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Mdgrandma

Non-Appreciation for Hand Made Gifts

16 posts in this topic

I'm struggling with this issue and need to vent a bit.  My DD's both see how much time and effort go into the things I make (blankets, counted cross stitch, ornaments, etc.).  I would think that they of all people would appreciate the things I've made for them.  ODD has basically tossed everything I've ever made or says 'it's in storage'.  I thought YDD had the things I made but found out this weekend a quilt that I had made had been 'lost'.  Either her ex still has it or he's ditched it after YDD didn't pick up all her things from his house (they lived together for awhile).  This blanket may have been the final straw to me bothering any more.  I started this quilt back in 1990 for my best friend who was expecting.  Her baby died at birth.  I tucked this blanket away with the intent of finishing it when YDD was having her first.  My best friend is YDD's godmother.  I had hope it would become a heirloom.  It just became trash.  It meant so much to me now to find out it's gone.  I'm so sad and upset.  It's kind of a slap in the face.  I'm toying with getting rid of all my craft stuff and just being done with it all.  I love doing my crafts but if no one appreciates any of it why bother.  The joy of it all is just sucked right out.  The only one who appreciates it is me apparently.

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I am so sorry you're hurting from the knowledge that others don't seem to appreciate the things you have made for them.  I had to come to the conclusion that I make things for the pleasure making them brings me and not others.  I really don't think non crafters "get it" and just look on these items as 'nice' and not the heirlooms we hope them become.

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I'm sorry about this, too, MDG. And I think Sue's attitude is the way to go. Also, do you have any friends or other relatives that might appreciate handmade things?

Actually, though I'm not a crafter, myself, I do appreciate such items and the heirloom idea. Granted, sometimes there are problems w/ them. For example, I have a beautiful hand-knitted tablecloth that my PGM made for me. Unfortunately, I haven't used it much b/c it doesn't go w/ our decor (it's pink and we don't really have any pink). And trying to hand it down to my DDs hasn't worked out b/c it doesn't fit w/ theirs either. Well, except for DGD's bedroom, but she doesn't need a tablecloth in there, LOL! I've suggested giving it to her as a blanket, but YDD says she has enough blankets.... sigh... Then I said "a blanket for her dolls," but YDD said "too big", which is true, I suppose... sigh...

Anyway, ladies, dare I suggest making some items to sell? I know that's not what you originally had in mind. But hey, if your talent brings in a little extra pocket money, why not?

Edited by RoseRed135
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There is a group that makes shawls/throws for chemo patients and these folks seem to really appreciate them.  I'm sure there are other groups that would appreciate your crafts.

I have a table scarf my MGM made for me over 50 years ago.  Though I cherish it, I am afraid to use it because I might stain it.  I sure wouldn't use a family heirloom for the same reason.  If it is intended to be passed down, why would I take a chance with ruining it?

Edited by SueSTx
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I tried craft shows years ago and just hated it.  Just not my cup tea.  I've seen the group that does shaws and such.  There's also one that does throws for animal shelters.  You just have to make it in appropriate materials.  I don't know if I'll keep going with my crafts or not.  I'll finish the projects I have for myself since I appreciate them.  Once they're done may just donate all my supplies.  Guess I'll just toss everything out when I get older since there's no one in my family that would want any of them.  One thing that makes me wonder is YDD is a crafter herself.  I just don't why she doesn't get it.  I've been in tears for days now.  Ever since I knew for sure she didn't have it (her stuff was all in storage and her ex had packed it so she had to go through things to see what was there and what was not.  She seemed more upset that the top of her food processer was missing.)  Last night I couldn't sleep.  Not sure if it's the blanket or the fact that what I do isn't appreciated.  One thing for sure neither one of them will get anything else.  Not worth it. 

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We create what we love to create because we love to create- Aside from that, everything else we attach to creating is extra- I'm late to the table learning this, too- What I should say is re-learning, because when younger I knew this! But I somehow attached expectation to creating along the way- What brought my attention to this is the other grandmother- She made and gave beautiful quilts to the children but to be used, not stored away- Once they left her hands, they left her hands empty- She had no attachment to them- She made them with love and offered them with the same- But you know what else I have noticed? No new quilts- Why? I have no idea! It could be that her time is devoted to the those she'd given the quilts to doing other things- She might also have noticed herself that some of the quilts she created didn't survive- Not because they weren't liked -- quite the opposite! They were used until they could be used no more- So just because they weren't treasured doesn't mean they weren't appreciated- My daughter has treasured some of what I've made and I do the same- But not all of it-

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14 minutes ago, Mdgrandma said:

I tried craft shows years ago and just hated it.  Just not my cup tea.  I've seen the group that does shaws and such.  There's also one that does throws for animal shelters.  You just have to make it in appropriate materials.  I don't know if I'll keep going with my crafts or not.  I'll finish the projects I have for myself since I appreciate them.  Once they're done may just donate all my supplies.  Guess I'll just toss everything out when I get older since there's no one in my family that would want any of them.  One thing that makes me wonder is YDD is a crafter herself.  I just don't why she doesn't get it.  I've been in tears for days now.  Ever since I knew for sure she didn't have it (her stuff was all in storage and her ex had packed it so she had to go through things to see what was there and what was not.  She seemed more upset that the top of her food processer was missing.)  Last night I couldn't sleep.  Not sure if it's the blanket or the fact that what I do isn't appreciated.  One thing for sure neither one of them will get anything else.  Not worth it. 

I can totally relate because I have felt this way about things over the years when I truly loved something in particular and it got away-

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2 hours ago, Mdgrandma said:

I tried craft shows years ago and just hated it.  Just not my cup tea.  I've seen the group that does shaws and such.  There's also one that does throws for animal shelters.  You just have to make it in appropriate materials.  I don't know if I'll keep going with my crafts or not.  I'll finish the projects I have for myself since I appreciate them.  Once they're done may just donate all my supplies.  Guess I'll just toss everything out when I get older since there's no one in my family that would want any of them.  One thing that makes me wonder is YDD is a crafter herself.  I just don't why she doesn't get it.  I've been in tears for days now.  Ever since I knew for sure she didn't have it (her stuff was all in storage and her ex had packed it so she had to go through things to see what was there and what was not.  She seemed more upset that the top of her food processer was missing.)  Last night I couldn't sleep.  Not sure if it's the blanket or the fact that what I do isn't appreciated.  One thing for sure neither one of them will get anything else.  Not worth it. 

I'm so sorry, I realize the notion that not everyone likes/loves handmade gifts bothers people who do the hand-making. The other side is as Rose expressed, the styles and colors are so often wrong for the person who receives the handmade articles.

My mil did gorgeous handwork. I could appreciate the perfection of the stitches and the time she spent hand-making, but "Fussy Italian Noni" is not my style. She and I were opposites in every way except one - we adore the same man, he is perfect in both our eyes. Mr. Perfect's solution was for me to select patterns, colors, fabrics and gush endlessly over the results. She happily made the most beautiful dresses for herself and the women in our wedding - from silk my mom bought on an Asian vacation. She made the kids Christening gown, the girls Church dresses, later prom dresses, all the window coverings in our homes, table linens, etc etc etc. She reupholstered our furnishings as well, but she never made selections.

She did make cute doll stuff, without input. I think the doll clothes/bedding were made from scraps of stuff I liked. :)

Likely our solution wouldn't work for everyone, maybe it resonates with you?

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1 hour ago, SueSTx said:

There is a group that makes shawls/throws for chemo patients and these folks seem to really appreciate them.  I'm sure there are other groups that would appreciate your crafts.

I have a table scarf my MGM made for me over 50 years ago.  Though I cherish it, I am afraid to use it because I might stain it.  I sure wouldn't use a family heirloom for the same reason.  If it is intended to be passed down, why would I take a chance with ruining it?

You may have just solved my problem - no need for anyone to use PGM's tablecloth, just keep it in the family. IDK if she intended it as an heirloom, but it surely can become one. Thank you!

Edited by RoseRed135

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32 minutes ago, Mdgrandma said:

I tried craft shows years ago and just hated it.  Just not my cup tea.  I've seen the group that does shaws and such.  There's also one that does throws for animal shelters.  You just have to make it in appropriate materials.  I don't know if I'll keep going with my crafts or not.  I'll finish the projects I have for myself since I appreciate them.  Once they're done may just donate all my supplies.  Guess I'll just toss everything out when I get older since there's no one in my family that would want any of them.  One thing that makes me wonder is YDD is a crafter herself.  I just don't why she doesn't get it.  I've been in tears for days now.  Ever since I knew for sure she didn't have it (her stuff was all in storage and her ex had packed it so she had to go through things to see what was there and what was not.  She seemed more upset that the top of her food processer was missing.)  Last night I couldn't sleep.  Not sure if it's the blanket or the fact that what I do isn't appreciated One thing for sure neither one of them will get anything else.  Not worth it. 

(((Hugs)))

And, I agree, no point in making anything else for them. Maybe when the grands are older, they'll be interested in having some things that you make.

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I'm lucky my group generally appreciates my "stuff". I have table cloths & doilies my mother made. I do use the table cloth occasionally. My kids can argue about who gets what later. I also have a hot pad for the table my grandmother made; it was among her things discovered in her workbasket after her death when I was 10. 20 years later I found it in my parents storage stuff, brought it home, finished it (she'd run out of the crochet thread about 3/4 of the way on the trim) and now use it frequently....gives me the warm fuzzies to use her things. 

I made baby clothes, prom dresses and a "Sofia the First" dress (when the #1 grandgirlie turned 3, she wore it to a rag!). The girls loved their one-of-a-kind prom wear. As well I made my #1 niece's wedding gown. 

I knit & crochet for fun, often just caps for babies...I found some tie-dye bold color yarn to make matching hats for a friend's new twin grandboys...They generally get a full year of wear from them.  

I don't think I'd ever abandon my sewing/crafting. Going forward I'm doing matching things for the ggirlie's American Girl dolls. As well, my sister & I are taking a booth at a vintage fashion show later in the spring...among our stuff will be some things for the period appropriate American Girl sized dolls...I have some very vintage fabrics & reproduction fabrics in my stash.

@MdgrandmaI hope ;you don't give up on your love of crafts. There is a more appreciative audience. Women's shelters, cancer patients, homeless folks & the foster care system will  all appreciate your work. Also, if there is a teen mothers' program in your area, these new moms often have nothing to start out with and would very much appreciate your items.

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5 hours ago, RoseRed135 said:

I'm sorry about this, too, MDG. And I think Sue's attitude is the way to go. Also, do you have any friends or other relatives that might appreciate handmade things?

Actually, though I'm not a crafter, myself, I do appreciate such items and the heirloom idea. Granted, sometimes there are problems w/ them. For example, I have a beautiful hand-knitted tablecloth that my PGM made for me. Unfortunately, I haven't used it much b/c it doesn't go w/ our decor (it's pink and we don't really have any pink). And trying to hand it down to my DDs hasn't worked out b/c it doesn't fit w/ theirs either. Well, except for DGD's bedroom, but she doesn't need a tablecloth in there, LOL! I've suggested giving it to her as a blanket, but YDD says she has enough blankets.... sigh... Then I said "a blanket for her dolls," but YDD said "too big", which is true, I suppose... sigh...

Anyway, ladies, dare I suggest making some items to sell? I know that's not what you originally had in mind. But hey, if your talent brings in a little extra pocket money, why not?

Have you thought of dying that tablecloth to a color that might work (going darker over the pink)?  Also, it might be used cut up for curtains?  I know if I made it, I wouldn't mind it being re-purposed if you could get some use out of it.

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5 hours ago, SueSTx said:

There is a group that makes shawls/throws for chemo patients and these folks seem to really appreciate them.  I'm sure there are other groups that would appreciate your crafts.

I have a table scarf my MGM made for me over 50 years ago.  Though I cherish it, I am afraid to use it because I might stain it.  I sure wouldn't use a family heirloom for the same reason.  If it is intended to be passed down, why would I take a chance with ruining it?

I use a glass tabletop over a beautiful knitting tablecloth my mother made.  Might that work, or maybe a clear plastic covering over it? 

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MdGrandma, I see on the knitting and crochet forums that many people have the same experience you stated.  I only knit and crochet things for people I know that really want them.  I do sometimes make small gifts with the knowledge that they might not be used.  I've only once had an experience where the person who I gifted a crocheted tablecloth loved it so much she cried.  Then anytime I came over her husband said he was no longer able to sit at that table as she cherished it that much.  I suggested a clear plastic tablecloth or glass cover over it so that it might be enjoyed.  Not everyone understands that we produce these items out of love for the recipient.  I think that's why it hurts so much to see those items trashed.  It seems personal. Sorry it happened to you.

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13 hours ago, Mdgrandma said:

I'm struggling with this issue and need to vent a bit.  My DD's both see how much time and effort go into the things I make (blankets, counted cross stitch, ornaments, etc.). 
<snip>
I love doing my crafts but if no one appreciates any of it why bother.  The joy of it all is just sucked right out.  The only one who appreciates it is me apparently.

<hugs> I hear you, Mdgrandma. I think most crafters have had that experience.  I know I did.

I am a paper crafter and I spent a fortune on making scrapbooks for my first grandchildren.  I bought very beautiful materials that I would have considered too expensive for any other purpose. It was a huge challenge because my children were not terribly interested in photography and I got very few photos - and mostly grainy, out of focus phone photos at that. But I spent hours learning to edit photos to turn what I did get into something special.

A few years ago I learned that the books "had been lost". I suspect, since there had been no house move, that they became too big and bulky to store. I decided that I was done making books for those children...and honestly, haven't made a single page for grandchildren in the years since.  Instead I turned my attention to cards and pages for my own enjoyment and hand made stationery for my penpals.

Was I hurt when I found out? Sure I was.  But I also knew that once a gift is given, it belongs to the person it was made for and is no longer any of my concern. It was a hard thing to swallow, but I am much happier doing what pleases me. Unlike needlework, paper crafting is inherently fragile and inherently not useful, so perhaps it was inevitable that I would be making very expensive garbage. So be it I do it for me.  

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Thank you one and all.  I knew if I posted here that I'd get a bit of sympathy/empathy but also help with getting my perspective back.  I'm feeling a lot better about it all today so I'm just going to move on.  I will continue to do my counted cross stitch for sure since I really just love doing it.  However I'll just make things for myself.  I still have lots of walls that need something new.  I'll also keep doing the felt xmas ornaments that I started doing.  I like them too so my tree will just new things.  We'll just have to get a bigger tree each year ;)  I did find out that YDD is getting a list together of things that her ex didn't pack.  There's still hope that this blanket will show up.  He is a pack rat so there's hope.  If someone wants me to make something, I may consider it again...we'll see.  Thanks again so much ladies.

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