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RoseRed135

Re: Photos and estranged parents/grandparents

9 posts in this topic

In the event that parents and GPs become CO (cut off0,  some parents won't even send the EGPs any pics of their GC and block them from seeing any on FB (Facebook), etc. Some EGPs. apparently, yearn for "just a photo or 2," but others find it more painful to see a picture of their GC than not. What's the deal w/ photos and estrangement?

Edited by RoseRed135
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Sending photos, or having ppl on FB is a form of communication, so there's no reason why, in the event of a CO, that they'd be sent.

And, if you've made the difficult choice to CO, why *would* you want those folks having updated/ongoing pics of your kids? Pics are a priviledge of a relationship.

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In my FOO, estranged relatives would use the photos to say "See? The relationship is not over UNTIL I SAY it is over" and then show them to everyone and make up some big story about their "great relationship", so I'd have to CO the information and photo stream to anyone I didn't CO, who was family or flying monkey. Luckily, the toxic elders are computer luddites and would not know how to download a photo to save their lives. Other than one aunt, I only have a couple of people on VVVLC so it has not been an issue.

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On 2/12/2017 at 6:23 AM, RoseRed135 said:

 What's the deal w/ photos and estrangement?

It is absolutely beyond my comprehension how photos or information become part of an estrangement.

Doesn't "dead to us" mean just that? Dead people don't get mail, photos or text, do they?

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1 hour ago, JanelleK said:

It is absolutely beyond my comprehension how photos or information become part of an estrangement.

Doesn't "dead to us" mean just that? Dead people don't get mail, photos or text, do they?

Part of the charm of Facebook if your accounts are not set correctly. You can say who can see pix ("friends only") that keeps others from being able to copy them to their own page.

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They can still see pictures because other people will "share" them. You know just helping them out.  I have unfriended people to share my photos, and BLOCKED the inlaws from Facebook.  The problem, in my case at least, is that my ILs are the "want to be the first to post something," so they would beg for photos and then post anything possible prior to even DuH or me.  I asked them repeatedly not to post pics without permission...well you know it's like talking to a wall. 

 

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I don't send or share photos with estranged family members.  According to them, I'm too stupid to know when I'm being treated well and I misinterpret everything they say and do.  How could I possibly figure out how to send them pictures???  

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^^^  LOL...sometimes it just feels good to be "stupid".

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My DH CO his parents over twenty years ago, so no Facebook to worry about then, but DH said CO means no pictures, no communication. I would probably have done more of a LC and occasionally sent pics but since this was his family, his decision, I did not send anything. Honestly, I don't think MIL even cared. I think it was just one more thing to get attention for - "see how they treat me, I don't even get a picture but of course that is all DIL's doing" She would never admit that she and her son had a bad relationship and he was the one who cut her off.

It does not seem that MIL is on Facebook at this time; at least I see nothing from DH's cousins that would indicate they are "friends" with her, so I do not believe she sees anything that ODD might post about the GC. I think ODD would not mind if she saw pics, but still would not have contact with her GM.

I wonder if the reason for the CO might affect whether a GP wants pics or not - I know of a woman who was CO after her DS died and she and DIL did not have a good relationship. DIL did not let her see GD for quite a while after the death, and this woman loved any pic/communication she did receive. But I can see where this might be too painful in this situation as well - why be reminded of a relationship where you are shut out?

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