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RoseRed135

Dress Codes (again)

76 posts in this topic

I worked hard to teach my daughters the difference between wanting to Shine as opposed to Standing Out Like A Sore Thumb. We didn't have prom appropriateness issues. Like anything else, its starts with the parents. This school handled this badly....with the best intentions. 

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My daughter is going to prom this Saturday.  Her dress is absolutely beautiful and covers everything.

Unfortunately, some girls do need guidance and get dresses made with deep cleavage, the stomach out, the back out and the bottom half either missing or cut all the way up to wear underwear is supposed to be all at the same time.

 

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I am a big fan of the "Say Yes To The Dress" franchise....(couture design fascinates me, go figure)...I'm often appalled by the gowns some of these women are choosing! The mantra seems to be "I want to be uber sexy on my wedding day". One mom put her daughter in her place by saying "You don't want Fiance's Friends to see what Fiance is getting!" Subtlety seems to be a dead trait.

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I remember my prom dress- My sister inlaw made it for me- It was coral colored floral, had a square neckline and butterfly sleeves- Not the least bit revealing, but pretty- (70's) However even then girls wore very revealing dresses or gowns to the prom-

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I think as a parent I wouldn't buy my daughter any of those "not" dresses. Problem solved. 

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I made my own prom dress in Homemaking class.  Both of my younger sisters wore it when they needed a white dress for a club officer swearing in ten year later and more.  All mother had to do was cut it off and hem it up.

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I made prom dresses for my girls and my niece. Niece was like playing with a human Barbie doll...all 3 are big fans of having THE unique dress. I also made niece's wedding gown...it was perfect for her and she was thrilled.

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Diva's making her prom dress. I'm a bit sad that we won't get the 'shopping excursion', but whatever makes her happy.

I *suspect* that she's not been as diligent about it as she needs to be, to get it done on time, but she's using her school's equipment to get it done, so I really have no clue.

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On 4/30/2017 at 0:05 AM, ImpishMom said:

Diva's making her prom dress. I'm a bit sad that we won't get the 'shopping excursion', but whatever makes her happy.

I *suspect* that she's not been as diligent about it as she needs to be, to get it done on time, but she's using her school's equipment to get it done, so I really have no clue.

Gotta admire Diva's initiative! Sorry you didn't "get the 'shopping excursion,'" but kudos to you for letting her do this her way! Hope the dress was/will be ready on time!

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Posted (edited)

OK...on the graduate, she says she knew the shirt was against the dress code and the school took the dress code seriously and she wore it anyway.  She had previous issues with the principle and I can't help but wonder if she wasn't trying to get in one last dig before graduation thinking that her mother would definitely have her back.

Things went too far with a gun toting officer brought in.  I hope everyone involved learned a lesson, but I don't think she deserves to loose her scholarships.

ETA:  It is the "knowing" and doing it anyway that keeps me from siding with the student, even though I can't help but believe the principal is a bully to take it beyond her wearing the jacket.  I think there was a little lalalalala on both sides.

Edited by SueSTx
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When are young girls going to quit being viewed as a distraction for young men? B/c that's really what dress code amounts to. And collarbones? Freaking seriously?!

I side w/the highschool student. The dress code is ridiculous and misogynistic, imo. Collarbones, for pity sakes.

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I'm currently still with the high schoolers for another 2 weeks....This stuff goes beyond dress code. Bare bellies, short shorts, spaghetti strap tank tops, bare back, halter tops etc are not appropriate for school girls...along with saggy britches, flopping untied shoes and wife beater/muscle tees for the boys. Modestly & appropriateness are no longer valued. Everything female is a distraction to boys...Dress codes should reflect propriety & appropriateness...and be routinely updated as part of the learning curve.

The years I worked in medicine we had to adhere to the hospital dress codes (closed shoe, business attire, etc) if our office location was in a hospital...with the option for scrubs. Exposed feet belong nowhere in medicine, yet there was one employee who loved her "candies" slides who routinely had to be told to change her shoes. Appropriateness to your job.

As a kid I had two sets of clothes....school clothes & play clothes...there is no longer any difference. Sad too, but that's not the point.

The principal in this scenario is a bully...and this girlie is being intentional in her choices. Should she lose her graduation? Of course not...and there should be no issue with her scholarships either. 

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4 minutes ago, Mame925 said:

I'm currently still with the high schoolers for another 2 weeks....This stuff goes beyond dress code. Bare bellies, short shorts, spaghetti strap tank tops, bare back, halter tops etc are not appropriate for school girls...along with saggy britches, flopping untied shoes and wife beater/muscle tees for the boys. Modestly & appropriateness are no longer valued. Everything female is a distraction to boys...Dress codes should reflect propriety & appropriateness...and be routinely updated as part of the learning curve.

The years I worked in medicine we had to adhere to the hospital dress codes (closed shoe, business attire, etc) if our office location was in a hospital...with the option for scrubs. Exposed feet belong nowhere in medicine, yet there was one employee who loved her "candies" slides who routinely had to be told to change her shoes. Appropriateness to your job.

As a kid I had two sets of clothes....school clothes & play clothes...there is no longer any difference. Sad too, but that's not the point.

The principal in this scenario is a bully...and this girlie is being intentional in her choices. Should she lose her graduation? Of course not...and there should be no issue with her scholarships either. 

Here's the thing: it shouldn't be the girls problem if boys are distracted. That's the BOYS issue. I mean...collarbones. Freaking COLLARBONES.

It's ridiculous, it's misogynistic to have girls with a stricter dress code than boys. Is a spaghetti strap tank top endangering anyone? Nope. 

Closed shoes are a requirement for a health and safety issue, in many jobs. Halter tops are not a health and safety issue.

It's not my daughters' job to not distract boys. It's my sons job not to be distracted.

It's more rape culture nonsense, blaming girls for their appearance for the actions of boys.

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1 hour ago, ImpishMom said:

Halter tops are not a health and safety issue.

Yet they are not appropriate in a general work environment. A hot pink bra under a thin white tshirt is an intentional choice...to be noticed. Its a distraction to everyone, not just the boys. There is no reason in the world for you to be showing your underwear in school, girls or boys. 

The distraction issue is a double edged sword we could debate until the cows come home. Teaching our children appropriateness has been lost somewhere...and really needs a comeback.

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8 hours ago, RoseRed135 said:

Meanwhile, people, saw this article and thought of this thread:

https://www.aol.com/article/news/2017/05/23/student-banned-from-graduation-for-violating-dress-code/22105498/

Thoughts?

Some of the worst bullying that happens to our children comes from school teachers/administrators.  This is not about a dress code.  This is about a principal's systematic harassment and bullying of this girl.  The "dress code" was simply a means for this principal to carry out it out.  If it wasn't the dress code, it would have been something else.   If I am the parent of this girl, I would proceed with civil actions against the principal, the security guard and company, and this high school, and I would take this matter up with the school board and not let up until this principal is reprimanded/apologizes to this girl or better yet is terminated.  This is so disgusting! 

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I don't believe a female, any kind of female ....  is to blame for being beautiful, shapely -- attractive- It seems attractive woman have always been deemed the cause of distraction and worse case scenario/s murders and rapes- I had a friend in HS who was beautiful, her sister too and their mom a total knockout- No matter what they wore be it uniforms, conservative clothes for the workplace, they raised other ladies eyebrows and the mens ... well .. you know ...

Attractiveness can also work in a womans favor in the workplace, and other places, in regards to advancement -- which many have difficulty appreciating- But the way I see it, beauty is fleeting so may as well make the best of it- Women have a long history of using their bodies for different "things" ..

As for me, the less shown the better for all! If I had to rely on my body for employment I'd be permanently stationed in the mailroom with the rest of the boys! I've always looked like a tomboy and could never pull off being a "distraction"- I can get away with not wearing a bra tho .. which is kind of nice? (still trying to convince myself of that one all these years later ... :)

 

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2 hours ago, Mame925 said:

Yet they are not appropriate in a general work environment. A hot pink bra under a thin white tshirt is an intentional choice...to be noticed. Its a distraction to everyone, not just the boys. There is no reason in the world for you to be showing your underwear in school, girls or boys. 

The distraction issue is a double edged sword we could debate until the cows come home. Teaching our children appropriateness has been lost somewhere...and really needs a comeback.

I have no problem teaching my kids about appropriate dress.

I DO have a very large problem with schools punishing girls for their attire.

The issue in question was a young woman's COLLARBONES.

That's simply insane, imo.

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This principal is being ridiculous, no doubt about it. She put on the jacket, that should have been the end of it. He's not letting the issue drop and I hope it comes back to bite him big time. 

Quote

The shirt partially showed her shoulders and exposed her back.

This was deliberate on the student's part....and apparently got her more attention than she bargained for; as a parent I would have stopped her going out the door, been there, done that. DsD had a set of 36DD as a 16yo so she wasn't going to school in cleavage baring tops, and she tried. 

Also as a parent I would be fighting tooth & nail to make sure my daughter was able to graduate.

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Posted (edited)

50 minutes ago, ImpishMom said:

I DO have a very large problem with schools punishing girls for their attire.

 

I do too.  It's called body shaming, and is a form of abusive behavior.  I actually don't have a problem with a lot of the lower cut dresses, tight dresses, etc.that girls want to wear to prom.  My ODD wore a very tight dress to her prom with most of her back exposed (she attended a charter art school that celebrates the "artist" in each child which includes support for how they wish to express themselves appearance wise).  I loved that she loved her body enough to dress this way with the 24/7 messages that girls get these days that their bodies are never thin enough or tone enough or look good enough, etc.

I also think it is so much easier being a guy when dealing with the prom.  My son is getting ready for his prom.  It involved driving to a tux shop, picking out something he liked, getting fitted then picking the tux up.   He will also spend about 20 minutes getting ready before he heads out.  He and 100 other boys can have the same tux on at the prom and no one will care.  There will be zero body shaming he will have to deal with or judgy eyes looking him up and down to determine if he passes the prom attire test. 

Edited by BSW
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DD's senior prom date rented a tux, bought the insurance, took the pants to a tailor to have them made into shorts! He wore them with white sox & Doc Marten boots. He was voted prom king. She wore a halter dress with a burnout tuxedo vest inspired front (deep vee neck) and a full short satin skirt....I made the dress, she looked stunning and showed off her great legs. 

DS could be somewhat of a prima dona over his prom look, but his look was simple, meticulously groomed and could have gone anywhere with it. Although, had he gone to some of the more exclusive restaurants in the City, he'd have been turned away. he chose a decorative collar button instead of a tie.

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55 minutes ago, Mame925 said:

This principal is being ridiculous, no doubt about it. She put on the jacket, that should have been the end of it. He's not letting the issue drop and I hope it comes back to bite him big time. 

This was deliberate on the student's part....and apparently got her more attention than she bargained for; as a parent I would have stopped her going out the door, been there, done that. DsD had a set of 36DD as a 16yo so she wasn't going to school in cleavage baring tops, and she tried. 

Also as a parent I would be fighting tooth & nail to make sure my daughter was able to graduate.

But nothing changes without someone deliberately challenging the status quo.

Dr. Martin Luther King. Rosa Parks. John Lewis. All examples of ppl who broke the law to stand for what they believed to be right, and arrested for it, but their acts changed the US.

If no young woman stands up to the hypocracy, to the misogyny of these dress codes, they're never going to change.

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8 minutes ago, ImpishMom said:

If no young woman stands up to the hypocracy, to the misogyny of these dress codes, they're never going to change

Except:  "I completely understand why a dress code is put into place but I feel like after I put on that jacket it should have been subdued," Summer told NBC Charlotte.

And I agree...however, nowhere in this article does she say she is taking issue with the dress code. I get the feeling that she's a renegade who likes to push the envelope just for the sake of pushing the envelope. I totally get that...what she doesn't get is that actions have consequences....(and I am so not siding with this sorry excuse for a principal...he's punitive to the point of being just plain mean)

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Posted (edited)

I thought the principal is a woman.

ETA:  I encouraged my two to stand up for what they believed even in high school, but they have to be willing to "suffer" the consequences of their actions if things don't go the way they hope.  Walking across a stage is a minor thing in the scheme of life.  You still get your diploma and are a graduate.  Loosing a full ride scholarship in another matter.

I do think this principal is a bully, but I also think this student was deliberately pushing the limits.

Dress codes are the norm in some jobs.  My thirty something year old DD has had a dress code where she works for nearly 20 years.  Pushing the limits isn't advisable there either, but I don't think she has to worry about an armed guard either.  What she does have the right to do is find a job where there are no dress codes.

 

Edited by SueSTx

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