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ganmal

Grief and changes

15 posts in this topic

My great grandchild, who has lived close to me during his 2 years of life is moving with my granddaughter and her husband 2300 miles away. I am grieving. I don't know how I will adjust to the feelings of loss. I have been so used to seeing him in the evenings and weekends, he's getting old enough now to really appreciate doing things, going to park, reading to him, etc.  My other grandchildren live a few hours away, so we see them once every 1 to 2 months or so. My great grandchild , who has been just around the corner, will move within the ne xt 2 to 3 weeks, and I am already having insomnia and feel like crying all the time. i am going to have trouble working, and just carrying on with my routine. It doesn't help that I am a week in to having the flu and still feel lousy. Glad there are others here that understand. 

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Posted (edited)

7 hours ago, ganmal said:

My great grandchild, who has lived close to me during his 2 years of life is moving with my granddaughter and her husband 2300 miles away. I am grieving. I don't know how I will adjust to the feelings of loss. I have been so used to seeing him in the evenings and weekends, he's getting old enough now to really appreciate doing things, going to park, reading to him, etc.  My other grandchildren live a few hours away, so we see them once every 1 to 2 months or so. My great grandchild , who has been just around the corner, will move within the ne xt 2 to 3 weeks, and I am already having insomnia and feel like crying all the time. i am going to have trouble working, and just carrying on with my routine. It doesn't help that I am a week in to having the flu and still feel lousy. Glad there are others here that understand. 

Haven't seen you for a long time, ganmal! Sorry you came back in under circumstances that are so unhappy for you. But glad you brought your concerns to us. And glad it helps to know that there are others who understand. Welcome back!

It must have been wonderful to have your GD (granddaughter) and GSIL (grandson-in-law)  come to live so close to you  and to get to enjoy GGS so often as a result. No doubt, their relocating so far away will be a dramatic change for you. No wonder you're grieving. IMO, it's due to a sense of loss of a relationship you value. More (((hugs!)))

Please rest assured you will still have a relationship w/ them, though, just more like the one you have w/ your other GC. In fact, since your relationship w/ GD and GSIL is good enough that you have been seeing GGS 'in the evenings and weekends," I'm guessing they will want to maintain the connection, too. They may need time to settle into their new home before they think about making use of all the modern technology to keep in touch w/ you - skyping, FaceTime, etc - and you may not be ready to think about all that yourself yet, I know. But, in time, I'm sure you and GD will work out ways to stay in contact GGS is lucky to have a healthy, active GGM,  IMO, and I'm certain you'll remain a special presence in his life, even from a distance.

Please continue to reach out to us, so that, hopefully, we can help you through this difficult change...

Edited by RoseRed135
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3 hours ago, ganmal said:

My great grandchild, who has lived close to me during his 2 years of life is moving with my granddaughter and her husband 2300 miles away. I am grieving. I don't know how I will adjust to the feelings of loss. I have been so used to seeing him in the evenings and weekends, he's getting old enough now to really appreciate doing things, going to park, reading to him, etc.  My other grandchildren live a few hours away, so we see them once every 1 to 2 months or so. My great grandchild , who has been just around the corner, will move within the ne xt 2 to 3 weeks, and I am already having insomnia and feel like crying all the time. i am going to have trouble working, and just carrying on with my routine. It doesn't help that I am a week in to having the flu and still feel lousy. Glad there are others here that understand. 

It's a transition that takes some getting used to, no matter if they move far away, into your home or any other situation that changes up the routine- Part of the problem, I think, stems from recognizing that we go through similar with our own and then again with the grands and it gets us to thinking about how old we are now and how old we were when we went through it with our own, which kind of makes us consider our age, the passing of time, so on so forth- The next step in life will probably look something like "Geez! I had better do these things!" No matter what they might be-

Hope you feel better soon-

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10 hours ago, ganmal said:

My great grandchild, who has lived close to me during his 2 years of life is moving with my granddaughter and her husband 2300 miles away. I am grieving. I don't know how I will adjust to the feelings of loss. I have been so used to seeing him in the evenings and weekends, he's getting old enough now to really appreciate doing things, going to park, reading to him, etc.  My other grandchildren live a few hours away, so we see them once every 1 to 2 months or so. My great grandchild , who has been just around the corner, will move within the ne xt 2 to 3 weeks, and I am already having insomnia and feel like crying all the time. i am going to have trouble working, and just carrying on with my routine. It doesn't help that I am a week in to having the flu and still feel lousy. Glad there are others here that understand. 

I'm sorry for what you're going thru now, ganmal.   I wish I could just say, it will be okay and will get better, but it does take time.  We've had kids move out, move back in, move out of the country for a bit, then YDS and family recently lived with us for a year.  Each move hurt.  I know we're very fortunate to have ours as close as they are.  In all the moves, etc, I've learned that while it does hurt, you can't totally dwell on it or you'll never start feeling better.  When YDS, DIL and 3 grands moved out, it was into a new house that was closer than their old, so was definitely a good thing.  But I also remember how sad I was to see that last truck and trailer pull out of the driveway.  

I don't know your situation, but if at all possible, try to keep busy, maybe volunteer at a school or library?  Some have grandparents programs and some classes just love to have people come in and read to the younger kids.  I know it isn't the same, but it's re-directing those feelings.  ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

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After my DS moved out at age 20 (for the Navy, who then had complete charge of his life, literally & figuratively) we became empty nesters after 16 of marriage. We are a blended family with all the kids raised in our home. Shortly after a friend asked "don't you miss the kids?". My response was "Of course, but they are all adults now. They were raised to be self sufficient and independent. They are all going out the live their own lives". And I put white carpet in the living room. (Both of her adult sons still live with them, the older, now 30, brought in his GF & their baby).... 

Fast forward 17 years, everyone is still living their own life. Everyone has had a few bumps along their road, its life. I see or talk to them all frequently. They manage their lives without having to be tied to me. I live alone, I work when I want, I travel often and have the money to do so. I have hobbies that take up as much time as I care to give them....

My Navy DS is still in the Navy. They still call the shots. His duty station is 350 miles from me, closest in his entire career. You adapt to your situation, not lament about things out of your control. 

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We get to choose whether we are a half full or half empty person, as a great grandmother, you have been so lucky....

My great grandchild, who has lived close to me during his 2 years of life is moving with my granddaughter and her husband 2300 miles away.

Maybe it is a good time to remind yourself how fortunate you have been to be close in distance to this child during the years when he has grown and changed so fast.  Now she is older and it is much easier to facetime etc with an older child.

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4 hours ago, Debs53 said:

I'm sorry for what you're going thru now, ganmal.   I wish I could just say, it will be okay and will get better, but it does take time.  We've had kids move out, move back in, move out of the country for a bit, then YDS and family recently lived with us for a year.  Each move hurt.  I know we're very fortunate to have ours as close as they are.  In all the moves, etc, I've learned that while it does hurt, you can't totally dwell on it or you'll never start feeling better.  When YDS, DIL and 3 grands moved out, it was into a new house that was closer than their old, so was definitely a good thing.  But I also remember how sad I was to see that last truck and trailer pull out of the driveway.  

I don't know your situation, but if at all possible, try to keep busy, maybe volunteer at a school or library?  Some have grandparents programs and some classes just love to have people come in and read to the younger kids.  I know it isn't the same, but it's re-directing those feelings.  ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you're unhappy. ITA with Deb. Slowly you may feel slightly better. Good Luck.

Anonymous poster hash: ea945...f93

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It's understandable to be unhappy in these circumstances. There was a line in "Dear Abby" today...."  It would be better to reconcile your disappointment at not...." I think this has great value

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Thank you for your kind responses, I do feel better physically. I will adapt, it will just take time. I have much to stay busy doing! 

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Ganmal, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.  That says that you' are slowly accepting this.

And you never know what will come.  We certainly didn't expect to have our son, DIL, along with 3 grands to move back in with us for a bit.  But it was a joy to have them while they were here.  So again, sometimes you have to make yourself just sit back, accept what comes and you never know what's coming. :)

 

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I know this is a process, but it doesn't make it any easier. Wish I could sleep well every night, this is part of this change for me. And the sadness and crying, I am grateful my granddaughter and greatgrandson are healthy and I want them to be happy. But it is breaking my heart that I won't see them, like I have been able to. I know I am not alone on this forum, and there is understanding here. 

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@ganmal - Just checking in to see how you're doing...

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Thank you for asking, I am better for the moment 

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I think I am grieving. I haven't felt this sort of hurt since my Mother and Father died. Feels as though my heart has been ripped out. I have never met my only Granddaughter because my only daughter moved to another country and severed contact. Can someone grieve for a Grandchild they have never even met? I miss my granddaughter, even though I have never even met her.

Anonymous poster hash: 6c736...b1b

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Posted (edited)

Yes, I think someone can "grieve for a Grandchild they have never met," Incognito. You're mourning, IMO, for the lost possibilities, for "what might have been" (though perhaps it still will, eventually), etc. So deeply, deeply sorry.

One thing I'm glad of is that you came here to talk w/ us. Welcome!

But this is ganmal's thread, so I'm going to speak w/ you more in reply to your other posts...

Edited by RoseRed135

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