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And then there's the privacy issue...

4 posts in this topic

Another question prompted by the Viorst book about a DS and family moving in for an extended stay... What about privacy?  Sure, there are probably some common sense boundaries, such as not barging into each others' bedrooms. And there are some you (general) might deliberately establish w/ each other (as in, "You have your cookies and I have mine). But how about the freedom to have, say, a "bad hair day" in your own home w/o anyone but your spouse/SO knowing? Or being able to lounge around the house in your PJs and a worn but comfy old bathrobe? Or being able to argue w/ your spouse/SO w/o having to worry about who will hear? Or, for that matter, not having to hear your AC/CIL's fights in your own home?

If you're living in a multigenerational household, have you simply sacrificed this type of privacy for now? Or have you found a way to deal w/ this issue? Or... ??

Edited by RoseRed135

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I think the different personalities at play will determine the success or failure of the living arrangements. Introverts needs are very different than extroverts needs, etc. Privacy, alone time, help introverts to recharge whereas extroverts recharge being around people, so I think depending on the dynamics at play, it could work. That is not to say it would be easy one way or the other. Relationships take work...all relationships take work to make it work. Also, it will depend on if the parent recognizes their child is no longer a child. Privacy is important for individuals and families.

IL's are mostly morning people, early to rise, early to bed. We are not. We are all night owls here, so that too has the potential to cause issues if we were to live together.

Edited by Cupcake55

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This reminded me of something that happened about 25 years ago. DH and I lived near PIL's. We had a tiny house with a tiny freezer. It literally held one 1/2 gallon of ice cream and nothing more. It was summer time and ice cream was on sale. PIL's knew we had this tiny freezer so offered we could use their freezer. They had 2 large freezers at the time plus the fridge/freezer in their kitchen.

DH and I were going on a picnic so called the store and asked them to hold a specific picnic item for us, put our name on it. When we got to the store, the item with our name on it was gone. We were very disappointed. We decided to buy 4 1/2 gallons of ice cream as it was on sale. We put one in our tiny freezer and the other 3 in PIL's freezer. The next day we found out PIL's got our picnic item (you know, since it had OUR name on it and they have the same name. It never occurred to them it wasn't theirs-they didn't call to have their name put on it and asked it to be saved for them!) and they had eaten ALL of our ice cream. ALL three 1/2 gallons over night! So we didn't get our chicken nor did we get the ice cream. Come to think of it, they never offered to repay us for that ice cream. They just thought the ice cream fairy put it in their freezer for their enjoyment. We never put anything in their freezer after that.

Fast forward about 15 years... DH was working for PIL's so we'd stay the week with them and go home the other 2 days.  It got old pretty fast living in the same house. We got to the point, I'd cook for our family and MIL would cook for hers. We'd stay in our rooms and away from them. We didn't even eat together after the 1st month. Fortunately, they had somewhere to go when they needed a  break. We were so happy when the job ended and we went home for good. They were on some sort of diet at the time so they did stay away from our food -we bought- during this time.

God willing, we'll NEVER live with them again. We wouldn't have in the first place if not for the job DH was helping them with. It never occurred to me, "we" didn't all have to go with DH every week as he really wanted the whole family together so we just all did the trek together. We could have just stayed home and DH could have done it and gone by himself sometimes and that would have been a good thing but we did it as a family. Fortunately also, it wasn't a total move, just 5 days a week. We did our best to stay out of PIL's way, though we still all got on each others nerves after the first few weeks. I don't recall any arguments or fights, disagreements, in our family or theirs, nor between the two. We just each wanted our own space back.

Anonymous poster hash: 0d7e3...b44

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On 1/6/2017 at 9:18 PM, RoseRed135 said:

Or have you found a way to deal w/ this issue? Or... ??

Our daughter and her kiddies live with us. We deal. It works because she's considerate.

My seriously introverted husband brews coffee considerably earlier than anyone else arises. He has quiet time and brings me coffee when he's ready for chatter. I had privacy issues when we were alone in our bedroom, solved with an extra phone.

We make our difficult situation work quite well - with the time we spend apart from ODD and the three kiddies and lots of creativity.

Edited by JanelleK

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