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RoseRed135

Do your grandchildren's parents "take advantage" of you?

12 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Maybe they always picks the GC (grandchildren) up from your house an hour or so late. Or perhaps they expect you to provide all diapers, wipes, baby food, etc. when watching their baby. Or overnight stays turn into 2 or 3 nights b/c they "have to" leave the kids w/ you for this/that reason. Or they frequently call last minute saying they "desperately" need you to babysit.

Or maybe you're a custodial GP and your problem is that the parents don't show up on time for visits or don't come at all, leaving you to deal w/ GC's disappointment.

Or... In short, perhaps you feel your GC's parents are taking advantage of you? If so, how - and what have you tried to do about it, if anything? Also, if you've found a successful solution for these kinds of problems or have an idea for one, please let us know.

 

Edited by RoseRed135

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In one word - yes!

It is their loss, tho -- one bio does not make contact (not in control so just CO); the other does some contact, but kiddo sometimes doesn't want contact, so we don't as that is kiddo's choice after being 'abandoned' ....

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Posted (edited)

On 4/9/2017 at 8:59 AM, Nana-mom said:

In one word - yes!

It is their loss, tho -- one bio does not make contact (not in control so just CO); - Even though it means not seeing their child? Sounds like a very self-centered parent to me! - the other does some contact, but kiddo sometimes doesn't want contact, so we don't as that is kiddo's choice after being 'abandoned' ....

I'm sorry that "kiddo" experiences the other parent's behavior as "abandonment" (I realize that they didn't deliberately "abandon" kiddo, especially since you put the word in quotes)  But I understand it and my heart aches for the LO. 

Glad that you and DH respect kiddo's choice.

 

Edited by RoseRed135
clarity

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People can only take advantage of you with your permission....I keep GB#1 more than the others, but DD is very good about planning ahead and if I already have plans she works out something else. No guilt trips, etc. I get DS's 3 from time to time, which is a treat for me. But again, if I have plans, I don't change them. Their other GP live just across town, so someone is usually available. 

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I don't keep any of my grands on even a semi-regular basis.  DIL bought tickets for a concert for her an DS to attend about 6 weeks prior to the event.  She waited until about 10 days to ask about my schedule.  When she did ask, I had made other plans even though I knew she had bought tickets...fb....I said sorry, I have other plans.  She asked again if I could change my plans and I said I wouldn't. 

She has already asked about some days in July, I think she realizes my time is valuable to me also.

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DS just asked the other day if I was available on a Saturday in June....no, I'll be away....I'd so do it if I were home, but that's not the case. I could hear the disappointment in his voice, but he's pleased for me about the trip I'm going on.

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DIL ask about a few days in mid July...I told her I couldn't promise that far ahead of course, but I'd put her on my calendar and keep those days open.

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Nope, I babysit for YDS's girls and DD's son weekly so that they can work. None tarry collecting their children. Same when I babysit for date nights. I am generous with my time and I will not tolerate being taken advantage of. However, I do wish they had a emergency backup plan other than myself. 

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I tried to start a new topic, but it wouldn't let me, so I'm going to piggyback on this one. New grandson is 3 weeks old and he's their first. DD and SIL live an hour away. I have been informed that they want anyone who babysits to come to their house "because that's where all the baby's stuff is." I don't mind to drive to their home to babysit occasionally, in fact, I was just at their house for 9 hours over the weekend babysitting. But I don't see a problem with them bringing him to my house if they're wanting me to babysit for them. I'm not sure what "stuff" it is that they can't bring it to my house. Some diapers, wipes, clothes, bottles, and his little portable bassinet. Am I missing something here? I have been asked to babysit for 2 days next month, so I think they are expecting me to drive an hour in the morning, then an hour back home, then an hour the next morning and an hour back home. I love the little guy and want to be as hands-on as possible with him, but I'm already feeling taken advantage of and it's not even been a month. I realize it's their baby and their rules, but has anyone else had this situation come up?

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54 minutes ago, combo1982 said:

I tried to start a new topic, but it wouldn't let me, so I'm going to piggyback on this one. New grandson is 3 weeks old and he's their first. DD and SIL live an hour away. I have been informed that they want anyone who babysits to come to their house "because that's where all the baby's stuff is." I don't mind to drive to their home to babysit occasionally, in fact, I was just at their house for 9 hours over the weekend babysitting. But I don't see a problem with them bringing him to my house if they're wanting me to babysit for them. I'm not sure what "stuff" it is that they can't bring it to my house. Some diapers, wipes, clothes, bottles, and his little portable bassinet. Am I missing something here? I have been asked to babysit for 2 days next month, so I think they are expecting me to drive an hour in the morning, then an hour back home, then an hour the next morning and an hour back home. I love the little guy and want to be as hands-on as possible with him, but I'm already feeling taken advantage of and it's not even been a month. I realize it's their baby and their rules, but has anyone else had this situation come up?

Generally speaking, it's almost always easier for someone to come to the baby, vs pack up baby and take them somewhere. Even an hour's drive can end up much longer, if you need to pull over for baby. Plus, if they're getting ready for work, they've got the usual morning routine, plus packing up baby, plus the drive there and back, all before work. It's a lot. That's two hours in one go, each way, vs your 1 hr, babysitting, 1 hour.

That being said, if it doesn't work for you, decline. You're allowed to say no, it doesn't work for you.

Perhaps asking if you could spend the night over might be an option?

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This thread is 6 months old so I am locking it until the moderator of this group can take a look at it.

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3 hours ago, combo1982 said:

I tried to start a new topic, but it wouldn't let me, so I'm going to piggyback on this one. New grandson is 3 weeks old and he's their first. DD and SIL live an hour away. I have been informed that they want anyone who babysits to come to their house "because that's where all the baby's stuff is." I don't mind to drive to their home to babysit occasionally, in fact, I was just at their house for 9 hours over the weekend babysitting. But I don't see a problem with them bringing him to my house if they're wanting me to babysit for them. I'm not sure what "stuff" it is that they can't bring it to my house. Some diapers, wipes, clothes, bottles, and his little portable bassinet. Am I missing something here? I have been asked to babysit for 2 days next month, so I think they are expecting me to drive an hour in the morning, then an hour back home, then an hour the next morning and an hour back home. I love the little guy and want to be as hands-on as possible with him, but I'm already feeling taken advantage of and it's not even been a month. I realize it's their baby and their rules, but has anyone else had this situation come up?

Welcome, combo! Glad you came in to talk w/ us!

Congratulations on your new GS (grandson)! And how wonderful that DD and SIL want you to babysit - not all GPs have that kind of trust and/or opportunity! .

The reason you couldn't open a new topic is b/c you're a new member. Newcomers need to amass 10 replies before they can start their own thread, as explained here:

 

Given this rule, it's understandable that you would choose to post here. However, as homeygfunk points out, this thread is 5 months old - and we usually ask members not to pull up a thread that is over 3 months old, unless they are the OP (original poster) or it's a "stickypost"/thread pinned to the front of a forum. So I'm going to leave this locked. 

But I've opened a new thread just like this one and I've copied & pasted your and Imp's posts to that one. Just click it on:

 

Hope to talk to you more in the new thread!

Also, please feel free to look around and find some other recent threads to post in. :)

Edited by RoseRed135

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