• Announcements

    • LatoyaADMIN

      What to do if you get a "Wrong Password" message   01/21/16

      You must reset your password (even if you know it's the right one) before you can sign into the community. Thanks to the upgrade, there's an issue with passwords and signing in. The good news is that you can click here: http://community.grandparents.com/index.php?/lostpassword/ to change your password (it'll let you reuse your old one). If you can't reach the email address connected to your account then please contact the admin at latoya@grandparents.com and I'll help you sort it out. 
    • LatoyaADMIN

      Anonymous posting is back   01/21/16

      We've removed the extra step that required you to go to the full-page editor to access the anonymous post option. Now, you can reply to a post and toggle the button to post anonymous (see photo below).    Read more on anonymous posting here:    In short, the mods can see who posts as anonymous, we moderate anonymous posts the same as revealed posts, you can reply anonymously to your own topic, you may report anonymous posts.
Hope49

A little vent a little stress a little what if

37 posts in this topic

You hear a lot now about how  more and more Grandparents are raising their grand babies these days, I never thought I would be one of those grandparents. I raised three children and was ready to live my mid years enjoying coming and going as I pleased, doing what I want but then my son got his girlfriend pregnant. She started to have some issues just before the baby was born and after the birth, her and my son started to fight often almost daily. While we were out of state with the baby she chased my son with knives one day and caused some other issues like the police being at the house about 6 times for different things. When we got back we went to the courts to get an emergency temporary guardianship and restraining order. after the restraining order was lifted my son asked to give her another chance, my husband and I agreed to and a couple of weeks after moving back into our house she burned the babies (2 months old) knuckles with a hair straightner and possibly shook the baby. well to make a long story short I went for permanent guardianship and was granted it with a year restraining order. she has had multiple 51as filed against her for burning the baby and no chargers have been brought against her. then I get told she has the right to try to get her back after the restraining order expires and DCF tells us that if she tries they will take the baby ... What is sad there is really no outlets for grandparents to get info from or help unless you are willing to hand over your pay check and or house. I have dealt with all of this myself and believe me it has been stressful. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OH Hope, I am so sorry that the precious little one's future in looking so uncertain.  (((((HUGS)))))  Prayers that everything works for the best (if that is OK).

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you.....Its stressful but I dont give up.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A few questions - might be able to get helpful info to you....

What state are you in?

How old is child - how long have you had the child w/o any help from the bio-parents?

Looks as tho CPS (or whatever it is called in your area) is not involved at this point - correct?

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

6 hours ago, Hope49 said:

You hear a lot now about how  more and more Grandparents are raising their grand babies these days, - Yes. sadly, the number is staggering! - I never thought I would be one of those grandparents. I raised three children and was ready to live my mid years enjoying coming and going as I pleased, doing what I want but then my son got his girlfriend pregnant. She started to have some issues just before the baby was born and after the birth, her and my son started to fight often almost daily. While we were out of state with the baby she chased my son with knives one day and caused some other issues like the police being at the house about 6 times for different things. How horrible! And how upsetting for you! When we got back we went to the courts to get an emergency temporary guardianship and restraining order. after the restraining order was lifted my son asked to give her another chance, my husband and I agreed to and a couple of weeks after moving back into our house she burned the babies (2 months old) knuckles with a hair straightner and possibly shook the baby.  OMG, Hope, I'm so sorry! That poor baby! well to make a long story short I went for permanent guardianship and was granted it with a year restraining order. she has had multiple 51as filed against her for burning the baby and no chargers have been brought against her. I've tried googling, but I can't find what 51as means...? then I get told she has the right to try to get her back after the restraining order expires  - Are you saying she can just come and take GD (granddaughter)? Or would she have to go back to court first? (I know it must be worrisome for you & DH either way... sigh...) - and DCF tells us that if she tries they will take the baby ... Similar question... Do they mean if she tries to take GD from your home w/o a court order or even if she goes through the courts?,,, What is sad there is really no outlets for grandparents to get info from or help unless you are willing to hand over your pay check and or house. I have dealt with all of this myself and believe me it has been stressful.  (((Hugs!)))

Oh, Hope, TG that little GD has you and DH (dear husband) in her life! I know it's hard to "start over" (my words) again w/ a baby, but bless you and DH for doing so!

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours, especially that baby...

As you can see, I've also made some comments on your quoted post (above).

Meanwhile, I'm sending you a PM (personal/private message). To find it, just click on the the envelope icon in the upper right corner of the page. Thank you. :)

Edited by RoseRed135

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To answer a few questions.....

I live in Massachusetts...(MA. is a mother loving state fathers have no say over their children.) DCF is child protection services. My grand-baby is now 7 months, whom has been living here since born, I got guardianship just before she turned 2 months... DCF said they will take her if the birth mom takes us to court to get her back. They do not want her to have the baby. 51a means the mother was reported to child protection services for child abuse. the bio mom did sign the guardianship papers for me to have the baby when I was going for temporary guardianship but I ended up with permanent due to the abuse. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Hope49 said:

To answer a few questions.....

I live in Massachusetts...(MA. is a mother loving state fathers have no say over their children.) DCF is child protection services. My grand-baby is now 7 months, whom has been living here since born, I got guardianship just before she turned 2 months... DCF said they will take her if the birth mom takes us to court to get her back. They do not want her to have the baby. 51a means the mother was reported to child protection services for child abuse. the bio mom did sign the guardianship papers for me to have the baby when I was going for temporary guardianship but I ended up with permanent due to the abuse. 

Thanks for answering our questions, Hope. Please don't mind if I have a few more - I'm just trying to understand this situation better. (But please, of course, feel free only to answer whatever questions you'd like, even if none at all.)...

 It's my understanding that "guardianship" is a tricky topic, sometimes differing a lot from one state to the next. In some, it's the same as custody, to my knowledge - in others, not so much. What exactly does custody mean in Massachusetts?

Also, I'm still not clear on what DCF is saying (maybe you're not either). If the mom has a right to go to court to try to get GD back, how can DCF prevent that? And why take her away from you? If the mom wins the right to be reunited w/ her child, I don't see how it would matter who the child is living w/ at the time.

Anyhow, I'm glad you got permanent guardianship, under the unfortunate circumstances. And I'm glad the bio mom has to go to go through the courts in order to try to get baby back. Was she given any goals she has to meet before she can have her (parenting classes or anger management, etc? If she meets them, that's good, of course, but if she doesn't, then, most likely, the court won't give her baby back that easily. I'm no legal expert, of course - just talking off the top of my head. 

I know it will be hard for you to trust her not to be abusive, after what she has done, no matter what requirements she meets. Perhaps the court will see it the same way. I just hope everything works out for the best.

 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

DCF is stating that if bio-mom even takes you to court - not necessarily that she'd win - they'd take the child (as it before it went thru court)??  Great way to irk a judge that has already given you permanent guardianship.  How good that permanency is will depend on the exact wording of his order.  Does the order have a visitation schedule or any timeframe for bio-mom to complete any things she (if) has been given to do?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, Nana-mom said:

DCF is stating that if bio-mom even takes you to court - not necessarily that she'd win - they'd take the child (as it before it went thru court)??  Great way to irk a judge that has already given you permanent guardianship.

I'm wondering if DCF can even do this, legally speaking, or if it's just an empty comment (threat?) an overzealous agent made (w/ all due respect to the majority of such agents, to my understanding, once in a while, there's one who overreacts or give misinformation). It doesn't make sense to me, but maybe there's just something I'm not getting.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

there is nothing saying she has visitation schedule, right now there is a restraining order against the mom to stay away from the baby, it expires in Nov...there is no time frame, there has been nothing put in place for the mother to complete. My son and her signed the paper giving me guardianship. Theres is alot to this story that I dont want to post in public. you never know who is lurking.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Need a very long vacation...same ol' stuff...grrrrrrr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've heard many times that Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result.

I think this is way so many relationships go south...we get tired of the same results over and over.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Hope49 said:

Need a very long vacation...same ol' stuff...grrrrrrr

:(

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another stressful day yesterday...spent all day in court...lord this is getting old now. INSANITY! I even missed the 85 degree weather we had yesterday...Boy was I bumming...lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've often said nothing can be as stressful and tiring as spending the day in a waiting room at the hospital...I have to reconsider that.  I can't imagine spending a full day in court.

(((((hugs)))))

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yup...It was not fun at all....8:30 am to 4:30 pm....Have to go back in 10 days....maybe I can find someone to take my place...lol...that's the ticket...I need to start looking now...hahahaha...oh I'm so tired...I worked Mon into Tues, went right to court....slept 3 hrs yesterday...went into work for 11 pm...got home this morning...have not slept yet...oh boy....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

More ((((hugs))), Hope.

But why in court now if the RO doesn't end till November?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

My son had to get a RO against the ex girlfriend..AGAIN! ....the baby's' RO is good till Nov..

Edited by Hope49

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OMG! I take it she attacked him or tried to? How awful!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She is just harassing him..thru friends or public media. we went for harassment order and judge said no he was doing a restraining order. Its gotten out of hand...telling my son that abuse or not she was getting the baby back and none of us will ever see her again...called his girlfriend the "C" word. Asked him for a picture of his private parts. creating new accounts to send him messages then deactivate it. Now shes claiming it wasn't her.  Then I learn that she can get the baby back it does not matter that she abused the baby and that she is unstable...REALLY!?...what a flipping ride let me tell you. I am tired.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/17/2017 at 8:28 PM, Hope49 said:

She is just harassing him..thru friends or public media. we went for harassment order and judge said no he was doing a restraining order. Its gotten out of hand...telling my son that abuse or not she was getting the baby back and none of us will ever see her again...called his girlfriend the "C" word. Asked him for a picture of his private parts. creating new accounts to send him messages then deactivate it. Now shes claiming it wasn't her.  Then I learn that she can get the baby back it does not matter that she abused the baby and that she is unstable...REALLY!?...what a flipping ride let me tell you. I am tired.

Sigh... Be kind to yourself...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am beyond stressed...pushing forward tho.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Hope49 said:

 

I am beyond stressed...pushing forward tho.

 

My DH has been gone just over 2yrs....after a nearly 10 year illness. Following his passing there were NINE other significant deaths in my life along with DS divorce. My stress levels are just now starting to come down....and this is after a full year (this month) of no new drama. 

Be kind to yourself. Continue to move forward. Push when you know you have to, some days just go with the flow.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So, for a while there has been a question on whether or not my grand baby was having seizures, because when she would cry she would go limp, head would turn to the side and she would stare blankly. We took her to another doctor who ordered a eeg for next week but what the doctor really thinks it is is anxiety/holding breathe syndeome and when she cries she is passing out. The doctor believes its anxiety from abuse since she has been doing it since she was 1 month old (she is 8 mon. now) the doctor says its from fear. No baby should have anxiety at such a young age...breaks my heart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Childhood epilepsy comes in many forms. My #3 Grandgirlie has "absent seizures", one eye rolls and she seems to just zone out in a blank stare. Doesn't last long. It's been thoroughly investigated and is being appropriately treated. Get the EEG, possibly an MRI and take it from there. 

The doctor is a mandated reporter. CPS (DCF) will be called sooner rather than later if needed.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now