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INCOGNITO

Stressed & overwhelmed

7 posts in this topic

I have not seen my grandchildren in over 6 mths.  The CPS took away my daughter's & the dads parental rights & they are in fostercare.  We have been lied to the CPS & told when they took the children it was only temporary, not to worry we would get the children back as soon as my daughter finished rehab.  She did in Sept. 2016 & they were suppose to reunite them with their mom, but all of a sudden the Attorney Ad Litem, said it would be in the best interest of the children to be adopted. I just found out the fathers brother in VA. & his wife are filing for adoption.  The Children's dad and his mom are the ones who caused all the problems to bring the CPS into our lives. They are letting the Paternal side get the children not even informing & giving us a chance to adopt them when I'm the one who raised them and formed a special bond with them. I asked the CPS if I could please see the children, they sent me to Attorney Ad Litem who sent me back to CPS.  They are hurting from a broken heart thinking I and their mom abandoned them, but they won't even let me tell them I want to see them & did not abandon them. I asked Attorney Ad Litem to please let me see them again after my daughters rights were terminated & she said it would confuse the children, which did not make any sense since these children have been confused when they first took them away from the only family they knew & placed with complete strangers. I am depressed and cry every night and day for them to come home or to at least see them.  This is so cruel.  Attorney Ad Litem knows those children need to see me. She is letting the Paternal grandma see them. Isn't that biased?  The paternal grandma doesnt' even care about them she just wants to control every situation so she's powerful.. I just keep on praying I will see them soon.  I'm told the oldest 7 yrs. is acting up & the foster parents have said that isn't normal & would take her to the Psychiatrist.  I am so scared they will put her on meds when all she needs is her mom & grandma.  I don't know if I should file on CPS or the attorney Ad Litem.  I need some advice. If anyone has been thru this, would you please give me opinions or what you would do.  God Bless you all. 

Anonymous poster hash: a07f5...784

Edited by Mame925
removed names in the interest of privacy

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GET LEGAL COUNSEL, preferably someone who specializes in custody issues.

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Agree w/ Mame, Incog. Also, since you "cry every night and day," please seek personal counseling, as well. And, of course, please continue to reach out to us. (((Hugs!)))

If it's any comfort, it's not unusual for kids to be kept away from blood relatives for a while when in the process of adoption, as hard as this may be to accept. or to be kept from one set of relatives when another set is adopting them. As I understand it, this is to avoid the possible problem of having the (other) relatives telling the kids, "No, these people aren't your parents, your bio people are still your parents, etc." (Not saying you would do that - just saying that the policy often is not to take the chance that someone might) Chances are, the foster parents are doing everything they can to reassure the children they are loved and wanted and have not been "abandoned."

IMO, the 7-yr-old's acting out is very "normal" under the circumstances. But still, she may need counseling to help her deal. Are you sure they said "psychiatrist" and not "psychologist?" If they said "psychiatrist," I get your worry that they might want her on medication. But I trust the psychiatrist won't oblige, unless he/she himself/herself deems it necessary.

IDkY it has been decided that your GC will go to their paternal uncle and his wife, after you have been so much a part of their lives. That must hurt you deeply. No doubt, CPS and the GAL have "all their ducks in a row" as far as a list of reasons (true or false, fair or unfair) that they've made this decision. Please don't "file on" anyone, unless and until you get that legal counsel... Peace...

ETA: Ordinarily, I would think this thread belonged in Grandparents Unplugged or Grandparents without Grandchildren. But since you tell us you are the "one who raised them," I agree it makes sense for it to be here. In fact, it shows what is often the unfortunate underbelly of raising GC... sigh... especially if you don't have custody or guardianship while you're doing it

 

Edited by RoseRed135

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The judge who presided over all 3 of my GC's adoptions in Illinois was quite a good man. Can you write the judge in your case a letter explaining the situation? I know my daughter wrote him one and he discussed and considered it in open court. 

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It is quite unfortunate the way the system is set up. I am my GC foster parent. My GS has always lived with me because my daughter was living with me when he was born, he just turned five. My GD is 2 1/2 and was discharged from the hospital to me. My daughter has an attorney, their father has an attorney the children has an attorney and CPS has their attorney. Me, none the one who is raising them, their MGM who knows them and their issues the best. I don't have any say in anything...there really should be a different approach to GP's raising their GC then regular foster homes, because it is different.

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6 hours ago, Donna55 said:

It is quite unfortunate the way the system is set up. I am my GC foster parent. My GS has always lived with me because my daughter was living with me when he was born, he just turned five. My GD is 2 1/2 and was discharged from the hospital to me. My daughter has an attorney, their father has an attorney the children has an attorney and CPS has their attorney. Me, none the one who is raising them, their MGM who knows them and their issues the best. I don't have any say in anything...there really should be a different approach to GP's raising their GC then regular foster homes, because it is different.

It does seem unfair that you don't have an attorney, Donna. Were the parents' lawyers appointed by the court? If so, have you tried asking for one for yourself? What was the response?

Then again, perhaps this depends partly on what your goals are. If, for example, you'd like the children to be reunited w/ their mother/your DD (dear daughter), eventually, maybe her attorney actually represents your interests, too, even if only in an indirect way. If you don't think they should be reunited w/ their parents so quickly, perhaps you need to talk to CPS' lawyer (if you haven't already). Etc.

But perhaps that's not the issue. You tell us you "don't have a say in anything." I take it that means when and where visits w/ the parents will occur, whether the kids get medical help or counseling and w/ whom, etc. I hear you! It must be very frustrating to have to carry out/go along w/ decisions w/o having a vote under these circumstances.

Hmmm... In some states, as I understand it, a family member can file for custody while a CPS case is going on. If that's true in your state, have you thought about this?

Also, again, I hope one or more of the resources posted in the Welcome thread here in GCfG can help you out.

You are clearly a very strong, loving, brave GM. Wishing you and your GC the best!

Edited by RoseRed135

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