site/part of a site. So please see this sitckypost:

 

 

Meanwhile, please note that every month, there is a Question of the Month pinned to the front of this forum.  Hopefully, the answers to these will help us to get to know each other better. Please feel free to reply to these whenever you're ready, as well as any other such questions further down the page, etc. (unless locked, of course).

Whatever you do, delighted to have you here! Enjoy! :):db::give_rose:

Read on for some more info that you might find helpful...

 

Edited by RoseRed135
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Here are a the links to a some threads you might find helpful (even if you didn't "just join")*:

From GP.com...

 

 

 

Here in Club Newcomer...

For suggestions on how (and how not) to amass those 10 posts mentioned above -

 

 

For specific posting guidelines -

While it says "on this forum" in here ^^^, these rules are actually for the whole community. - Forums, Blogs, Gallery, etc. In fact, you'll find a similar thread or the link to one pinned to every group.

Also, please note that these guidelines were originally posted in 2015. and updated/refined since then. As such, not all of them may necessarily be reflected in any threads you might read that are older than that. Nor do we mods go back and edit/delete comments in such old threads.

 

Elsewhere in this community...

A guide to acronyms and other common Internet terms can be found in the MIL Anonymous forum -

 

 

Also, if your actual email addy or full name is in your username, we recommend that you change it for greater privacy. To see how to change your name for whatever reason, just click on this thread in the MIL Anon forum:

 

Still got technical or other questions about the Community? Please feel free to ask what you want to know in the Members' Questions section at the top of the Community Index: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/41-member-questions/  Just click on Ask a Question and key your concern into the box that appears. This is not subject to the 10-reply rule, but it is only for technical/Community questions, and not for personal advice.

You can also contact GP.com by simply clicking on "Contact Us" at the bottom of the Index Page and keying in your message.

Edited by RoseRed135
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 I'm 60 year old Nana to 4 grandchildren- my son's 12 month boy 2 full days per week, daughter's  8 year &  5 year boys 2 afternoon/evenings per week and other daughter's 3 year girl who lives with me and my husband of 37 years.  Hubby has serious health issues and is on disability.  I retired 3 years ago and I work harder than ever.  

My 34 year old daughter became a widow on October 21 and now lives with hubby and I, and my daughter leaves for work at 5:30 am until 5:00 pm so I have the 3 year old all day, every day.  She talks about her Daddy often and I'm doing my best to help her understand that he's now in Heaven.   Unknown to all of us, son-in-law was addicted to drugs and died of heroin overdose.  My daughter had left him in April when she discovered his drug use (after police linked him to my $40 k jewelry theft).  His parents are still in denial and blame my daughter for his addiction.  

I feel socially isolated because most of my friends don't babysit and have tons of social time for themselves.  I try and connect by phone but not so easy with a 3 year old.  My closest friend moved to Florida 2'years ago and we're still very close but I just don't have the same things in common with some other local  friends anymore.  Have put on weight and I can't get focused to help with that.  I need to get healthy for myself as well as everyone who counts on me.   I'm trying to keep it together, but sometimes I'm very overwhelmed.

 

Edited by Mefpaf

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Welcome Mefpaf...you do have a lot on your plate! I have 9 grandkids, ages 3-12.

I'm so sorry for your DD's loss, addiction can be so devastating. Even though they live with you, is it possible for your DGD to be in daycare or preschool 2-3 days per week? That would give you the break I think you really need. My kids went to a community college preschool. It was free other than I was required to take one child development class and put in one afternoon a week. We all got something out of it. After they kids' dad & I divorced, if he had the kids when it was my day to work, he worked.

I totally agree you do need to take care of yourself. Schedule a check up with your doctor if you haven't had one in awhile. Stress levels at our age can be dangerous. Make sure your daughter isn't returning to her old role of "daughter of the house" rather than being a widowed woman with a child. It can be a slippery slope. If she is pitching in as a full adult member of the household, stress levels can be reduced.

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3 hours ago, Mefpaf said:

 I'm 60 year old Nana to 4 grandchildren- my son's 12 month boy 2 full days per week, daughter's  8 year &  5 year boys 2 afternoon/evenings per week and other daughter's 3 year girl who lives with me and my husband of 37 years.  Hubby has serious health issues and is on disability.  I retired 3 years ago and I work harder than ever.  

My 34 year old daughter became a widow on October 21 and now lives with hubby and I, and my daughter leaves for work at 5:30 am until 5:00 pm so I have the 3 year old all day, every day.  She talks about her Daddy often and I'm doing my best to help her understand that he's now in Heaven.   Unknown to all of us, son-in-law was addicted to drugs and died of heroin overdose.  My daughter had left him in April when she discovered his drug use (after police linked him to my $40 k jewelry theft).  His parents are still in denial and blame my daughter for his addiction.  

I feel socially isolated because most of my friends don't babysit and have tons of social time for themselves.  I try and connect by phone but not so easy with a 3 year old.  My closest friend moved to Florida 2'years ago and we're still very close but I just don't have the same things in common with some other local  friends anymore.  Have put on weight and I can't get focused to help with that.  I need to get healthy for myself as well as everyone who counts on me.   I'm trying to keep it together, but sometimes I'm very overwhelmed.

 

Hi Metpaf! As Mame says, above, you certainly "do have a lot on your plate!" (((Hugs!)))

I think Mame has given you excellent advice. Hope some of it will work for you and yours.

Meanwhile, glad you felt comfortable enough here to tell us your problems. Hope you also come and talk w/ us in the Grandparents Caring for Grandchildren forum:

http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/15-grandparents-caring-for-grandkids/

and Empty Nest No Longer:

http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/6-empty-nest-no-longer/

Welcome!

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I'm a stay at home mother of three children, all aged 5 and under. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and we have a business that allows me to work flexible hours from home, allowing me to care for my children full time. Life is good! 

Except for the ILs...

Unfortunately, we are in disagreement with my ILs about the amount and the nature of their involvement with our children. It's a matter of very different expectations. They want weekly visits, and want to take the children on outings without myself and my DH. I'm just not comfortable with that, for various reasons which I'll not get into now. Our practice in the past, when relationships were pleasant, was visiting as a family with my ILs. They would come over to see the children while we were home, or we would have them for dinner or go to their house, about every 2-3 weeks. However last year, my MIL decided this was no longer "workable" for her, and got my FIL on board to put some pressure on my DH and me.

I am lucky that my DH supports me, because his parents believe his loyalty should lie with them, and have tried relentlessly to coerce him to take their side: Months and months of criticism, telling us we are "not normal", guilt trips and crying, silent treatments, tantrums, badmouthing me to my DH, enlisting my SIL as a flying monkey, suggesting I need counselling because I am so 'controlling', seeking legal counsel and threatening to take us to court, and blatantly refusal to respect our wishes for our family.

The problem is that they believe they are entitled to have it their way, in spite of my feelings and wishes. They believe themselves to be the injured parties and are now "too uncomfortable" to see the children because they do not want to be in my presence. 

This has turned into a lengthier post than I intended. But it is a result of this situation and the breakdown of the relationship with my ILs that I discovered this community. I thought it might be cathartic sharing here, and it has been comforting to learn that I am not alone. 

 

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Whoa! Your ILs sought legal counsel (among other things) b/c you were seeing them "about every 2-3 weeks" instead of once a week and b/c you only saw them "as a family" instead of letting them take the kids on their own?! I hope that legal counseling showed them they don't have a case!

But after all that drama... turning around and deciding not to see the GC at all? Sounds to me like it was/is more about getting their way than about wanting to see their GC more often. I don't doubt that they love the kids, but their behavior, all together, says "power play" to me. So sorry about this!

But glad you appreciate this site and that you feel comfortable sharing w/ us! Welcome!

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Hey, all!

I am always looking for more ways to connect with my far away grandchildren. Sadly, none of them live near us, nor have they ever.

Seven of my angels live "only" 704 kilometers (440 miles) in Adelaide to our Melbourne, while five of them live 16,000 km (10,000 miles) away, Sweden to our Australia. In the case of the further children, we have the addition of a language difference. I speak a little Swedish and they speak a little English, but it makes Facetime and phone calls more frustrating than satisfying.

Our grandchildren's ages spread from 'almost 15' to "due in October".  I send letters every month - sometimes longer letters to the teenagers, and sometimes just postcards, and always a few words for the little ones every month after they turn 2. On special occasions I make handmade cards for them. When I can afford it, I send little gifts: a t-shirt, stickers, a book, a pen. It really stretches the budget, but it makes me so happy. I hope they enjoy it, too.

Before I retired, I was able to visit them every three years or so, but a couple of years ago, my husband became very ill and I had to retire to care for him. Now, we can see the nearer children very occasionally, but I may never again see the further grandchildren. I live in hope of a miracle.

I scour the Internet and the bookstores for new ideas about how to build up a bond with my beautiful babies; that's how I found you folks. :) 
 

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2 hours ago, GrandmaMisti said:

Hey, all!

I am always looking for more ways to connect with my far away grandchildren. Sadly, none of them live near us, nor have they ever.

Seven of my angels live "only" 704 kilometers (440 miles) in Adelaide to our Melbourne, while five of them live 16,000 km (10,000 miles) away, Sweden to our Australia. In the case of the further children, we have the addition of a language difference. I speak a little Swedish and they speak a little English, but it makes Facetime and phone calls more frustrating than satisfying.

Our grandchildren's ages spread from 'almost 15' to "due in October".  I send letters every month - sometimes longer letters to the teenagers, and sometimes just postcards, and always a few words for the little ones every month after they turn 2. On special occasions I make handmade cards for them. When I can afford it, I send little gifts: a t-shirt, stickers, a book, a pen. It really stretches the budget, but it makes me so happy. I hope they enjoy it, too.

Before I retired, I was able to visit them every three years or so, but a couple of years ago, my husband became very ill and I had to retire to care for him. Now, we can see the nearer children very occasionally, but I may never again see the further grandchildren. I live in hope of a miracle.

I scour the Internet and the bookstores for new ideas about how to build up a bond with my beautiful babies; that's how I found you folks. :) 
 

And I'm glad you did, GrandmaMisti - find us, that is! Good to see, also, that you're already posting in other forums, especially Grandparenting From Afar, given that you're a LDGP (long distance grandparent).

Congratulations on your growing family! Sounds like you do a good deal to keep in touch! And I'm sure your grands find your efforts enjoyable and memorable - something they'll tell their own GC (if they have them) about someday. :)

I'm so sorry, though, about DH's (dear husband's) illness and how it has curtailed your visits to your GC. Your worry about not seeing the further away ones again is understandable, but perhaps, as they get older, they'll be ready and able to travel to you and DH sometime.

Meanwhile, glad you came in to share your thoughts and feelings w/ us! Welcome!

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Thank you, Rose. :)  I'm glad to be here.  

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Good morning

I am a first time grandma and it has been a complete nightmare! And a lot of tears. My joy of being a grandma has been taken from me.

Edited by Zaylee
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@Zaylee - Sorry you found us under such unhappy circumstances! But glad you're here! I would congratulate you on being a first-time GM (grandmother), but, apparently... sigh... it has been a very unhappy experience for you. (((Hugs!)))

It may be cold comfort, but rest assured you are not alone, as you'll see if you check out some of the threads in the Grandparents without Grandchildren and Grandparents Unplugged forums, etc.

Meanwhile, I'm sending you a PM (personal message). To find it, just click on the Messenger button w/ the envelope on it in the upper right corner. Thank you. :)

And welcome!

Edited by RoseRed135

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Thank you RoseRed135, I'm glad that I connected with other grandparents

 

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I'm glad you found us Zaylee, welcome. When you are ready to share, we are here to listen.

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Hi Everyone! I am so excited to be here and look forward to meeting new friends! My name is April and I am 49, I will be a grandma in September! My sweet husband and I are very excited! My hobbies are running, kayaking, reading cozy mysteries, shop and I want to start a youtube channel someday! I love people who have a sense of humor and who love to laugh! Life is way to short not to laugh and enjoy ourselves. :)

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Welcome...and congratulations on the upcoming grandbaby.  Scroll up the RoseReds second post and give her advice to new members a read for some helpful hints on using our forums.

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15 hours ago, thisgrandmaruns said:

Hi Everyone! I am so excited to be here and look forward to meeting new friends! My name is April and I am 49, I will be a grandma in September! My sweet husband and I are very excited! My hobbies are running, kayaking, reading cozy mysteries, shop and I want to start a youtube channel someday! I love people who have a sense of humor and who love to laugh! Life is way to short not to laugh and enjoy ourselves. :)

Another welcome, thisgrandmaruns! Congrats on the coming GB (grandbaby)! You sound like a very fun and interesting person, so, IMO, that GB will be very lucky to have you for a GM (grandmother)!

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Oh Happy Days, You and your husband are in for a glorious experience. I Love and enjoy each and all of my 6 Grands and 2 Great Grands. Since you like a good sense of humor you may enjoy Lesley Stahl's new book "BECOMING GRANDMA". i found it to be delightful.  Welcome to the wonderful club of Grandparents.

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I spoke with a cousin of xH yesterday (she was passing the sad news of her DDs death)...we got to talking about xFIL who was this cousin's favorite uncle. He was a most patient and kind man...who couldn't wait to be a grandpa....xH was his oldest child who married first, but we chose not to have kids for several years...the waiting nearly killed him, LOL...but when he finally got to be a grandpa, he looked into DD's little face, fell hopelessly, stupidly in love...a love that never wavered. 11 GK later, she remained the favorite for all that he adored all 11. 

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Posted (edited)

 

                                                              Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Edited by RoseRed135

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Hi everyone, I am a 48 yr old grandmother of a beautiful 7 month old granddaughter with another grand baby due soon....I'm glad to be here. I have been looking for a place where I can go to just chat or even vent if need be. 

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Happy to have you here Hope49 and that you are making yourself totally at home here.....Welcome

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3 hours ago, Hope49 said:

Hi everyone, I am a 48 yr old grandmother of a beautiful 7 month old granddaughter with another grand baby due soon....I'm glad to be here. I have been looking for a place where I can go to just chat or even vent if need be. 

Hi again, Hope (already spoke to you elsewhere)! We're glad you're here, too. And congrats on your growing family! :give_rose:

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Hi Everyone, I have my DG moving soon to of all places "The Middle East "!  I've had them probably most weekends for most of their life except for "8 mo of misery " when they were mad at me for something stupid. (That is another chapter ill talk about later)  I could go on and on so ill just stop here because id be typing all day!  I'm getting ready to leave here for church.  Im so grateful to have found this forum.  Thank you for having me.                                       Ninito6

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Posted (edited)

Welcome Ninito6!

I'm glad you found us, too, though I'm sorry it's for unhappy reasons. (((Hugs!)))

If it's any comfort, you're not the only GP who has had their DG move far away.. In fact, we have a whole forum here for LDGPs (long distance grandparents), etc., called Grandparenting From Afar.http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/14-grandparenting-from-afar/

Unfortunately, it's also not unheard-of for family members to take a break from other family members, at times, even for long periods. You're not alone there either. You can see that by checking out  any of these forums - Grandparents Unplugged, Grandparents without Grandchildren, or Mothers-in-Law Anonymous.

I'm not clear on whether these are adult DG who are moving away or if they're children who are moving away w/ their parents. I'm also not clear on who was "mad at" you - the DG or the parents. Please clarify, either here or in a post in one of those other forums. As you may/may not realize, you'll need to amass 10 posts before you can open a thread of your own. But there are other threads where, no doubt, you can further discuss your issues.

Here's hoping you have pleasant time in church and a lovely Easter, overall, despite your concerns and a pleasant time in church.. Also hope you come back in soon and talk to us some more. :)

 

 

Edited by RoseRed135

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