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RoseRed135

Estrangement - Has it affected you physically or mentally, as well as emotionally?

31 posts in this topic

15 minutes ago, Riverpark said:

Honestly I have thought about counseling . I know it can and has  been done, but how in the world do you explain a life history to a counselor an hour at a time? 

Same way you eat an elephant. One bit at a time.

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Riverpark, it sounds like there are more issues that a fight between two son in laws.

The fact that you have considered suicide as a solution to mental pain alone is a red flag that counseling might be a good thing for your mental health.  I have a feeling that a half dozen sessions might just scratch the surface of your issues when you mention a lifetime history.

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There was an episode of the old show "Judging Amy" where Maxine (played by the amazing Tyne Daly) sought therapy...If you remember Maxine at all, she was a hard driving social worker on whom everyone depended. She's describing to the therapist all of the overlapping drama she'd been sucked in to over a period of time and how draining dealing with her adult kids & their issues as well as Amy's court clerk about to give birth in a water tank in Maxine's house...it goes on and on over the course of the hour...In the final scene the therapist asks "so what brings you here today"...Maxine promptly bursts into tears saying "My dog died"....

That's how therapy should go....you'll be able to talk about whatever it is that's on your mind to process...the therapist should ask guiding questions and really listen to your answers. Your therapist may also point out things you might not want to look at too closely, but probably should. 

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On 3/29/2017 at 5:19 AM, RoseRed135 said:

If you're CO (cut off) from family/ILs, no doubt it has affected you emotionally, Either you have been deeply hurt and saddened over it or you're relieved - maybe even happy to be free of the stress of a difficult relationship. But do you feel it has also impacted you physically and/or mentally? Do you believe your physical or mental health has deteriorated as a result of the CO? Or do you find that your mind is sharper and/or able to focus more on other matters now?  Or do you believe you're more physically active/healthy, due to lowered stress? Or ??

I’m new to the forum, at the advice of my therapist I sought support from people who are going thru what I am. The short version? 5 years ago my son dated a girl that was much younger than him, he was 26 and she was 18. That was his first mistake. His second mistake dating a girl that secretly wants to play house. Within 8 weeks she was pregnant with the first child, she miscarried . Within 7 weeks she was pregnant with the second child. And here we go. I let them stay in my home because my son was finishing up his degree and she was going to start college. I think that’s where I made my first mistake. My mistake was treating her as an adult , she was still in a teenager frame of mind. My request from them was simple, in Lew of rent as every penny my son made went to preparing for a baby I asked them to help with chores. I requested my son help with lawn care and her to keep the kitchen clean as I would be doing all the cooking for the family. Big mistake as most teenagers hate chores. She demanded they move in with her mother as I was too demanding as far as the kitchen being cleaned every night. Fast forward nearly 4 1/2 years and 2 1/2 kids later ... I have never kept my grandkids over night... I can’t take my grandkids anywhere unless she is there to supervise... which has not happened. My requests to take them for ice cream or anything else are completely ignored. With the birth of each child it gets worse. She is pregnant with child number four and is due in March. They made this announcement on thanksgiving day .... the entire family in shock that she is 5 months pregnant and they’ve been too busy to tell anyone... per my son. The alienation that has been happening isn’t directed just at me.. it’s the entire family. The entire family is hurting because of this, his brothers, his best friend are all hurting because we are all alienated from his life. We were all very very close before she showed up. She actually stated early on that the moment he married her she is is family now and hanging out with his brothers, best friend and family needs to stop. I don’t even know how to react to that? I’ve kept my mouth shut and walked around on eggshells for years as to not cause problems for my son or make things worse but after the latest baby news I have lost my mind. I’m devastated... in shock... mad... a crying lunatic ... I had to start seeing a therapist.. just to process this. The therapist says it’s about control with her and my son is just trying to keep the peace because he needs to be in his kids lives.  I’m mad at my son for not standing his ground and mad at her for using the kids as a weapon. I’m so depressed about this I cry at the drop of a hat... I’ve been experiencing chest pain. Which I have heart failure from a major heart attack I had last year that resulted in 5 bypasses... so any time I get stressed I get chest pain ... I’m only 46! The only reason I have ever been given as to why I can’t take my grandkids anywhere from her is she doesn’t feel comfortable with it and from him is that’s the way her family does things. What???? I need to make my intentions clear ... I only wish to take them twice a month for the day to do grandma things..like bake cookies.. go to the park..the zoo... they are 4 1/2 and 2 years old. This is so heart breaking.

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58 minutes ago, Texasgal1970 said:

I’m new to the forum, at the advice of my therapist I sought support from people who are going thru what I am. The short version? 5 years ago my son dated a girl that was much younger than him, he was 26 and she was 18. That was his first mistake. His second mistake dating a girl that secretly wants to play house. Within 8 weeks she was pregnant with the first child, she miscarried . Within 7 weeks she was pregnant with the second child. And here we go. I let them stay in my home because my son was finishing up his degree and she was going to start college. I think that’s where I made my first mistake. My mistake was treating her as an adult , she was still in a teenager frame of mind. My request from them was simple, in Lew of rent as every penny my son made went to preparing for a baby I asked them to help with chores. I requested my son help with lawn care and her to keep the kitchen clean as I would be doing all the cooking for the family. Big mistake as most teenagers hate chores. She demanded they move in with her mother as I was too demanding as far as the kitchen being cleaned every night. Fast forward nearly 4 1/2 years and 2 1/2 kids later ... I have never kept my grandkids over night... I can’t take my grandkids anywhere unless she is there to supervise... which has not happened. My requests to take them for ice cream or anything else are completely ignored. With the birth of each child it gets worse. She is pregnant with child number four and is due in March. They made this announcement on thanksgiving day .... the entire family in shock that she is 5 months pregnant and they’ve been too busy to tell anyone... per my son. The alienation that has been happening isn’t directed just at me.. it’s the entire family. The entire family is hurting because of this, his brothers, his best friend are all hurting because we are all alienated from his life. We were all very very close before she showed up. She actually stated early on that the moment he married her she is is family now and hanging out with his brothers, best friend and family needs to stop. I don’t even know how to react to that? I’ve kept my mouth shut and walked around on eggshells for years as to not cause problems for my son or make things worse but after the latest baby news I have lost my mind. I’m devastated... in shock... mad... a crying lunatic ... I had to start seeing a therapist.. just to process this. The therapist says it’s about control with her and my son is just trying to keep the peace because he needs to be in his kids lives.  I’m mad at my son for not standing his ground and mad at her for using the kids as a weapon. I’m so depressed about this I cry at the drop of a hat... I’ve been experiencing chest pain. Which I have heart failure from a major heart attack I had last year that resulted in 5 bypasses... so any time I get stressed I get chest pain ... I’m only 46! The only reason I have ever been given as to why I can’t take my grandkids anywhere from her is she doesn’t feel comfortable with it and from him is that’s the way her family does things. What???? I need to make my intentions clear ... I only wish to take them twice a month for the day to do grandma things..like bake cookies.. go to the park..the zoo... they are 4 1/2 and 2 years old. This is so heart breaking.

Welcome, Texasgal! My heart goes out to you! I'm so sorry you're going through this, but glad you reached out to us!

However, we generally ask members not to post in threads that are more than 3 months old, unless they're the OP (original poster) or it's a "stickypost"/ thread pinned (thumb tack icon) to the front of the forum. Since this thread is over 3 months old, I'm locking it down and opening a new one in its place. Then I'll copy & paste your post there. Please give me a few minutes...

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Done. Here's the new thread:

 

 

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