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RoseRed135

Welcome Newcomers, 2017! And Welcome Back Returnees!

82 posts in this topic

Hi Everyone,

I'm really excited to have found this site. I am a happily married grandmother to 4 beautiful little ones, from our son and daughter, that live within 10 mins of me, but am finding myself "wanting" lately. Not sure what it is that I want, but just find myself down in the doldrums and feel like I need to give myself a good slap.

I won't bore you all with my stuff at the moment, but just thought having other Grandparents to chat to, might be a good thing for me.

Looking forward to meeting everyone!!

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@Will555 - And I'm happy to meet you! Welcome!

Sounds like you have a lovely family! And how awesome that both your DS (dear son) or DD (dear daughter) live close by.

Sorry you're feeling blue and restless lately. But hope that participating in this community will help to lift your spirits.

If you'd like to talk about that "down in the doldrums" feeling, please check out the conversation threads in the forum called "50 Shades of Blue." If you're looking for more lighthearted fare, then I suggest Grandma's Pantry, Hobby Corner, the General Gabbery, and Book Club, to name a few. But, no doubt, some of the topics in our other groups will capture your attention, as well.

Not everyone here is a GP. But there are a lot of interesting people here, IMO, whether GPs, parents, etc.

Looking forward to talking w/ you some more! :)

Edited by RoseRed135

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I've found myself deeper into the winter blues myself this year than usual.  I've even put on weight and there hasn't really been anything "new" happening in our family.  I think I'm just bored with the same ole same ole.

 

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Hello, yes weight is a huge issue with me at the moment. Well, it has been for quite awhile now. I am trying very hard to change the way I am feeling and get out there and do something with my life, but I'm struggling with what that should be. 

Im also feeling a bit invisible at the moment. Feeling a bit taken for granted and under appreciated and I hate feeling like that. 

Well ive had my little pity party for today. Thanks for listening. It's good to have somewhere to talk about how I'm feeling. 

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Welcome Wil555...you will find a large crowd in that particular pity party. I have 9 grandkids (3 girlies, 6 boys) from my blended family,all within an hours' drive. 

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1 hour ago, Will555 said:

 

Well ive had my little pity party for today. Thanks for listening. It's good to have somewhere to talk about how I'm feeling. 

Glad it helps to vent here, Will. Have all the "pity parties' you want - we're listening!

This is just a small, virtual flower, but hope it cheers you up a little :give_rose:

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Hi, guys. I'm a late twenties mother of two who is trying to navigate the waters of a full CO from my own mother. I hope it is okay that I am here.

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1 hour ago, raisingtinywomen said:

Hi, guys. I'm a late twenties mother of two who is trying to navigate the waters of a full CO from my own mother. I hope it is okay that I am here.

Happy to have you here @raisingtinywomen. Feel free to read through everything that interests you (but please don't post in threads more than 3 months old). When you have 10 posts you will be able to open a thread of your own. 

As well, I understand about difficult moms. I was VLC (very low contact) with mine for more than 2 decades. 

Never feel like you are alone with your issues....

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Welcome raisingtinywomen.

We have several members here who are LC or even no contact with their own Mothers.  Difficult people are not regulated to all be MILs.

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@raisingtinywomen - It must be very painful to have to CO your own mom. My heart goes out to you! But as Mame and Sue have said, you are not alone.

In fact, you'll find a number of people whose family relationships are either strained or broken in this conversation (and elsewhere):

 

 

Glad you decided to reach out to us! Welcome!

Edited by RoseRed135
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I'm a 53 yr old divorced grandmoma of 3 beautiful little boys aged 7, 4 and 4. I love being a grandmoma. I keep my youngest while my daughter works and goes to college.

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Hi again! You sound like a very loving and enthusiastic GM! Also, DD (dear daughter) is lucky to have you, IMO, to help her out by watching her child and give her the opportunity to further her education, etc. :)

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@Mefpaf, @Ninito6, & @raisingtinywomen - Haven't heard from you ladies in a while, so "checking in" to see how you're doing. Ninito, have your DG moved as yet or do you still have them around for a while?

@Will555 & @upsidedownhugchamp - Haven't heard from you in a while either. How are things going? Upsidedownhug, I hope you're still doing those delightful family letters!

@thisgrandmaruns- Hope all is well w/ the coming GB and that the mom is enjoying an easy pregnancy! Also hope you'll let us know soon after baby is born either here or in this "stickypost"/thread pinned to the front of the New Grandparents forum:

 

But I know you're also a woman of various hobbies. Please feel free to tell us about them in this stickypost in the Hobby Corner:

 

 

Edited by RoseRed135

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On 1/19/2017 at 4:16 AM, RoseRed135 said:

Hi Metpaf! As Mame says, above, you certainly "do have a lot on your plate!" (((Hugs!)))

I think Mame has given you excellent advice. Hope some of it will work for you and yours.

Meanwhile, glad you felt comfortable enough here to tell us your problems. Hope you also come and talk w/ us in the Grandparents Caring for Grandchildren forum:

http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/15-grandparents-caring-for-grandkids/

and Empty Nest No Longer:

http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/6-empty-nest-no-longer/

Welcome!

Note from RoseRed: Possible trigger below.

Thanks for checking in with me, I'd forgotten about this forum, life's gotten even crazier.   My daughter's former in-laws became increasingly hostile towards my daughter and my husband and I, particularly after my son-in-law's death.  Their only son died of a heroin overdose on October 21, 2016 and they blame my daughter for his addiction, they blame me because I had decided to press charges against him when he he came into my home and stole my entire lifetime's collection of jewelry including my deceased mother's jewelry ($40,000 loss).  He admitted that all my jewelry was gone as he had sold it all for drugs.  He had my wedding/engagement ring and another ring on loan and I was able to get those 2 pieces back.  In fact, the police traced his driver's license to a pawn shop he had taken my wedding ring to and that is how we found out about his addiction.  

We had a meeting in our home April 2016 with him, his parents, a social worker friend, and my husband and I after the addiction came to light and my daughter left him with their then 2 year old daughter.  We all pleaded with him to go to a detox rehab for treatment which he refused and said he would handle it with the use of suboxone so he could continue to work.  His parents supported his decision and were concerned that if he couldn't work, they would lose the house they jointly owned with my daughter and their son.  We pointed out that the house was taken out of foreclosure once already because even though he was working, he was not paying the mortgage and his getting clean should be the priority.  I decided after this meeting to press felony charges against him so he could be forced into court-ordered rehab/drug court.  His parents were angry that I added pressure for their son with criminal charges and he was depressed already that my daughter left him.  He had additional drug charges one month after my charges for criminal possession.  I felt so violated because my jewelry was hidden behind some books in a doll cabinet meaning he went through all my things to find it.  I felt his parents should have shown some compassion/empathy for me but they showed nothing but anger and hostility.  

My daughter found out that her husband had been alone with their daughter the day before he died in violation of a court order that his mother was to supervise his time with the baby.  His mother was very vague about what caused his death indicating a possible heart condition but my daughter found out that the police report indicated heroin, spoon, needle and razor at the scene where his mother found him.  Two weeks after his death his mother texted my daughter asking for her social security number - my daughter refused.  The following day we received a call from an attorney indicating that he was hired to prepare a new deed with my daughter signing away her rights to the house to her in-laws.  My daughter lost all trust in them and curtailed visits with them after some very heated phone conversations.  A priest my daughter was seeing to deal with her grief and addiction fallout advised she take a break from visits until the  tensions eased.  

My daughter's in-laws sued in Family Court for grandparent visitation asking for visits every other weekend.  Since my daughter was left with nothing but debt, my husband and I have had to pay for an attorney to defend our daughter and protect our granddaughter.  I have tremendous compassion for them, they lost their only child (37) and worse yet they found him when he died in the bathroom of their jointly owned home.  I can't imagine how awful they must feel and how tragic for all, especially my granddaughter who will now grow up without her Daddy.  Ive read a lot about addiction and I'm frustrated that he was unable to ask for help.  I know it was his decision but I'm so torn about their denial and enabling of his addiction.  It's strange but I'm not angry with him anymore, I have such mixed feelings particularly since it was brought to light by his friends that his drug use went back 20 years.  

My husband and I converted our garage into an apartment for my daughter and granddaughter and I care for my granddaughter while my daughter works.  My daughter has agreed to 5-hour visit weekly with her in-laws to see my granddaughter but they have not dropped the court case.  They are not as hostile but not friendly either,  I do the drop-off for visits and it's just ok.  My daughter invited them to my grandaughter's events and things are still awkward but slowly improving.  My husband and I met with their cousins whom they are very close to and whom we believe are financing their lawsuit to come up with a plan to end the hostility.  My daughter's in-laws were unwilling to meet and indicate they will never forgive our "hovering" in our home when supervised visits were in place with their son and our granddaughter.  

During this drama-filled time, my husband was hospitalized three times since January of this year.  My husband had a heart attack, we lost my father-in-law, and my hubby had two separate intestinal bleeds that are now under control.  My son and daughter-in-law will be putting my grandson in daycare next September after I told them I can help out but they need back-up when necessary.  Although I love seeing him, I'm relieved because he's now 18 months and very tiring especially with the other three that I watch.  My schedule will lighten watching my 5 and 8 year old grandson from my other daughter now that the summer is upon us.  I've been following up on my own doctors which I've neglected and I'm working on trying to lose weight although that's a battle by itself, lol.

 I wish my daughter's in-laws would realize that if they made peace with her and dropped their anger they would enjoy more time with our granddaughter.  I know they love her and she needs them in her life, but they have to put the baby's needs first.  Our family has lived the fallout of using the courts for grandparents visitation and the damage will take a long time to repair.  I feel that they need to blame someone for this tragedy and they can't blame their son or themselves so my daughter is the obvious target but it's not what's best for the baby and cruel to my daughter who loved her husband and misses him terribly.  She blames herself for being so stupid to have missed the signs and is so hurt that he couldn't tell her he was in so deep with this problem.  

Their house is now in foreclosure and the remaining $200,000 in equity will be eaten up in penalties and fees.  The house was owned by my daughter and her husband with his parents having a life estate.  Legally, they should split 50-50 but they've refused saying they need it all to move somewhere else and they've offered my daughter 5% of her share of the equity.  My daughter wants to sell the house because no one can afford the remaining mortgage and steep Long Island taxes.  My daughter is also uncomfortable with her daughter spending time in the very room where her husband died.   All parties have to agree to sell and my daughter hopes to use some of her share to pay off the hefty debt her husband left her and she will now need to raise her daughter herself.  I think their refusal to share the equity is personal for them.  

I would love to reach a point when I could ask them to take her for a few hours to relieve me without any hostility.  They've kept so much important info from my daughter that does not help with trust.  I think they've taken on this battle to delay dealing with their grief but it's so destructive to all concerned.  An added complication is also that the house in question is three blocks from ours so I feel no reprieve from reminders of this tragedy.

Yikes, I feel like I've written the Gettysburg address here but it feels good to get it out.  I'm trying to focus on one day at a time and do the best I can.  

 

 

 

Edited by RoseRed135
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@Mefpaf - Wow. A lot to take in here. I wanted to read it a few times over to make sure I understood everything before I replied.

I'm sorry that you and yours have been through so much over the past several months and that there is still so much animosity and drama going on. I'm also sorry, of course, for your DH's poor health and wish him better days. I'm glad, however, that some things have improved, such as your one GS being placed in daycare , your taking more care of your health and your interaction w/ DD's former ILs being "okay."

I'm sorry, though,  they haven't dropped their GVR (grandparents' visitation rights) case, despite the fact that DD is now giving them more than ample (IMO) visitation w/ her child. If it's any comfort, I don't think their case has much merit now since they are getting to see GD. I'm no legal expert, but as I understand it, if a GP wins a GVR case, it's b/c they're being denied access to their GC, not b/c they aren't getting as much access as they want. At this point, the XILs are probably wasting their time and money.

I'm no therapist either, but I think you're right that they're hanging onto this case to postpone facing their grief and disappointment in their DS. Or their hostility may be part of their sorrow as "anger" is one of the stages of grief. So unfortunate that they are taking it out on DD, DH and you. (((Hugs!))) Like you, I have a great deal of compassion for them since they've lost their DS - what a terrible sorrow! But, IMO, they need to realize that DD, also, has experienced a loss (even though she left him). Sad to say, they may not see that for a few years, if ever.

GVR cases can be very expensive, and that may be why they want to keep most of the money from the house. However, obviously, DD has her expenses, too, as you point out. . Also, you tell us that "Legally, they should split 50-50..."  IDK how this plays out, but just off the top of my head, if they are out of bounds, legally speaking, DD may be able to receive her fair share, after all. I don't think she should accept the 5% offer, unless and until she discusses it w/ an attorney. I know this may mean further expenses for you and DH - and you may not be able to take that on - but since she's a single parent, if she's struggling financially, perhaps she can get help from legal aid?

I would love to reach a point when I could ask them to take her for a few hours to relieve me without any hostility

Sorry to say, I don't think that will happen any time soon. As you say, yourself, there are trust issues (made worse by the GVR case, no doubt, and the effort to deny DD her share of the house equity). And while things are "okay" now when you bring GD to and from the XILs, apparently, they still have a lot of hostility towards DD. Granted, she already allows them unsupervised time w/ GD. But please don't even think of adding any more w/o first checking w/ DD. Perhaps, like her cousin, GD could enter some kind of daycare or preschool program, as Mame suggested earlier? That would bring you some relief w/o involving the XILs. 

Regardless, glad it helps to get everything out here! Also, taking things "one day at a time" sounds very wise.

You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers (if ok)...

Edited by RoseRed135

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Thinking about this some more.... It's terrible what an addiction can do to a person - and to the people around them. Have any of you thought of joining Nar Anon? It does for families of drug addicts what Al Anon does for those of alcoholics. (I've heard that Al Anon can help families of drug addicts, as well.)
 

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Thank you so much for taking the time to understand and respond in our family situation.  With respect to the house, even though my daughter is the legal owner, she cannot force a sale of the house unless all parties (they have a life estate) agree.  The life estate is there to protect their rights so they can't be thrown out.  We've been told by attorneys that the legal fees could eat into a large chunk as well and take possibly two years.  We're hoping that when more letters from the bank come stating they will be evicted, it will prompt their cooperation.  My GD is enrolled in UPK for the fall but they only offer a 2 1/2 hour program but it's 5 days a week so that will help.  She comes with me if I can get away for lunch dates with friends.  My hubby can care for her more often as she's a bit older if I need to get out here and there. 

I think 5 unsupervised hours is more than fair - my daughter started with 1-hour supervised, then 4 hours and now 5 hours (coerced by the court-ordered therapist they jointly see).  My DD is at her max and uncomfortable with any more time.  The courts have been sympathetic to them because they lost their only child and I am as well, however they have played the system quite well and they have a very hungry attorney which doesn't help.  

Addiction is so destructive beyond the addict for sure, my DD has been to many Naranon meetings and requested they go with her but they refused on so many occasions, both before and after his death.  My DD found the groups very helpful and informative and therapeutic as well.  

I can only take one day at a time and pray that their anger does not impact my granddaughter.  

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13 hours ago, Mefpaf said:

Thank you so much for taking the time to understand and respond in our family situation.  With respect to the house, even though my daughter is the legal owner, she cannot force a sale of the house unless all parties (they have a life estate) agree.  The life estate is there to protect their rights so they can't be thrown out.  We've been told by attorneys that the legal fees could eat into a large chunk as well and take possibly two years.  We're hoping that when more letters from the bank come stating they will be evicted, it will prompt their cooperation. It's unfortunate if it comes to that, but I see why you're hoping it would motivate the XILs to cooperate. I hope so, too.  My GD is enrolled in UPK for the fall but they only offer a 2 1/2 hour program but it's 5 days a week so that will help.  She comes with me if I can get away for lunch dates with friends.  My hubby can care for her more often as she's a bit older if I need to get out here and there. Sounds good. Not perfect, I know, but better.

I think 5 unsupervised hours is more than fair - my daughter started with 1-hour supervised, then 4 hours and now 5 hours (coerced by the court-ordered therapist they jointly see).  My DD is at her max and uncomfortable with any more time.  The courts have been sympathetic to them because they lost their only child and I am as well, however they have played the system quite well and they have a very hungry attorney which doesn't help.  

I get the sympathy for the XILs. But I understand DD's discomfort w/ the idea of giving them any more unsupervised time. Not too many parents. IMO, would be happy leaving their child w/ people who have so much active animosity towards them (the parent). While I understand that a therapist might find reason to recommend it, I don't see how they could "coerce" it, and I wonder if DD has been pressured into something she didn't really have to do. I hope she is able to stand firm against any additional time if it's ever suggested. But, I admit, IDK how much authority a court-ordered therapist has.

Addiction is so destructive beyond the addict for sure, my DD has been to many Naranon meetings and requested they go with her but they refused on so many occasions, both before and after his death.  My DD found the groups very helpful and informative and therapeutic as well.  \

Glad to hear that Naranon has helped DD! Sorry the XILs have refused to attend, but that's to their own detriment, IMO. It may be part of some kind of denial on their part, IDK...

I can only take one day at a time and pray that their anger does not impact my granddaughter.  I hear you!

 

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On June 10, 2017 at 7:42 AM, RoseRed135 said:

@Mefpaf, @Ninito6, & @raisingtinywomen - Haven't heard from you ladies in a while, so "checking in" to see how you're doing. Ninito, have your DG moved as yet or do you still have them around for a while?

@Will555 & @upsidedownhugchamp - Haven't heard from you in a while either. How are things going? Upsidedownhug, I hope you're still doing those delightful family letters!

@thisgrandmaruns- Hope all is well w/ the coming GB and that the mom is enjoying an easy pregnancy! Also hope you'll let us know soon after baby is born either here or in this "stickypost"/thread pinned to the front of the New Grandparents forum:

 

But I know you're also a woman of various hobbies. Please feel free to tell us about them in this stickypost in the Hobby Corner:

 

 

 

On January 19, 2017 at 2:33 AM, Mame925 said:

Welcome Mefpaf...you do have a lot on your plate! I have 9 grandkids, ages 3-12.

I'm so sorry for your DD's loss, addiction can be so devastating. Even though they live with you, is it possible for your DGD to be in daycare or preschool 2-3 days per week? That would give you the break I think you really need. My kids went to a community college preschool. It was free other than I was required to take one child development class and put in one afternoon a week. We all got something out of it. After they kids' dad & I divorced, if he had the kids when it was my day to work, he worked.

I totally agree you do need to take care of yourself. Schedule a check up with your doctor if you haven't had one in awhile. Stress levels at our age can be dangerous. Make sure your daughter isn't returning to her old role of "daughter of the house" rather than being a widowed woman with a child. It can be a slippery slope. If she is pitching in as a full adult member of the household, stress levels can be reduced.

 

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Thanks for listening and offering your supportive comments.  On a random note, I'm not great at the techie stuff, how do I respond to specific comments like you did where it appears in blue as a response to my comments.

I do believe my daughter was pressured by the therapist and I think it was inappropriate for him since it was their first consultation and my daughter felt a bit outnumbered with the two of them and the therapist said he was a grandfather himself and understood how spending time with their granddaughter could fill the void of their deceased son.  My daughter has to go back to the therapist the end of the month and if she feels outnumbered and unsupported again she will not go back to him.  The 5 hours is not official in writing but my daughter indicates that she will tell them if they are not willing to close the case and end it, she will go to trial.  She doesn't want a trial because everything will come out and it will be quite ugly for her XIL's, but she needs closure for herself and stretching it out to get an extra hour every therapy session is keeping her in a holding pattern of her own.  She has limited days off that she has to use for each court appearance.  The Family Court judge also says it doesn't matter how they feel about DD, it's all about what's in the child's best interest and maintaining a relationship with her deceased father's family should be most important.  They cannot speak negatively about DD when granddaughter is with them, but that is difficult to police.  

 

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4 hours ago, Mefpaf said:

Thanks for listening and offering your supportive comments.  On a random note, I'm not great at the techie stuff, how do I respond to specific comments like you did where it appears in blue as a response to my comments.

To do this ^^^^ - When you click on the reply box, a line of options will appear at the top. The one for colored type is  the underlined A. You can click it on, then the desired color, and then key in your comment. Or you can key in your comment first, then highlight it (drag your arrow across it), click on A and then the color. If you want to make the color a little sharper, you can also press B (bold).

I do believe my daughter was pressured by the therapist and I think it was inappropriate for him since it was their first consultation and my daughter felt a bit outnumbered with the two of them and the therapist said he was a grandfather himself and understood how spending time with their granddaughter could fill the void of their deceased son. Was he simply expressing empathy for the XILs? Or does DD feel he  has a bias, perhaps?  My daughter has to go back to the therapist the end of the month and if she feels outnumbered and unsupported again she will not go back to him. If he's court-ordered, can she refuse to see him though? Can she ask for a different therapist? The 5 hours is not official in writing - Is this why the XILs aren't closing the case? Or are they seeking even more visitation? -  but my daughter indicates that she will tell them if they are not willing to close the case and end it, she will go to trial. Does that mean she will call a halt to the visits temporarily? Or is DD just hoping that a trial will end in less visitation time?  She doesn't want a trial because everything will come out and it will be quite ugly for her XIL's, but she needs closure for herself and stretching it out to get an extra hour every therapy session is keeping her in a holding pattern of her own.  She has limited days off that she has to use for each court appearance.  The Family Court judge also says it doesn't matter how they feel about DD, it's all about what's in the child's best interest and maintaining a relationship with her deceased father's family should be most important.  They cannot speak negatively about DD when granddaughter is with them, but that is difficult to police.  

Ok, I get the idea that it may be in "the child's best interest" to "(maintain) a relationship with her deceased father's family." Especially since, if I'm reading correctly, they all lived together, for a while, and GD has a close relationship w/ her PGPs (paternal grandparents). In fact, I'm wondering if that isn't another factor in the judge's attitude. Also, under those circumstances, I can see why one hour might not seem like enough to the therapist.

But, unlike the judge, I think it's equally important that they not speak against DD to or in front of GD.. As you say, "that is difficult to police," which is why I don't understand why the visits are no longer supervised. But it's not my call, obviously.

I just hope it all works out soon. Fingers crossed...

 

ETA: I'm sorry that no one else, so far, has replied to your latest posts. That may be, however, b/c you're posting in the newcomer's group. Though I'm happy to have you here, if you'd like responses from more members, you might want to post in a relevant thread in another forum. The following  stickypost in the Grandparents without Grandchildren forum might fill the bill:

 

While you and DH aren't the GPs seeking visitation, I think the situation fits here ^^^. Also, I realize that the XILs/PGPs are currently getting to see GD, But, apparently, they're afraid that may change or they're hoping for more time w/ her. So again, IMO, the scenario fits.

Edited by RoseRed135
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RoseRed135.  Hello,  I sure hope I am in the correct place to respond to you.  Our children could be moving as little as two weeks.   I know you have heard this before but.... I am devastated!  The last two times they were able to spend the night, my precious oldest DG (7 1/2) will put his little arms around me as tight as he could and just cries.  I'm so sad but my main goal at the end of the day is to encourage him and DG to be happy.  I have to act like I'm happy!  I know he has really done well for himself DS but Saudi??  I cannot blame them for wanting to have their family together after 3 or 4 yrs of this traveling  back-and-forth every 6 to 8 weeks and the first hitch was Africa (Equatorial Guinea) on an  island off of Africa coast and he hated it.  He has a business here (Best Buddy he grew up with) works it but my DS funded and knows the financial end of it, as well.  DS also has some online businesses and to be 26 years old I'm extremely proud but I just wish he would slow down and stop seeing $'s and think about the happiness of his Family.  We are extremely blessed as my DH and I still have both parents and they are still together after 55 and 56 years.  Our parents are devasted too.  I did not expect to go on this long.  Lol. I'll check back when I have more time.  Have a restful night.  NiNi.    

Edited by Ninito6

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1 hour ago, Ninito6 said:

RoseRed135.  Hello,  I sure hope I am in the correct place to respond to you.  Our children could be moving as little as two weeks.   I know you have heard this before but.... I am devastated!  The last two times they were able to spend the night, my precious oldest DG (7 1/2) will put his little arms around me as tight as he could and just cries.  I'm so sad but my main goal at the end of the day is to encourage him and DG to be happy.  I have to act like I'm happy!  I know he has really done well for himself DS but Saudi??  I cannot blame them for wanting to have their family together after 3 or 4 yrs of this traveling  back-and-forth every 6 to 8 weeks and the first hitch was Africa (Equatorial Guinea) on an  island off of Africa coast and he hated it.  He has a business here (Best Buddy he grew up with) works it but my DS funded and knows the financial end of it, as well.  DS also has some online businesses and to be 26 years old I'm extremely proud but I just wish he would slow down and stop seeing $'s and think about the happiness of his Family.  We are extremely blessed as my DH and I still have both parents and they are still together after 55 and 56 years.  Our parents are devasted too.  I did not expect to go on this long.  Lol. I'll check back when I have more time.  Have a restful night.  NiNi.    

Thanks for coming back in and clarifying further, NN!  Of course you and your parents are unhappy about DS and family moving so far away. Especially since the move is coming up so soon. The image of your oldest DG, clinging to you and crying really tugs at my heartstrings. I so feel for you!

IMO, it's very loving and wise of you to want to "encourage (DS) and DG to be happy, I think it's ok - and very normal - for you to let them know that you'll miss them, as long as you stay positive, overall.

I understand that you're busy. But when you have time, is it possible that this move will be temporary and that they will, in time, move back in near you?

Also, have you thought about how you'll stay in touch once they relocate? Skype? FaceTime? Facebook? Or ?? It's very understandable if you're not up for thinking of this now. OTOH, now would be a good time to plan and discuss possibilities w/ DS.. For more discussion of how to stay connected, please see this thread in the Grandparenting fron Afar forum:

 

It doesn't feel like it, I know, but, in time, you will adjust to your DG being far away, just as you did to DS' being at a distance for such long stretches when he relocated the first time. For now, (((hugs!)))

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Hello! I am a 53 year old mom/grandmother. I have 10 grandchildren with two on the way. I stumbled across this site and am glad I did. It will be nice to hear other parents/grandparents stories. I hope to make some connections!

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7 hours ago, Ohiomom said:

Hello! I am a 53 year old mom/grandmother. I have 10 grandchildren with two on the way. I stumbled across this site and am glad I did. It will be nice to hear other parents/grandparents stories. I hope to make some connections!

Welcome Ohiomom! I'm glad you "stumbled" on us too! Congratulations on your growing family! 10 GC - soon to be 12! Wow! :give_rose:

Looking forward to hearing from you some more! :)

ETA: And I see we did in the Grandparenting from Afar forum - good!

Edited by RoseRed135

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