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RoseRed135

Welcome Newcomers, 2017! And Welcome Back Returnees!

82 posts in this topic

I am a clinical psychologist, a grandmother to one lovely little boy (almost 2) and an honorary grandmother to two wonderful little girls (1 and 5). One of these little GDs is the child of my one xDIL and her lovely new husband. The other is the child of a friend of mine’s whose daddy abandoned them while her mummy was pregnant with her, so we are her other “gants”. My DH is an architect who works from home and he dotes on these little angels and has the heart and imagination of a child (not to mention more creative toys than many toyshops) so they adore him right back :D He’s that kind of GD who built an absolutely amazing playground complete with a castle in the back yard and who always has art equipment stashed somewhere. 

My XHB and I are on very good terms and we have 3 sons (23, 25, 30).  Our sons live all over Australia although we see each other regularly. My DH has two daughters (22 & 24) with his x, but both live near us and grew up in our home. 

We have two children in long term, lovely relationships, one is single, one is divorced and one is in the process of gettng a divorce. I have wonderful relationships with all of their partners, past and present, with the exception of our GSs mother who has a mental illness that makes it difficult for her to trust people and to understand that we can still love her even if she and our son are not getting along. So she uses our GS like a tool to punish us for her issues with our son. That is very hard for us as we have a really great relationship with him. Thankfully he is used to Skype and FaceTime contact as we live 800km apart and we only saw him every second or third month in person for most of his life, so he knows that we stay in contact in this way and loves it as much as we do. 

One little GD lives in the US and the other lives close by.  We Skype and whatsapp with our GD in the US and spend as much time as we can with our local GD.

 DH and I still work full time and even though I am quite happy to help out with occasional babysitting or to give them a break so they can go out or have a bit of a sleep in, they all understand that I have no interest in parenting their children because I am their GM and I also have a life. Even if I am retired one day this will not change because my DH and I have a very active life which involves a lot of traveling and fun and we have no intention of raising children again.

Because of our attitude about this, we respect our children’s choices for their children absolutely and will never do anything to undermine them or question them. We don’t always agree on everything, but we do respect each other’s opinions and realms of influence. I’ve raised my children, it’s their turn to do it now, that having been said we will absolutely step in if there is abuse in any way, shape or form. 

We know we are by no means perfect but we try very hard to live gently and kindly and to interact in a respectful manner with our children. We have such lovely relationships with them and it is wonderful when they are happy, devastating when they are not  

 

Edited by Gigima
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I’m having some trouble editing my post so I’ll just add. Forgive the serial posts.  

I’m interested in gardening and have a horticultural degree which I have never used for anything except my own garden because I realised early on that turning it into a job would ruin it for me. I love reading, especially sci-fi, fantasy and forensic whodunnits. I adore people and animals. We are vegans and both DH and I love cooking with fresh produce and flavours.  I run, kayak and do yoga regularly although not as often as I would like. We grow a lot of our own food and I am looking forward to us moving onto a few more acres soon so we can plant some more. 

We have dogs, cats and horses. A rescue cow with calf, a rescue donkey and a lama. We also have some rescue hens, a cheeky cockerel and a lake filled with ducks and black swans. 

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Wow! Thanks for giving us so much more information about /a broader picture of yourself and your family, Gigma! You sound like a very interesting and wise DW/DM/MIL/XMIL/GM/friend. And DH sounds energetic, imaginative and fun (as well as wise, etc). How beautiful that you two have become surrogate GPs to those 2 little girls, as well as keeping up a relationship w/ GS!

From your second post above, I take it you live on a farm or ranch, which I imagine makes life both more exciting and more challenging. It's great, IMO, that you've become active in so many forums here, but that post also suggests to me that you might like to check out the Hobby Corner:

http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/39-hobby-corner/

and the Book Club:

http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/40-book-club/

Enjoy!

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3 minutes ago, RoseRed135 said:

Wow! Thanks for giving us so much more information about /a broader picture of yourself and your family, Gigma! You sound like a very interesting and wise DW/DM/MIL/XMIL/GM/friend. And DH sounds energetic, imaginative and fun (as well as wise, etc). How beautiful that you two have become surrogate GPs to those 2 little girls, as well as keeping up a relationship w/ GS!

From your second post above, I take it you live on a farm or ranch, which I imagine makes life both more exciting and more challenging. It's great, IMO, that you've become active in so many forums here, but that post also suggests to me that you might like to check out the Hobby Corner:

http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/39-hobby-corner/

and the Book Club:

http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/forum/40-book-club/

Enjoy!

Thanks so much RoseRed135! I will most certainly check it out.  I’m on holiday at the moment so I’m enjoying the forums but when I get back to work I probably will be a lot quieter :D

We are currently on an acreage but will be moving to a farm soon. We don’t want to farm anything as such but we do want the space and the greenery around us. 

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Note from RoseRed: trigger

Hi, I am newbie. I am a grandmother of 2 granddaughters oldest is 13 youngest 11. My daughter and GD's live with us. Our GD's were sexually abuse by their father, or stepfather for the oldest. We were actually moving to another state to be with our younger grandchildren.  when our oldest GD disclosed to our daughter. She and the girls immediately moved in with us and came with us to our new home in another state. I can only say it has been a very tramatic event. Their father was arrested and charged with 10 counts of child abuse and incest. I am looking for the best forum to use to talk to other Grandparents that have been through something similar. 

Edited by RoseRed135
to add trigger note

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Oh Suzz, your story is so sad and I feel for the girls.  My SonNLaws cousin was molested by her stepdad and SIL talked her into reporting as soon as he knew, but it had already been a couple of years.  Her mother had passed and it was really hard for her.  The local sheriff talked the man into making a confession and taking a "deal" so the young lady wouldn't have to tell her story again.  After he was released, he moved far away.

We have several forums on our site, and we have heard a few stories of molestation but I can't remember one recently.

Empty Nest pertains to adult children returning home, Grandparents caring for grandkids is usually talking about GPs who have custody, but 50 Shades of Blue might be a place to try.

New members do have to reply in 10 threads before they can open their own and we do ask members to not "bump" a thread more than three months old unless it is at the top of a forum and has a thumb tack sticky.

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1 hour ago, Suzz said:

Note from RoseRed: trigger

Hi, I am newbie. I am a grandmother of 2 granddaughters oldest is 13 youngest 11. My daughter and GD's live with us. Our GD's were sexually abuse by their father, or stepfather for the oldest. We were actually moving to another state to be with our younger grandchildren.  when our oldest GD disclosed to our daughter. She and the girls immediately moved in with us and came with us to our new home in another state. I can only say it has been a very tramatic event. Their father was arrested and charged with 10 counts of child abuse and incest. I am looking for the best forum to use to talk to other Grandparents that have been through something similar. 

Welcome Suzz! Glad you found us though so deeply sorry that you did so under such trying circumstances! My heart goes out to your poor GDs - and to you and DD (dear daughter), as well.

Bless you and DH (dear husband) for being there for them and willing to let them move in w/ you, even in the midst of relocating.

Meanwhile, to add to what Sue said above, some threads in the Empty Nest No Longer forum are about AC (adult children) moving home w/ their own children in tow. And some of those who post in there are in that kind of situation.

Also, please don't hesitate to post in some more lighthearted threads ( in the Gabbery, Hiobby Corner or Book Club, for example), if you would like, to help amass those 10 replies.

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